Bleach May Cry
by RisingPhoenix7
Summary: Dante and some of his fellow Devil Hunters fall into another universe...the universe of Bleach.
1. An Interesting Job

(so the title sucks, sue me)

Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo, not this guy (points to self). I also can't lay claim to Dante and company, that honor belongs to Capcom. I don't own any of the songs or products mentioned herein, they are all property of their respective owners. Pretty much the only thing I own in this story is…well…I'll get back to you on that one.

Summary: Dante and some of his fellow Devil Hunters fall into another universe…the universe of Bleach.

Rating: T for now, but we'll see, won't we?

Pairings: Nero/Kyrie (duh), Ichigo/Rukia, Dante/Lady

Timeline: As far as Devil May Cry is concerned, just after DMC4. As for Bleach, a day or two before Don Kanonji's Karakura show.

Author's Intro: I've had this idea for a while now, and I decided it needed to happen. If nothing else, it's a good time killer. I can't speak for my writing quality, but I hope it's decent. Now LET'S DO THIS THANG!

Chapter 1: An Interesting Job

_RIIIIIIING!_

Dante sighed, turning the faucet off. Why did they always call him when he was in the shower? He briefly considered ignoring the call as he put his clothes on.

_RIIIIIIING!_

He shook his white hair out of his eyes. He needed a good job to pay off that lurching monster that was known as debt.

_RIIIIIIING!_

He kicked the bathroom door open, and walked lazily toward the phone. He didn't need money just for himself, either. No, a good chunk of it was going to go to…his landlord.

_RIIIIIIING!_

He plopped down on the chair to his desk, slamming his feet onto the desktop so hard that the phone flipped out of the cradle to his waiting hand. He caught it lazily with his right hand, raising it to his ear.

"Devil May Cry." He still loved the sound of announcing his shop's name, no matter how many calls he got. He waited for the password, and became a lot more alert once he heard it. "Alright. Gimme a place and a price, pal." He jotted it down on a small notepad next to the telephone. "What time would work?" He looked at the place as the customer informed him of the time. "You got it." He tossed the phone back into the cradle with a smirk.

_Five blocks away, and half an hour to kill. Must be my lucky day._

He leaned back in his chair. He'd been steadily making progress paying back his loans. He'd spent the entirety of his last payment on a new motorcycle for Lady. After she'd actually told him that they were even now (and he'd got it in writing, too, just in case she nagged him again), he'd taken her out for a round of drinks. Sure, his limit had been considerably lower than the sky (about fifty bucks, actually), but he'd gotten fairly buzzed and she'd gotten good and sloshed. He sighed, remembering how irritated she'd been that she'd gotten drunk quicker than him. It was genetic, really. Thanks to his healing factor, nothing short of chugging a twelve pack could even get him buzzed. And since he was still half-human, his normal human tolerance was a contributing factor as well. He'd made some pretty good money in drinking games at the bar before they'd begun to remember him. Now most of the patrons were too afraid to even challenge him to a game, but he'd score one every now and then.

His mind drifted back to that night that he and Lady had. She'd been so drunk that she…

"Dante?"

Trish's yell broke his reverie. "What?"

"Who was that on the phone? A customer?"

"Yeah."

Trish sauntered into the room, sitting on the edge of the desk. "And?"

Dante looked at the clock. He had fifteen minutes to be there. "And I have to go." He grabbed his trench coat from the coat hanger, put Ebony and Ivory into their respective holsters, and walked into his weapons closet. He heard Trish following him. Good, he'd get a second opinion on what to take.

If anyone knowing anything about Devil Arms whatsoever had walked into Dante's storage room, they'd be stunned. It held all sorts of weapons, collected from Dante's more "interesting jobs". They were only organized by the place of their discovery, so there was a Temen-Ni-Gru section, a Mallet Island section, and a Fortuna section. And the room wasn't even half-full.

Dante started with the Tenen-Ni-Gru weapons, looking at Devil Arms first. He'd take Cerberus, of course: fire was a very popular element among demons, so it was nice to have a weapon that countered it. He passed over Agni & Rudra (not that they weren't useful, but they just wouldn't SHUT UP), but didn't get two steps past them before they began complaining.

"Brother! Why does he walk past us?" said Agni, the fire scimitar.

"Perhaps he is deep in thought," responded Rudra, the wind scimitar.

"Deep in thought? Will he drown?"

"No, you see…"

Though Trish was highly amused, Dante had no time for these chattering blades. He turned to them angrily. "SHUT. UP. I am in _no_ mood."

"No mood? How can one be in no mood?" Agni asked curiously. "There is always a mood. Joy, anger, sorrow, worry…"

"I'll rephrase! I'm pissed off! Now CAN IT!!" Much to his amazement, the twin blades fell silent.

Trish pouted. "Maybe they wouldn't talk so much if you answered their questions."

Dante looked at her like she was crazy. "Answered their questions? You _must_ be kidding." He continued down the row. With a grin, he picked up the odd-looking purple guitar, Nevan. "Now THIS is a voice I like to hear," he said, strumming a few notes. An electrically charged bat appeared and flew around the room, landing on Trish's outstretched finger.

Dante resumed his weapons checklist. He decided against taking Beowulf; there was nothing wrong with the flash gauntlets and greaves, but he just didn't feel like using them. Of the guns he'd collected in Temen-Ni-Gru, he selected Spiral, the anti-tank rifle.

Next came Mallet Island. All of these weapons were very familiar to Trish, and so she gave them a good looking-over. Dante opted not to take Ifrit; they were good gauntlets, but he needed room for Gilgamesh in the next section. He did, however, take Alastor, something that surprised Trish. "But…" she started.

Dante smiled as the blade crackled with blue electricity. "He could use a little fun for a change." He stored the sword with the other items in his personal "hammerspace". Trish had used that word to describe his talent of summoning weapons seemingly out of thin air, and it had sort of stuck. He took the grenade launcher, moving on to the next section.

The Fortuna section had all of three Devil Arms, one of which was considered a firearm. He took Gilgamesh and Pandora. Although the Lucifer weapon was stylish, he decided against it. The backpack-like weapon would have taxed him if he took it along with.

He stored all of his weapons in "hammerspace", and walked back out by his desk, grabbing Rebellion as he went. As he slid it onto his back (magically staying there), Trish hugged him lightly. "Be careful. I've got a bad feeling about this."

He flashed her a grin. "Don't worry. I'll clean those punks up in ten minutes." And with that, he walked out his brand-new, just varnished wooden double doors, coat flapping in the night breeze.

_Ten minutes there, ten minutes of work, and ten minutes back. Piece of cake._

Unfortunately for Dante, things were not to be so simple.

--

As he arrived at the corner of 3rd Street and Apple Avenue, he looked around. No demons yet.

_Damn. And the guy said there were a lot of 'em._

As he looked at the street sign again to verify the location, a familiar voice rang out.

"Just what the hell are _you_ doing here?"

Dante turned around, smiling. "Isn't that my line, kid?"

Nero scoffed as he walked up to the Devil Hunter. He hadn't seen Dante for a while since he'd defeated "The Savior." In fact, he hadn't even heard from him. He found that odd, since he had been the one that Dante had entrusted his brother's sword to.

"Well, you look just like when I left. Young and pissed off, for some odd reas…"

"Nero, wait up!"

Dante shook his head. _No way_. There was no WAY he brought her here. But sure enough, Kyrie ran up to the young knight, clutching her chest and breathing hard. "I can't…run as fast…as you can…you know…"

He winced. "Sorry. My arm's made me so much faster I've almost forgotten that I'm faster than a normal human."

Dante looked at Nero and Kyrie. "What's the big idea, bringing her into a demon's nest?"

Nero glanced around, alert. "Demons? We're here to pick up weapons for the Order!"

Dante frowned. This job was getting to be a lot messier than he'd thought. Oh well. He'd just demand compensation from the employer for the poor info.

"Speaking of weapons, you better be taking good care of my brother's sword," Dante said.

With a blue light from the Devil Bringer, Yamato appeared in Nero's hand. "Don't sweat it. It's in good hands." He re-absorbed it into the Devil Bringer, just to be safe.

Another familiar voice reached Dante's ears, and one that he had only been expecting marginally more than Nero's. "What's this, a Fortuna reunion?" Lady walked up to the trio, guns in hand and Kalina Ann on her back.

Dante smiled. "You're looking a lot more sober than the last time I saw you," he quipped.

She blushed. "Shut up. That's the last time I go drinking with you."

He held his arms out in mock outrage. "C'mon! It was a special occasion. I don't get debts paid off every day, you know!"

"Yeah, you're right. How many other people's motorcycles have you destroyed?"

"Mine. Twice. But don't change the subject. You were hammered, and you know it!"

She blushed even worse, pointing a gun straight at Dante's forehead. Unfazed, he kept right on prodding.

"Don't get me wrong, you held your liquor pretty well. And for the record, you're a pretty fun drunk. But you flirt way too much…"

She tightened her grip on the pistol, two pounds of pressure on the three-pound trigger. "I don't flirt."

He laughed at that. "Yeah, sure. Well, whatever you want to call it, you couldn't seem to keep your hands off me…"

Just as Lady was about to shoot Dante, Nero thought of something. "So, um…Lady. Why are _you_ here?"

Lady lowered her gun. "A guy called me in to clean up some demons."

"Hey!" Dante yelled. "That's what I was called here for! You think you're taking credit for MY work?"

Nero interrupted Lady's response. "So you're both here to kill some demons?" They nodded. Nero began to worry. If this really was a demon's nest, he needed to get Kyrie out of here. But…why had their weapons contact given them this location? Suddenly, his Devil Bringer began to glow. "Dante…"

Dante nodded. He could practically smell the demons in the air, thanks to his demon blood. Lady may not have been able to sense them, but she held her guns at the ready. Nero saw a man walking toward them, and stepped in front of Kyrie protectively. As the man walked closer, they sensed incredible power within him. This puzzled Nero. _What does this mean? Is he a demon?_

The man stepped into the light. He wore a black sorcerer's cowl, and a rope belt was tied around his waist. Dante sighed. "Great, a set-up. You know, you'd better have some cash on you, Merlin, 'cause my electric bill won't pay itself."

The man chuckled. "You won't need money for where you're going. Try this!" He raised his hands into the air. "Curtain that separates these worlds, fall!" An odd, oval-shaped spot warped and darkened in mid-air. As it began to turn a dark color, a dark green hand reached out from inside it and pulled its owner out.

Dante looked at the new creature. He'd never seen a demon like this before. It had a dark green body with a hole in the center of its chest. It wore a white mask that covered its whole face, and as it roared at Dante, he could see a second row of teeth within its mouth. Shrugging, he removed Rebellion from his back, and sliced downward, cleaving the thing's head in two. It dissolved into a small, white light, which floated back into the portal.

Dante turned to the sorcerer. "That all you got? Well, looks like you're goin' with him now."

He heard Lady's gun go off behind him and he turned to look. More of those odd-looking demons were climbing out of the portal, some bigger and some smaller than the one he'd just killed. Nero's Devil Bringer shot forward, bowling one of the creatures into five of his comrades. Lady's gunfire was scattered, and as Dante looked at her, it looked like she wasn't even aiming at all. "What the hell are you doing? Shoot the damn things!" he yelled at her.

"What damn things?" she yelled back. "Where are they? I can't see them!"

Even if she couldn't see these demons, every now and then a bullet would find its mark. But there were too many for her to handle. Dante looked at Nero and was relieved to see that he was holding his own. He'd pulled that huge sword off his back and was making steady progress in cleaning up the demons. Holding Rebellion in a ready stance, Dante hurled it at the demons in a Round Trip. It took out most of the ones in front of Lady, but the demons nearer to him were closing in. Smiling, he used Gilgamesh to take down a few of the demons near him. He beckoned to Rebellion, and the sword flew back to him. Returning Gilgamesh, he charged a little demonic energy into the blade. It glowed red with power, and just as one of the demons was ready to strike, he held it backhanded, swinging it forward. "Drive! One! Two!" he shouted, firing off three red energy waves that destroyed the demons he aimed them at.

Nero, meanwhile, was taking care of the strange demons in his own way. He revved up Red Queen's handle, powering up the flammable liquid within. When the closest demon moved in to strike, he swung the sword upward, igniting the blade. It launched him into the air, putting him right in front of another demon. Streaking forward, he slashed horizontally with another flame-powered attack. "Let's rock!" he yelled joyfully. As the demon disappeared, he dropped on another demon, stabbing straight through its skull. He looked at Kyrie quickly to make sure she was okay, and then turned back to the demons. He pointed Blue Rose at another demon. It stopped as Nero's arm glowed. With a bang, the Devil Bringer-empowered shot slammed straight through the demon's face. Putting the revolver back away, he stabbed Red Queen into the ground, revving it up. "Startin' to heat up!" he said, challenging the few remaining demons.

Dante was now bored. These demons had only been somewhat of a challenge. There were only three demons left. He pulled out Ebony & Ivory, finishing two off with a shot from each gun. He left the last one to Nero as he turned to the sorcerer. He pointed Ebony at the man's head. "As I was saying, you better have some dough for me. No one surprises me unless there's women or beer involved. In that order."

The sorcerer grinned. They were even stronger than he'd thought! He clapped his hands together, disappearing in a white light. As Dante and Lady shielded their eyes, Nero, who had finished off the last demon, turned to see him reappear next to the portal. "Don't even think about it!" he said, reaching the Devil Bringer out to grab the man. However, he jumped through the portal just as the Devil Bringer grabbed his leg. Instead of pulling the man out, Nero found himself being pulled _toward_ the portal. Kyrie wrapped her arms around Nero, knowing she wouldn't be able to help but trying anyway. As Nero pulled harder, he felt himself and Kyrie launched toward the portal. "What the he…" he yelled, his inertia carrying them into the portal. They disappeared into it, cutting off the rest of Nero's yell.

Lady looked at Dante as he just watched the portal. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going in after them?"

"Are you?"

"Yes!!" With that she ran at the portal and jumped through.

Dante sighed. This was definitely not an easy job. He didn't really want to jump into the unknown, but he needed to save those idiots, wherever they were. "Besides, if I don't save Lady, who will I be able to hit on?" he called out to the empty street. He walked up to the portal, jumping effortlessly through. It closed behind him, melting back into nothingness.

And so it began…


	2. Weird World

As Nero flew through the portal, he didn't know what to expect. So he was surprised to see himself sailing over…houses. But they weren't the houses that were in Dante's neighborhood…odd. Within seconds, the sorcerer disappeared from his grasp, and he began to feel the effects of gravity. He reached around to pull Kyrie into his arms. "Hang on!" he yelled, bracing himself for the impact.

As he landed noisily, he looked around. It looked just like a normal town. Well, that was new. He looked up from the spot in mid-air that he had just come from. Much to his surprise, that Lady woman appeared out of it. Not having the same forward momentum he'd had, she plummeted like a rock. He felt like he needed to catch her, but he'd never make it in time. He rushed toward the area she was sure to land at, holding Kyrie in his arms and not noticing the rapidly descending crimson figure. He ran as fast as he could, but he was still a block away when he heard a loud SMASH! Hurrying to the scene, he was a little shocked at what he found.

Lady had her eyes shut tightly and her arms wrapped around her savior. Dante grinned at this, not really wanting to let her go unless she asked him to. Luckily for her, he'd gone into a short Devil Trigger to speed up his descent. It hadn't been long, but it was enough. He'd landed with her in his human arms, and had been enjoying it until Nero and Kyrie arrived. Nero, getting the feeling he might be interrupting something private, cleared his throat.

Lady's eyes shot open. The first thing she noticed was that she was no longer falling. Good. The second thing that she noticed was that everyone had made it through the portal. Good. The third thing she noticed was that her arms were wrapped around Dante. Good…wait, bad. She slapped herself mentally for fantasizing. The fourth thing she noticed was that Dante must have been the one to catch her. Good in the sense she was alive, but now she'd never hear the end of it. The final thing she noticed was that Dante's eyes were not on her face. "Hey, Mr. Hero. My eyes are up here," she said, irritated.

Dante grinned. "Yeah, you're welcome for saving your life. My turn now. Where the hell are we?"

Lady pushed herself out of Dante's arms, looking around. All the street signs were in Japanese. So they were in Japan. Luckily for her, she'd taken some Japanese in school, so she'd be able to get by. And judging from the street sign, they were in…Karakura Town. Wherever that was.

She relayed everything she knew to Dante. He sighed. "Japan? Well, I knew that portal thing was weird. I can speak the language, but you'll have to help me with the writing."

She looked at Nero and Kyrie. "Can you guys…?"

Nero nodded. "The Order has a few foreign language courses. Good thing they were actually interesting."

Lady smiled. "Good. So all we'll need to do is get back."

Dante saw a payphone. "Gimme a minute, I'll call Trish. I'll probably need another loan to pay for the plane tickets, but…"

Lady looked around as he went to call Trish. This whole town felt…odd. As if they weren't really in the right place. Well, that much was obvious, but it felt…different. Almost like a different world. She shrugged, watching Nero comfort Kyrie. At least they hadn't been separated.

Dante dialed his shop's number. He punched the keys to reverse the charges, grinning. Trish wouldn't like him for it, but he'd pay her back in full once they got home. Since his pockets were about empty, he needed her to wire her some money to Lady's account. He didn't have one, so he'd need to…

"Hello, this is Jack's Guitar Emporium. We string and you sing. How can I help you?"

He grinned. Trish must have gotten a sense of humor (and a good impersonating voice) while he was away. "Very funny, Trish. Look, we could use some help here."

The woman on the other end paused. "Sir, my name is Tammy. I work at Jack's Guitar Emporium. You must have the wrong number."

His grin faded a little. This joke wasn't all that funny, and Trish was starting to take it a little too far. "Trish, it's me. Dante. You know, the guy that pulled you out of the Underworld and stopped Mundus?"

The woman's voice grew very irritated. "I don't know what you're trying, sir, but it's rude to prank-call a place of business. Good night." She hung up.

Dante looked at the phone, confused. The woman definitely wasn't Trish, that was for sure. It had been the right number; he knew his own shop's number as well as his own name. This was all very confusing. Wrong place, wrong person…what was going on here?

He walked back to the others. "Umm…" he started, not really sure how to explain.

Lady looked at him expectantly. "Well, what did she say? Did we get our plane tickets or what?"

"Well, um…she wasn't there."

Lady looked at him oddly. "Is your memory catching up to your hair color? She lives at your shop. Where else does she have to go?"

"She wasn't there, all right?!" Dante snapped. How the hell was he supposed to explain what had happened? "I dialed the exact number to my shop, and all I got was some guitar place."

Lady raised an eyebrow. This was unexpected. "Well, whatever. I'll leave a message at my agent's to float me some money. But you owe me."

Dante rolled his eyes. "I knew it was too good to be true."

She dialed in the number to her agent. Surely Dante must have misdialed by mistake? But she didn't really believe that. He only knew two numbers, hers and his. And he rarely called hers. Only when he needed money or…

"Hello?" a girl's voice asked.

Lady paused. Did her agent invite a woman over? "Hi, is Tony there?"

"Huh? Tony? You must have the wrong number."

"No, this is the right number. Are you a friend of Tony's?"

"What are you talking about? I don't know a Tony. This is my apartment phone, and I'm telling you, you have the wrong number."

Lady was shocked. She didn't know what was happening, but for some reason, none of their phone calls were going to the right places. "I'm sorry, you must be right. Thank you." Lady hung up. Things were getting bad. And when they got bad, they always got worse, especially if demons were involved.

Dante looked at her, knowing from listening that she'd gotten the same treatment. "Well?"

She shook her head. Things were definitely getting weird, fast. "Something strange is going on. Maybe we'd better find that sorcerer again."

Whatever Nero was about to add was interrupted by the arrival of another one of those strange demons. As Dante pointed Ivory at its skull, a dark-clothed kid with bright orange hair leaped at the creature, swinging a huge sword downward. Dante fired anyway, dissolving the creature into nothingness.

The kid landed, looking at the odd group. "Nice sword," Dante remarked.

The kid looked at him oddly. "You can see me?"

Dante looked at him like he was an idiot. "No, I see a gigantic pink elephant. YES I CAN SEE YOU!"

Kyrie looked at Nero. "Who is he talking to?"

Nero looked at her. "What, you can't see him?" She shook her head.

Dante looked at Lady. From the looks of it, she couldn't see the kid either. He looked back at the orange-haired teen. "I'm just guessing that you're not Carrot Top's son."

The kid looked at him with a scowl. "I'm Ichigo. Ichigo Kurosaki. Just who the hell are you?" He pointed the tip of his sword at Dante.

He held his arms out mockingly. "What, you just run around in robes killing demons? You've never heard of me?" He bowed theatrically. "Dante, Son of Sparda."

Ichigo looked at Nero and Kyrie. "Who are they?"

Nero stepped in front of Kyrie. "I'm Nero. This is Kyrie. Mind telling us what the hell's going on here?"

Ichigo sighed, putting his sword behind his back. "Okay, follow me." He walked back through the neighborhood, returning home.

Dante looked around. "So this is Karakura Town, huh?

Ichigo nodded, not bothering to look back. "Yeah. Home sweet home. So how did you see that hollow?"

Dante raised an eyebrow. "Hollow? Is that what you call that demon? I was thinking of something like 'Maskus' or 'Ugly'."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. Did this man really not know anything? How did he see that hollow, then? "That wasn't a demon. It was a hollow. My guess is that it smelled your spirit energy and went after you."

"Hollow, huh? So if it's not a demon, then what is it?"

Ichigo stopped. "This is my place. Just give me a second, and I'll bring out someone who can explain this better." He jumped up to an open window and climbed inside.

Dante tapped his foot impatiently. "This had better be good. I'm hungry, and I have no idea where the nearest pizza shop is, or if anyone's even open."

Lady rolled her eyes. "If you weren't half-demon, all that grease would have clogged your arteries years ago."

Dante grinned. "You know, according to last night, if I wasn't half-demon that's not all that would be different…"

Lady flushed. "I don't know what you…"

"Don't you even remember? You started groping me and said you wanted to s…"

Before she could be really embarrassed by Dante's tactless comment, Ichigo and a dark-haired girl jumped out of the window, landing in front of the two Devil Hunters, Holy Knight, and Order Songstress. Ichigo was dressed in a different outfit and his sword was no longer on his back. The girl next to him was clad in yellow flannel pajamas.

Dante burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! I gotta hand it to you, Carrot Top! I was expecting someone a little taller! What's the deal, pulling your girlfriend out of bed in her PJ's?"

The girl flushed. "I'm…uh…not his…um…"

Ichigo interrupted. "Enough with the hair color! What do you want me to start calling you? Old guy? You need some depends there, Grandpa?"

Within the span of a second, Dante had stopped laughing and had a hand on his sword. "What a mouthy little bastard…"

Lady held a hand in front of him. "Who are you? Another Devil Hunter?"

The girl looked at her curiously. "Devil Hunter? No. I am a Soul Reaper. Ichigo said you defeated a hollow."

Nero nodded. "I'm Nero. Who are you?"

"Rukia Kuchiki, member of Squad 13 of the Soul Society."

Nero looked at her. "Soul Society? What's that?"

She looked at Nero, then at Ichigo, then back at Nero. "Are…you two…related?"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Nero and Ichigo yelled at the same time.

"You honestly don't hear that?"

"Hear what?" they asked at the same time. They looked at each other. "Stop doing that!" They walked at each other quickly, literally going head-to-head.

"I've got half a mind to kick your ass, kid!"

"Hey, that's my line! And just who are you calling kid, anyway?!"

"Enough already!" Rukia said, exasperated. The two were a lot alike; as such, they were both fairly easy to anger. "Do you want an explanation or not?!" They backed off, and as Rukia got out a pen and a pad of paper, Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"Not the drawings again…" he said.

"They want answers, so I'm giving them answers!"

Ichigo held his tongue for once and let her draw. She explained the basics to them: the Soul Society, Soul Reapers, Hollows, wholes…a spirit crash course. When she was done, she heard Dante chuckle. "What?" she asked.

Dante struggled to keep a straight face. "So…the rabbits try to kill the bears…while at the same time helping the bunnies to pass on?" Before Dante could react, the notepad Rukia had written on crashed down onto his head. "Hey, what the hell?"

"You dare to mock me, you insolent fool?!" Rukia shouted, livid.

"What? That's what's on the paper! What am I supposed to think?"

"Weren't you listening to a word I said?"

"Well, yeah, but the kindergarten-level quality of the drawings doesn't really get the message across, does it?"

"Tell me about it…" Ichigo sighed.

Rukia rounded on him. "What was that? Are you siding with him?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes, picking his ear unconcernedly. "I'm just saying he has a point. And he did kill a hollow, after all." He stopped picking his ear and stooped down to Rukia's height. "Maybe we better hear what he has to say, instead of arguing about your little kiddie drawings."

Rukia grabbed the back of Ichigo's hair. "You…"

Dante looked at them, amused. "You know, if you're gonna make out with each other, let us know first. We'll look away."

Rukia let go of Ichigo's hair and looked down, blushing furiously. Ichigo looked away from her so she wouldn't see him; he was blushing just as hard as she was.

Dante, seeing them finally stop, continued. "More importantly, what was the big deal with killing one of those hollow things? The kid…" he indicated Nero, "…the babe…" he pointed to Lady, "…and I cleaned up a good twenty or thirty of 'em earlier."

Rukia and Ichigo turned to gape at Dante. He, in turn, gaped at Lady. "Aren't you gonna shoot me for calling you a babe?"

She shrugged. "I am a babe. What's wrong with that?" she asked, smiling mischievously.

Dante was, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words. _Did she just…not shoot me? She actually took a compliment for once? No way…the only time she's ever warmed up to me was when she got drunk and said that she…_

Rukia interrupted Dante's musings. "You…killed over…thirty hollows? But…how?" she asked, amazed.

Dante pulled Rebellion off of his back. "I handle my weapon pretty well. The kid's not bad either, but mine's bigger."

Nero pulled Red Queen off of his back and stabbed it into the ground. "You got something to back that up with?" he challenged, revving the blade's engine twice as a challenge.

Ichigo turned to Nero. "Dumbass! Are you trying to wake everyone up?" He heard noise from his father's room, and the lights began turning on. "Hide for a minute! And don't do anything else stupid!" The five nodded and scattered to find their own hiding spots. Nero lead Kyrie into an alleyway, putting their backs to the corner in shadow. Lady raced to hide behind a dumpster, but tripped on the sidewalk next to it and fell on…Dante.

He grinned. He'd come here to hide, and Miss Devil Hunter here just had to copy him. He'd caught her again, but in a more…risqué position than last time. Lady lay on top of Dante, faces so close that they could feel their own breath. She opened her mouth to protest, but Dante clamped a hand over her mouth. "I'm not exactly psyched about this position either, but we've got to stay still and be quiet." She stopped struggling, and Dante peeked around the dumpster, waiting for the kid to come back out. He could see shadows moving in the house; from the looks of it, the kid was talking to his father about the noise he'd heard outside.

Lady, meanwhile, was confused. "What…" she whispered, "did you mean by 'you're not exactly psyched about this position'?"

Dante grinned, looking at Lady's mismatched eyes. "Truth be told, I'd rather be on top. But beggars can't be choosers, I guess…"

Lady bared her teeth. "If we weren't hiding and your arms weren't keeping mine away from my guns…"

Dante smiled even wider at that. He knew she'd fly off the handle if he'd let her even touch her guns, so he'd taken the opportunity and wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug. Not that he was complaining, though…hugging her like this pressed her body closer to his. Her…curvy body. He sighed. "Boy…you sure grew up after Temen-Ni-Gru. A bit mentally…and a lot physically," he added.

She sighed as well. "Stuck with you until the kid gets back…where's liquor when you need it?"

He snorted. "Tell me about it. The first place I'm hitting up after the pizza joint is the nearest bar."

She looked into his eyes, which confused him a little; Lady was never this…personal with him. "How about we make it a date?"

Dante's mouth dropped open in shock. He was taken aback, to say the least. _Did…she…no way…_Unfortunately for him, his arms also went slack from shock, and she wriggled out of his grasp, peering around the dumpster. She saw lights being turned back off, and after the house was dark again, the kid came back out.

Ichigo looked around. "Hey!" he said in a loud whisper. "Weirdos! The coast is clear!"

Dante walked up to him in a huff. "Who are you calling weirdo? I'm a Devil Hunter, thank you very much!"

Rukia came out from behind a nearby house, rounding on Ichigo as well. "Weirdo? Is that the nickname you give me after saving your life?!"

Ichigo sighed. "I was talking to the weirdos I didn't know, actually. But now that you mention it…you could go easy on the Chappy the Rabbit stuff."

"How dare you drag that into this? Chappy the Rabbit has nothing to do with the current conversation!"

"Like hell it doesn't! You obsess over that damn rabbit! I don't think I've seen any other being give that much attention to something in my life!"

"Why? Jealous?"

Ichigo opened his mouth to say something, but then he was too flustered to think of something that should come out of it, and so it just hung open.

Dante and Lady had watched their little verbal sparring, and Dante grinned at this latest development. "Oooh, she got you good!" He patted Ichigo on the back. "You did good, though, kid. Real good. Don't feel too bad, women are naturally better at arguing. Ladies, (with this, he waved a hand in Lady's direction) on the other hand, tend to make a statement by shooting you in the head or gut; whichever they feel makes a better point." He looked at Lady, getting worried about the fact he still didn't have any bullet holes in him. Maybe she was waiting until they were on their way to the bar, where she could knock him out and steal his wallet… "You…uh, haven't said anything yet," he said, looking at Lady inquisitively.

She shrugged. "I'll stop you when you start telling lies. And after I do that, I'll kick your sorry demon ass."

Dante prepared to respond, but stopped. "That reminds me…where's the kid and his girlfriend?"

Ichigo sighed. "Um…we're right here."

Dante cocked his head. "Oh, so it's official, then? Actually, I meant the white-haired kid with a girlfriend a bit older than yours."

Ichigo turned away with a snort, trying to hide the fact that his face was red. Rukia noticed, but decided to leave the subject for now; she could torment him all she wanted later.

Dante walked in the direction of the alley he'd seen Nero and Kyrie hide in. He found them there…but they were kissing each other quite passionately. He cleared his throat sarcastically, causing the two to break apart almost immediately. "Didn't you get the all-clear?"

Nero growled. "Yeah, but I was a little busy."

"You are hopeless, kid. Even if you had been trying to hide, I'm pretty sure the noise level would have given you away by now…"

Nero rolled his eyes. "Mind getting to the point?"

Dante sighed. "Well, if you're gonna be snippy about it, I was thinking maybe we could get in a group and plan our next move."

"Okay." He followed Dante back to the group.

Lady, meanwhile, was looking around the town for the nearest bar. As Dante came back with Nero and Kyrie, she looked at him expectantly. "So what's the plan, Son of Sparda?"

He shook his head, putting his hands on his hips. "Step one: pizza. Step two: bar. Step three: hit on a hot babe. Step four: get slapped by said babe. And step five: find a place to sleep. You should know this by now." As Lady nodded, smiling, Dante pointed behind her, looking at Nero. "Hey, kid! Check it out!"

Nero couldn't believe it. He didn't want to. But there it was; the neon sign said it all.

Little Nero's Pizza.

Dante bent over, laughing and slapping his knee. "Oh, man…I think I'm starting to like this place!"


	3. Pizza, Beer, and Memories

Mild warning: If a drunk Lady weirds you out, you might want to stay away from this chapter. Oh, and if you dislike my poor attempts at writing slurred words, I'm sorry, but I tried my best.

* * *

Looking back years later, Nero could never remember how Dante had managed to convince him and Kyrie to go along with Dante, Lady, Ichigo, and Rukia to the pizza parlor. He could remember seeing the neon sign, and it seemed like moments later he was dutifully following the Devil Hunters and Soul Reapers to eat some pizza.

As Dante walked in, the already quiet shop went completely silent. It would have been hard to say what did it; the white hair on the body of a twenty-year-old, the red and black outfit that practically screamed "action", or the leather boots that squeaked noisily were all good candidates. But it was probably the ferocious look in the man's icy blue eyes that really did the trick. Not only were people not talking, they turned their glances away, seemingly afraid to breathe. Dante took it all in stride, leading the party of six up to the counter. He was just glad he'd convinced Lady and the kid to let him store their big weapons away; they would probably have been greeted by screams rather than silence. He looked the menu over casually as the man behind the counter eyed him uneasily. "I'll have a large pepperoni, with Italian sausage and green peppers." He looked at the rest of the group. "What do you guys want?"

Lady swatted him upside the head. "We can share, you big glutton."

Ichigo looked at Rukia. "I can eat about anything. What do you want?"

"Hmm…" she said, thinking it over. "I'm not really sure." She leaned in close to Ichigo, whispering in his ear. "What's pepperoni?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'll have one like his, then," he said to the man behind the counter.

Nero eyed the menu apprehensively. These "pizzas" seemed to be literally covered in grease. "Well…" he said uncertainly. He'd never eaten a pizza before, or even seen one until now. He looked at Kyrie. "What should we get?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Let's just try what they got."

He shrugged, ordering an identical pizza for them. The cashier pointed them to an open booth, and they sat down to wait for their meal. The table soon became a flurry of activity; Dante kept putting his boots on the table, Lady kept pushing them back off, and Rukia, Nero, and Kyrie were in an animated discussion about "pepperonis" and pizzas in general. Ichigo rolled his eyes. _This is almost as bad as going somewhere with my family! They're acting like a bunch of little kids!_

Eventually, the activity in the restaurant restarted again. Ichigo was relieved; he'd seen one guy with the same slice of pizza drooping in his hand for over ten minutes, and it had looked like he'd gone into shock or something. Meanwhile, their table's activities had become somewhat mature; Dante and Lady were planning out ways to kill "those hollow things", Nero and Kyrie were holding hands under the table, and Rukia was looking at Ichigo oddly. _What is it? Why does she keep looking at me like that?_ He finally turned to look at her properly. "What is it?"

She lowered her voice so that only they could hear their conversation. "It's about the hollows."

"You mean the ones that they killed?"

"Yes. I checked my Soul Pager a few minutes ago, and their story checks out. Between twenty-five and thirty former hollows were purified, and their souls arrived safely in the Soul Society."

"But even if they did kill the hollows, how could the souls get to the Soul Society?"

"That's what's bothering me. We both know that a soul purified by a zanpakuto is immediately assigned a Hell Butterfly to escort it back to the Soul Society; that makes the process safer and faster. But…they don't carry zanpakuto…do they?"

Ichigo looked at Dante, who was flipping a coin apparently in a bet with Lady; and from the looks of it, he'd lost. "I don't think so. But how else could those souls get back?"

She sighed. "I don't know. And the thing is…I don't think they know, either."

Lady pumped her fist. "All right! That's two shots you owe me at the next bar!"

Dante groaned. "Can't you buy your own alcohol? I have to spend a small fortune as it is, you lightweight."

She grinned. "No way! You agreed to the bet, and you'll pay up. Period!"

As Dante opened his mouth to argue, their pizzas came. Dante and Lady each grabbed a slice of their pizza and began to eat; Ichigo noticed that he'd somehow drug a nearby chair over to put his feet on. Shrugging, he grabbed a slice of his own and got ready to eat it when he felt a tug on his shirt from Rukia. He turned to her, setting the pizza down. "What?!"

She looked nervously at the pizza in front of them. "Ichigo…how do you…eat this 'pepperoni' thing?"

He rolled his eyes. "First, it's called a 'pizza'. The pepperoni is just one of the toppings. As for how to eat it…" he demonstrated with his hands, giving her the slice he'd picked up earlier. She nibbled only a little bit to begin with, but after she began to taste the flavor, she began eating faster and faster, until Ichigo pulled his hands back because he was seriously worried she might chew them up along with the slice of pizza. "Take it easy! You about gnawed my hands off!"

She smiled apologetically. "Sorry, but…pizza is really good!"

Dante chuckled, half his slice hanging out of his mouth. "You got that right."

Nero and Kyrie, having watched Ichigo demonstrate, began eating their pizza, though not with nearly as much gusto as Rukia did. Within a few minutes, their three pizzas were completely gone; Dante and Lady had split theirs about even, and Nero had only had one more slice than Kyrie, but Rukia had eaten at least three fourths of their pizza. She had a satisfied look on her face, like she had just eaten the best food in the world. Ichigo chuckled. "Your first pizza and you hog most of it. Let's just hope it helps you grow up, midget." Much to Ichigo's surprise, however, she ignored his barbed comment, lazily blinking her eyes.

Dante looked at the two, curious. Sure, pizza was good, but…Lady would still shoot him if he made a move on her, even after pizza. He looked at Lady, seeing trace amounts of the same satisfied look that Rukia had. "Ready to get tanked?"

She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "You wish. But I think cashing in those two free shots might not be such a bad idea…"

He grinned. "Well, alright then. Let's find us a bar. Catch you later, kiddies."

Nero turned to Dante as he and Lady got up. "Hold on! Where do you think we're going to stay?"

Lady winced. She'd sort of forgotten about that. As she turned to Dante for an answer, she got one from an unexpected person: Ichigo.

"You could probably stay at the Urahara Shop. That guy's got plenty of room."

Lady looked at him, surprised. "Where…uh, is this Urahara Shop?"

"I'll take you there. Let's go." Ichigo left some money on the table to pay for their pizzas, grumbling all the time about "lousy moochers", and then headed out the door. As Ichigo led them down the streets, Dante noted the bars they passed for future reference.

"Here we are," Ichigo said, knocking on the door of the small shop. When no one came to answer, he began to knock harder. Still getting no answer, he started slamming his fist against the door. "Hey! Mr. Hat-and-Clogs! Wake up!"

The door slid open, and Ichigo pulled his hand back. A man wearing a green robe, wooden sandals, and a green and white-striped hat appeared in the doorway, rubbing his eyes with one hand and yawning. "Well, good evening, Ichigo," the man said. "To what do I owe the honor of this very late visit?"

"Can the attitude, Mr. Hat-and-Clogs. We've got a problem."

The man sighed. "When don't we have a problem?" He shrugged. "Well, come on in. I know you won't leave me alone until I hear you out."

The group of six walked into the shop. Dante looked around the shop curiously as Ichigo and Rukia led them in following the strange man. They ended up in what looked like a kitchen. The man, Ichigo, and Rukia sat down at a small table. The rest of the group followed suit. As Lady sat down, she noticed two pairs of eyes looking at the oddly-clothed people. The man yawned. "Ururu, Jinta, go back to sleep." The two pairs of eyes disappeared, and Lady could hear what sounded like a little boy's voice grumbling. The man turned to the group. "Well, let's hear the reason you woke me up at three in the morning."

--

"And that's the facts, Jack," Dante finished.

The man rubbed his chin. "Well, this is interesting. I'll need to look into this…" He looked at Ichigo. "Well, where are they staying? I'm just guessing, but I don't think they'll all fit in your closet."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "That's barely big enough for one person, let alone four. Actually, that's sort of why I came here, Mr. Urahara."

Urahara grinned. "Still as subtle as a car wreck, I see." He sighed. "Well, as long as they're killing hollows, I suppose I can return the favor." He motioned to one side of the kitchen. "Spare bedrooms are that way. You're lucky I've got enough room for six."

Ichigo nodded, then stopped abruptly. "Wait…six?"

Urahara nodded. "You bring me four so-called 'Devil Hunters', and you think I'm going to let you go scot-free, with no responsibilities? You can stay here for a couple nights, at least."

Rukia gave Ichigo an impish grin. "Finally, I get to sleep in your bed…"

Urahara shook his head. "Don't get too excited, Miss Kuchiki. Both of you can stay here and deal with this."

She turned on Urahara. "WHAT?! I sleep in that closet for weeks and weeks, and when I get a chance to sleep in his bed you stick me with his problems?!"

Urahara shrugged. "Sorry. But if you're that worked up about it, you could ask nicely to sleep with him."

Dante eyed Lady curiously. "Maybe that's why hitting on you never worked. All I had to do was ask!" Lady pulled one of her pistols out and prepared to aim it at his head, but to her surprise it was snatched out of her hands. He waggled a finger at her. "Shooting people when you're a guest in someone's home? Tsk tsk. Not such a Lady after all."

Urahara rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean it that way…but enough of this, now. I'd like to get back to sleep." He traipsed off in the direction of the bedrooms.

Dante handed Nero his sword back, and then led Lady out of the shop. Ichigo waited until Nero, Kyrie, and Rukia headed off to their rooms before finding his own. He didn't want them to see how badly he was blushing.

Dante and Lady, meanwhile, headed straight to the nearest bar. As promised, Dante bought her two shots of her favorite vodka and ordered some scotch for himself. They began discussing the problem with the "hollows."

"Look, I know that I can't see them," Lady said, "but that doesn't mean that I'm automatically useless fighting them. I saw their footprints the last time we fought them. If I used Kalina Ann in their general direction…"

Dante shook his head vigorously. "I swear, every time you aim that damn thing, my coat ends up well done. No thanks."

She snorted. "You think that's a good enough argument? Try harder, bub."

"Well…every time my coat gets charred, my healing factor works on that, too. So you're making the fights a lot tougher for me if you start getting rocket-happy."

She sighed. Dante was a little vain at times, but it seemed that he put that behind demon-slaying. They ordered another round and changed the subject. Her head was swimming a bit, though. Maybe three shots in two minutes hadn't been such a good idea after all…

Dante, however, either didn't notice the effects of alcohol on Lady, or didn't care. "Anyway, I was wondering how I could feel the presence of those hollows if they're not demons. I've only ever been able to sense demonic power before."

Lady shrugged. "Maybe they're not full demons…kind of like you."

Dante raised an eyebrow. That was a damn good point. Ichigo had said that hollows weren't demons, but…they might be close enough where they were on a similar wavelength or something. They ordered another round.

Now it wasn't just her head; everything was getting a bit swimmy for Lady. She struggled to stay stable; she knew she shouldn't drink anymore, but she knew she'd seem weak if Dante was the only one drinking. She also knew he'd tease her again for being a "lightweight". She just managed to catch all of what Dante said.

"Well, whether those hollows are full demons or half-breeds doesn't really matter; I get the feeling that killing them is still pretty much the same business as usual."

Lady nodded slowly. "Mmm."

Dante looked at her cautiously. "Are you gonna be OK?"

Lady nodded again, determined to keep up her strong appearance. "Are you kidding? It takes more than this to get me drunk, demon-boy."

Dante sighed. She really should have stopped after three, but she was a grown woman; he couldn't force her to do anything. They both ordered another round.

Lady was good and drunk now. Her mismatched eyes wandered in different directions lazily, and her head began to nod from side to side. Dante suggested a new topic for conversation, but knew that Lady was not in any condition to provide useful input. "So, how are you going to fight the hollows if you can't see them?"

"I'm…I'll find a…way. You…" she tried pointing at Dante, but ended up pointing at the whiskey on the wall behind him. "…you don't worry about me. I'm…I'm fine."

Dante tossed caution to the wind. Last time he'd flirted with her when she was drunk, things had gotten…interesting. "Yeah, you're right. You are pretty fine."

She gave him a lopsided grin. "You're…damn right I…am. And…you are, too."

So here they went again. She motioned for another round, almost clocking the bartender. He tried talking her out of it, but Lady managed a very scary look, even in her drunk state. The bartender served her a shot without a word. Dante thought back to the last time this had happened…

_"Lady, you've had enough."_

_She tried pointing a finger at him, but ended up poking him in the shoulder. "Don't you shell me what tchoo do," she said, slurring her words. "I'm not drunk, I'm chust buzzed."_

_Dante sighed. This wasn't exactly a side of Lady he'd seen before. But if she couldn't remember him hitting on her, why not do it now? He grinned. "You know, I don't understand why you don't wear more revealing clothes all the time. I mean, you've got the goods…no sense letting 'em go to waste."_

_She grinned, one eyelid drooping in a half-wink. "Are you hishing on me?"_

_"Is it working?" he asked with a sly smile._

_Much to his surprise, she wrapped her arms around his chest. She nuzzled his neck, the smell of alcohol practically wafting off of her. "Oh, it ish. I just wish you weren't parsh demon. Then I chould do all shorts of thingsh wish you…"_

_Dante was getting uneasy. The side of Lady he knew would have shot him long before now; she also wouldn't be rubbing against his neck. Ever. But his mouth opened before he could stop it. "What kinds of things…?"_

_She pressed her lips against his ear. "I'd get you on a bed, shtrip you down, and…" She then said some things that made even Dante blush._

_Dante shook his head. She was way too drunk to drive back to her place. He picked her up, slung her over a shoulder, paid their tab, and carried her out of the bar._

_She giggled as he walked along. "Shore making my boobs shiggle. It tshickles."_

_He stopped walking. He shifted her so that he could look her straight in the eyes. His icy blue ones stared into her red and green ones. "Lady…I need to say something."_

_She smiled. "What is it, shecksy?"_

_He sighed. "You have no idea how much you're turning me on right now. A part of me wants to start going at it, right here and now."_

_"Well, good…itsh about time. Letsh get it on, already!"_

_He shook his head. "That's the…dark part of me that wants to do that. My demon side. But my human side is what has the final say. And my human side has morals."_

_She looked at him, confused. "What are you shaying? C'mon, letsh do it. I'm sho horny…"_

_He sighed again. "You're also drunk. I want you so bad…but I know who you really are. This…isn't you. The real you wouldn't even think about kissing me, let alone…"_

_She sighed. "Shut up. You shtalk too mush." She leaned in, pressing her lips forcefully on his._

_Dante was taken aback. He hadn't actually expected her to kiss him, even if she was tanked. To be honest, he thought his attraction to her was a one-sided thing. All those times of being shot in the head tended to do that._

_Her tongue flopped around in his mouth. He could practically taste the vodka on her breath, which took away from the moment. He didn't mind making out with hot women, as long as they were mostly coherent. Not just because they were better kissers when sober, but he hated the idea of taking advantage of someone who was inebriated. And Lady was about three stages past inebriated._

_He broke away from Lady. For a drunk kiss, it hadn't been half bad. But it didn't feel right, and he could tell she was pretty close to passing out. She looked at him, frustration seeping through her drunken haze. "You think I'm chust doing this becaush I'm drunk? I've wanted you ever shince we lefsh Shemen-Ni-Gru."_

_He shrugged. "Maybe it's just sexual tension. Or tension in general, which would explain all those shots to the head."_

_"Itsh not that, eethur. Itsh like…when I thinksh about your demon half…itsh like sheeing my father again." She frowned, her eyes drooping. "Itsh not fair. You're sho HOT. Why do you have to be a demon, too?"_

_Dante sighed. He'd put his demonic heritage behind him after he and Vergil had kicked Arkham out of the Netherworld. He wanted to explain his conclusion to her, but she was far too wasted to remember, and he wanted her to be fully aware of it. "Look, you won't remember any of this in the morning. You'll wake up at my shop in a strange bed and with a massive hangover, but that's it. And I may crack a joke or two about your being drunk, but otherwise I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear most of what you said. If you really want me, make an attempt when you're sober. If you don't…well, I wouldn't be surprised."_

_Her eyelids drooped. "Dan…te…" She mumbled, and then promptly passed out._

Dante shook his head, remembering how the rest of it had played out. He'd watched her during the night to make sure she didn't choke on vomit; that would have been an anticlimactic end to a Devil Hunter, to say the least. She'd woken up late in the morning and had immediately jumped to predictable conclusions; after hearing Dante's explanation (which only left out her sexual comments), she was a lot more relieved, stumbling out of his shop before he could say what he wanted to, muttering about how she'd never drink with him again. Well, so much for that plan.

She wrapped an arm around him. "C'mon, shecksy…letsh go back to the shop and have shome fun."

He sighed. Yep, just like last time. He followed the same procedure; he slung her over his shoulder, dropped some money on the counter, and carried her out.

The bartender picked up Dante's money, looking at it. Not only was it not yen, the picture on the front didn't match any American bills he'd ever seen. He shrugged. Maybe it was a generous tip?

Lady giggled as she bounced on Dante's shoulder. "Thish is fun! But shlow down, or my boobs are gonna pop out!"

He groaned. "Why do you talk about your breasts whenever I carry you?"

She smiled. "Becaush they're sho big!" She pulled Dante's head around to look at her chest. "I mean, look at them! They weren't thish big when we firsht met!"

Dante was, for the second time in his life, blushing. Lady had pulled on his head a little too hard, and instead of looking at her breasts, his head was between them. She giggled again. "You hair tshickles."

He pulled his head out, flushing beet red at not only what he'd been doing, but who it had been with. "S-stop it. Why do you keep doing this?" He stopped and pulled her in front of him, ignoring the déjà vu he felt. "Why can't you turn me on when you're nice and sober? Why do you have to make me want you so bad when I can't have you?"She smiled. "Becaush I'm too shcared, dummy. Too shcared of your other half."

He rolled his eyes. "Again with my demonic side? Fine. When you wake up, I'm gonna help you get rid of that hangover, and then we're having words." He slung her back over his shoulder and started walking again.

She nuzzled her neck against his. "Aww…I donsh wanna wait. Cansh we just tashe care of bishness here?"

He sighed. "Just zip it, you horny drunk. We're almost there." Sure enough, in a couple of minutes the Urahara shop came into view. Dante eased open the door and walked upstairs to the bedrooms. Lady, meanwhile, had passed out. He walked into the only open room and set her down on the bed. He lay down beside her, watching her to make sure she wouldn't choke on vomit or roll off.

When she woke up, they were going to have a _serious_ discussion.


	4. Evening Antics

After Dante and Lady had gone to the bar, Ichigo, Rukia, Nero and Kyrie had all gone to get settled in their rooms. Ichigo plopped down on his chosen bed, thinking about the new developments.

_Devil Hunters…is that what they really are? Where did they come from? How are they so strong? What does all of this mean?_

--

Rukia's thoughts were very similar. She lay back with her hands between her head and the pillow.

_Those people…could they be former Soul Reapers? Unlikely, as they don't know anything about wholes or hollows. But what does that make them? And why does that Nero sound so much like Ichigo? Ichigo…_ She sighed. He'd been acting odd, lately. Those taunts that Dante had used against him had made him obviously embarrassed. _Why was his face so red? What was making him so nervous? Hmm…maybe I should go ask him…_

--

Kyrie was having troubles getting to sleep. She sighed. _I'm awfully lonely…maybe I should go to Nero's room…_

--

Nero didn't even bother trying to sleep. He was too busy thinking about how they'd ended up in this strange new world. _That sorcerer…I could feel power coming from him, but it didn't feel demonic. If he isn't a demon…what is he? Is he another one of these Soul Reapers?_ Suddenly, the door to his room opened. He smirked as he heard someone come in. "Couldn't sleep, huh? I don't blame you." He sighed. "Well, what are you waiting for? Crawl in, if you want."

Rukia gulped. _Ichigo…you're acting odd…_

--

Ichigo heard his door open and someone walk inside. He didn't bother opening his eyes. _So Rukia came to torment me about what Dante said…_ "Yeah, I figured you'd be in here," he grumbled.

Kyrie looked toward his bed sadly. _Nero…you must be upset about something…_

He sighed. "Well, come on. I'm waiting."

_Nero…you must be mad at someone…_ Kyrie smiled. She knew how to cheer him up. She lay down on the bed next to him.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow in the dark. "Uh…what are you…" Before he could finish his sentence, he felt warm kisses on his neck. "Wait…Rukia…"

Kyrie pulled away, shock on her face. "What? Rukia?! How could you, Nero?!"

"Huh? Kyrie? What are you d…" He was cut off by a slap to the face. "OW! Hey, what the hell?!"

--

Rukia lay down next to him. _He's acting…nice. Why? Is he upset about something?_

Nero smiled. "A lot of weird things have been happening lately, huh?"

She smirked in the darkness. _Isn't it obvious?_

He sighed. "Don't worry. Pretty soon, we should be used to this, and we'll be back to normal…or at least as normal as it gets for us."

Rukia shook her head. _Normal…you're adapting to being a Soul Reaper far faster than I ever did…_

He put his arms around her. "Everything's gonna turn out all right. You'll see," he said soothingly.

As comfortable as Rukia was, warning bells started to go off in her head. _Ichigo's _never _like this…never so nice or mature…wait…_ She reached up to run her hands through his hair.

He chuckled. "Hey, that tickles, Kyrie."

Not only did Ichigo not have long, straight hair, he barely knew Kyrie. So this could only be… "Nero?"

Nero bolted upright. "What? Rukia?!"

She sighed. "I…I think I'm in the wrong room."

Nero gulped. "Oh, man…you mean…"

They heard a resounding SLAP!, followed by "OW! Hey, what the hell?!"

Rukia smirked at that. "I think I'd better go."

Nero shook his head. "Yeah…"

As Kyrie left Ichigo's room in tears, Rukia stepped out of Nero's room, the smirk still on her face. Kyrie looked up at Rukia. "Oh, Rukia…wait, Rukia?"

Rukia put her hands on Kyrie's shoulders. "I think…we got the rooms mixed up." She nodded back towards the door she'd walked out of. "_That's_ Nero's room."

Kyrie's sobs began to lessen, followed by an embarrassed smile. "So…that was…Ichigo?" Rukia nodded, smiling. "Well, I'll…um…let you two talk," she said, walking over to Nero's room. Rukia shook her head, walking into Ichigo's room.

He sat upright in his bed, rubbing his bruised cheek. "Yeah, NOW you find the right room," he growled. "I think she broke my jaw."

Rukia snorted. "Oh, stop whining. You've been through worse before."

Ichigo sighed, letting his hand drop. "I guess. So, before I was attacked, what did you want to talk about?"

She sat down on the bed. "Well, when Dante was teasing you, why were you getting so embarrassed?"

He gulped. He'd been expecting that, but even so, he still didn't know how to respond. "Well, it's…um…kinda hard to explain…"

She lay down next to him. "It's okay. Neither of us will be able to sleep, anyway."

He flushed. He wasn't used to girls being so close to his face, much less pretty ones. _Huh? Pretty? That's not helping!_ "Um…I…he…you…"

She frowned. "See, you're turning red again! Why are you so nervous?"

"Well…he was suggesting that I…that we…we…" He got nervous thinking about saying that word he'd only ever used for family before. His mind brought up an alternative, and he hurriedly used it. "Well…that we're like…Nero and Kyrie."

She raised an eyebrow. "He was suggesting that we're Devil Hunters?"

Ichigo didn't think his face could get any redder. "No…that we…" He steeled himself. _They're just words to her…she doesn't know what they mean, so it's no big deal._ "That we love each other."

She rolled her eyes. _Just play it cool, act like you don't care._ "And? Why were you getting so nervous?"

Why was he? He hadn't ever felt like this around her before. Maybe Dante's words had been enough to force in his face what was already there. "Well, I…I mean…"

She froze. _There is no way he'd feel like that…not like me…I mean…_

He gulped. "Well…you know…"

She looked at him slowly. "You…love me?" He nodded. "But why? All I've done is make your life more miserable."

He shook his head. "Actually, all you've done is help me to protect the people I care about. If it hadn't been for you giving your power to me, I wouldn't be able to keep my friends and family safe."

"You wouldn't _need_ to keep them safe if it hadn't been for me."

He rolled his eyes. Even when they were talking about feelings, his worst topic, they were arguing. "Maybe not right away, but what if there had been another hollow? What would I have done? How long would it have been before one of us was eaten?"

She stopped at that. He had a point. _After all, he has such high spiritual energy that another hollow would have found him sooner or later_.

He sighed. "Well, now you know. What about you?"

Her eyes went wide. "Me? What about me?"

He frowned. "I told you how I feel about you. What do you think of me?"

She sighed. She'd been shocked at his appearance when they first met. How he'd looked so much like _him_. But she'd felt different about Ichigo than _him_. With _him_, it had been a sort of admiration. She might have dared to call it a friendship. But he'd had a wife, and that didn't bother her in the slightest. There was no jealousy or any of the other things she'd heard about having when someone was supposed to be in love.

Ichigo…meeting him had been completely different. He'd had some of the same characteristics that _he_ did; an amazingly large amount of honor and a strong desire to protect those he'd loved. She'd been drawn to him in a way she couldn't quite explain. She'd moved in front of the hollow that had attacked him, not quite knowing why she'd done it. And when she'd offered him a chance to protect his family, he'd accepted it without regard for any pain it might cause. Only then did they exchange names. After he'd taken care of the hollow, he'd passed out from the shock of fighting in his soul form. She'd looked at his face in sleep. It had looked peaceful, calm. She'd smiled, kissing him on the forehead, and began dealing with her recent loss of power. And soon after, Urahara had arrived to help her. But she'd known since that night that she was in love with him.

She smiled as Ichigo waited for an answer. Somehow she didn't think he needed the backstory, just the main idea. "I think I fell for you the first time I met you."

He sighed, but smiled as he did. "So…what do we do now?"

She looked into his eyes. "Well, what do people in love usually do?"

"Well, they…kiss."

She smiled. "Okay." He leaned in to kiss her, and she met his lips with hers. It was a bit awkward for both of them, as they'd never kissed anyone before, but they both enjoyed it anyways.

He smirked as they broke apart. "A Soul Reaper and a substitute…somewhere out there, someone's laughing at us."

She met his smirk with her own, wrapping her arms around him. "Good thing you don't care what people think of you."

--

Lady woke up to what seemed like she was a mile away from the Sun. Then she had a pounding headache, followed by Dante's voice, which sounded like it was amplified by a police loudspeaker.

"Good mornin', Sleeping Beauty!" Dante said cheerfully.

"Mmph…don't talk so loud…" Lady grumbled, holding her hands over her ears.

He snorted. "Serves you right, loading up on liquor like you were. What were you trying to prove?"

"Shut up…I don't need a lecture from you, you…damn demon…"

He sighed. "Demon again? Should we talk about this now, or tonight?"

She put a pillow over her head. "Tonight…just go away…"

He grinned. "Are you sure? Because I think you might want some asprin. Should I grab some?"

She sighed. "…yes," she said meekly.

Dante chuckled as he left the room. Ichigo and Rukia had already left for school, and Nero and Kyrie were still in their room. He didn't know what they were doing, and he made it a point not to find out. He remained oblivious to the fact that they were probably sleeping, but then, he'd never settled for simple explanations in his line of work.

--

"Bwahahahaha!!"

Ichigo looked at Orihime like she'd lost her mind.

Orihime frowned. "Huh? Ichigo, you barely reacted at all. Don't you even know where it's from?"

He knew, but that didn't mean liked admitting that he'd ever watched that cheesy show. "Uh…Spirit Hunter?"

She smiled. "Yeah, isn't that show just the _best_?" Ichigo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "C'mon, then, Ichigo! Join in with me!"

She prepared to do the "Kanonji Pose", but Tatsuki came up from behind her and caught her arms. "Bonzai!" Tatsuki said before Orihime could imitate Kanonji's laugh.

Orihime turned to Tatsuki. "Oh, hey Tatsuki. What's the matter?"

Tatsuki pushed Orihime towards the door. "You can 'bwahaha' with _me_. Now let's go!"

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched as they left the classroom. _I swear, if one more person talks about that stupid Spirit Hunter again…_

Which, of course, was followed by Keigo, Mizuiro, and Chad doing the "Kanonji Pose" next to him, Keigo and Mizuiro even using that cheesy laugh.

After half-listening to Keigo going on and on about Spirit Hunter being broadcast in Karakura, he made it clear he wasn't planning on going. That earned him a scolding from Keigo, something about "you'd have to be dead to miss it."

He snorted. "Guess that makes me a zombie." He waved a hand at Keigo, unconcerned. "Get lost."

"B-but I already went to the trouble of asking Rukia to go!" he said, pointing at Rukia, who curtseyed.

_Huh? When did she get here? Didn't even hear her come in._ Regardless, he turned to face her, willing to put up with a Spirit Hunter discussion if only for Rukia's sake. Keigo tried getting her to do the "Kanonji Pose", but she shook her head politely.

"No, no, I'd be too embarrassed to do it," she said, smiling innocently.

Ichigo smiled as Keigo kept trying to convince her. _Well, isn't she the little actress…I can't decide whether it gets on my nerves, or it's cute._

--

He heard the crowd cheering for Don Kanonji. He sighed. _I go to all the trouble of telling my friends that I'm not going, and then I end up going with my family anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too nice._ He toned out the show as much as possible, only vaguely realizing when they cut to commercial. _Man, I hate stupid shows about spirits._

He looked around at the crowd. Dante and Nero had decided to pass on the show, opting instead to fill in for Ichigo while he went with his family. He heard someone walk up behind him. "Hey, Ichigo!" Orihime said. She looked down. "I'm, uh, sorry about the other day. Tatsuki said you can't stand this spirit stuff, and I didn't know."

He shrugged. "It's cool, no big deal."

She looked at him curiously. "But you still showed up. Why is that?"

"Oh. My dad and Yuzu go nuts over this show, so I figured I shouldn't let them just go alone, you know?"

She nodded, smiling. "That's…sweet of you, Ichigo!"

He looked at her curiously. "Why? Isn't that normal?"

She looked a little embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, that's normal. Uh-huh. Very normal…"

Soon Tatsuki called to her, and she left to join her friends. "See ya, Ichigo!" she yelled back to him.

He nodded, rolling his eyes. _Yeah, sure, I'M normal, but what about the rest of these weirdos? What's their excuse?_

"Hey, Ichigo, what's wrong?" Rukia's voice said from behind him.

He smiled, turning to face her, but his smile slid right off his face as he saw her doing that damn "Kanonji Pose". _You too?_

She frowned a little, but kept her hands in the pose. "Hey, what's with the serious face? As long as you're here, you might as well have a little fun."

He smiled, grabbing her hand in his. _Just to get rid of that stupid pose_, he told himself. "Well, that might be a challenge, considering where I am."

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Between your schoolwork and Soul Reaper duties, you must be exhausted. And it's not like there won't be hard battles ahead. So tonight, try to enjoy yourself a little."

He bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "Sure. I'll try."

She blushed a little, then started looking around curiously. "Hey, Ichigo?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me…what is this festival all about?"

Ichigo's mouth dropped open. "You mean you showed up here without even _knowing_?"

--

After a short explanation (Ichigo didn't like to talk about Spirit Hunter more than he had to), Rukia got the general idea of what the show's premise was. After he'd finished, Ichigo looked at the hospital skeptically. "Seriously though, you think there'd even be any spirits in this old hospital anyway?"

Rukia cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, if there was, you Soul Reapers would've helped them cross over already, right?"

She shook her head. "Not necessarily. If it was a _jibaku_ spirit, they can be very difficult to track. _Jibaku_ spirits dwell in the earth, and the only reason they would show themselves is if they notice someone invading its 'territory'."

As if by divine clockwork, one of the grips did exactly that while moving a light, stepping over the hospital's threshold.

Chad, Karin, Tatsuki, Orihime, Rukia, and Ichigo all looked up as a loud cry echoed out of the hospital. Rukia looked slightly surprised. "That's the cry of a _jibaku_…so there is one here…"

Ichigo listened carefully as a second cry rang out. "Hold on, are you sure that's not a hollow?"

Rukia shook her head. "Not yet. He's a demi-hollow; a whole on the verge of becoming a hollow."

Ichigo saw a purple-clothed male spirit appear in front of the hospital, appearing to be chained to the ground. "Well, he sure feels like one. Except he's not wearing a mask, and the hole in his chest isn't completely open."

Rukia explained the situation to Ichigo, pulling out a notepad and drawing on it as she went. _Does she carry that thing with her everywhere?_ Ichigo thought absently as she revealed yet another drawing with bunnies and bears. He shook his head at this and received a smack from the notepad as his reward (though this time it didn't hit hard enough to leave a lump on his head; Rukia must've actually held back for once).

The show came back on, and as usual, Ichigo tuned it out, reflexively putting his arm up to prevent Rukia from doing that stupid "Kanonji Pose". Before she had a chance to scold him for stopping her, he asked her something that had been bugging him during her explanation. "So if he's on the verge of becoming a hollow…could he…?"

She shook her head. "Don't worry. Even demi-hollows take months to turn into full ones. Besides, it could get aggravated if we gave it _konso_ with all these people around. We'll wait until the show's over."

"But…"

"Look, when spirits transform, the night is filled with their screams of pain. Does that spirit look like he's in pain to you?"

As Ichigo looked over, the spirit was yelling at Don Kanonji. _"Who the hell are YOU? You won't defile MY hospital! And what's with the crazy friggin' hat?"_

Ichigo chuckled. "I'm guessing…no."

Rukia smiled. "See? Unless someone deliberately tampers with the hole on his chest, I'd give that spirit another six months before becoming a hollow."

As if he had heard Rukia, Don Kanonji did exactly that, jabbing his Super Spirit Cane into the demi-hollow's chest. The spirit shrieked in pain as Kanonji rocked the cane like a lever, ripping the hole in his chest open even faster.

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" Ichigo wondered aloud angrily.

"The fool! He's only speeding up the creation of a hollow!" Rukia snarled.

As he heard the demi-hollow's cries of pain grow even louder, Ichigo vaulted the fence, running straight at Kanonji. "Hey, knock it OFF!" he yelled. He failed to notice the five security guards rushing to stop him until they had tackled him to the ground.

Rukia hopped over the fence as well, pulling on the red glove that could knock Ichigo's soul out of his body. "Over here!" she yelled at Ichigo. "We've gotta get you out of your-" she was interrupted by another five security guards tackling her as well.

As Ichigo struggled with the security personnel, he felt something hit the back of his head, and felt his soul form fly out of his body. Turning back, he saw… "Mr. Hat-and-Clogs?"

Urahara smirked at Ichigo's soul form. "Well, don't just stand there like a lump. Get to work!"

"Uh, right!" Ichigo exclaimed, rushing at the demi-hollow and noticing its chains had begun to break.

As the security guards became puzzled over Ichigo's suddenly unconscious body, Rukia took the opportunity to slip away and quiz down Urahara.

Stepping between Kanonji and the demi-hollow, Ichigo shoved Kanonji backward. He landed on his bottom with a grunt. "Hey, what's the big idea, kid?!" he yelled at Ichigo.

Ichigo folded his arms. "Well then, you can see me too. You wouldn't happen to be a Devil Hunter, would you?"

"What? No! I'm the Premier Spiritualist of the Century!" He looked at Ichigo oddly. "Oh, I get it! You're dead, but you're a fan. Is that it?"

Ichigo grabbed Kanonji by the collar, bringing him up to eye level as his eyebrow twitched in irritation. "Don't make me kill you."

--

Later, Rukia smiled as the hollow that Kanonji had unknowingly created was purified by Ichigo's zanpakuto. _Ichigo…you did it._

--

Dante smiled as he and Nero watched the invisible battle end. They'd sensed a hollow at the hospital, but Ichigo had handled it fine on his own.

Nero smiled. "Not bad, huh?"

Dante smiled as well. "Shame we didn't bring any popcorn."

* * *

Well, here it is! Fourth chapter! Quite frankly, I'm amazed that I got as nice of reviews as I did. Speaking of which...

Little Nero's is the name of the pizza service in _Home Alone_ that, not coincidentally, is a real-life pizza chain.

So whether you like it, hate it, or tolerate it, please tell me what you think. Spelling and grammar corrections are more than welcome.


	5. An Overdue Explanation

As Dante arrived back at the Urahara Shop, he re-slung Ebony & Ivory into their holsters. He smirked as he followed Nero inside. _Boy, this work's not bad. Shame there's no money involved, or I'd be doing pretty good business._ As Nero went into his room, he prepared to go to his and Lady's room, but stopped. His smirk slid into a frown as he remembered what he'd promised to do. _I'd really rather not explain my opinion of my bloodline, I've already done it once._ He sighed. _Oh, well. Might as well get it over with._

Lady sat upright as Dante walked into the room. "Finally," she grumbled. "I was starting to think I'd never hear this story." She folded her arms across her chest. "Alright, I'm listening."

Dante sat down on the bed. "I guess I'd better start…well, from the start. I take it you've heard the legend of Sparda?"

Lady nodded, gritting her teeth slightly. "Yeah…my father used to tell it to me as a bedtime story."

"Then I'll skip to when I was born. After _my_ father drove back the demons and sealed the gates of Hell and all that good stuff, he watched over the world for many years. For the first millennia and a half, he did it on his own. But then, after so much time seeing humans in love, he wanted to feel it for himself." He snorted. "Imagine, a demon in love, huh? Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?"

"You're right. It sounds completely ridiculous."

He smiled at that. "But as we all know, life _is_ ridiculous. After another few hundred years, he finally managed it. He fell in love with a woman named Eva, and they had children."

Lady held up her hands. "Wait a second. Weren't your parents married?"

He chuckled at that. "Not in the conventional sense. You really think any church would actually sanctify the marriage of a demon and a human? The point is, they knew they were right for each other, and so, to themselves at least, they were married."

She smiled. "And then came you."

"And then came me _and_ Vergil."

She gulped. She'd almost forgot about him; unusual, seeing as how he had essentially been her father's boss to begin with.

He smiled sadly as he recalled his childhood. "Both of us got introduced to the 'family business' pretty fast. After we were about five, Father started training us in combat in case anything ever happened to him."

"And something…did?"

Dante shrugged. "He went out one day and never came back. At first we just assumed that he was late, or found something dangerous. But after a while, we realized he wasn't coming back because he was dead."

"Dante…I…"

He waved her off. "I said I'd explain, and I'll explain." He sighed, smiling slightly. "Vergil and I were quite a handful after that. Looking back, I'm surprised Mom was able to take care of us all on her own. But she was somethin' else; Father always said she had to be an angel. On our sixth birthday, she gave us both an amulet; Vergil's was gold 'cause he was the older twin (by two minutes), and mine was silver. We didn't care about the colors, though; the backs of both said 'For Vergil & Dante'."

Lady saw Dante pause and his face grow dark. "What happened next?" she asked cautiously.

He frowned. He loathed talking about the next subject; he went over it enough in his nightmares without talking about it while he was awake, too. But he pushed on; she deserved to know. "When Vergil and I were both seven, we were attacked by demons loyal to Mundus. Mom told us to hide; Vergil ran in one direction and I ran in another. Where I'd hid…they caught up to Mom and…they…" His voice failed him; as strong as Dante was, even he couldn't stand the memory of his mother's murder.

Lady gasped. _When he was _seven_? Those bastards killed his mother when he was SEVEN?!_

He continued on, his eyes burning but no tears coming out of them. _Devils never cry_ he thought absently. "They killed her because of Father. Because they could never kill him, they took the low road and killed his wife." He shook his head. "At first, I blamed him for it. I thought it was his fault that his stupid heroics had gotten my mother killed. I figured that if he hadn't gone off and disappeared, he would have been able to protect us. So I cursed him and his blood. That's why I never disagreed with you when you called me a filthy demon in Temen-Ni-Gru. Because I thought you were right."

He started to brighten back up a little. "But after a while, I realized not even he could've been everywhere at once. And after Vergil and I defeated your father…"

"Wait…you AND…?"

He smiled. "Yep. We joined forces and sent his sorry butt back outta Hell." He remembered the last moments of their battle with Arkham…

_Vergil pointed Ebony at Arkham as Dante did the same with Ivory. All his brother's protests about firearms being "dishonorable" and "underhanded" seemed to have been forgotten. "I'll try it your way for once," Vergil said, as if answering Dante's thoughts._

_He smiled. He had no arguments as long as they were working together. "Remember what we used to say?" Much to Dante's surprise, his brother smiled broadly, recalling their favorite phrase._

_Arkham's voice, though distorted in his blob form, sounded scared. "D-don't do it!"_

_Dante and Vergil crossed their gun arms over one another, channeling their powers into a finishing shot. With one intent, they said that word… "JACKPOT."_

The memory over, he continued. "After that, our father's sword fell deeper into Hell, and we fought over it. After beating your father, I'd realized something. We were a lot alike, you and me. Our fathers had demonic powers, but our mothers were human."

"WHAT?!" She'd just assumed Sparda had gotten together with another demon. But…a human and a demon? Together?

Dante smiled as he saw Lady's surprise. "Which means that I'm a demon _and_ a human. It doesn't matter what blood flows through me…demon or human, it doesn't matter. I have two sides, a demon side and a human side. What matters is what side I choose to be."

Lady's mouth hung open, but she closed it as she processed this new information. _Wow…he's not a full demon after all! Even so…he's pretty much reached the same conclusion as Sparda. So he can't be all bad._

He got up. "Well, that's about it. You'll probably want to be alone so you can…"

Lady grabbed his arm. "Wait. Please stay. I'm…I'm sorry I called you all those hurtful names. I didn't…"

He sat back down. "It's all right. Apology accepted. Now let's get some sleep."

Lady was awake for a few more minutes, going over this startling revelation. As Dante began snoring loudly, she smiled. _Well, if he's not a full demon, there's no point hating him completely._ She draped an arm over his chest. "Don't get used to this, though," she whispered to herself. As she rested her head on his abs, she promptly fell asleep.

Author's Note: Sorry this one took a little longer, but the next ones aren't far behind. Thanks for the nice reviews, and don't worry, we'll get back to the action REAL soon.

Next chapter: The Last Quincy


	6. The Last Quincy

"OUTRAGEOUS! Do you have any idea how much damage you kids caused?!"

Ichigo ignored Mr. Kagine's rant about his little incident on Spirit Hunter until he was grabbed by the neck. As Mr. Kagine yelled in Ichigo's face about "civil disobedience" (or something like that; he still wasn't really paying attention), Tatsuki managed to weasel her and Orihime's way out of the whole mess. He growled at her, but she just made a face at him behind Mr. Kagine's back.

As they left, Keigo tried to sneak out as well, but was caught by Mr. Kagine and given the whole "you're responsible for the actions of your friends" speech.

Suddenly, Rukia started crying softly. Ichigo turned to her, genuinely worried about what was wrong, but she gave him a sly wink even as she teared up. He smiled inwardly. _Good thing Rukia's such a good actress. Wonder how she'll get us out of this mess…_

"I'm so sorry," she said to Mr. Kagine. "I really _did_ try to stop Ichigo, but he just wouldn't listen!" She got a handkerchief out and began to dab at her forced tears. "All he ever thinks about is himself, and he was _so_ obsessed with getting on television…"

Ichigo was irritated at that, even though she was acting. _Oh, _I'm _the one who only cares about myself? This coming from the girl who makes _me _clean up hollows?_ Suddenly, a nasty thought occurred to Ichigo. _Could she…be selling us out?_

Thankfully, Rukia managed to catch his eye with hers. She motioned toward the open first-floor window with one eye as Mr. Kagine dropped Keigo and walked over to Rukia to console her. As Ichigo and the others slowly made their way to the window, she continued to ham it up. "It's all my fault. Go ahead and…punish me."

"Wait, please don't cry, Rukia," Mr. Kagine said. "I'm sure you did everything you could've."

"Oh, thank you, Mr. Kagine. So you'll punish Ichigo and let me go?"

Ichigo, who had just made it outside the window, shook his head. _So she _is _selling us out, huh? Well, at least she was nice enough to get us outside first_ he grumbled mentally.

As Mr. Kagine prepared to answer, he heard the sound of footfalls outside the window. He ran over to it to see Ichigo, Keigo, Mizuiro, and Chad all making their getaway. As he yelled at them, throwing in the typical "I know where you all live!", Rukia made her quiet exit through the door.

--

As the group was walking through the school grounds, Keigo congratulated Rukia on her quick thinking. As she smiled innocently, Ichigo rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about? She was trying to sell me down the river!" As Rukia glared at him, he winked secretly at her, assuring her he was just joking.

Tatsuki, who had missed the gesture, punched Ichigo in the arm lightly. "Aw, c'mon. You gotta admit that her phony crying covered your getaway. You oughta thank her."

Rukia gave that innocent schoolgirl smile again. "Well, to be honest, I kind of enjoyed putting on the big act, so no thanks necessary. But you should know I would _never_ sell you out, Ichigo." She returned a wink to him, and he chuckled softly.

Suddenly, Rukia's Soul Pager began to go off. She smiled at Ichigo. "Oh, Ichigo, could I talk to you…in private?" She curtseyed to everyone. "Please excuse us for just one minute." She and Ichigo began jogging off in the opposite direction.

"Huh, that's weird," Keigo remarked.

Orihime watched them leave curiously. "I never really noticed before, but…they seem to like each other, don't they?"

Keigo snorted. "No way. Even if Ichigo _did_ like Rukia, there's no way she'd like him back."

"Well, _something's_ going on…" Mizuiro commented.

--

Ichigo sighed in frustration as he stared at the fat spirit cowering in the alleyway. "We get here and there's no stinkin' hollow? I got all dressed up for nothing," he said, looking at his spirit form. "Maybe your pager needs new batteries or something."

She sighed. "If that was the case, why would it have beeped?"

"Because most cell phones beep when their battery is running low!"

"That's pointless! That'll just make the battery run out even faster!"

"For once, I agree with you."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, this Soul Pager doesn't beep when its batteries run low. It _only_ beeps if there's a hollow. And there was one until just a few moments ago."

Ichigo stared at the cowardly spirit. "Hey, you! Did you cut the head off a hollow, by any chance?"

The spirit shuddered. "I'm not sure what a hollow is, but the thing I saw sure was big. It had a whole bunch of legs and looked like a black bug." His face trembled. "I was so scared I almost peed my pants!!", he said, dashing at Ichigo.

Ichigo planted a foot in the advancing spirit's face, disgusted. Rukia sighed. "Let me talk to him," she said.

"Go ahead," Ichigo said.

She grabbed the spirit by the collar. "Since you can describe the hollow so well, you _must_ have seen what killed it."

"Well, no. 'Cause I had my eyes shut the whole time, I was so scared…!" Rukia imitated Ichigo, planting a foot into the spirit's face.

Ichigo looked at her skirt, then at the spirit. It didn't take long for him to figure out that Rukia wasn't exactly in a modest position. "Uh, Rukia, your skirt…" he said, averting his eyes.

She hurriedly put a hand down to cover her skirt, then kicked the spirit back to the corner.

Ichigo sighed, his blush gone. "Guess it's _konso_ time, then," he said. The spirit struggled and yelled as Ichigo advanced toward him with his sword, but his screams stopped as a blue light enveloped the alleyway.

Atop one of the buildings that overlooked the alleyway, a lone figure looked down as the blue light vanished and a lone Hell Butterfly flew upward, the image reflecting off his glasses.

--

Rukia growled at her Soul Pager. "He's not answering!" She set it down on the ground and pointed an accusing finger at it. "Urahara!! Why don't you ever call me back during an emergency? Always showing up when you're not wanted, and never being around when you _are_! What kind of a businessman are you?!"

The Soul Pager was silent, not answering her angry tirade. She sighed. "Look at me, yelling at a pager. What's the use?"

As if finally answering her, the Soul Pager beeped, signifying a new hollow. She snatched it, dashing through the hallways until she found Ichigo. "Ichigo! C'mon, I need you!" she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him forcefully down the hallway.

Keigo's eyes went wide. "Boy, that Rukia sure is aggressive."

Mizuiro stared at them as well. "Maybe they _are_ seeing each other…"

"We have another hollow," Rukia told Ichigo, who had begun to run after her on his own feet.

He scoffed. "Well, there better actually be one there this time."

"Just shut up and follow me."

As he did, he bumped into someone. "Sorry," he muttered behind him. The person he bumped into brushed off his shoulder, adjusted his glasses, and kept walking.

--

It was evening, and they still hadn't found the hollow. "Dammit," Ichigo said, frustrated. "Again you drag me all the way out here and there's no hollow!"

Rukia grunted, dropping his real body. "Drag is right! Why are you so skinny if you're so heavy?!"

"Because I work my muscles to stay strong." He sighed, refocusing on the matter at hand. "You need to fix that stupid pager."

"Shut up and get back in your 'muscular' body already."

He did so, smirking slightly at the jab. As he regained control of his body, he looked at Rukia, confused. "You think this has something to do with those Devil Hunters?"

She shrugged. "Probably not, but I can't be too sure."

"Well, if it's not them, then that pager's definitely busted."

"And what do you want me to do about it? Take it to a Radio Shack?"

Before Ichigo could retort, they both heard a sigh. "Squabbling, are we? So unprofessional." A figure walked toward them, clothed in a white cloak and wearing glasses. The voice sounded male, and his hair was a bit longer than Ichigo's. "Good evening, Ichigo, Rukia."

Ichigo turned toward the figure. "Who the hell are you? And how do you know us?"

The figure ignored his question. "I believe you can also see spirits, Ichigo."

Before Ichigo could respond, the figure turned his head to his right. "Hmm…another hollow is here."

Rukia looked at the figure. "No way. There's no way he could've…" She was cut off by her Soul Pager beeping. She opened it up. "Well, he's right. There is another one."

Ichigo nodded. "Okay, so which way?"

"There," the figure responded, pointing his right arm. A small cross dangled from it. "Can you not sense something so obvious?" The cross lit up with a pale blue fire, which expanded into an energy bow. He put his left hand to it and pulled back, forming a blue arrow. He sent the projectile flying off into the night. In the distance, Ichigo and Rukia saw it crash right through a hollow's head, disintegrating it.

Rukia looked at her Soul Pager in shock. "The signal…it vanished!"

Ichigo stared at the figure. "So what are you, then? Another Devil Hunter?"

The figure looked slightly confused for a moment, but quickly regained his composure. "Devil Hunter? No. I am Uryu Ishida. I'm a Quincy, and Soul Reapers are my enemies."

"Meaning?"

"Too complicated for you? I'll say it again, in a way even you could understand. Ichigo Kurosaki, _you_ are my enemy."

As Ichigo stared at Uryu, he turned again. "Hmm…another hollow." Rukia's pager began to beep as Uryu charged up another arrow, but stopped in awe as a red bolt flew through the new hollow's head. It dissolved, and a Hell Butterfly flew away. "What? Could there be…?" He walked quickly away.

Ichigo looked at Rukia hopefully. "Please tell me you know what a Quincy is."

She looked at him sheepishly. "I know someone who _probably_ does. Does that count?"

He looked at her oddly, then it dawned on him. "Urahara?"

"Urahara."

--

Uryu sighed, stopping his after-school trip home. "Are you going to follow me all the way home, Ichigo?"

Ichigo smirked, stepping out of the shadows. "Guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought, huh. When did you notice?"

"The moment you left school. You've been following me since then. You're so incapable of hiding your spiritual pressure even a baby would have noticed."

He picked his ear, unconcerned. "Are you trying to say that you've got the skill of an infant? No need to be so hard on yourself."

Uryu growled. Suddenly, white ribbons appeared all around him. "These are spirit ribbons, and they are a high-level technique." He reached out, grabbing a red one that led back to Ichigo. "A Soul Reaper's spirit ribbon is red; something like that is also high-level knowledge; I don't expect someone as pathetic as you to know that." He tore the ribbon angrily, letting it fall to the ground. "Think you're so tough? How about you prove it, then? I'll show you just how inferior Soul Reapers are."

Ichigo snorted. "I've got nothing to prove to you, pal. Not to mention I don't give a damn about spirit ribbon colors; I don't have any that I need to find."

"What about Rukia?" A smirk crossed Uryu's face. "Oh, I bet that's it. You need her permission to do anything, don't you?"

Ichigo shrugged the insult off as the smirk flew from Uryu's face. "I'm just a sub. Meaning I take orders from no one. I don't need anyone's permission."

Uryu was getting frustrated. _He's always been so hot-headed…why isn't he reacting at all? Well, when a man overcomes one weakness, he creates another…_ His smirk returned. "Don't lie to me. Rukia's practically got you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?"

Ichigo snarled. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?!"

"Oh, nothing." Uryu smiled. _There…that's his weakness._ "Just that you're obviously on her leash. Tell me, what do you get in return for being at her beck and call? Did she lift her skirt for you?"

Ichigo roared with anger as he jabbed a hand into his backpack and brought out Kon. _He can insult me…but no one says that about Rukia!_

Kon flailed his arms as Ichigo forcefully brought him out. "Hey, what's the big idea? I was suffocating in there! You could at least…"

Ichigo cut off the protesting plushie. "Cough it up!"

"What? No!"

"He insulted Rukia! Do it now!"

"That jerk! But that doesn't give you any right to…" Whatever he may have finished with was cut off as Ichigo shoved his hand into Kon's mouth, pulling out the small green pill.

He wiped the pill on his pants. _Ugh…it's got cotton all over it…_ He swallowed the small green pill, his soul form shooting out of his body. "You wanna fight, pal? You GOT it!!"


	7. Menos Grande

Dante leaned back in one of Urahara's chairs. He was starting to get used to this world…hell, he kinda liked it. Killing the hollows, or purifying them, or whatever it was, was just as fun as killing demons. It also came with the satisfaction that he was helping innocent souls who had lost their way to finally pass on. Of course, since new souls were constantly being born and dying, it was a never-ending job. Some people just couldn't let go of things, not even in death.

Dante fidgeted a little. He didn't blame them, really. There was some stuff he could never let go of, either. But thanks to his father, he wouldn't be dying of old age anytime in this century, so he had plenty of time to settle old scores.

Kisuke Urahara looked at the reclining Devil Hunter curiously. This man…he was kind of like _them_. Not fully one or the other. He had a sword that seemed to have supernatural powers, but whether it was a zanpakuto or not was a mystery. He also felt…different. Kind of like a hollow, but…not. From what he'd heard, he and his friends had purified over thirty hollows without so much as breaking a sweat. Even Soul Reapers showed some fatigue after that kind of battle. This man, though…they way he'd told the story, the battle had been nothing more than a game to him, and a boring one at that. Was he…?

A black cat bounded into the room, interrupting the shop owner's musings. He smiled. "Hey there, Yoruichi! Chasing mice again?"

The cat, amazingly, frowned. Then, even more amazingly, it spoke. "Drop the act, Kisuke. We have a problem."

Dante looked at the talking cat lazily. "Well, that's new," he said flippantly.

Urahara sighed. "Yoruichi, can you tell me when we ever _haven't_ had a problem?"

Yoruichi sighed. "Be that as it may, this is really bad."

"How bad?"

"Probably Menos Grande bad."

Kisuke was immediately alert, though anyone who didn't know him would assume that he had not changed. "Do you think the kid can handle it?"

"He's not what I'm worried about. If they're busy fighting _that_ monster, no one will be doing anything about the hundreds of other hollows that have appeared."

"What about our new…guests?"

Yoruichi nodded. "True, but you should do something as well."

He sighed. "All right, Mr…" He stopped abruptly as he noticed that Dante's chair was empty and the door was open. "Well, never mind, then."

--

Hollow after hollow dissolved into thin air, the source being the red and blue blurs in the middle of a large circle of hollows.

Nero swung Red Queen in a horizontal slash, eliminating his twenty-second hollow. He grinned in bloodlust. "Hey, Dante!" he shouted. "I'm at twenty-two!"

Dante laughed, beckoning Rebellion back from the now dissolving head of a spider-like hollow. "That's it?! You're slippin', kid! I just hit the forty mark!"

Nero snorted as he used Blue Rose to permanently halt a hollow that rushed at him. "It's quality, not quantity. I haven't even broken a sweat yet."

"Same here, kid! Now check this out!" He strummed Nevan with fervor, playing a rock 'n roll tune to summon wave after wave of electric bats. They shredded no less than ten approaching hollows to pieces, and Dante grinned like a madman. "Well, come on, then! You hollows like Jimi Hendrix? Me too!" With that, he launched into the Woodstock version of the Star Spangled Banner. By the time the song was over, Dante's count was up to seventy-three.

Nero grinned at Dante's antics. "Not bad, but you're not the only one who knows how to rock!" He began to move his hands as if he was playing an invisible guitar with the Devil Bringer. Amazingly, a tune began playing out of thin air. Nero would seamlessly transition from his air guitar taunt to killing hollows and back again. At the end of his tune, he was up to fifty-eight. He finished with a cry of "SWEET!", Devil Triggering and summoning Yamato simultaneously. Slashing both Red Queen and Yamato wildly, he mowed through the hollows at inhuman speed.

Dante chuckled. "They pushing you so hard you need to Devil Trigger?" he shouted, mocking the young Holy Knight. Holding Alastor in his left hand and Rebellion in his right, he Devil Triggered as well. He moved even faster than Nero did, the crackling of demonic electricity and the dissolving hollows being the only clues to his position.

--

"What is that?!" Ichigo exclaimed.

A hollow the size of a skyscraper was forcing its way through the hole in the sky. As Ichigo moved to counter-attack an advancing hollow, it was cut down by a blue blur. The blur stopped in front of Ichigo, revealing itself as Nero. He smirked at the stunned Ichigo. "Hey. How about Dante and I clean up the small trash while you get the big one?"

Ichigo nodded. "Right!" He turned to face the giant hollow, raising his sword and preparing to attack.

--

Rukia was stunned. "A…Menos Grande!" Much as she wanted to disbelieve it, as much as her mind told her it couldn't be, there it was.

"Menos…what?"

Rukia gave Kon the cut and dried version of her knowledge of the Menos Grande, never taking her eyes off of it. "We're all doomed…"As she ran to help Ichigo, Urahara stepped in front of her. "Get out of my way, Urahara," she snarled.

"No," he said, motioning his fingers at her. "How about we let this play out first? See what he can do?"

"Let me go…" she growled as the binding spell took effect.

"There's a method to my madness, you know. This has to be done…for both your sakes."

From her restrained position, Rukia watched as Ichigo charged at the Menos Grande's foot. She winced as his idiocy was rewarded by a kick from the giant hollow. _Ichigo…please…_ she tried to move, but the binding spell was too strong. She saw as Uryu hatched a plan, and as it was rendered useless due to Ichigo's lack of experience. And that's when things went from bad to worse…

"A _cero_? NO! Ichigo! Uryu! Get away from there! If that hits you, there'll be nothing left!!" Even as the words left her mouth, Ichigo ran at the massive hollow with his sword. It released the _cero_, launching it right at Ichigo. _Ichigo…_ Rukia's mind went blank, save for one word…_NO!!_

--

Ichigo struggled with the energy blast. He didn't know how he was doing it, but he was blocking it with his sword. He felt his legs begin to tremble, his knees threatening to buckle. _I can't take any more of this…but if I don't, everyone here is going to die! No, I WON'T let it happen! For all the people I know, I've got to send this back!!_ His mind was filled with an image of Rukia; how she'd looked into his eyes, how she'd laughed, how she'd loved being around him. _No…this is for Rukia!_ "RUKIA!!" he yelled, his blade sending the _cero_ crashing back into the Menos.

As it prepared to retreat, he heard a chuckle from behind him. "Running away? I don't think so!" Dante's voice rang out. With the sound of twin gunshots, two energy beams (one red, one black) rocketed into the Menos's mask. With a roar, it dissolved into a cloud of Hell Butterflies. Dante smirked, sweat dripping off his brow. "Well, that took a little bit out of me."

As Uryu's mouth hung open, Ichigo's spiritual pressure spiraled out of control. Acting on instinct, Uryu rushed over to stabilize it.

--

"Whew," Dante sighed as Nero ran up behind him. Uryu had passed out after saving Ichigo's life, and Urahara had released Rukia, shock evident on his face. She ran over to Ichigo, wrapping him in an embrace.

"OW! Hey, take it easy!" he protested.

"Oh, shut up!" she said, smiling. "I'm just glad you're okay!"

"I won't be for much longer if you keep hugging me like that!"

Dante chuckled. "I don't blame you, kid. That was a workout."

Ichigo laughed. "That's one way…to put it…", he said, abruptly passing out.


	8. Rukia's Last Day

Ichigo was woken the next morning by the sound of Kon's screams. He yawned, stretching a bit. _Man, I need my sleep, especially after I had to walk back home after that fight. Talk about sore…_ "What's the big idea, waking me up so early?"

Kon's beady eyes twitched in frustration. "Are you blind?! Look what your sister did to me!!"

Kon was wearing a pink dress that looked like something out of the Puritan era, and had a flower attached to his left ear. Ichigo chuckled. "Well, I guess she wanted to clean you up, but she might've gone a little overboard…"

"I'll say she did! The outfit's bad enough, but _why_ did she have to superglue this flower to my ear?! What kind of self-respecting man would-" His speech was interrupted by Ichigo trying to pull off the flower, and he began screaming again.

Ichigo whistled. "That sucker's on good, all right. Hmm…well, I could surgically remove your ear…"

"WHAT?!"

Ichigo sighed. "Whatever, I'll deal with this later. Since you were nice enough to wake me up so early, I think I'll try to eat breakfast _without_ getting sucker-punched by Dad." He walked out of the room, ignoring Kon's protests.

--

Ichigo's breakfast wasn't nearly as peaceful as he would have liked; his father must have had the same idea, or read his mind, because he didn't get halfway through his breakfast before he was attacked from behind. After a quick round of "Take-this-you-sneaky-old-man", he went back upstairs to change. He looked at his watch. _Hmm…an hour and a half 'till I normally leave, huh? Maybe we should check on those Devil Hunters_. He knocked on Rukia's closet door. "Hey, Rukia! We got time to visit the Urahara Shop! Let's get moving!" Getting no answer, he kept knocking. "C'mon, we don't have all day!"

The door slid open, and Rukia jumped out, fully-dressed and looking irritated. "I heard you the first time! I'm not deaf, you know!"

Ichigo blinked. She normally would have smirked and made a wisecrack instead of snap at him. Was something wrong? "Umm…is something wrong, Rukia?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine. Let's get moving."

--

As they walked to the shop, Rukia was a lot more quiet than usual. Granted, she was always fairly quiet, but she'd normally break the silence with the occasional question or two. Ichigo frowned, but didn't press the issue. _If she doesn't want to talk about it, I can't force her. I'll just have to wait until she's ready._

The reason for Rukia's silence was that she was deep in thought. _The purification of that Menos was an impressive feat; there's no way the Soul Society will let it go without investigating. I'd say I have the rest of the day before they find me…_

They walked into the shop, ignoring the "Closed" sign out front. They made their way upstairs, walking to Dante and Lady's room. "Alright, Dante, are you-" Ichigo stopped abruptly as he saw them both in bed, Lady's arm and head draped over Dante's bare chest. They were both snoring.

Ichigo gulped. He turned to Rukia, a sheepish look on his face. "Maybe we can wait on that…" he said quietly.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Do you ever think before acting?"

"If I did, I probably wouldn't have met you."

She smiled at that. "Touché."

They left the room, going to Nero's and Kyrie's. This time, Rukia knocked before Ichigo could walk in. "Come in," Nero's voice called.

They walked into the room. Unlike Dante and Lady, Nero and Kyrie were already awake and dressed. Nero looked at Ichigo and Rukia curiously. "What's up? Something wrong?"

Ichigo shook his head. "Nah, just making sure you guys were ready to patrol."

"Well, _I'm_ ready, but I don't know about Dante."

Ichigo flushed. "He's…um…still asleep. Could you just say we stopped by when he wakes up?"

"Sure. Have fun at school," Nero said, smirking.

--

As class ended for lunch, Ichigo tapped Rukia's shoulder. She turned to him, smiling. That puzzled Ichigo; she'd never smiled at him like that before. It was always the fake schoolgirl smile, or the mischievous troublemaking smile, or even the genuinely happy smile. This smile was wistful, almost sad. "Hey, is something wrong?" he asked. "Is it what was bugging you this morning?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing. Really."

He looked at her oddly, but shrugged it off.

She looked at his eyes. "Ichigo, is it all right if I don't eat with you today?"

He nodded. "If you're sure. Why?"

"No reason, really. I just don't feel like eating, that's all."

He shrugged. "Well, all right." He walked past Keigo, mumbling to him about inviting someone new. Much to Keigo's dismay, he walked right to Uryu's desk.

--

Rukia looked off into the distance sadly. _Even though Saito's a man of his word, the purification of that Menos Grande undoubtedly caught the Soul Society's attention. It won't be long before they find me…and I'll have to leave this all behind. Ichigo…I wish I could stay with you forever, but…fate isn't quite that generous, it seems._

"Hey Rukia, come down!" Rukia looked down to see Orihime calling to her. She smiled, hopping down to join her friends.

--

With Chad and Mizuiro distracted by Keigo and his story, Uryu got a chance to talk with Ichigo about the lunch arrangements. "So, Ichigo, why exactly did you invite me to lunch?"

Ichigo shrugged. "No reason, I guess. I just felt like it."

Uryu sighed. "If you say so. So tell me, just who is that Dante you know?"

Ichigo sighed. "I don't know much about him, and the stuff I do know is confusing even for me."

"Tell me anyway. Two heads are better than one, you know."

"Already got two. Rukia and I have been talking about it for a while now, and we don't get far."

Uryu rolled his eyes. "Three heads, then. Please."

Ichigo sighed. "All right. His name's Dante."

"I gathered as much," Uryu said with a smirk.

Ichigo shook his head. "What I mean is, that's his full name. Just Dante."

Uryu looked intrigued. "No middle or last name? Curious…"

"You're tellin' me. He says he's the 'Son of Sparda', whatever that means."

"Hmm…Sparda…that name sounds familiar. Isn't that a bank?"

"Hell if I know. But I think it's something different; the way he makes it sound, his dad was some master swordsman."

"That would certainly fit with his abilities. Speaking of which…" he double-checked to make sure that Keigo was still holding everyone's attention before continuing. "Just what is Dante, anyway? A Soul Reaper? A Quincy? Perhaps a combination of the two?"

Ichigo shook his head. "I know what you're thinkin'. But he's not any of those. I mean, he's got a sword, like a Soul Reaper, but then he uses those two guns to kill hollows, too. I've never heard of someone killing hollows with guns before."

"Neither have I."

"I don't think…he's even fully human. He acts like killing hollows is so easy. You know what he called that Menos Grande?"

"What?"

"A workout."

Uryu shuddered. "That thing was a monster. He kills it in one shot and calls it a 'workout'? He must have even greater powers than _you_."

Ichigo shrugged, finishing his sandwich. "He's not the only one, either. He says that Nero isn't too far behind him."

"Nero…you mean the one who sounds like you?"

Ichigo sighed, palming his face. "_Yes_, but you could've just as easily said the one wearing the blue coat…More importantly, they're the only two people I know of who have white hair in their twenties."

Uryu rolled his eyes. "I don't care much about their hair. Do you think they're brothers, then?"

Ichigo shook his head. "I asked Dante that, but he said he killed the only brother he ever had."

Uryu gasped. "You mean…his brother became a hollow?"

"Who knows? I'm not gonna ask him about it."

Uryu got ready to ask another question, but he noticed that Keigo had finished his story and the rest of the group had resumed eating their lunch. He decided to ask later.

Mizuiro looked back and forth at Ichigo and Uryu. _Wow, they sure became friends fast. Maybe it's because they're so similar._

--

As Orihime began to eat one of her homemade foods (forebodingly named a "Death Tart" and including eggplant, jelly beans, and sponge cake), Rukia sipped on the juice box Ichigo had prepared for her. Mahana turned to Rukia. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" Rukia nodded. "Do you have a crush on Ichigo?"

Juice gushed out of Rukia's mouth like a fountain. "Huh?" _How…does she know?!_

The girl smiled. "I'll take that as a maybe. But what exactly is your relationship with him?"

Rukia, flustered, started to wipe the juice off herself with a handkerchief. "Well, um…he's my friend!"

Michiru frowned. "Mahana, that's not the sort of question you ask directly!"

She scoffed. "What? All of you wanted to ask her anyway, so I did it for you!"

"Well, who says I wanted to know anyway?"

Tatsuki sighed. "What do you have against him, Michiru?"

"Well, um…I don't really have anything against him, I just think his face in kinda scary-looking, that's all."

Orihime giggled. "Scary? I don't think he's scary-looking! I like his face!"

"Well?" Mahana asked Rukia. "What's the story, huh, Rukia?"

"Well, um…" Rukia was at a loss for words. _What do humans call it when two people like each other and kiss but they're not married?_ She decided to risk it. "Well, we've…kissed…"

"WHAT?!" every girl (excluding Orihime, who had taken another bite of her "Death Tart") yelled loudly.

Orihime finished chewing and smiled warmly. "Yay! Now that Rukia likes Ichigo like me, maybe Tatsuki might like Ichigo too, and then we might all start liking Ichigo, and then we could all talk about how much we like him, and the girls' team would win!"

Tatsuki recovered from her shock at this. "Can someone say something normal now?"

Michiru stared at Rukia. "Kissed? Aren't you scared by his face at all?!"

Rukia smiled. "Well, normally when we kiss, I have my eyes closed."

Tatsuki sighed. "Thank goodness. For a minute the nonsense was starting to make sense."

Mahana stared at Rukia. "So are you dating, then? Has he taken you anywhere, like a fancy restaurant?"

Rukia was stumped by this. _Dating? What's dating?_ "Um, no."

Orihime frowned. "Well, is he a good kisser, then?"

Rukia smiled as she recalled his kiss. "Yeah…"

She giggled. "I thought so. Has he bought you anything, like a stuffed animal or a present?"

He hadn't really got her anything special, but about two days after Don Kanonji's Karakura show, she'd found Kon's plushie laying outside her closet door. She'd originally thought that Kon had come to sneak a peek at her undressing, but he hadn't moved at all. She picked him up, noticing a red ribbon holding a card on the back. The card said "For you, Rukia: A little peace and quiet." She'd smiled at that, realizing Ichigo must've pulled out Kon's pill.

She smiled. "Well, he did get me _one_ stuffed animal…"

Mahana smiled. "Aww…I think that's romantic!"

Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "Hardly. So you're boyfriend and girlfriend, then?"

Rukia was confused. _Well, he's a boy and I'm a girl…_ "I guess so."

As all the girls cooed over her for reasons she didn't quite grasp, she smiled bashfully. _This is nice. I wish I could stay here longer, but…I don't belong here._

--

Ichigo tried to pay attention to his professor, but his gaze kept wandering over to Rukia's desk. She apparently wasn't bothering taking notes, instead drawing pictures of those rabbits and bears of hers. As much as they drove him nuts, he chuckled softly as he saw her draw more and more animals.

She heard his chuckle and winked at him. She began a new drawing, but Ichigo focused on the teacher as he prepared to ask a question to keep the class awake. And it was fortunate that he did, as he was the one who was selected to answer the question. He did so gruffly, and the professor resumed his lecture.

Rukia tapped her notebook softly to get Ichigo's attention again. When he gazed at her notebook, it showed a rabbit and a bear holding hands, which was outlined by a big heart. It bore the caption "R + I". He smiled at that.

Keigo nudged Ichigo as the class ended. He'd seen some of their exchange, and since he'd already heard gossip from the girls, he decided to ask Ichigo. "Say, Ichigo…so, what's the deal with you and Rukia, huh?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes. _Just play it cool. It's not like he's actually figured it out; he couldn't even figure out the Menos Grande. He's a complete…_

"Are the rumors true? Is she your…girlfriend?"

Ichigo gulped. _Maybe he's not so dumb…wait, rumors?_ "Rumors?"

"I heard the girls talking about it! SO?"

Ichigo smirked. _Go figure…I probably should've explained things to Rukia about dating better. Oh well. Me and Rukia dating…why not?_ "I guess."

Keigo patted Ichigo's back vigorously. "Oh, way to GO, man! Aren't you the smooth operator! Dating the new girl…I'm so proud!"

Ichigo shoved Keigo off him. "Alright, I get it. Get off, already."

Rukia smiled sheepishly at Ichigo as Keigo ran off, twirling in joy like a ballerina. "Sorry. The girls started asking questions, and I got confused…"

Ichigo shook his head, smiling. "It's okay. I kinda like the idea of going out with you."

She smiled. "Me too." She cocked her head. "So, what's going out mean?"

Ichigo slapped his forehead.

--

Rukia packed up her books and left the now-empty classroom. She walked outside sadly. She spotted Ichigo waiting for her, and made her way to him. She started running toward him, glad to finally be out of school.

Ichigo, however, was nervous about her running. "What is it? A hollow?"

She smiled. "No, nothing like that. I'm just glad to see you is all." He smiled at her. "Say, Ichigo…are you…feeling all right?"

He nodded, stretching an arm to make sure. "Yeah, great. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

"Is there gonna be another one like yesterday?"

She chuckled. "If a Menos Grande showed up every day, we'd be in trouble, even with the Devil Hunters."

He frowned. "Say, you're acting kind of strange. What's bothering you?"

She sighed. "I…just…" she shook her head, unable to finish.

Ichigo leaned down, giving her a quick kiss. "It's all right. Any time you're ready to talk, I'll be there."

And as Kon ran up to them with a torn arm, Rukia could tell he was completely honest.

--

"Hey, Uryu, I need a patch job."

Uryu rolled his eyes as Rukia held up a ripped Kon. "Shouldn't you treat your girlfriend's toys better?"

"Just shut up and do it."

"I don't have to do something just because you tell me, Ichigo."

"Fine…Oh, wait, I get it! You're on edge and saying no because you can't do anything with those bandages, can you? Looks like you're pretty useless, Mr. Handicrafts!"

Ichigo smirked as Uryu grabbed Kon angrily. _Guess we're even, then. You goaded me into doing what you said with that duel, and I'm returning the favor._

As Uryu set down the finished Kon, Ichigo and Rukia stared in amazement mixed with horror. Kon was fixed, but now he was barely recognizable with a queen's regal dress and blonde wig. "Nice job. Is that Kon?"

Rukia gulped. "Well, it used to be."

"Now what is he?"

"A nightmare!"

Kon flew into a rage, trying to attack Ichigo but ending up subdued by his larger and stronger hand.

--

"Hey, Ichigo."

He turned to Rukia as he closed his room door, dropping his book bag by his desk. "Take it easy. If my dad heard I had a girlfriend, he'd go into a long speech about being a teenager and hormones."

"Sorry. I was wondering something, though. Some of the girls asked if we ever went to a fancy restaurant. Why?"

He sighed. "Usually it's traditional that the guy takes a girl to a fancy restaurant on a date. I would, but I don't exactly have time for a job to get the needed money, so it might be a little while yet." He smiled. "Don't worry, though. Even though my dad's weird, he's always taught me to be a gentleman if I do ever date someone. I'll take you to one as soon as I can."

She kissed him lightly on the lips. "Thanks Ichigo." He smiled, and went back downstairs to eat dinner. She sighed. _I can already sense them here. Goodbye, Ichigo. I'll never forget you._

* * *

Well, there's Chapter 8! Sorry for the wait again, but I'll try to get a chapter or two per month if I can.

Now it's your turn. I kid you not, those reviews are an inspiration. So tell me what you think!


	9. Painful Farewell

"Hey, Rukia!" Ichigo called, knocking on his closet door. "I've got dinner for you!" He sighed, setting the tray down on his desk. "Well, whatever. When you're ready, so is the food."

Unfortunately, he also set it on top of the letter that Rukia had left for him.

_--_

As Rukia ran down the empty street, she remembered the times she'd shared with Ichigo. The night they'd met, the first time he'd slain a hollow, the first time he'd helped a spirit pass on, the first time he'd realized what Hollows really were, the time he'd realized what being a Soul Reaper meant…

She ran faster, desperate to push the painful memories away. But they kept coming. Their acquisition of Kon, them catching up to Kon, stepping in to prevent him being destroyed…

She pushed herself even harder, the heartache becoming too much to bear. But still, the memories would not end. The day in the cemetery, Ichigo defending her against Saito, them saving his sisters, Ichigo battling Grand Fisher…

And then her memories were of how abruptly their lives had changed once the Devil Hunters had entered them. Their confrontation, the pizza parlor, sleeping in an actual bed in the human world…

She clenched her eyes shut at the next memory. It was her and Ichigo's first kiss. They'd both been deathly afraid, but they'd finally kissed, and it had been warm and soft and wonderful.

She remembered how he'd battled the mass of hollows fearlessly, slaying one after the other. How he'd charged at the Menos Grande and been kicked through the air for his stupidity. How he'd screamed her name when he threw all he had into stopping the cero of the Menos Grande. How he'd passed out after Dante killed the Menos with his pistols.

Tears blurred her vision as she remembered the current day. How she'd talked with the girls about liking Ichigo. How he'd been happy to be dating her. How he'd offered to take her to a restaurant like a gentleman.

Now she was in a dead sprint, tears streaking down her face. _Why? Why now? We were finally happy! Why did they have to find me now?! We could've had so much more time…I never even got to tell him that…that I…_

She collapsed to her knees on the ground, crying audibly now. "WHY?!" she sobbed, tears streaking her dress.

She heard a laugh from a light pole above her. "'Why?' Funny, I could ask you the same question, Rukia."

Rukia's sobs tapered off as she looked up in shock. "Renji?"

--

"Hey, is that how you treat a best friend after he's been through hell?"

"Ah, shut up! We're not best friends, and you stink!"

Kon frowned. "Well, it's not my fault! Rukia's the one who…oh, no, Ichigo! Rukia's in trouble!"

A flicker of fear appeared in Ichigo's eyes. He squeezed Kon tighter. "Then talk. NOW."

Kon pointed toward the desk. "The letter! Rukia left you a letter!"

Ichigo looked at the space where he'd set the tray earlier. "Oh, guess I missed it. What about it?"

Kon growled in frustration. "It's not like it's a love note, you moron! It's a farewell note!"

"WHAT?!" Ichigo opened the letter quickly, reading as best he could, but stopped after realizing it made no sense. "Enjoy decoding" was the only recognizable thing on the note, apart from a bunny drawing. Ichigo tried to read it out loud to see if it made more sense. "Bfor bcerbtain breabsons, I bfear I bmust bgo? The hell? What's with the b's and the bunny?" He took a closer look at the bunny drawing. It had a thin X drawn through it, with the caption "Here's a hint." He grinned. _Lose the bunnies, huh?_ He grabbed a pencil and crossed out the extra b's. "For certain reasons, I fear I must go. Do not follow me and do not worry about me. Stay low for a while if you can, I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt. Make sure you urn…" he erased the scratch mark over the second b, "Make sure you burn this letter after reading it. Love, Rukia" He growled. "Dammit, Rukia! There's not even a reason for leaving on here!"

"Think, you idiot! She said not to follow her and stay low! It must be that the Soul Society's after her!"

Ichigo snarled. "Rukia, this isn't a time to get all noble!" He looked at Kon. "Well, you can cough it up now, or I can get it from you myself."

Kon made a mad dash around the room, evading Ichigo's swipes. "Ahh! I know Rukia's in danger, but that doesn't make a hand down your throat any more fun! Nooooooo!!"

Ichigo heard a chuckle from his windowsill. "You seem to be in a hurry," the voice of Kisuke Urahara said. He sat in the windowsill, pointing the "knockout" portion of his cane at Ichigo. "Mind if I speed things up?"

--

As Renji swung his sword downward to finish the unconscious Uryu off (who had stopped to protect Rukia), he was stopped by a massive crack that formed in the ground as the result of a sword swing. He leapt into a defensive stance, looking at the new arrival. "Just who the hell are you?"

"Name's Ichigo. I'm the one who's gonna beat your ass. How's it goin'?"

Renji stared at Ichigo. "Wearing a shihaksho? I don't know you, kid. What squad are you from?"

Ichigo snorted. "Again with the kid thing. First Dante, now you."

Renji raised his eyebrow, but snorted when he saw Ichigo's sword. "What an overgrown zanpakuto."

Ichigo smirked, using one of Dante's comebacks. "Well, I handle it pretty well. Looks like it's even bigger than yours, but then I always thought they were all my size. You sayin' mine's huge?"

Rukia chuckled at hearing a Dante quip from Ichigo's mouth. "Ichigo, you fool. You'll only end up killed," she said, serious once more.

"Oh, I get it. You must be the human who stole Rukia's powers," Renji snarled. "Is that right, Carrot Top?"

Ichigo sighed. "Stole? I'm no thief. But then, I guess it's worthless explaining to a murderer."

Renji angrily launched a flurry of attacks at Ichigo. He blocked most of them, but Renji landed a good hit by performing a flip-like move. He gritted his teeth in pain as Renji kept talking. "Don't bother, kid. You'll be dead soon, and Rukia will get her powers back. Then she gets to go back home to Soul Society to die."

Ichigo growled. "Never…you bastard…"

Renji snorted. "You could've been smart, you know. Rukia came alone, so she could die alone. But you had to play the hero, didn't you. What did you think you could do? You're a fake Reaper, incapable of even laying a scratch on a true Soul Reaper."

Immediately after Renji had stopped talking, Ichigo's sword swiped upward. He smirked. "Sorry, I think you were in the middle of a speech, but you were so wide open I couldn't stop myself. Besides, that little speech was getting boring anyway."

Renji frowned as he noticed a cut on his chin. Ichigo smirked. "Weren't you saying something about a scratch?"

Renji wiped the blood from his chin. "Little punk…" He stared at Ichigo's sword. "So, what's that monster's name, anyway?"

Ichigo frowned. "Huh? Name?"

"You didn't even ask, did you?"

"Ask who? Rukia? Are you telling me you guys name your swords like Dante and Nero?"

"Huh? Dante and Nero?" He turned to Captain Kuchiki. "Who are they?"

"The Secret Remote Squad reports that they are the ones responsible for cleaning up a large number of hollows," Byakuya responded. "The one named Dante purified the Menos Grande."

Renji's eyes widened in shock. "What? Is he…a Soul Reaper?"

Ichigo snorted. "No, he's not. Matter of fact, he's probably not even human. More importantly, you were in the middle of babbling on about naming your swords."

Renji grinned maniacally. "You can't even ask your zanpakuto its name, and you think you can fight _me_?" He placed a hand on his own sword. "Roar, Zabimaru!"

--

"Rukia…" Ichigo fell to his knees, the pain from his wounds setting in.

Renji scoffed, preparing to deliver the final blow. However, he found his swing stopped by Rukia, who had grabbed his arm from behind. "Run, Ichigo!" she yelled. "Save yourself! I won't watch you die!"

Renji growled at Rukia. "Trying to protect him? He stole your powers!" He noticed Ichigo getting to his feet. He smirked. "Well, good. I was thinking that finishing off someone who couldn't move would be boring."

Rukia dropped from Renji's arm in disbelief. _Ichigo…how?_

The air around Ichigo began to condense, his spiritual pressure rising rapidly. He gripped his sword firmly with both hands. "Rukia…" he said. In the blink of an eye, he'd slashed Renji and knocked him back toward Byakuya.

Renji looked on in disbelief as his glasses fell off in two pieces. _But…he was about to die! How did he get this power?_

Ichigo grinned fiercely. "Well, Renji. Looks like you've gotten slower."

_Idiot,_ Renji thought to himself. You're _the one who's gotten faster!_

Ichigo frowned, but kept that fierce look. "You hurt Rukia again, and I'll kill you myself!!"

Rukia gasped. "Ichigo…"

Ichigo dashed at Renji, swinging much quicker than before. Renji was brought to his knees from Ichigo's spiritual pressure. Just as Ichigo swung for a finishing blow, he saw Captain Kuchiki place a hand on his sword.

Suddenly, Ichigo's arm stopped. He felt pain in his chest, falling forward as blood spurted from a wound he dimly began to realize he'd just received. _What just happened? Did that guy cut me? How? I didn't even see it…coming…_

"You're slow, even when you're falling," Captain Kuchiki said from behind him.

Rukia gasped. "Brother, NO!!"

Ichigo felt a second stab penetrate. He could tell this one came from behind, but…he kept…falling…

"ICHIGO!!" Rukia cried out. She ran toward Ichigo, fear in her eyes.

Renji stopped her before she could get to him. "No, don't!"

"Let me GO!!"

"What does it matter now, you idiot? He's already dead!"

"NO!! He's NOT!!" She shoved his hands away, running toward Ichigo.

Renji stopped her again. "If you so much as touch him, they'll add twenty years to your sentence."

"So what?! I'm already sentenced to death! You said it yourself!" That surprised Renji enough to let her go.

Byakuya stepped in front of Ichigo. "So you're saying that even if your sentence is harsher, you still wish to go to him?"

"Yes," she said calmly. She walked over to Ichigo, tears running down her face. She turned him over, placing a hand on his chest. "Ichigo…"

He coughed weakly. "Rukia…" he wheezed.

She held a finger to his lips. "Shh. Don't talk, you'll only die quicker."

He gulped. "I guess…I never got…to take you out…on that date…"

She sobbed. "No…I guess not…"

"Rukia…come closer…"

She did so, leaning her head over his. Byakuya sighed. "Rukia…"

She sniffled. "He's already dying, brother. There's no need to finish him. Just let me be with him a little longer."

Ichigo struggled, but managed to wrap his arms around Rukia in an embrace. "Rukia…I never did tell you myself…"

"What? What do you want to tell me?"

"I…I love you, Rukia…"

She smiled as tears continued to run down her face. "I love you too, Ichigo." They brought their lips together, kissing for what they thought was the last time. Even Byakuya seemed to look on sadly.

As they broke apart, Rukia stood up, her tears now flowing silently down her face. Ichigo's arms fell limply to his sides. She turned to Byakuya. "I am ready, brother." As she walked away, Ichigo managed to roll his body over, attempting to crawl after her, vaguely aware that it was raining.

"Rukia…"

The three Soul Reapers walked away from Ichigo. Renji used his sword to create some sort of gate that looked like wooden doors.

"Rukia…"

Rukia steeled herself, knowing that without immediate medical attention, Ichigo would die.

"Rukia…"

She looked back at him. She had not stopped crying, a fact that Byakuya no doubt found disappointing.

"Rukia…don't go…"

She looked down. "Forgive me Ichigo. But I can't allow you to follow me. I won't watch the man I love die."

Byakuya looked away from her at that. He and Renji both stepped through the doors, followed by their assigned Hell Butterflies. Ichigo reached his hand out toward Rukia. "Please…don't leave me…"

She sobbed. "I'm sorry, Ichigo. I wish we could meet again." She walked into the doorway, her Hell Butterfly following her in. As she stepped inside the doorway, she turned around, reaching her hand out to Ichigo sadly. Then the doors closed, disappearing into nothingness.

Ichigo's hand dropped into the rain-filled street. _No…Rukia…_

A black-cloaked man appeared (seemingly from nowhere) in front of him. The man smiled. "I'm impressed, Ichigo. You put up an even better fight than I thought you would."

Ichigo tried to lift his head to look at the man, but he felt his strength leaving him.

The man chuckled. "Guess you're pretty wounded, huh? No worries, you'll be healed soon. Hang in there, kid."

Ichigo doubted that. His body felt cold and immobile.

The man sighed. "I can't wait to see how strong you'll become. I'll see you around." He began to walk away, but seemed to remember something, and turned his head back to Ichigo's prone form. "By the way, if you find your inner world crumbling, remember Uryu and Dante." And with that, the black-cloaked man disappeared.

Ichigo heard footsteps approaching him. The last thing he noticed was Urahara's wooden sandals before the blackness overtook him.

* * *

Well, well, it seems that the plot has thickened! How will Ichigo regain his powers? What does the return of the black-cloaked man mean? And will the Devil Hunters affect the Soul Society arc in unforeseen ways? Find out on the next episode of Drag…Wait, whoops. I mean…

Next Chapter: Soul Society Preparation

So, yeah. Review and all that good stuff. Heck, if I get enough, there's a good chance of me adding another chapter soon. How's ten days sound?


	10. Soul Society Preparation

As Ichigo came to, he noticed something. _Warm. I feel warm. But wasn't it raining? And wasn't it really cold?_ He opened his eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" As soon as he had opened his eyes, he'd noticed that a guy's face was about two inches away from his.

"Oh, what a good reaction. Quite excellent."

"What the hell are you doin'?!?!"

The man turned his head sideways. "Hey boss, you know how you wanted to know when Ichigo woke up?" he yelled. "Well, he did!"

"You work for Mr. Hat-and-Clogs, don't you? Get OFF OF ME!" he screamed, throwing the man to the side. Less than a second after he did, intense pain wracked his body. _Wait…I'm not dead! But where the hell am I?_ Oh…this must be a room of the Urahara shop.

"Ichigo, try to relax. With all the wounds you've got, you'll die if you move around too much," Urahara said as he walked into the room.

"Yeah, like I'm gonna relax now. So you're the one that saved me, huh?"

"Is there a problem with that?" a new voice called out.

Ichigo growled. "Not now, Dante. A lot happened before you found me."

Dante snorted as he walked into the room. "I figured as much. You don't exactly get two stab wounds like that out of the blue."

Ichigo sighed. "It wasn't just that…there were two really strong guys…I did okay against one, but the other guy did this to me, and right before you guys found me some guy in a black cloak was spouting nons-" Before he could finish his sentence, Dante had grabbed him roughly by the shoulders. "Hey, what the he-"

"You said black cloak? What did he say?! Where did he go?!"

Urahara cleared his throat. "Dante, I'd rather you didn't attack someone in his condition. Please release him or I will have to force you."

Dante sighed. "I wonder if you could, but as a guest, I suppose I'll respect your wishes."

Something occurred to Ichigo just then. "Hey, what about Uryu? He was there too, right?"

Urahara nodded. "I treated him at the site. But his wounds weren't quite as serious; he was even able to walk home after he woke up."

"You let him walk home, wounded?!"

He shrugged. "I offered him a place here, but he said he'd pass; he was pretty worried about you, though."

"No way. Uryu was worried about me?"

"Yep. 'Please, take care of Ichigo. Because it's pretty apparent that if anyone can defeat those guys, it certainly is not me. The only one who can save Rukia' is you; so he said."

Ichigo snorted. "Only me? What am I supposed to do?! She's already gone back to the Soul Society! How could I follow her? How am I supposed to save her?!" He sighed, desperately fighting back tears. "It can't be done. I'm too weak!"

Dante snorted. "For someone so tough, you sure are dumb. Just because you're weak now doesn't mean you can't change."

Urahara nodded. "Not only that, but there is a way into Soul Society."

Ichigo shot up, ignoring the massive pain it caused. He grabbed Urahara's collar. "There's a way? How?! TELL ME!"

Urahara sighed. "Fine. But on one condition."

"What?"

"For the next ten days, you will let me teach you how to fight properly."

"What? Ten days?! I don't have that kind of time! Rukia's going to be executed, so we gotta…" The rest of his sentence was cut off as Urahara tossed him to the ground effortlessly. He looked up to find Dante's white pistol pointed directly between his eyes.

Dante rolled his eyes. "Don't be so dumb, kid. You said it yourself: you're too weak. You wanna save Rukia? Fine. But if you try anything at your current strength, you're practically asking to get killed. If that's what you want, I'll save you the trouble right now." Ichigo gulped.

Urahara put his cane under Dante's pistol, lifting it up. "But before you come to a decision, know this: the Soul Society's rules state a one-month waiting period before an execution, and for the most part, they respect their own rules."

Ichigo's eyes went wide. "'For the most part?'"

"It's a lot more complicated than when humans are executed. If I'm right, that gives you ten days to train, seven days to open the Soul Society gate, and the other thirteen to actually get the job done. We've got plenty of time, and we won't be wasting any of it."

Ichigo thought for a moment, then sat up. Dante re-holstered his pistol and Urahara lowered his cane. "Will I get strong enough?"

"Yes. Provided you truly wish to save her with your whole heart and soul. And your will must be stronger than steel; you can have no doubts."

Ichigo nodded. "Fine, then. Whatever it takes to save her."

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Ichigo did his best to keep his cool during school the next day, but it wasn't easy. _It all feels like a dream. Fighting those two guys, getting hurt; none of it seems real. The part that seems least real is that _she_ isn't here…_ He looked around class, shaking his head. The _worst part is…not a single one of my class even remembers Rukia! It's like she just doesn't exist anymore! It's…_ He clenched his fists under his desk. _It's all I can do to not shout out that she was here, that she existed…I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare!!_

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As Ichigo walked home, he thought he would have felt better about school being over. Instead, he just felt empty. _Somehow, the world's still spinning without Rukia. I didn't think it was possible…but then, she's originally from the Soul Society. Is that where she belongs?_ He shook his head furiously. _No. She doesn't belong in Soul Society…she belongs here! With us!_ He stopped as he heard footsteps approach him. He turned around. "Huh? What's up, Orihime?"

She frowned at him, an odd look on her face. "Ichigo, where's Rukia?"

_What?! She remembers?!_

"Why does no one remember her, and act like she never existed? I need you to explain it, Ichigo; she was your girlfriend, after all."

Ichigo sighed. "It's a long story, Orihime."

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"So you're saying Rukia went back to this…Soul Society, then?"

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah. But I'm surprised. I didn't even know you could see us, Orihime. How long have you…"

"Ever since the incident…with my brother. I never properly thanked you for that, by the way."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. It's the least I could do for an old friend."

She frowned a little at that, but shrugged. "I'll bet he's happy on the other side…Rukia probably is, too!"

Ichigo gulped as the image of her brother flashed in his mind. "Not quite."

"But she's from there, isn't she? Wouldn't she have friends and family over there?"

"She does…but she's also in a lot of trouble. And if I don't do something about it, she'll be killed."

Her eyes went wide, but she spoke in a happy tone. "Well, then I think you should go save her! I mean, I still remember her talking about how much she enjoyed being with you!"

He smiled slightly, but became stern again as he stood up. "Sorry to leave you here, but I'll need some help if I want to rescue her. Thanks, Orihime." With that, he took off toward the Urahara Shop.

Orihime turned around as she heard heavy footsteps. "Huh? Chad?"

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Ichigo, Dante, Nero, Lady, Kyrie, Tessai, Ururu, and Jinta all glanced around at the wide, desert-like area beneath Urahara's shop. Urahara looked around incredulously. "Whoa…amazing! Who would've thought that all this time there was a huge, subterranean training ground under my shop?!"

Dante laughed. "You're my kinda guy, Urahara. No sense of acting or modesty…just like me."

Lady snorted. "So you're finally admitting it! Are you going to admit your additional lack of culture, courtesy, and tact?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. But not now. Give it another…I dunno, decade or so."

Nero rolled his eyes. "So, are we just gonna sit here insulting each other, or are we gonna get to work?"

"Well spoken, Nero," Urahara said. "Well, if you insist." His cane shot at Ichigo, hitting him directly between the eyes. The impact shot his soul form out of his body and sent him rolling for a good ten feet.

Dante whistled. "I'm always amazed at not only your aim, but how he never expects it."

"Hey, what's the big idea of knockin' me d-" Ichigo began, but collapsed, clutching his chest and gasping.

"Hard to breathe in your soul form, isn't it?" Urahara asked. "Because of your wounds, right now you're no more powerful than any other human. Before you can even fight again, you'll need to restore your spirit energy."

"All right, fine! Just tell me what to do!"

"So impatient…all right, then! Warrior, to the arena!"

Ichigo looked in the direction Urahara had yelled, and saw Ururu approaching with what looked like combat gear. "Nice to see you back, Ichigo," she said meekly.

"Lesson one: a match with Ururu, one-on-one. The rules are that the lesson is over when one of you is unable to continue. If I were you, I'd go for the knockout punch."

"WHAT?!" Ichigo yelled, looking at Ururu in disbelief. "You want me to hit a little girl?"

Lady smirked. "I wouldn't underestimate that 'little girl'. Even Dante had a tough time against her."

Dante folded his arms as he scowled at Lady. "Define 'tough'. I mean, she was good, don't get me wrong, but…"

"Face it Dante, it was a lot closer of a match-up than most of your fights. No need to be ashamed just because she's small."

Nero ignored Dante and Lady's bickering, grinning as he watched Ichigo. "This'll be interesting…"

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"Amazing Headband of Justice, in place! Amazing Armor of Justice, protect me!"

Urahara sniggered. "Well, what do you know, he actually said it."

Dante grumbled as he handed Nero a small wad of bills.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ichigo rubbed his head absentmindedly as he got up. "Look, Urahara, just gimme another…"

"Lesson one: cleared. You pass."

"Huh?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lessons? Why?"

Yoruichi frowned as best a cat could. "You'll need them if you want to learn more."

"I suppose I do," Orihime said, intrigued. "But this is all so sudden."

Chad nodded. "Plus, it's still kind of weird dealing with…" he cleared his throat. "…a talking cat."

Yoruichi snorted. "Ichigo and the Devil Hunters will be going to the Soul Society soon. If you want to learn more about your newfound powers, you'll have to take my lessons. After that, it's your choice whether you want to go or not."

"Well, I'm going."

"Really?" Orihime asked. "Aren't you scared? I know I am."

Chad nodded.

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Uryu greeted Orihime and Chad as they approached him, a black cat following them. "Hey, Chad, Orihime! How'd you guys find me?"

Orihime smiled. "Yoruichi followed your aura. It wasn't too hard to find you."

"Yoruichi?" Uryu asked.

"Are you here on a camping trip?" she asked.

Uryu pushed up his glasses. "Um…not exactly."

"You're training, aren't you?"

Uryu looked around at the unfamiliar voice. "Who's there?"

"Me. I'm right over here." He looked to see the black cat waving at him. "Hi, there. I'm Yoruichi."

"WAAA! A talking cat!"

"What, you can't handle a talking cat?"

Chad looked at Uryu sheepishly. "Well, Uryu, if it makes you feel any better, I'm still having trouble with it myself."

Yoruichi sighed. "Humans have so much trouble adapting to the unusual. Except Dante, but I bet he's no stranger to that…"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lady looked at Dante as he sneezed. "Hey, you sick or something?"

"Right," he said. "You're talkin' to the guy who's never been sick a day in his life. Probably just the dust."

Urahara grinned. "Maybe a pretty girl's talking about you somewhere."

"Yeah, that sounds more like it…" Immediately after saying that, Lady hit him hard over the head with one of her pistols. "OW! What was that for?"

"Just be glad I didn't shoot you again."

"Whatever." He looked at Urahara. "So how long's Ichigo been at the bottom of that hole?"

Urahara checked his watch. "Let's see…about five hours."

Nero groaned. "This is boring. I'm gonna patrol. Call me if anything happens." He gave Kyrie a quick kiss and climbed up the ladder.

Kyrie looked at the hole Ichigo was currently in. "So…he either comes out of there as a hollow or a Soul Reaper, right?"

Dante nodded. "Somethin' like that…we're hoping for the second one."

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The fourth encroachment ended as the furthest chain link returned to normal. The pain left Ichigo's body, but he knew it was only temporary. _This chain…it's like it has two modes. First in deteriorates, then it rests. When it deteriorates, I feel so much pain I can hardly move. But when it's resting like now…that's my chance!_ Getting up on his feet, Ichigo ran at the side of the shaft, forcing his legs to defy gravity and, amazingly, running straight up the side of the vertical shaft. However, he only got about ten or twelve feet before gravity overcame his strength, sending him crashing back down. Far above, Ururu and Jinta looked on in amusement.

Ichigo sighed. _Well, that didn't work. Let's try something else._ He thought for a while on his options. _Well, I'm not strong enough to jump straight out, that's for sure. And I've obviously proven that defying gravity doesn't work either. I sure as hell can't climb out with my arms pinned like they are, and from the looks of it, Tessai's gonna keep it that way. Hmm…_ He looked straight up to the top of the shaft. _This place kinda reminds me of a tube in a pinball machine. Wait…_ Suddenly, an image of a pinball bouncing within its machine formed in his mind. _Even when it hits the bumpers almost straight on, there's always that small angle it has when it bounces back. And if that angle points upward…it goes right to the top!_ He stretched out his legs a bit. _I'll have to keep my speed not only high, but constant. If my speed goes outta whack, I'm in for a long fall!_

Tessai looked at Ichigo curiously. _Hmm…what's he up to now?_

Ichigo faced the side of the shaft again. _Okay…here we GO!_ Immediately after he finished thinking the last word, he took off at full speed toward the side of the shaft. He jumped at it, but instead of running up like the last time, he pushed off of it with his feet, barreling toward the other side. As he landed sideways, he pushed off again, going straight back to the other side. He launched himself back and forth between the sides of the shaft this way, gaining a few yards of altitude at a time.

Urahara grinned at the top. _Not a bad plan, Ichigo. But even if you make it out safely like that, if you don't recover your Soul Reaper powers…_

As Ichigo got about a fifth of the way up, the chain began to encroach again. Screaming in pain, he lost his footing, falling back to the bottom of the shaft with a SMASH!

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Dante cringed at Ichigo's screams. "Urahara, I sure hope you know what you're doing." Kyrie was holding her hands over her ears, unable to stand the screams, as they sounded much like Nero's. Lady's eyes twitched, but she didn't show any outward signs of distress.

"Uh-huh," Urahara replied. "Trust me on this. It's for his own good."

Dante shook his head. "From the sounds of those screams, Ichigo disagrees. Can Tessai really handle him?"

"Absolutely. So just watch and see."

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"Ichigo, can you hear me?"

Ichigo opened his eyes at the strange voice. The first things he saw were… _Buildings…and they're sideways. What the hell?_ He looked to his sides. _Just more buildings. Where did that voice come from?_ "Hey, where are you?" he called out.

"Over here."

He turned to see…"AHHH! The black-cloaked guy! Not you!!"

The man shook his head. "No, I am not him. I am Zangetsu."

Ichigo blinked. _Huh? He started telling me his name, but all I heard was "Zan-", and then nothing, like he was cut off._

The man frowned. "I see. It seems I still can't quite reach you. How sad. Tell me, how many times I must cry out to you before you can hear the rest? For there is no one in this world who knows me better than you."

Ichigo snorted, holding a hand over his face. "Sorry, pal, but I don't know anyone nearly as depressing as you are." When he pulled his hand away, he gasped. "How did you…?"

The man was now standing sideways on a pole, parallel to the building they were on. He raised an eyebrow. "You amaze me. How can you just sit there like that?"

Ichigo suddenly realized that the buildings weren't actually sideways. And the second he came to this realization, he began to plummet to the ground. As he fell, screaming, the man descended next to him. "If you've got time to scream, you've got time to think. Think about why you're so afraid. Aren't Soul Reapers sometimes called 'Gods of Death'?"

"Look, pal, I'm not a Soul Reaper anymore!"

"Know this: when Byakuya Kuchiki attacked you, he only took away the Soul Reaper powers you had absorbed from Rukia. He'd intended to stop you by taking that power, but he failed to notice something. You have Soul Reaper power of your own."

"What?!"

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Ichigo looked around at the boxes surrounding him in the water-like substance. _So now what? How am I supposed to know which box has my Soul Reaper power? That guy's weird…he reminds me of the guy in the black cloak. Wait…_ That man in the black cloak had told him something about this…

_"If you find your inner world crumbling, remember Uryu and Dante."_

Ichigo shook his head. _But what does that mean? I bet Uryu could sense which box had…hold on a second. He said something about how he could find me so easily…there was some special technique he bragged about. What was it again?_

_"A Soul Reaper's spirit ribbon is…"_

_Damn it! What was so special about a Soul Reaper's ribbon?!_ Then he remembered the next part of the black-cloaked man's advice. _Remember Dante…what about him?_ Then he saw an image of Dante in his mind, and it hit him immediately. _A Soul Reaper's spirit ribbon is red!_

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Dante and Urahara looked up as they shielded Jinta and Ururu from the dust. Lady and Kyrie coughed as the dust began to clear. Dante stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Hey, kid! Is that you? Say somethin'!"

Ichigo's breath rattled as his shadow appeared within the dust cloud. Two red lights shone where his eyes would have been. Dante put a hand on his sword. "That doesn't count! C'mon, answer!"

As the dust finally dispersed, they saw Ichigo in a Soul Reaper shihaksho wearing a white, skull-like mask with red markings. Lady began to draw her guns, but Urahara held out a hand to stop her. "We don't know just what he is yet. Let's not do anything rash."

Ichigo drew his sword, to which Dante quickly responded in kind. But instead of attacking, Ichigo planted it into the ground and pulled the mask off, tossing it over his shoulder. He then pulled his zanpakuto out and re-sheathed it.

Urahara clapped, causing Ichigo to look at him oddly. Urahara smiled. "Congratulations! You became a Soul Reaper again! Lesson two, completed!"

Ichigo walked toward him angrily, punching him in the face after he got there. "You bastard! Betcha you didn't expect me to come back alive, did you? I swore to myself that if I made it out alive, I'd kick your ass the first chance I got!"

Urahara rubbed his bruised nose. "Is that right? Well, then, I guess you'll love your prize for passing the second lesson! Now we can start lesson three!"

"What…did you just say?" Ichigo growled, his eye twitching in anger.

"The best part is, there's no time limit here! Knock off my hat and you pass!"

In the blink of an eye, Ichigo had drawn his zanpakuto and slashed downward. Urahara was faster still, but even so, his hat now bore a small cut. Ichigo smirked. "No time limit, you say? I got a better idea…Let's set the timer for five minutes!"

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Ichigo ran as fast as his legs could carry him. In the first two minutes of their fight, Urahara had already sliced his zanpakuto right down to the hilt. _Why? Why am I running away? Am I just a coward? How pathetic…it's pathetic…I'M PATHETIC!_

_"Yes, that's you."_

Ichigo found himself staring at the strange man again. The world around them had stopped completely. "Master…?"

"You still haven't called my name. If you face forward, you should be able to hear it. The only thing that plugs your ears is your own fear."

Ichigo nodded, and stood his ground as the world restarted. He turned around to face Urahara, who had stopped as well.

Dante tilted his head in curiosity. "Huh? What's up now? Is he finally gonna man up?"

_"Abandon your fear. Turn and face your enemy. Don't give an inch! Now, advance, and never stop! Fight with all your heart. If you doubt, you will age. Be afraid, and you will die! Now shout out my name!"_

Ichigo pivoted around, yelling "Attack, Zangetsu!"

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Urahara dusted off what was left of his hat. "I do believe you've killed my hat," he grumbled.

Dante chuckled. "Nero's sure gonna regret not being here…Hey, wait!"

Lady looked at him, startled. "What?"

"He cleared the test in less than ten days! Nero lost our bet!"

Lady rolled her eyes. "Why do I bother with you?"

He winked at her. " 'Cause you can't resist my hot bod." He then ducked under an angry pistol-chop.

* * *

Wow. That was a really long "few days", huh? I'm really sorry, but I've been swamped for the past couple of weeks. The next chapter probably won't be out for a while, but I'll do my best! [insert review request here]. Please?

Next Chapter: Into Soul Society


	11. Into Soul Society

_**BOOM!**_

Nero looked up as an energy blast crashed through the side of a building. _What the hell?! Is it a hollow? But I don't feel anything…_ He gave Red Queen a few revs. _Doesn't matter. I better not take chances._ He dashed toward a door near the rear of the building. As he got ready to open it, he was nearly trampled by a giant guy with a weird right arm and a girl with orange hair. "Whoa, there! What's the hurry?"

The guy looked at him, confused. "Ichigo? Why are you wearing a costume?"

Before Nero could respond, he heard another voice. "We can save the explanations for later. Right now, we need to get away before we attract any attention!"

Nero followed the tall guy and the girl, equally uneager to be around the building with a brand-new hole in it. _After all, there's no way in HELL I'm paying for that!!_

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The group stopped at a nearby park. The big guy's arm had returned to normal, and a black cat had followed them to the park.

The tall guy looked at Nero oddly. "So tell me, why are you dressed like that, Ichigo?"

Nero rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm not Ichigo. My name's Nero. I'm a Devil Hunter."

The girl looked at him. "Huh? Devil Hunter? What's that?"

Nero's eyes widened in shock. _She sounds just like Kyrie! What's going on here?_

Strangely enough, he heard another voice speak up. "He's a friend of Urahara's. They're working with us due to…special circumstances."

Nero looked around for the origin of the voice. "Huh? Who's there?"

"Right here, Nero."

He looked over to where the voice was. The black cat waved at him. He looked at it, amused. "Well, whaddya know. A talking cat."

The cat raised one of its eyebrows. "First Dante, now you. Don't you Devil Hunters find it the least bit odd that a cat is _talking_?"

The guy nodded. "Yeah, it freaked me out a little when I found out."

Nero shook his head. "I've been attacked by a possessed suit of armor, killed a talking frog the size of a small building, and fought off hundreds of animated Scarecrows, and you think a talking cat bothers me?"

The cat smirked. "Well, when you put it that way…"

"So who are you guys, anyway?"

The tall guy spoke first. "My name is Sado Yasutora. But people call me Chad."

The girl smiled. "I'm Orihime Inoue. Nice to meet you."

"And I'm Yoruichi," the cat responded. "So, what brings you out here, Nero?"

"Patrol. I'm cleaning up hollows while Ichigo's training."

Orihime looked at Nero curiously. "You know Ichigo? Now that you mention it, you sound kind of like him."

Nero grumbled. "Yeah, but not by choice. While we're on the subject, you sound just like my girlfriend."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

He sighed. "It's not just me and Ichigo. I swear you and Kyrie sound exactly the same."

Yoruichi shook its head. "I think there are more important matters to discuss than voices. Chad, show him your arm."

Chad obliged, his arm becoming wrapped in an odd material. Nero gaped. "That…that's kinda like my arm! How did you get that?!"

Chad shrugged. "Don't know. I needed to protect someone, and it appeared. How'd you get yours?"

Nero shook his head. "Long story, but it involved demons attacking me and Kyrie. Mine looks a little different, though. What can yours do?"

"Fires energy blasts. Not to mention gives me one tough right hook. Yours?"

"Extends my reach massively, plus powers my strength up. Except mine doesn't go away like yours. Plus I can store demonic weapons and items in it." He briefly summoned Yamato, showing it to them.

Yoruichi looked at the blade curiously. "Hmm. That looks a lot like a zanpakuto. Are you sure you're not a Soul Reaper?"

Nero shook his head, re-absorbing Yamato. "Positive."

"Wait, why did you put that away? I was hoping to examine it a little closer."

"Sorry, I had to. I can't keep it summoned for very long outside my Devil Trigger."

Orihime looked at him curiously. "What's a Devil Trigger?"

Nero tried thinking of a reasonable explanation. _Let's see…hmm, that might work._ "Do you know what a bankai is?"

Both Orihime and Chad shook their heads, but Yoruichi's eyes widened. "What?!"

"From what I've heard from Urahara, Dante's and my Devil Trigger are kind of like that, but only available to those with demonic power and a Devil Arm. Plus it doesn't last for very long, and doesn't involve any animals or stuff like that. Upside is, it makes us even stronger."

Orihime frowned. "Hmm. This is all so strange. So, how far was Ichigo in his training?"

"Pretty far. He should make it out before the ten days is up."

Yoruichi chuckled softly. "As well as I know Urahara, that might not be the best thing…"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Just that Ichigo will probably have to train the whole ten days anyway."

Orihime cleared her throat. "Excuse me, Mr. Nero, but shouldn't you be training, too?"

He smiled. "Please, just call me Nero. But someone has to clean up the hollows." He looked at the sun's position. "Speaking of which, I think it's Dante's turn. See you around."

Orihime waved to him. "Bye, Nero! Say hi to Ichigo for me!"

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On the promised night, Ichigo sat awake on his bed, waiting for a sign from Urahara. He turned as he heard a tap on his window. He saw Dante grinning through it like a deranged Peeping Tom. Ichigo opened the window, irritated. "What the hell do you think you're doing up here? People might think you're some kind of pervert!"

Dante held his arms out wide. "What?"

Just then, something else occurred to him. "Wait a minute…How the hell are you staying up here without holding on to anything?"

Dante shrugged. "I'm standing on Rebellion."

This puzzled Ichigo for a few seconds. _That sword's only about five feet long, and I'm upstairs. He can't be standing on its tip. But then that means…_"You jackass!! You stabbed a five-foot long sword into the wall of my house just to get up here?!" He grumbled to himself. "I'm not going to deal with this right now. What do you want, anyway?"

"Well, if you're gonna be snippy about it…Hat-and-Clogs sent me. We're ready to leave."

Ichigo rolled his eyes as he searched for some socks. "He really needs to get a cell phone."

Dante held his arms out in irritation. "Hey, it was either this, or a message written in fake blood. You're welcome."

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Dante and Ichigo walked toward the Urahara Shop in the deserted streets. Ichigo looked at Dante curiously. "Hey, Dante."

He looked at Ichigo. "Yeah, what?"

"How fast can you run?"

He smirked. "Faster than you, kid."

"Care to prove it? I've been wondering just how much my training's improved my speed."

Dante nodded. "If you insist. Tell me when to go."

"3...2...1...GO!"

They both took off in the direction of the shop. Ichigo was much faster than a normal person would be, but Dante was running without so much as breaking a sweat. As they reached the shop, Dante looked back at Ichigo. "Well, looks like I win, k-" He was cut off as he smashed into something very tall and very strong. Dante pulled himself from the object he'd run into and looked up. "Wow. He's tall."

Ichigo waved to the boy Dante had run into. "Hey Chad. What are you doing here?"

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"If I may have everyone's attention, please," Urahara called out.

Orihime stopped looking around at the training area and focused on Urahara. The rest of the group followed suit. "For my first trick…" He snapped his fingers, causing a large stone block resembling a doorway to appear. "Ta-da! The gate to the Soul Society. Before we begin…" His cane shot at Ichigo's head, knocking his soul form out.

"Hey, warn me next time!" Ichigo growled in frustration.

Dante shook his head. "Oh, give me a break. You should have expected that, considering it happens every time he pauses dramatically."

Urahara cleared his throat. "Now, about the gate. This one is special in that it has a Spirit Particle Conversion Machine. Since the Soul Society is a spirit world, you'll need to be in soul form to enter. Right now, Ichigo's the only one who fits that qualification. The Conversion Machine will transform the rest of you into spirits as well."

Dante held his hand up. "Question! I've already been to the other side; namely, Hell. I never needed anything like this to do it."

Urahara's mouth dropped open, but he quickly regained his composure. "Well, I'm not sure how you did it before, but I assure you, you'll need to go through this gate to get to the Soul Society."

"What's the catch?"

"Sharp as ever, Nero. The catch is you'll need to make it from this gate to the Soul Society within four minutes. That's all the time I can give you."

Dante nodded. "Well, no sense in wasting time. Bring it on."

Urahara and Tessai made their preparations. The gate entrance glowed blue as energy began to enter it. "Now, when the gate opens, run in as fast as you can," Urahara reminded them. He then turned to Dante. "Dante, this is one time where you should _not_ goof off. If the gate closes before everyone's through, whoever's left behind will be trapped forever. I guarantee it."

Kyrie waved to Nero. "Good luck. And be careful."

Orihime gulped. _Wow…she really does sound like me._

Dante turned to her. "Sure you don't want to join us?"

She shook her head. "No, I'll stay here." She looked at Nero worriedly. "Just promise me you'll all come back safely."

He nodded. "We will, I promise."

The gate entrance became watery, signifying that it was open. Dante, Nero, Lady, Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Uryu, and Yoruichi all dashed through it. Urahara looked after them as they disappeared into the gate. "Good luck. We're all counting on you."

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Everyone sprinted forward toward the exit of the gateway. Dante and Nero had hung back a little to make sure no one got left behind, and when Uryu nearly got caught by the collapsing walls, Nero was glad he was there to pull him back forward. As they drew nearer to their destination, Uryu, who was looking backward, saw a light approaching them. "Yoruichi, what is that thing?"

"It's the cleaner. It comes here every seven days to clear out the passage, and it's our bad luck that today's the day."

Dante snorted. "I could take it on!"

"If it makes contact with you or your blade, you'll be killed, no matter how strong you are!"

Dante grinned. "Good thing I brought these, then." With lightning speed, he drew Ebony & Ivory. "Eat this!" With a shot from each pistol, the cleaner dissolved, but the walls were still closing behind them. With one last burst of speed, they all leaped into the portal…

* * *

Teehee. Cliffhangers are fun, aren't they? *dodges rotten tomatoes* Seriously, though, keep sending those reviews, they're really nice!

Next time: Gatekeeper Battle


	12. Gatekeeper Battle

Multiple comets of light crashed into the ground outside the West Rukon district, kicking up a massive cloud of dust. As the dust cleared, the forms within it became clear. Dante, Lady and Chad had landed gracefully, like cats; Yoruichi, being an actual one, landed smoothly as well. The rest of the group wasn't quite so elegant: Uryu had landed flat on his face, Orihime had landed on her knees, and Ichigo had landed in a crumpled ball. Nero had landed on his back at first, but shot his legs upward, rolling back onto his feet. He wiped the dust off his trench coat, grumbling to himself.

Orihime got up and walked over to Ichigo, beaming. "Wow! The way you landed showed tremendous artistic flair!"

Ichigo snorted. "Gee, thanks."

Dante looked around as the group got to their feet. "Hmm. Well, it's definitely not Hell. I guess this must be the Soul Society. Looks poor."

Yoruichi gave Dante a cold look. "That's because it is."

Lady shook her head. "You know, you have a real way with words, Dante…"

"The specific area we're in now is called the Rukon district. This is where souls first arrive after passing on."

Nero looked around. "It seems pretty empty. I don't know about you guys, but the thought of this being the afterlife is kinda depressing."

Yoruichi continued on, seemingly oblivious to Nero's comment. "The Rukon district is right on the perimeter of where the Soul Reapers live. Being outside of the _seireitei_ means that while it's the poorest section, it's also the one with the most freedom."

Dante raised an eyebrow at the cat. "_Seireitei_…'Court of Pure Souls', huh? So that must be Heaven." He glanced over toward a group of pristine buildings that stood in stark contrast to the ramshackle structures of the Rukon district. "So what are those?"

"Never mind those."

That alone would have given Dante an urge to run up to them, but his next thought cemented it. "Wait a minute…that must be the _seireitei_! Well, what are we standing around here for?! Let's start the party!" He took off at blinding speed toward the structures.

"Wait, you idiot, you can't just run up to the gate and knock! You'll be killed!"

He laughed. "Nobody in this world or the next can beat _me_! Bring 'em on!"

"Dante, wait up, you dumbass!" Lady yelled. "It's not a good idea to-"

Unfortunately, Lady's warning was cut off as several hundred large pieces of rock dropped down in what seemed to be a horizontal wall around the dwellings of the Soul Reapers. Dante kicked his legs into reverse, preventing himself from smashing up against the newly-formed barrier. Dust rose as the huge blocks crashed down, causing the rest of the group to cover their eyes.

"Well, well," a deep voice rang out. "It has been a while since someone tried to pass through my gate without a permit. And I don't seem to get many guests any more, so…" The dust cleared, revealing a gigantic, ape-like figure. "How can I help you, little man?

Dante smirked as he eyed the large figure. "Wow. Someone's been eating his Wheaties. Nice hat, by the way." He barely blinked as an enormous axe smashed into the ground near where he was standing. "Nice axe, too. Don't suppose I could borrow it by any chance, could I?"

"No."

Dante snapped his fingers. "Damn. Worth a shot, though."

Uryu glanced at the large being. "What a leviathan…just what is he? He doesn't look human."

"He is known as Jidanbo," Yoruichi answered. "He was selected from the strongest warriors in all of the Soul Society to guard the gate into the Seireitei."

Dante grinned. "The cream of the crop, huh? Well, it'd be a waste to kill you off just because you're in the way. Could I just say 'open sesame' and get through?"

"You must fight and defeat me if you wish to enter this city." He pulled his axe out from the ground, holding it up in a ready position again.

Dante grinned. "If you say so, big boy. But how about we play by my rules?"

Jidanbo eyed him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Instead of one of us killing the other, I say we make it more interesting. Whoever takes his opponent's weapon or weapons first wins. How's that sound?"

"Interesting indeed. I accept!"

The others raced up towards Dante. "Hold up!" Ichigo yelled. "We can do this together!"

"Yeah!" Uryu agreed. "We need to think about this rationally, instead of rushing in blindly!"

Dante held up his hand as they neared. "Hold it right there! Any one of you takes another step and I'll fight you first!"

Orihime gasped as they stopped. "Huh? But why?"

Lady shook her head. She'd gotten used to this sort of thing while hunting with Dante. "Don't bother, Orihime. It's beyond reasoning."

Nero nodded. "For those with a demon's blood, fighting is instinctive to them." He looked at his arm. "Trust me. I know firsthand. They don't like sharing their kills."

Orihime gulped. "K-kills?"

"Not necessarily killing someone; it's more about winning. Kind of like how wild dogs don't like to share their territory."

Dante shrugged. _Never heard it quite like that, but more or less right._ "Besides, I don't want any of you getting hurt. I got into this, and I need to get out of it."

Uryu frowned at the Devil Hunter. "Can you really defeat him?"

"No doubt. The only part I'm worried about is how quickly I wanna do it. Too quick and I won't get as much of a rush, but too long and it'll get boring."

"WHAT?!"

Lady rolled her eyes. _Dante, you arrogant bastard._ "Like I said, it's beyond reasoning."

Dante cracked his knuckles and stretched his legs a bit. _After all, what's the fun in having cramps? Gotta give 'em a good show._ He looked up at the large Jidanbo. "Ready, big guy?" The giant nodded, swinging downward again. Dante grinned. "I take that as a yes!"

The axe smashed into the ground, sending up huge amounts of dust and leaving a gigantic crack that crawled outward from the impact like a spider web. As the dust cleared, Dante was standing on top of the axe, his arms folded across his chest. "Guess that was your warm-up. How about we fight seriously now?" He backflipped off of the axe, landing right behind where he had first been standing.

Jidanbo growled. "Very few have dodged my strike…" He said as he pulled his axe back up. "…but even less have blocked it!" He swung downward again.

Dante grinned. "Another challenge! If you insist!" The axe descended, but as it came within an inch of Dante's head, it seemed to stop.

Lady's eyes widened. _He's tough…but did he actually stop that without using his sword?!_

Sure enough, Rebellion remained on Dante's back. He held the wide axe blade between his fingers and thumb, and was smiling. "Not bad, big fella. Try again." He brought his hand up, sending the axe away from him.

Jidanbo looked stunned. "I-impossible! Only two have ever blocked my axe before, and they had weapons when they did!" He smiled. "But no one has ever been able to stop this…my Ten-Strike Festival!" He swung the axe downward again, but Dante flipped out of the way. He swung a second time, but Dante jumped carelessly over the axe as it sailed past him. Again and again Jidanbo swung, and each time Dante dodged the attack with ease.

After seven swings, Jidanbo began to lose count. "Uh…seven…twelve…eleven…eight…nine…four…I…I've never had to count this high before. But I must be near ten by now. Ten!" He swung horizontally at Dante with all his might, but Dante jumped on the side of the axe and stood on it as it swung. As the axe completed its arc, Dante jumped back to where he had stood first. He smirked. "Actually, that was about twenty. Nice try, big boy, but I win." And it seemed to be so, as Jidanbo had let go of the axe, and now Dante had his hand on it.

Jidanbo let out a loud laugh. "Not quite, you irritating little fly. You said the opponent's weapon or weapons. And I have another axe!" He pulled it out from the inside of his robes.

Dante chuckled, kicking the other axe back to him. Yoruichi gaped. "What the hell are you doing? He only had one to start with, and now you're letting him have two?!"

Dante shrugged. "Why not? Using only one, he wasn't even a challenge. This should make it more interesting!"

Jidanbo smiled. "If you say so, little red man." He hefted his axes up. "You'll never withstand this! Bonzai Strike Festival!" He swiped this way and that, but Dante leaped all over the axes like a master gymnast. Using the axes as both landing platforms and push-off points, Dante went higher and higher, forcing Jidanbo to swing higher as well.

"Not bad, red man! But dodge all you want, you'll never take both my…" Much to his surprise, Jidanbo's hands were empty, and Dante was nowhere to be seen.

"…Axes?" a voice rang out behind him. He turned around, and his mouth dropped open at the sight he saw. Dante was juggling the massive axes as if they were mere toys. He caught both of them and performed a quick combo, slashing away at mid-air. He finished with a double strike, posing with his "borrowed" weapons. He smirked, holding his pose. "Well, looks like I win." He stood up straight, tossing the axes back to Jidanbo. "Those axes are pretty cool. If we weren't in a hurry, I'd see how many of those hollow things I could wipe out with 'em."

"You…you beat…me?"

Dante nodded. "Don't get me wrong, you're pretty good yourself. But with all the power you have, you've let your speed go. If you built that up more, not many people would be able to put up a fight against you."

Everyone except Lady, Nero, and Ichigo gaped at Dante. "Wow!" Orihime exclaimed. "Did you see that?"

Ichigo snorted. "I could've done that, too. Well, maybe not the axe-juggling, but you know what I mean."

Yoruichi stared. "No one's beat Jidanbo in the three hundred years that he's guarded this gate. I must say, I'm impressed."

Uryu nodded. "I'll say. How in the world did he handle those axes so effortlessly?"

Jidanbo looked at Dante oddly. "You're…helping me out? But you're my enemy. Why are you giving me advice?"

Dante shrugged. "You're not a bad guy. Just doing your job, that's all. No sense in getting mad at you for that."

Jidanbo bowed his head. "Well, I am defeated. Because you have beaten me, I, Jidanbo, grant you and your group passage into the _seireitei_."

Dante pumped his fist up in the air. "Score! Well, let's get moving, then!"

Uryu adjusted his glasses. "Wait, you're letting all of us in? Why?"

Jidanbo looked over at him. "Your leader has defeated me in battle. Therefore, I have no right to stop anyone in your group."

"WHAT?! Who made him leader?"

Ichigo clamped a hand over Uryu's mouth. "Just shut up!" he whispered. "Do you really want to start another fight all over again?!"

Jidanbo looked at Dante. "Tell me, little red man. What is your name?"

He looked up at the gatekeeper. "Dante, Son of Sparda. How are ya?"

"Hmm. Sparda…I've never heard of him before."

Dante shook his head. "Didn't expect you to. We're not really from around here…"

"I'm not sure why you are so determined to get through here, but you should know that the ones you meet on the other side will all be very strong."

Dante held his hands out in challenge. "The stronger, the better. Bring 'em all on!"

"Very well. Then stand back, and I shall open the gate for you." As they obeyed, the large gatekeeper reached under the gate, and with a large amount of strength, forced it up near the top. But then he seemed to freeze.

Dante looked at the massive gatekeeper. "Hey, what is it, big guy? See a ghost or something? Hellooo!!" He turned in the direction that Jidanbo was looking.

A man was approaching. He wore an outfit similar to Ichigo's, but wore another white robe on top of it. He also had a sheathed zanpakuto tied into a white cloth belt.

Dante stared at the man. "Hey. Who's the guy in the bathrobe?"

Jidanbo answered, trembling. "Th-that is the captain of Squad Three, Gin Ichimaru!"

Dante frowned. "Itchy-what? What's so special about him? The only thing weird I can see is that he's squinting at me."

Ichimaru looked at Jidanbo. "Hmm…how unacceptable." In the blink of an eye, a large gash appeared on Jidanbo's left arm.

His grip on the gate loosened, but did not fail. "I was defeated in battle…so I must let them pass."

"Being a gatekeeper doesn't mean that when you lose, you let people in. It means when you lose…you die."

Before he could attack Jidanbo again, Ichigo dashed at him, blocking his second strike. "Who the hell do you think you are?" Ichigo growled. "What's the big idea butting in here, you friggin' ass clown? Anyone who comes to kill an unarmed man deserves to die!"

Ichimaru snorted. "You're sure a funny kid. You're not scared of me at all?"

"Hell no. I've seen Dante do things that would turn your hair white." He glanced at Ichimaru's hair. "Well, maybe not that, but the point remains."

"Hmm…Dante?" He looked over by the rest of the group. "Ah, the 'man in red' we've heard so much about. How predictable." He began walking away from Ichigo. "And very unfortunate; that's all the more reason why I can't let you pass."

"Hey, pal, if you're gonna attack me, why are you so far away? Gonna toss that dagger at me?"

Dante snorted. "It's not a dagger, dumbass. It's a zanpakuto."

"Precisely," Ichimaru said. He mumbled a command, but Ichigo didn't have time to register what it was as the blade lengthened and shot at him and Jidanbo. He brought up Zangetsu to block it, but the force of the impact sent him flying into Jidanbo, and then sent both of them tumbling backward.

The gate began to plummet back down. Ichimaru waved to them. "Bye-bye now!"

Yoruichi looked at him. "No! The gate!"

Dante grinned. _Only got one shot at this…_ He snapped his fingers, saying "Stand still…" softly.

Faster than Lady or Nero could register, a hand had grabbed each of them and pulled them through the gate. Before they knew what had happened, they were hiding behind a building with a hand over each of their mouths. Lady traced the hand back to…_Dante? How the hell did he do that?!_

As the gate crashed down, Ichimaru looked around in confusion. "Hmm…I could have sworn I heard something…" He shook his head, walking back to headquarters. "No matter. It was probably that 'gatekeeper' falling."

Dante waited until the Soul Reaper Captain was out of sight, and then let out a sigh, dropping his hands. "Whew…that was a close one."

Nero looked at Dante, confused. "How the hell did you do that?"

He shrugged. "Little demonic power I picked up in Temen-Ni-Gru. I call it Quicksilver. Slows everything but me down incredibly." He smiled. "I could have gone even faster if I'd Devil Triggered, but I didn't want to rip off your arms."

Lady nodded. "Neither did we. So what now, genius?"

Dante frowned. "Now we get to exercise the least-developed of my awesome talents…stealth."

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Ichigo looked up from the ground, confused. "What just happened?"

Uryu chuckled. "Well, you got embarrassed by another Soul Reaper. He sure wiped the floor with you."

"Considering who he fought, though, he's lucky just to be alive, let alone uninjured," Yoruichi piped up.

Ichigo paused, thinking. _Something's not right. It's too quiet in our group all of a sudden…wait…_ He looked around. "Hey, where's the Devil Hunters?"

Orihime looked around, nervous. "What? But…they were just here!"

Chad frowned. "I heard that Dante guy say something, and then he disappeared. But I thought he was going to catch Ichigo, or maybe stop the gate."

Yoruichi frowned. _This is unexpected._ "There's only one other place they could be."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "You don't think…"

Yoruichi nodded. "They're definitely in the Soul Society."

Ichigo prepared to mumble about their lack of cooperation, but stopped short as he looked around. It seemed the people had finally come out of their homes.

* * *

Well, in posting another chapter this month, I've created yet another cliffhanger. And while I'm still sore from all those tomatoes (and that one fish), I'll keep the chapters coming as much as possible. Consider these two chapters in one month my Christmas gift to all of you. Happy holidays!

Oh, and, um...if you wanted to give me a review as a form of Christmas present...you know, I wouldn't mind that at all. *makes sad puppy eyes* Please?


	13. Loading The Cannon

Rukia turned her head around as she heard a person open the door of her cell. "What is it now, Renji?" she asked, her voice monotone. "Have they moved up my execution date?"

He nodded, flanked by escort guards. "Yes. The use of the Sokyoku has been authorized, and as such, we're here to take you to the Repentance Cell."

She turned her head back around, emotionless. Renji frowned. She'd been like this ever since they'd got back from the human world. It was like she didn't care that she was about to die. He shook his head. Rules were rules, and as much as he hated it, he had a job to do.

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Ichigo looked around in irritation. "This looks an awful lot like the empty countryside. You sure you're going the right way, Uryu?"

"Be quiet!" he snapped. "I'm following the map and the map says we're going the right way! If you've got a problem with it, then you do it!"

"Sheesh, don't get your panties in a wad. I was just asking."

Orihime looked around the area. "I'll bet that Kukaku Shiba is out here because they're the type of master who likes to keep their identity secret, and it's easy to do in the wilderness!"

Yoruichi frowned. "That would make sense, but it's not the case here. Living in this type of area is just Kukaku's…shall we say, _style_. Even though Kukaku moves frequently, the houses themselves always look much the same. I _guarantee_ you'll know when we're there."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Whatever that means, I'm getting a funny feeling about it."

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Ichigo's suspicion wasn't far off. Both he and Uryu were shocked when Yoruichi announced that they had arrived. "What the hell?!"

Uryu's sentiments were similar. "No _way_!"

Orihime beamed. "It's fantastic!"

Chad merely grunted, not displaying any surprise.

Yoruichi grinned. "Like I said, you know it when you see it. Hehe."

Ichigo's mouth dropped open. "Who would want to live in a place like _that_?!"

He was followed in kind by Uryu. "I don't know, but whoever it is doesn't mind advertising their identity!"

Yoruichi looked at the banner curiously. "So it's held up by human-shaped arms this time. Clever, don't you think?"

Uryu looked confused. "Well, that's one word for it…"

Ichigo didn't answer, as Yoruichi's claws would likely have retaliated for it, but thought in his mind _The word I was looking for probably would've been nuts. Or crazy. Or Dante-ish._

As they approached the house, they were stopped by two large men. Ichigo zoned out on what they were saying, but got the general gist of what their purpose was: guarding the house. He put a hand on Zangetsu in preparation. "Great. More gatekeepers. Maybe I'll actually get to kick some ass."

The guards went from angry to shocked as soon as they saw Yoruichi. "M-Master Yoruichi!"

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Lady ducked behind a building as two Soul Reapers passed by them. As they walked away, she breathed a sigh of relief. She turned to Dante and Nero. "So what's the plan, genius?" she asked Dante.

He picked his ear, unconcerned. "Plan? Why would I have one of those?"

She rolled her eyes. "Nero? How about you?"

He smiled. "Well, we could pull the old 'steal an enemy uniform' scheme."

Dante shook his head. "There's problems with that 'plan'."

Lady sighed. "Which are?"

"First, this isn't a Hollywood movie. If we go knocking out some random Soul Reapers, there's a good chance that the clothes we steal probably won't fit us anyway. Not to mention, Lady, I don't think anyone here carries outfits big enough for you in the chest area." She whipped a pistol up to his head, but he took it out of her hand just as quickly. "Stealth, babe, stealth!"

She growled. "Fine, then. What's the other problems?"

"The second problem is that even if the uniforms _do_ fit, what are we going to do when the Soul Reapers we knocked out wake back up?"

Nero frowned at that. "Damn. Never thought of it that way."

"I mean, if we were the bad guys, we'd just kill 'em and be on our merry way. But even if these Soul Reapers are executing Rukia like jackasses, they're not demons or hollows or whatever the hell counts for that type of thing in this world. So I don't feel too good about killing any."

Lady nodded. "A good point. Anything else?"

He smirked. "Yeah. There's no way in hell I'm swapping my clothes for those bathrobes. With an outfit this good, I refuse to hide it."

Lady groaned. "You bigheaded moron," she said, but smiled as she did. "Seriously, though, is that all?"

"Nope. The last problem with that is…what happens if our little buddies get the same idea? Hell, that Ichigo kid _already_ wears a Soul Reaper outfit. If we screw it up, they won't be able to pull it off when they get here. So we'll leave the disguises to the kiddies." He looked at Nero. "No offense or anything."

Nero shrugged. "Guess it was better in theory than practice. Oh, well."

Dante nodded. "For now, we'll just stay out of sight, and if we're close to getting caught, then we knock out any possible spotters."

Lady snorted. "And you said you didn't have a plan."

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As Ichigo fought Ganju Shiba, the man they'd met earlier, Kukaku watched with an air of detachment. She puffed lazily on her pipe, blowing out smoke calmly as Ichigo and her brother tore holes through the walls. When her pipe was knocked out of her mouth, however, her eye began to twitch in irritation.

Ichigo, seeing the pipe knocked out of her hand, decided he'd better act fast before it got stepped on. _I'll show up that cocky bastard Dante…if only he were here to see it._ He deftly picked the pipe up just before Ganju crushed it by accident, and without looking, quickly placed it back in Kukaku's mouth. With that out of the way, he figured he'd be able to continue his fight with Ganju. _Heh…not bad._

Unfortunately for Ichigo, he was wrong. He hadn't paid attention to which way the pipe had been facing when he'd put it in Kukaku's mouth. As such, instead of being able to continue puffing quietly on her pipe, Kukaku got a mouthful of hot ashes. She choked for a few seconds, unnoticed by Ichigo or Ganju, and after spitting out her pipe and the ashes, she saw red. _That…little…BASTARD!_

Ichigo had his back turned to Kukaku, but he stopped as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Ganju did the same, a worried expression on his face. The same thought ran quickly through both of their minds. _Uh-oh…something tells me something very bad is about to happen._

A ground pound and an explosion later (both courtesy of one _very_ angry Kukaku Shiba), they were both proven right.

After Kukaku yelled at Ganju for his idiocy, she walked over to Ichigo. He gulped. _Oh crap, oh crap, she's gonna kill me. I haven't been this scared since the time Rukia caught Kon peeking at her._

She picked Ichigo up by the collar, drawing his face even with hers. "Listen up, you little snot-nosed punk! I don't know who you think you are, but if you _ever_ pull a stunt like that again, I'll see to it personally that you're thrown out of here in the most painful matter possible. Do I make myself _clear_?!"

Ichigo gulped. "Yes, ma'am, I understand you," he said quickly.

She smiled. "Good. Glad you do." She dropped him, walking away briskly.

Ichigo wriggled up to Ganju quietly. "Your sister sure is scary," he whispered.

"Tell me about it."

He groaned in pain. _Maybe it was a good thing that Dante wasn't here after all…_

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Rukia gazed outside the window of the Repentance Cell. While one of the guards was speaking, she didn't really pay attention. _Ichigo's dead, and soon, I will be too. I must retain my dignity in honor of my brother. Nothing else matters now._

Renji seemed to struggle with something internally, but eventually decided in favor of it. He walked briskly toward Rukia, ignoring the guard's warning that it was not permitted. He put his hand on Rukia's shoulder roughly, speaking softly into her ear. "I want to leave you with some unconfirmed information. From what I heard, a large group of intruders tried to enter the Soul Society yesterday. There were eight of them. Now my sources say that two of them had white hair and carried strange swords on their backs. Not only that, but a Soul Reaper was seen with them. A Soul Reaper with orange hair."

Rukia gasped, turning toward Renji with an expression of both shock and hope. _Could it be? Ichigo? And Dante and Nero? Could they really be here?_

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Uryu sighed in disbelief. "I know you're supposed to be _the_ pyrotechnics expert, but I'm still not completely convinced." He adjusted his glasses, his eyes closed in confusion. "The idea of shooting us _up_ into the air seems completely cra-"

CRACK! A blue, glass-like sphere smashed into Uryu's face and then bounced off into Ichigo's hands. He smiled. _Heheh. Nice._ He looked at the small sphere. "I'm just guessing, but I don't think this is glass."

Kukaku smiled. "Well, you're right, it's not. It's a _reishukaku_, or Spirit Core. Place your palms on it and concentrate your spirit energy into it."

"Um, okay." He tried clenching it and twisting it a little, but he didn't make any progress. "Anyone know _how_ to concentrate spirit energy?"

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Renji was lost in thought as he walked away. _I can't remember the last time I saw Rukia's face light up like that. It's probably a good thing I didn't mention that they were met by Gin Ichimaru. Even if that Dante character _did _survive, there's a good chance that the substitute Soul Reaper got killed in the crossfire._ He sighed. "Oh, well," he mumbled to himself. "It's probably best she doesn't know anyway."

"Hey, there!"

Renji turned to the voice. "Huh? Captain Aizen?"

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Ichigo gasped in exhaustion. _Dammit! How am I supposed to get to Rukia if I can't even form this stupid cannonball thing?!_ "Dammit!"

"So, is she that important to you?"

Ichigo turned to Ganju, who was spinning the Spirit Core like a basketball. "Huh?"

"That girl. The other Soul Reaper. You know, the one you _came to save_?"

He turned away. "Why do you care?"

"I don't. Just curious, is all. So, do you?"

All the images of Rukia's stay with him flashed through Ichigo's mind. As much as he wanted to say yes, he wasn't about to have some punk he'd just met pestering him about Rukia while he had training to do. "Whether or not I do, that isn't the only reason for doing this."

Ganju frowned. "Huh?"

Ichigo swiped the Spirit Core back. "Just shut up so I can get back to training."

"Oh, I know. You promised to save her, right?"

"I wasn't in a state to promise anything."

"Then it's money! She promised to pay you when you saved her!"

"How the hell would I use money from _here_ in _my_ world?"

"Well, just what is it, then? What other reason could you have?"

"I owe her, okay?"

Ganju stopped, confused. "What?"

"She saved my life, and I haven't repaid her yet. She gave up the strength she had to save me and my family, even though we'd just met. And just for that, they caught her and wanna execute her." Ganju's eyes widened at that last part. "What kind of heartless bastard would I be if I just turned my back on her after all that?"

Ganju sighed. _He's a punk, but at least he's a decent one. I guess there's no way he can figure this out without my help…_ He swiped the Spirit Core again. "Here. I'll show you how this is done, since you suck so bad. It's a little visualization technique I developed a while back." He closed his eyes. "Draw a circle in your mind. As dark as possible, and as heavy as possible. Then, imagine yourself jumping right into the middle of that circle." As Ganju described the technique, the Spirit Core lit up, and formed a sturdy cannonball around him. "I could cry, it's so easy." The cannonball then shrank around him. With his back turned as it was, Ichigo couldn't see the look of fatigue on his face. "Well, there it is. Not like you could do any better yourself." He tossed the Spirit Core behind him, and Ichigo caught it. He walked out of the room, taking care not to slump in exhaustion. "Good luck!" he said sarcastically.

Ichigo snorted as Ganju closed the door behind him. _And I thought Rukia was a bad actor._ Then he frowned, speaking mentally. _Hey, Zangetsu. About what he said…_

_Zangetsu's voice echoed back. "Yes, you may trust what he says. But take care not to lose concentration, and to focus your energy as well."_

Ichigo nodded. "Okay. Here goes nothing."

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Lady sighed, stretching her arms out. Dante yawned and cracked his neck. Nero…snored. _Loudly_.

Lady chuckled. "Well, Dante, looks like 'the kid' finally beat you at something."

He rolled his eyes. "Whole hell of a lot of good it'll do him when it gets us caught," he grumbled. "Why are both of us awake, anyway?"

"So that if one of us falls asleep, the other can wake them back up."

"And if both of us fall asleep at the same time?"

"That won't happen, because the first person who falls asleep will be you. Lazy hybrid."

"Well, excuuuse me, Miss Devil Hunter. I just hope for your sake you can stay awake longer than you stay sober."

Lady looked away at that, unable to find a good retort. Dante shook his head, looking outside the warehouse. Apparently night fell even in the afterlife, which had surprised him. They'd decided that it was pointless searching around at night, so they found a deserted warehouse and snuck inside. As soon as Dante had volunteered to keep watch, Lady questioned him about his ability to do so, and they bickered for a few minutes. When they finally stopped, they looked over to see Nero had dozed off on one of the boxes.

Lady looked at his snoring form. "Doesn't he find it dangerous sleeping that close to that big of a sword? Or with a gun in his coat?"

Dante shrugged. "He probably feels about the same way as you do about carrying large amounts of explosives next to your hips." She smiled at that. He looked at Nero as well. "He's like a little puppy, isn't he? Or a kid."

She snorted. "You already call him a kid."

"Kid as in single-digits, not kid as in teenager."

She smirked. "Really? Getting a paternal side to you?"

He shrugged, smirking slightly. "Maybe. Do you think we're raising him right?"

"I don't know, sometimes I think he could use a spanking."

Dante shook his head. "Wow. I think that's the first conversation where _you've_ been the one to turn it kinky."

She blushed. "I…I didn't mean it l-like that! I meant…you know, because of the attitude and…"

"Excuses, excuses. Sicko."

She opened her mouth to defend herself, but Dante held up his hand. "We don't want to wake Junior."

She cleared her throat. "Yeah…"

He turned to Lady, grinning widely. "So…since he's asleep, whaddya say Mommy and Daddy have a little fun?"

She gasped, turning even redder if possible. "Dante!!"

"Is that a yes?"

"N-No! What is _wrong_ with you?! Nero's right there!"

He shrugged. "So? He won't hear us over the sound of his snoring."

"Are you forgetting the point of us being awake? We're supposed to keep a lookout so we're not caught!"

He made the motion of snapping his fingers without actually doing it. "Damn. Worth a shot, though." He winked at her. "Maybe later?"

She looked away. "Maybe," she muttered, barely audible.

He grinned impishly. "I heard that. Just make sure that if we do, you take off all the grenades and rockets along with the rest of your clothes." Suddenly, his vision was obscured by the butt of a pistol. _WHACK!_ "OW!"

* * *

Well, there you are! A chapter to celebrate...NEW YEAR! (looks at calendar) Erm...CHINESE NEW YEAR! (looks at calendar again) Umm...Okay, fine, this one was getting close to the "late" mark. At least I got it posted before the end of the month. I know I didn't really get to where I wanted to, but things should pick up again in the next chapter. Now that you've read...REVIEW! (crickets chirp) Please? They're really quite nice...


	14. The Human Cannonballs

_Ichigo chased Rukia, running as fast as he could. Much to his irritation, she kept running faster, trailing butterflies behind her. "Slow down!" he yelled._

_She giggled. "And make it easy for you?" Ichigo could've sworn she_ _sped up __after speaking. Suddenly, a shadowy figure jumped into his path with a banana in its hand. He knocked it out of the way with the celery stalk in his hand and shoved the figure out of his way. Rukia laughed. "You're falling behind!"_

_A smirk on his face, Ichigo dashed flat out at her._

"Ichigo."

_Closer…he was getting closer…_

"ICHIGO_._"

_He leaped at Rukia, flying towards her. But as he wrapped his arms around her in a rough tackle, she turned into…_

"ICHIGO!"

"Applesauce!" Ichigo called out, lurching forward. Then he noticed his eyes were closed. He opened them, growing confused at his surroundings. _The interior of a home…but what home, again?_ "Where am I?"

"The Shiba clan home," a gruff voice said behind him.

Ichigo turned around. _Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm in the Soul Society. And that's Ganju._ "Oh, hey. Whadda you want?"

Ganju snorted. "Me? I was the one trying to prepare for our launch when you started talking in your sleep, ya dumbass!"

_Sleeping? When did I fall asleep?_ Then it came back to him…after finally perfecting forming the cannonball (which had taken a while, even with Ganju's advice and Zangetsu's warning about concentration), he hadn't felt hungry, so instead of boring himself with Spirit Core training, he'd picked up Zangetsu and done a little physical training (or maybe it was spiritual, seeing as how he was in his soul form…). After a while, it had got tiring, so he kneeled down to catch his breath, and then everything had gone black. And then he'd dreamed. _Great. Here I am trying to get stronger, and I fall asleep during training. I'm lucky Zangetsu ended up on the ground instead of through my stomach._ He scratched his head, yawning. "How long have I been down here?"

"Coupl'a hours. Sis said there was no point in messing with you, especially with launch preparations and all."

Ichigo heard the door behind him open up. He turned around, seeing Uryu looking at him with a smirk. "Well, you're finally awake, Sleeping Beauty. C'mon, we're ready to go."

"Hmm? Already?"

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Yoruichi looked around at the group. "Well, it seems everyone's here now. You kept us waiting, Ichigo."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well, I had to get that whole cannonball thing right. Took me a while." He formed one to demonstrate, and made sure to gently dissipate it.

Orihime beamed. "Well done, Ichigo! I guess all that practice paid off!"

He smiled. "Thanks."

"Never fear, Ganju is here!"

Ichigo frowned at the panting man standing in the doorway to the house. "What's with the outfit?"

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Ichigo's mouth dropped open as Yoruichi formed a cannonball on the first attempt. _No way! I spent hours trying get that right, and someone who hocks up hairballs gets it right the first time?! Man, I'm glad Dante's not here to see this._

After Yoruichi stepped away from the Spirit Core, Ichigo turned to the rest of them. "Hey, guys…any of you getting kind of antsy about this?"

Orihime looked confused. "Huh? About what?"

"The whole 'human cannonball' thing."

Uryu chuckled. "Getting cold feet, Ichigo? It's not like this is a brand-new concept: they've had human cannonball routines in circuses for centuries."

Ichigo frowned. "This is a little different. Not to mention they have safety nets in circuses."

"We'll be alright, Ichigo," Chad said. "If we work together, we'll be inside the _seireitei_ in no time."

Ichigo nodded. _Yeah, but in how many pieces?_

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Dante looked at the building in front of them, confused. "Hey, wait…doesn't this warehouse look familiar?"

Nero sighed. "It should. We've been past it twice now."

"Damn it, Lady! What's the big idea?"

"It's not my fault, okay?!" she snapped. "Every single building here looks the same, not to mention we don't even know where we're going!"

Dante rolled his eyes. After all, _she'd_ been the one to suggest they start out at the crack of dawn to get a head start. But without any directions, they were quickly becoming very lost. Just as he prepared to shoot back an insult, he went very still. "Hey, guys…did you feel that?"

Lady looked at him funny. "Feel what? I don't-"

"Yeah."

Lady looked at Nero, surprised at his response. "You too? What's got you both acting weird?" He didn't respond at all, even when she stared directly at him for a full minute. As she looked at Dante, it happened again. She swore if he was a dog, his ears would be set back in alert.

"There it is again," Nero said. "It reminds me of an earthquake, but different."

Dante nodded, turning to Lady. "It's like a sonic boom, but without the speed."

Lady looked up into the sky, confused. Then she gasped. "Look!" She pointed up towards a strange object in the sky. Dante and Nero followed her finger. "What is that thing?"

Nero closed his eyes, focusing. "I think…it's the rest of the group!"

Dante gave a half-smile, but it barely lasted a second. "The old human cannonball trick? They've got guts, all right."

"Human cannonball?" Lady asked. "That's how they decided to get over the wall? Why didn't they just climb over?"

Before Dante could answer, the cannonball slammed into what seemed to be a massive, near-transparent bubble around the _seireitei_. He smirked. "Well, _that's_ why. Gotta say, I'm kind of surprised we didn't run into that problem."

Nero thought back on their entrance through the gate. "Probably because that gate was an intentional hole to let Soul Reapers in and out. Even the best fortresses need a door."

The cannonball seemed to struggle against the barrier. The barrier flexed, shuddered, and then finally buckled enough to let the cannonball through…at which point it promptly broke apart, sending its passengers floating around with gravity seemingly having no effect. Dante clenched his fists. "Damn it. We gotta do something or they'll die!" But as he flexed his legs to jump, a voice called out to him. "What do you think you're doing?"

Nero turned to the voice, and snarled when he saw its owner. "YOU!"

Dante and Lady turned to its direction, and received equal levels of shock. "You…" Lady began.

"BASTARD!" Dante finished. "You're the one behind this, aren't you?!"

The man in the black cloak chuckled. "Me? I'm not behind what's happening right now. They're trying to get into the Soul Society, and they will."

Dante growled. "I don't have time for this! I'm going to save them!"

"You'll only reach them by using your Devil Trigger, and if you do that, you'll rip their limbs out."

Nero looked at the man with a mixture of surprise and rage, but mostly the latter. "I oughta…"

The man held up his hands. "They'll be fine, don't worry. They'll all land safely. Your main concern should be what happens _after_ they land."

Dante, in a rare moment, was at a loss for words. "How…do you know about…?"

The man frowned. "Now is not a time for explanation, Son of Sparda. Let's just say I've kept track of you." His eyes widened. "Oh, that reminds me!" He pulled out a small, wrapped package from his cloak. He tossed it to Dante, who caught it with his right hand. "Just in case you need some advice."

Dante snarled. "I've got your advice right here!" He pulled out Ebony and pointed it at the package.

"I wouldn't do that. After all, it belonged to your mother." Seeing Dante's surprised look, he grinned. "This is just like a birthday! Open it up!"

Before Dante could, an explosion went off above them. They'd been so distracted by the reappearance of the sorcerer that they'd nearly forgotten about the cannonball. As the Devil Hunters looked up, the passengers that had occupied the cannonball shot off in four different directions. Lady scanned the comet-like objects frantically. "I can't tell who's in which one! Who do we go after?"

Dante tried to discern who was in each comet, but they were too bright and moving too fast. "We don't know who's in what comet. Hell, maybe they've got a plan to meet up with each other. But we need to search for Rukia on our own; the more time we waste trying to find _them_, the closer her execution gets."

Nero nodded, then looked around in confusion. "What the…where'd that sorcerer go?"

Dante and Lady looked around as well, but found no sign of the black-cloaked man. "Dammit!" Lady exclaimed. "And now that psycho's disappeared again. Dante, can you…Dante?" She looked over at him; he was staring at the package with an expression she'd never seen before. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Dante opened the package slowly. Nero waved his hands at him. "Hey, wait, hold on a second! What if it's a bomb or something?" Dante ignored him, pulling off the wrapping paper. His eyes went wide when he saw what it was. Nero, however, was confused. "Huh? A box?"

Lady looked at Dante with worry. She'd finally figured out what the look on his face was. _It's like he's seeing a ghost. What's so special about that box?_

Dante ran his hands along the box's purple sides. "No," he whispered. "There's no way…"

"Dante?" He finally turned to look at Lady. "What is it?"

"It…I think it's…my mother's music box."

"Her music box?"

He nodded. "She used to play us a special tune before we went to bed. It was her song. But there's no way…I thought it was destroyed with the rest of our home when they…" He suddenly stopped speaking.

Nero looked at him cautiously. _The "us" must mean him and his brother. Why am I getting this feeling of déjà vu? I feel like I know the tune that the box will play._

Dante looked at the tiny crank of the box. "If this really is my mother's, we'll know. My father had it specially made to play a unique tune." He prepared to turn it. _Half of me wants it to be a fake. Because if it is, then that means that I can kick that sorcerer's ass without asking questions first._ He turned the crank gently. Lady watched with amazement. After all, she'd seen him wade through hordes of demons, cutting through them with glee; she'd seen him smash through obstacles she thought immobile; it was amazing to know he could still be in complete control when he wanted to.

After he'd finished cranking, a soft tune began to emanate from the little box. It was smooth and beautiful; Lady had never heard anything like it before. Nero didn't know why, but as the song played, he felt a strange sensation in his right arm. If he'd had to describe it, it would have been a heavy sensation; as ridiculous as it sounded, it was as if his arm was sad. Though he'd never heard the music before, he felt as if he did, somehow.

As the music stopped playing, Dante's head drooped. Lady looked at him. "What? What is it?"

"Twenty years…I haven't heard that tune in twenty years…"

Nero looked closer at the box. "Hmm? Hey, Dante, there's a note on the bottom."

Dante turned the box over, pulling off the small white note. It read:

_Aww, you didn't get the hint? Well, I suppose it's no surprise; I'll bet it's been a while since you've seen this. If you're wondering how to cover your tracks, stall Soul Reapers, and keep from getting lost at the same time, think about the words of the song, especially the fourth line. That's almost giving it away, but I suppose it's the least I can do._

Lady scanned the note after Dante had read it, then passed it to Nero. "Words?" she asked. "What does it mean by that? That box only played the music."

Dante shook his head vigorously. "No. No, no, no."

Nero looked at him curiously. "Huh? Whaddya mean, 'no'?"

"It's impossible. There's no way he could know the words. Only three people ever knew them, and I'm the only one still alive."

"What about your brother? Did he tell anyone?"

He snorted. "Vergil? He sided with our father more than our mother, and talking about that kind of stuff to demons is like wearing a sign that says 'Wimp'. He wouldn't have lasted as long as he did by giving that away."

"Then what about the other person?"

"My mother was killed in front of me, kid. She didn't tell anybody but her sons."

Nero gulped but didn't falter. "Well, what does it mean, then?"

Dante cranked the music box again. He mouthed the lyrics, and Lady read his lips. _In a field so green and so free…seeds gaze up…the ground keeps them from the light…and the sky cries white tears of snow…_ He stopped mouthing lyrics, even though the song wasn't over. "What does he mean by that?"

Lady thought back to the note's instructions. _Think about the words of the song, especially the fourth line._ "How does _that_ help us?"

Dante thought for a moment. "Would that really work?" he said softly, almost to himself. "But even if he knew, how does that cover our tracks?" He didn't speak for a minute.

"He-llo? Anybody in there?" Lady said, irritated.

He straightened up. "His hint is 'white tears of snow'. But I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean."

Lady thought back to their fight in Temen-Ni-Gru. "Wait, what about that one Devil Arm you had that had ice powers?"

"Huh? Cerberus?" He pulled out the sanchaku. "What about him?"

"Well, doesn't it make ice and snow?"

"Yeah, but how is that supposed to keep us from getting lost?"

Nero shrugged. "Well, we could use the ice to mark where we've been."

Dante nodded. "Okay, that makes sense. But how does it cover our tracks?"

He thought for a moment. "Hey…you know how Ichigo and Urahara had those zanpakuto? And how they both had special powers?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, if someone passed by the ice, they might think it was a Soul Reaper using those powers and ignore it."

Dante thought for a moment. "Hmm…you may have something there." He smiled. "And if we meet a big group of Soul Reapers, we can just freeze 'em in their tracks."

Lady breathed a sigh of relief. Now that they'd solved the puzzle, Dante's spirits seemed to be lifting. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's save Rukia!"

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Ichigo eyed the shouting bald man warily. _He looks dumb, but looks can be deceiving. I should know; I got kicked around by Ururu during training._ "The hell?"

"Hey, Ichigo," Ganju whispered.

"What now?"

"Shut up and listen. I'm makin' a run for it the first chance I get."

"Running away from a fight? Pansy."

"These guys have too much spirit energy, you damn idiot!"

"Whatever. Just make sure to find Dante or Nero if you can."

"What d'they look like?"

"Dante's wearing an all red trench coat, Nero's wearing an all blue one. Can't miss 'em."

"Hey!" the bald man shouted. "What are you two arguing about?"

Ichigo shrugged. "We're havin' a little trouble. We're tryin' to decide our battle strategy, so could you give us a minute?"

The bald man's partner (Ichigo wasn't sure if it was a woman with a male voice or a really feminine man) considered it. "Well, it would be amusing to see what you come up with. But then again, the more time we waste, the greater the chances of other Soul Reapers coming here and stealing our glory."

The bald man grinned. "Why don't we set a time limit, then? Before we fight, I can-"

"If you wanna fight, be my guest!" Ganju shouted as he took off full speed in the opposite direction. Ichigo smirked. _He may not be brave, but at least he's fast._ As the bald man's partner ran past him, Ichigo turned around to look at the remaining Soul Reaper. _Finally. I've been dyin' to kick some ass_.

* * *

Yeah, it's been quite a while since the last chapter. Between mid-terms, a three-to-five page paper, a ten minute power point presentation, and the fact my computer tried to electronically eat itself, the quality of this chapter is pretty low. But have no fear! This may be my only chapter for this month, but take solace in the fact that next month...I'll post _two._ So read, and if you want to, review! Writers love to hear feedback; I personally like to know what I'm doing wrong so that I can fix it. Thanks for reading this chapter, and I'll see you at the resolution of this cliffhanger! (cringes at angry booing)


	15. Soul Society Skirmish

The bald man gave Ichigo a funny look. "So, tell me. Why didn't you run away, like your friend? He obviously sensed that we were stronger and fled. If you ask me, I think he was pretty smart."

"If that's the way you Soul Reapers are trained to think," Ichigo said, smirking, "then you're even dumber than he was."

The bald man showed no concern over the barbed comment, merely curiosity. _Is he just over-confident or was he just messing with me? _Ichigo wondered. "Huh? Whaddya mean by that?" the man asked.

Ichigo climbed out of the sand pit, dusting himself off. "Well, if you really are stronger than me, there'd be no point running from you. I'd end up getting stabbed in the back instead of the front."

_**That happened once even though you weren't running**_, a little voice in his head sneered.

_Shut up_, he growled back mentally. Ignoring his internal opponent, he continued the conversation with his external one. "But on the other hand, if it turns out I'm the tougher one, I'll just beat your ass and be on my way. That's the way I see it." Having said his piece, he put his hand on Zangetsu gently.

The bald man smiled; not in mocking as he had until now, but in true admiration. "I see. I guess you're not so dumb, after all."

The two stared at each other. Urahara had taught him that though these seconds might seem meaningless to an observer, they were a crucial part of the fight. _Keep your guard up_, Urahara's voice echoed._ Never let your gaze wander; not only for the sake of caution, but also to respect your opponent. Neither let your mind wander; that's when you make mistakes. If you do not know your opponent, stay still and let them make the first move; if arrogant enough, they will attack within seconds. And with as strong of fighters as those Soul Reapers will be, there's no reason for them not to be._

True to Hat-And-Clogs' word, the bald man had gone from holding his sword on his shoulders to drawing it and slashing downward in the blink of an eye. Fortunately for Ichigo, he hadn't blinked. He'd dodged backward while readying Zangetsu to block. He had backed up enough to not really need it, so he took advantage of Zangetsu being in a ready position and charged at the bald man.

The man in question grinned. _He moves well_. He brought his arm around, blocking Ichigo's incoming strike with the object in his hand.

_What? The sheath?! But then…_ He yanked Zangetsu free as the man's blade sped at him for an easy kill. But he refused to give it the satisfaction. With the now-cut scabbard to his left and an incoming blade to his right, and taking into account Zangetsu wasn't in a striking position, he did the only thing he could think of. He jumped up, flipping gracefully. After all, crouching could have been countered by altering the angle of the incoming blade, and he wasn't going to lose to some punk he'd encountered immediately after setting foot in the Soul Society again.

Landing on top of the wall, Ichigo gave his opponent no resting time as he dropped downward, blade extended. Dante had used the technique against hollows before, and he'd decimated the poor bastards unlucky enough to be under Rebellion.

Unfortunately, his opponent was smarter than Ichigo gave him credit for. He dodged backward, almost imitating Ichigo's earlier move (although, to Ichigo's credit, the man had to retreat even further due to Zangetsu's length). Dashing at him, Ichigo slashed horizontally twice; first to the left, then the right, but both were easily blocked. The bald man retaliated by alternately thrusting with both his sword and sheath. Ichigo dodged both, then flipped over the man again.

The man was ready this time, however, and slashed at Ichigo as he was upside-down in mid-air. Ichigo slashed back, knowing his timing was wrong for an accurate block. He was right, and as a result a cut was made over his left eye, bleeding copiously.

As he landed and turned around to face his opponent, he noted with grim satisfaction that the bald man wore a mirror wound, his above his right eye. The man seemed somewhat surprised, but kept his voice fairly even as he spoke. "At least…tell me your name."

He grinned. _You'll know you've gained a little respect if they ask for your name_, Urahara's voice reminded him._ But don't get carried away. They'll still try to kill you, they'll just give you the decency of making it a bit quicker._ "Ichigo Kurosaki."

"Hmm. Ichigo. That's a good name."

"Ya think so? No one's ever told me that before." _They've all been busy making "strawberry" jokes._

"Yeah. They say guys with 'Ichi' in their names are overflowing with talent and good looks. What I've heard, anyway." He grinned fiercely. "I'm Third Seat Assistant Adjutant, Squad Eleven. Ikkaku Madarame. So, Ichi, what say you and I be friends?"

Ichigo snorted. "Ain't gonna happen, pal."

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Uryu wrapped the bandaging around the unconscious Orihime's shoulder, his mind chastising him. _How could you let this happen? You're a Quincy! A Quincy is supposed to _protect_ people! Thanks to you, she's injured._

"Leave me alone," he grumbled to himself.

_What'll you do if this happens again? What if she injures more than her shoulder trying to save you, just because you were too scared to take action?_

"I wasn't scared."

_Then what were you?_

"…"

_Exactly._

"This won't happen again."

_Oh? According to who?_

"Me. I will not allow this to happen again. Next time, I'll be the one protecting _her_."

_That's more like it. Now stop talking to yourself, you'll attract attention._

Uryu complied, finishing up the medical work. His job done, he looked her over, checking for other wounds. _Let's see…nope, just that shoulder I fixed up._

"_Mxyzptlk_…" she mumbled sleepily. "You're pronouncing it wrong, Ichigo…"

Uryu looked over her once more; this time not in medical analysis, but appreciation. _Guess Ichigo and I aren't so different. He's trying to save a beautiful girl, and here I am patching one up._ He blinked. _Where did that come from?_ Shaking his head, he surveyed her face. Even though she wasn't smiling, her face was still calm and relaxed, even more so than when she was awake (which wasn't something Uryu wouldn't have believed if he hadn't seen it). _Well, okay, I'll admit she's pretty._

Absently, he ran his left hand through a strand of her hair. She sighed. "Mmm…that feels nice," she muttered. He moved his hand along her cheek softly. _Orihime…I…_

"Hey, c'mon now, Ichigo…what would Rukia say?"

Uryu took his hand off her face. _Ichigo, huh?_ He sighed. Why did that irk him?_ Well, enough dawdling. We'd better move out._

"N-no, I didn't mean…no…wait!"

Without warning, her torso jerked up sharply, her head rising directly into his nose. "MMPH!!" The force of the impact wasn't enough to break his nose, but it nearly flipped him over onto his back.

Orihime, meanwhile, was now standing. She looked around. "Huh? Ichigo?" Hearing Uryu's muffled groans of pain, she turned around. "Oh, it's you, Uryu."

He held his nose gingerly. Though it hadn't broken, it was bleeding. "Glad to see you're awake, Orihime," he said. "You were unconscious for a little while there."

Her face clouded with worry. "Oh, no! Are you all right, Uryu?"

He nodded, keeping his head tilted back as he stood up. "I'll be fine. You're worse off than me, anyway." With that, he nodded at her shoulder. "You injured it in the fall, so I bandaged it up, but I didn't have any painkillers, so it'll still hurt."

She blinked. "I see, so you did this? Well, thanks! But…you keep bandages on hand?"

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Dante spun Cerberus around on his wrist, then slammed the weapon into the ground, creating an ice pillar. "Well, that's five dead ends we've found. You know, with as many days as we have until the execution, we might be able to find Rukia just using the process of elimination."

Lady shook her head. "Let's hope we find her a lot faster than that. By the way, why don't those pillars melt?"

Instead of Dante, though, it was Nero who answered her question. "Well, seeing as how this is the Soul Society, a dwelling of spirits, our surroundings are pure spirit. So if something is made using spirit energy, even ice, it probably won't go away unless it's deliberately broken."

"So if some Soul Reaper comes along and decides to shatter our little markers, we're screwed, aren't we?"

Dante shook his head. "Nope. You're forgetting something." He tapped his nose. "The kid and I can sense demonic energy. Even though this place is full of spiritual power, Cerberus's power is the only demonic source. So even if it's broken, we'll still be able to sense the remnants."

She shook her head. "There's times where I swear you traded your brains for a box of rocks, and then you go and do stuff like this."

He shrugged. "With our line of work, you should be used to things not always being what they seem."

"What's the plan now?"

He gazed off in the distance. "Well, Ichigo and the others landed in random directions. If we meet up with one or two of them, we'll get them to come with us. But for speed's sake, if we find any more, we'll have to split in two groups."

Nero nodded. _Good plan. Works for me._ "So, where to?"

Dante looked at the fork to their left. _Hmm…right, left, or straight. We could go backwards, but I get the feeling that'd just be a waste of time._ "Umm…left."

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As Ichigo stared at Ikkaku, the wound above his left eye was still trickling blood down into said eye. Even with his eyelid closed, the stuff irritated him, and it was much easier to fight with both eyes open. He wiped it away nonchalantly with his left hand.

Ikkaku gave him a puzzled look. "I don't get it. There may be distance between us, but only a novice unfamiliar with real combat would allow his hand to leave his weapon during a match."

"Shut your trap, punk!" Ichigo snarled. "I had blood in my eye, so I wiped it away!"

"Even shallow wounds above the eye bleed profusely," Ikkaku said as he fiddled with the bottom of his sword. Pulling the cap at the bottom of the grip off, he dipped his fingers into the ointment stored within. "Therefore, you must stop the bleeding altogether." He spread the odd substance over his cut, stopping the flow of blood. "Just wiping it away is futile."

As if to prove his point, Ichigo felt the sting of his blood in his left eye again. "Hey, wait, no fair! You have a special ointment to stop the bleeding!"

"It is too fair!" Ikkaku retorted, a vein popping on his forehead in irritation. "It's called being prepared, dumbass! Instead of complaining, you should be applauding my foresight and professionalism!"

Ichigo scoffed, showing none of the respect Ikkaku had hoped for. With the source of his blood flow stemmed off, Ikkaku then wiped the excess blood away. He re-fastened the ointment cap, shaking his head. "You're an odd one, Ichi. You act like a greenhorn, and you don't look like much of a fighter…"

Ichigo tried licking his fingers and dabbing at his cut. Though it was not a bad idea, the blood flow was too thick to stop that way. He gave up, grumbling to himself.

"But…" He grinned, dashing at Ichigo. He brought his sword up to block Ikkaku's strike, and the two that followed. "You have excellent reflexes!" Ikkaku finished.

Ichigo retaliated with a downward strike of his own, forcing Ikkaku to block with both his blade and his sheath supporting the tremendous weight. "Fierce attacks, too!" Shoving Zangetsu's weight to the side, Ikkaku struck back. Their blades clashed together a few more times before the two combatants pushed away from each other. Ikkaku smirked. "Don't look so mad, kid. I'm _complimenting_ you."

_Why the hell does everyone keep calling me kid?! First Dante, now this guy _Ichigo wondered.

"You're too good to be dismissed as just a greenhorn with natural talent. No…there's something about the way you fight. Who was your master, Ichigo?"

He shrugged. "Master? I don't know about that; after all, he only trained me for ten days. But, if you insist, I suppose it would be Kisuke Urahara."

A startled look shot across Ikkaku's face. _What?! The former…_ "I see…so he was your master."

"Huh? Whaddya mean, 'I see'? You know him?"

Ikkaku nodded respectfully. "Yes. And because I do, I suppose it would be rude to kill you without giving it my all." He slammed the bottom of his sword's hilt against the bottom of the sheath (which, courtesy of Ichigo, had nearly been cut in half), a look of determination on his face. "Extend, Hozukimaru!"

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Nero's eyebrow rose. _What in the hell…_ "Hey, Dante! Check this out!"

Dante finished marking off their traveled path with Cerberus and walked over to Nero. "What is it?" Nero pointed to the object he was looking at, and as Dante followed his finger, his eyebrow rose as well.

There was about five seconds of silence before Lady spoke for all of them. "What the _hell_ is going on?" The object in question was a large block of ice attached to one of the walls. It was in the shape of an arrow.

Nero looked at Dante. "I'm guessing you didn't make that."

He shook his head. "Nope. I'd say it's from a Soul Reaper, but last time I checked, Ichigo didn't have ice powers. And since he's the only one who would actually want to help us…"

Lady frowned. "It's from someone else entirely."

Nero nodded. "It's that sorcerer bastard, isn't it?"

"No doubt about it," Dante answered.

"So, do we follow it?"

He shrugged. "Well, there's tons of things that can happen if we do, but all of them work for us. May as well follow the clues." They walked in the direction the arrow was pointing, and as they came to an intersection, another arrow was pointing them past it.

As they followed the ice arrows, Nero tapped Lady's shoulder. "I think I know a few of the reasons why we want to follow the arrows, but could you fill me in anyway?"

She nodded. "Well, one possibility is that we're actually being helped…"

"Which is unlikely," Dante chimed in.

"…or, there's the off chance that we're being led into a trap…"

"Which is good _how_?" Nero asked.

"Because where there's a trap, there'll be Soul Reapers, and maybe one of them knows where Rukia is. Then there's the chances we could find an item that would help us, or find a shortcut, or even stumble on Rukia herself."

Dante put a finger to his lips. "That's the basics. Now _shh_. We don't want the whole place to know what we're doing."

They continued walking for a few more minutes, following the arrows through countless intersections and past many buildings. Lady didn't even bother trying to remember where they'd turned at; Dante seemed to have a built-in mapping system sometimes.

Suddenly, Dante held up his hand. Lady saw him get that look again, like a wolf on the hunt. "What is it?" she whispered.

"As crazy as it sounds…I thought I heard bells. Maybe it was nothing."

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Ganju grinned as the pretty boy below him stared at the cannonball in disbelief. He chuckled. "Good thing I brought a spare with me, huh? This isn't your average cannonball. It was originally created by my sister, Kukaku Shiba. Your zanpakuto can't easily shatter it."

The man growled, muttering something about being underestimated (Ganju wasn't really paying attention). _Hold on…5th__ Seat? Three below lieutenant._ "Bloom for me, Fuji Kujaku!" the man said, his sword transforming into a four-bladed sickle. _Well…that's interesting._ The man swung the sickle into the cannonball, but it only cut halfway through before stopping. "What?!"

"Oh, yeah, some more good news for ya. This cannonball? It becomes highly unstable when its spirit energy concentration is broken." As he spoke, the ball around him turned from a clear blue to a bright orange, and its smooth surface fluctuated along with the energy composing it. He chuckled. "BOOM."

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"There it is again."

It had only been about a minute since Dante had commented on hearing bells, but Lady had been paying more attention to where the arrows pointed, and so his comment earned a "There _what_ is again?"

Nero rolled his eyes. "The ghost bells again?"

He shook his head. "No. Ghost bells echo more than these."

Nero didn't know whether Dante was joking or not. His expression was unreadable. He felt the need to mention it anyway. "If I asked what the _hell_ you were talking about, would I regret it?"

Unfortunately, Dante didn't answer his question, as he had been distracted by a new arrival. A very, _very_ tall man had just appeared at the intersection in front of him. "Aw, hell."

The man looked down at him. "And who might you be?" he growled.

The little girl on his shoulder smiled. "Hey, Kenny, do ya think it's those _ryoka_ everyone's talking about?"

The man grinned. "Well, if it is, it looks like I'll get to have some fun!"

"Nero. Get Lady out of here." It wasn't a request.

He nodded. The two ran away, following the ice arrow trail as fast as possible. Lady glanced back at Dante. She knew he'd be okay; after all, he'd faced demons the size of semis. Still…she couldn't help feeling a foreboding.

The man looked at Dante, apparently unconcerned about Lady and Nero's escape. "So, who are you? From the looks of you, you're sure not a Soul Reaper. If I had to guess, I'd say you're the 'man in red' we've been hearing so much about. Dante, Son of Sparda, I presume?"

Dante smirked. "It's about time my awesome name preceded me. If you wanna fight, let the little girl get to a safe distance."

The pink-haired little girl smiled as she jumped off the tall man's shoulders. "Yay! Kenny's gonna fight! You better be strong, mister! Kenny doesn't like fighting wimps!"

Dante grinned. "Me either."

* * *

See? I haven't quit yet! And I haven't forgotten my promise, either; the next chapter will be out before the end of April (barring mortal peril or the Internet breaking). So, tell me what you thought! Those reviews really make my day.


	16. Let the Battles Begin!

He snuck around the corner, taking great pains to keep quiet. He didn't want his effort to be ruined when he was so close to his goal.

The young woman sang to herself softly as she did dishes in the Urahara Shop. "With the wind you go…Still, I dream of your spirit leading you back home…"

He grinned wickedly to himself. _Almost there…_

The orange-haired woman remained unaware of her watchful stalker, still happily singing softly. "I will give my gifts to you…Grow your garden and watch it bloom…"

The moment was perfect. If he attacked now, she'd never be able to defend herself. He did exactly that, rushing at the unsuspecting woman, leaping at her wildly.

The woman didn't even have time to react as a figure launched itself at her, yelling…

"Orihimeeee!"

Kyrie blinked in confusion as what seemed to be a small, stuffed animal nuzzled against her chest. She put down the plate she'd been washing and shut the faucet off.

The plush figure took no notice, babbling into her chest. "Oh, Orihime, I'd heard you left, but I was worried, and I'm so glad you're here, and I've missed your soft, pillowy valley…"

Kyrie picked the unusual figure off her chest with delicate fingers. "Well, hello, little one. What might you be?"

Kon stopped suddenly, looking down. _Wait, I don't remember Orihime being _this _tall!_ He brought his face level with…_Oh, crap, that's not Orihime!_

Kyrie set Kon onto the counter, eyeing him curiously. "You're awfully strange. Are you a demon?"

Kon shook his head. "No, ma'am!" _Crap, what do I do now?_ "I, um…thought you were someone else."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to have confused you. My name's Kyrie."

"Um, I…don't really have a name, but I go by Kon."

Her face lit up. "Oh! You must be the 'mod-soul' Ichigo and Rukia talked about."

Kon was stunned. "Wait, you know Rukia? How?" She shrugged, explaining briefly the events that had led them to their current situation. He frowned. "Oh. So Orihime's not here, then," he said, put out by this new development.

She smiled. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll be back soon enough."

Urahara walked in, curious as to what the commotion had been about. "Well, look what we have here."

Kon yelped, jumping up against Kyrie's chest again. "Ah! Please, please don't let him take me!"

He rolled his eyes. "Calm down. Ichigo asked us to let you go, and we will. That being said, I'd really rather you didn't attack one of the best chefs I've ever met."

Kon looked at him warily. "Chef?"

He nodded. "You missed out on an incredible meal. I don't think I've ever seen Jinta so quiet at the dinner table." He smirked. "Well, until he wanted seconds, anyway. Nero's a lucky man."

Kyrie smiled at the compliment. But her smile faded as her thoughts turned to Nero. _Nero…I hope you're okay…_

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"We're screwed, aren't we?"

Nero eyed Lady as they ran, confused. "How do you mean?"

She frowned. "Yoruichi said if we met any captains, we should just run. And that Ichimaru guy we met at the gate was a captain, remember?"

"Yeah, and?"

"I got a good look at him. He was wearing a white _haori_ over the usual Soul Reaper clothes, with the symbol for three on the back of it."

Nero stopped running in irritation, Lady mimicking him. "What are you getting at already?"

"Didn't you notice? That guy Dante's facing is wearing one of those white _haori_ too. It's a little ragged, but if he's wearing one, that must mean he's a captain!"

He shrugged. "Or he could've pulled it off the back of another captain just to screw with us. Why do you care? Dante can handle himself."

She looked down at that. "It's not that I doubt him…it just seemed pretty serious when Yoruichi was talking about it back at the shop."

"Dante kicked the ass of a demonic statue the size of a small skyscraper back at Fortuna. I'm sure he'll be fine."

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The little pink-haired girl frowned as she looked down at the two from her perch. "Hey, mister! Are you gonna fight Kenny already?"

Dante rolled his eyes at the girl on the building. "Fine. This'll be over soon."

The man growled. "You shouldn't underestimate me. I kill the few who make that mistake before they even know it."

Dante grinned. "You'll have to keep up first, pal. I'm quite the…Trickster." With the last word, he pointed at the man, a brief aura of yellow flashing around Dante. Granted, calling out the name of the style and flashing the corresponding color were unnecessary, but Dante didn't care; this guy probably needed the clues if he thought Dante would go easy.

The man rushed at Dante, his sword swinging downward in an attack meant to cleave the Devil Hunter in two. Even though Dante could've survived the attack, his healing factor made for a great trump card, and he settled for dashing sideways. The man growled at the red blur, his striking angle altered nearly instantly to move to Dante's new location. Dante dashed backwards this time, waggling his finger at his opponent. "Too slow."

The man grinned, slashing horizontally, but Dante dashed past the man again. The man frowned. _He's turned his back to me. The fool!_ He turned around, thrusting at the Devil Hunter. Dante heard the bells in the man's hair, however, and ran up the building in front of him. As the stab missed, he backflipped off the wall, then dropped down with Rebellion extended. The black-haired man brought his blade up and countered Dante's, knocking Dante back up in the air. He pressed his advantage, turning the block into a diagonal strike.

Dante's grin widened. _Bastard's actually doin' okay._ Forcing magical energy into the air behind him, he shot forward from the temporary platform. The spiky-haired man's sword cut the dissolving platform in half, giving an opening for Dante. He slashed at the man, but he simply grinned and dashed to the side. As Dante landed, he dashed at the man, bringing his sword down at the man's left shoulder. The man blocked with his weapon, causing Dante to try again. They clashed multiple times, neither one taking a single hit. The black-haired man grinned as they did, confusing Dante. _Trickster's best weapon is irritating the enemy to the point where they slip up, but this guy seems like he's having more fun the longer this goes on!_ At their next clash, Dante didn't pull back, pressing against the spikey-haired man's blade with Rebellion. The man refused to give an inch, pressing back with amazing intensity. Sparks began to shoot off from the blades as more and more strength was put into their struggle. With one final push, both were shoved back about six feet.

Dante grinned. _This guy's sure no pushover._ "You know my name already. You got one, tough guy?"

The man shrugged. "To keep things simple, call me Kenpachi Zaraki. I'm the captain of Squad Eleven."

"Captain, huh? No wonder you're no pushover."

Kenpachi grinned. "You're not so bad yourself. I'll have to stop going easy on you."

"Hey, that's my line!"

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Ichigo grimaced in pain as the blood flowed down his right arm. After Ikkaku had called out his zanpakuto's name, it had glowed, just like Renji's had. Instead of turning into a sword, though, it had turned into a spear. Or so Ichigo had thought. He'd been proven wrong when he thought he'd had an opening, and had closed in for a strike. But before he got the chance, the point of the spear had looped around, the sound of clinking chains following it. It wasn't a spear; it was a sansetsukon, a three-part staff.

"Does it hurt?" Ikkaku asked. "You probably can't even hold a sword with that hand anymore."

Ichigo ignored him, using the spare cloth hanging from the tang of Zangetsu to tie his hand onto the sword. He ran into a slight problem when he had to tie it, but just bit one part and used his left hand to pull the other, securing his arm. As much as it hurt, Ichigo wasn't about to lose. Not here.

Ikkaku had been talking some more while Ichigo was busy, but now he stopped. "What's this?" he said finally. "You can't be serious!"

"I'm dead serious!" He rushed at Ikkaku, swinging downward. Ikkaku rolled out of the way, and so Zangetsu ended up cleaving through the wall behind him. "Don't talk like the fight's already over. You haven't seen what I'm capable of yet. Better get ready…"

"Oh, yeah? Why's that?"

"Because this time, it'll be _you_ that can't hold onto his sword!"

Ikkaku snorted. "You're arrogant, newbie. And I can see right through it…" Hozukimaru shot at Ichigo, but he blocked it. As he did, though, he lost sight of Ikkaku. Turning to his right, he saw the bald man charging at him. "Too slow!" Ikkaku cried out cheerfully. The lower third of the weapon shot at Ichigo's head. He tried blocking it with Zangetsu, but the impact knocked the large sword back at his head. He stumbled forward, but caught himself and turned around as he regained control of his momentum. Ikkaku swung again, but Ichigo swung downward, forcing Ikkaku to take a defensive posture. Zangetsu hit the chain connecting the spear-bladed third and the middle third, but Ikkaku held the blade at a standstill. Then the two thirds recombined, pinching Zangetsu between them.

Ikkaku took advantage of this, shoving the sword away from him. He attacked with renewed fervor, having turned his weapon back into its full spear form. "What was all that talk earlier? You think an _amateur_ like you…could make _me_ lose grip of my sword?" The weapon split apart again, but this time the top two thirds wrapped around Zangetsu, wrenching it down toward the ground. Since Ichigo had tied his right hand to the sword, he couldn't very well drop it, and his arms were carried down with the large blade. Ikkaku wasted no time in kicking the now-defenseless Ichigo in the face. Before Ichigo could stumble back too far, he dug Zangetsu into the ground, stopping him immediately. In the meantime, Ikkaku had leapt high into the air, swinging the spear-form of Hozukimaru downward. Ichigo quickly pulled Zangetsu out of its temporary holder and dodged the strike. Ikkaku swung again, horizontally, but Ichigo was ready for him, and swung Zangetsu with enough strength to knock Hozukimaru upward. "Now, if I'm so slow, how did _that_ happen?"

Ikkaku grinned. "Just a fluke. A one-time lucky shot."

"You fortune-telling's even shakier than your fighting ability." He rushed at Ikkaku, but the bald man just jumped onto one of the walls, mimicking one of Ichigo's earlier moves.

"You're still too slow to beat me!"

Ichigo growled, stabbing Zangetsu into the wall horizontally and slashing across under Ikkaku. With its structural integrity damaged, the section under Ikkaku began to crumble. He jumped off as it collapsed, thrusting the tasseled end of Hozukimaru at Ichigo. He reached up with his left hand, but the impact sent him flying back nonetheless. He slid a few yards, eventually stopping as Ikkaku caught his weapon. He casually spun the bladed third, looking at the orange-haired boy. "What's wrong? Where's all that big talk from earlier?" He smirked. "My weapon can change back and forth at will. Someone like you who can't understand that probably isn't in my league after all."

"It took me a while, I'll give you that," Ichigo said as he got back up. Ikkaku stopped spinning Hozukimaru. "But I've got it now."

"Got what, greenhorn?"

"Your attack. I've finally got it figured out." He held out his clenched left fist, and then opened it, dropping…

Ikkaku stared. _Hozukimaru's tassel!_ He stared at the weapon he held to confirm it, and sure enough, the tassel on the bottom third was almost completely gone, with a crack running through the bottom piece for good measure. _Impossible! With his bare hand…_

Ichigo smirked. "What's wrong, Ikkaku? You look like you've just seen a ghost or somethin'. You better not have lost the will to fight." He gripped Zangetsu with both hands. "But if you won't attack, I _will_!" He leaped upward. "I'll say it again, Ikkaku! This time, the one who can't hold onto his sword will be…" He swung downward, plummeting in a flash. "YOU!"

Ikkaku brought Hozukimaru into its spear form again, holding it ready to block the approaching attack. With amazing strength, Ichigo slammed Zangetsu right through the weapon, breaking Ikkaku's block and cutting a fairly deep gash down his chest. Upon landing, Ichigo pointed the blade at the dumbstruck Ikkaku.

_Impossible! This kid…Should I…no…one of the other Soul Reapers might see me…I can't use it here…but I can still beat this kid!_ "So…you think it's over now, don't you?" He tossed the now severed bottom sixth of the weapon behind him, holding what remained in a ready stance. "It's not over…as long as I can hold my sword! You really want me to let go of it? Then…you'll have to cut off my arm!"

Ichigo stared at the raving man. "Don't make me do this."

"Why? Because you don't have the stomach for it?"

"Because you need to face the fact that this fight is over! You know you can't win, so just give it up!"

Ikkaku spun Hozukimaru over his head. "No chance, rookie. I told you before, this isn't over. It'll only be over when one of us is dead!" He rushed at Ichigo, ignoring the blood dripping onto the ground.

As Ichigo watched the desperate man dash at him, he was reminded of Urahara's training. _I busted my ass to get strong enough to save Rukia. I'll show you how much I've improved by kicking _yours! "You're too SLOW!" he shouted, slashing upward and cutting into Ikkaku's chest and right arm.

Ikkaku doubled over in pain. "Damn…you _are_ strong, I'll give you that…guess I'm not so lucky after all…" And with that, he hit the ground.

Ichigo stared at his right arm, where the blood had begun to seep through Zangetsu's wrapping. "This day wasn't lucky for either of us, if you ask me."

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Captain Zaraki slashed at Dante, but the smirking Devil Hunter just dashed under the strike. He grinned, spinning around and attacking the now stationary Dante. Dante brought Rebellion down to counter, but the force of it sent him backwards into the air. He scoffed, flipping around and dropping down in a Helm Breaker. Zaraki dodged to the left, thrusting his sword forward.

Dante smirked, and then disappeared in a blur of red. Looking around quickly, Zaraki rolled to the right as Dante crashed down through the space that the captain had been occupying less than a second ago. He holstered Rebellion, putting his hands on his hips. "Damn. You'd be surprised how many demons fall for that. I was kinda hoping it'd work, so I could defeat you and move on."

Zaraki's bloodthirsty grin widened. "Defeat me, eh? You must be pretty strong to be so confident. Tell me, who's the strongest of the _ryoka_?"

Dante frowned. "_Ryoka_? You mean Ichigo and his buddies? I guess it'd be Ichigo." He shrugged, drawing Rebellion again. "But then, you've got _me_ to worry about first."

"Worry? I'm having the time of my life! I can't remember the last time I've had so much fun!"

"Fun? We've got business here, pal." He dashed forward in a Stinger. "Which means I don't have time to waste on you!"

An instant before Dante would have hit Captain Zaraki, he found himself zooming across an empty pathway. He stopped, returning Rebellion to his back. "The hell?!" He noticed a message carved into the wall on his left. Upon close inspection, it read: _To Dante: Sorry to interrupt your fight, but I can't have you carving up Captain Zaraki, can I? Next time we meet, I'll explain it all. I know you're probably ticked off at me right now, but just trust me on this. Besides, shouldn't you be looking for Rukia? Sincerely, The Man In Black_

Dante slashed Rebellion downward in anger, demolishing the section of the wall the message had been written on. "That bastard! Right in the middle of a fight, too!" He sighed. "Much as I hate it, he's got a point," he grumbled. "Well, at least that Zaraki guy's pretty strong. Hope he doesn't go diein' on me; after we save Rukia, I wanna finish that fight." Growling to himself, he set off along the path in front of him.

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Ikkaku opened his eyes slowly. _The Soul Society?_ "I'm still alive. Why?"

"I see you're finally awake," Ichigo's voice called out to him. He shifted his head so that he could see the orange-haired Soul Reaper. Granted, he appeared upside-down, but that didn't matter to Ikkaku. Ichigo waved at him. "Yo."

"Ichigo? What are you doing? Why are you still here?"

"Ya know, I learned somethin' today. A zanpakuto goes back to normal when its owner passes out." He held up the sealed form of Hozukimaru to demonstrate his point.

"My Hozukimaru! Give it back!"

He sighed. "Relax. I'm not takin' it from you. I just used that special ointment to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, between both of our injuries I had to use it up."

Ikkaku looked down. The gashes in his chest and arms were indeed covered with the ointment. Some of it was spread thin in spots, as if Ichigo had used most of it and then taken the excess off to reapply elsewhere.

"I gotta hand it to you, that's some pretty powerful stuff."

"You bastard! You had no right to do that!"

"Oh, quit your whining. Sure it's gone, but it saved your life!"

"That's the whole point, fool! Now you've denied me the glory of death in battle by the hand of a powerful opponent. How can I live on now? If I could move, I'd beat you to a bloody pulp!"

"Whatever. I guess you'd be happier if I hadn't saved your life in the first place. Then again, I don't give a damn what you want. I care about what _I_ want. And I want _answers_."

Ikkaku scoffed. "I should've known. I _am_ unlucky. So what do you want from me? My birthday? Favorite food?"

Ichigo walked over to him, standing over the injured Soul Reaper. "I _want_ Rukia Kuchiki."

"Rukia?"

"That's right."

"That capital offender? Yeah, I know about her. What does she matter to you?"

"_Everything_. We're here to save her."

"What the…a rescue? How many of you are there, then? To take on the whole Soul Society, there must be a small army of you; ten or fifteen at the least!"

Ichigo thought for a second. "Counting me, there's eight humans…" He paused at that. "Well, mostly humans, and one animal."

"Eight humans…and an animal? And you seriously intend to rescue her?!"

Ichigo nodded. "Damn straight."

Ikkaku burst out laughing. "You'll never pull off a mission that suicidal! Are you _ryoka_ all stupid or something?!" He cried out in pain as his laughing reopened his wound. "AGH! Dammit, that hurts!"

Ichigo watched with amused detachment. _And he called _me _a fool?_

Ikkaku finally settled down, a determined look on his face. "Alright, fine then. Listen up. If you go directly south from here, you'll come to the stations for the thirteen Court Guard Squads."

Ichigo kneeled down next to him. "Huh? You'll really give me the information?"

"Just shut up before I change my mind! Now, at the far west end by itself, you'll see a tall, white tower. That's where the prisoner's being held."

"Are you sure?"

"_Now _you're doubting me?! I don't care one way or the other about the success or failure of your mission. Save the girl if you want, it makes no difference to me. But if you stay here, other Soul Reapers _will_ find you, so if you want to save her, get lost already!"

"Right. Thanks; I owe you for this, Ikkaku."

"Don't get all sentimental on me; it's annoying." As Ichigo walked away, he spoke again. "Wait a minute. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Who is the strongest of your team?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Either me or Dante, but probably me."

"If that's true, then keep an eye out for my captain. He desires to fight only strong opponents, and if you are truly the strongest, it is you he will seek out."

"Is that good?"

"You'll see when you meet him. That is, if you live long enough to take his measure."

Sweat formed on Ichigo's brow, but he forced himself to speak calmly. "Tell me his name."

"The Captain of Squad Eleven: Kenpachi Zaraki."

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Captain Zaraki looked around in confusion. "The hell? Where did that Dante guy go?!"

Yachiru landed beside him, frowning. "Aw, did ya lose him, Kenny? That's too bad, he looked pretty strong!"

"You're right about that…but I'm curious about this Ichigo. I wonder if he's even stronger. If so…" he grinned.

Yachiru grinned back as she hopped onto his shoulder. "Then you'll have even more fun, right, Kenny?"

"Yeah, even _more_ fun." He licked his lips in anticipation.

* * *

Ta-da! Boy, I really cut this one close, didn't I? I just know I'm going to get brained with cyber-tomatoes for cutting off the Dante vs. Kenpachi fight, but you'll see why later. The title isn't terribly original, but I just couldn't help myself. Apologies to Square Enix. I've also discovered something...this is turning out to be a LOT longer than I originally thought it would be. Even so, thank you for everyone who's written reviews! I know I keep asking for them, but in all honesty they're the motivation I need to keep writing; without you guys, I don't know if I would've gotten this in on time. But I'm rambling, so read and review!

P.S. Yeah, the quality of this chapter isn't really that good, but you'd be surprised how glitched out my version of Episode 27 was. I blame my frustration over that for the sub-par quality. Even if you didn't like it, again, please review.


	17. Continuing Conflict

Ichigo mind raced as he ran through the maze that was the Soul Society. _I should probably rescue Ganju; if that guy he's fighting is anything like his buddy, he's gonna get his butt kicked. Then again, if he found Dante or Nero, the fight's probably over. But should I assume that he did? And if he didn't, how the hell am I supposed to find him when all these walls look the same? For that matter, where's everyone else?_

He skidded to a halt. "Screw all this running-around-with-no-clue crap! I'm sick of it!" He took a deep breath, getting as much air as possible. When his lungs were topped off, he let it all out. "HEY!! GANJU! DANTE! URYU! WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL OF YOU? SOMEONE, ANYONE!!" Hearing a cough to his left, he turned to see a group of about four Soul Reapers staring at him with confused expressions. He gulped. "Dammit. I did get _someone's_ attention, but it's the wrong kind of someone."

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Nero looked around in confusion. "So, where to now?" Lady pointed to the wall on their left, where another ice arrow sat. Nero's eyebrow twitched. "You know, those are startin' to piss me off. We don't even know where Rukia is; for all we know, those arrows could be leading us in the opposite direction."

She scowled at him. "You got a better plan? I don't like it either, but I don't hear _you_ coming up with anything!"

He sighed. "Fine. Shouldn't we go back for Dante?"

She shook her head. "If it's taking this long for him to meet us, he either won and went a different route, or he's still fighting, in which case we'd just be in the way. So we're following the arrow."

He shrugged, walking down the path the arrow pointed to. Unknown to them, a pair of yellow eyes watched their progress curiously.

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Orihime peered over the rooftop cautiously. "Are they gone?"

Uryu nodded, pulling himself to his feet. "Yes, I think so."

"The big one seemed terribly strong. Lucky he didn't see us, don't you think?"

"I suppose. He seems the same as Ichigo; quite strong, but his powers of observation are very low." He adjusted his glasses. "We need to keep moving, but the real question is where to?"

"How about that way? I can see a tower in the distance!"

"Is that right?" He began turning to her. "Where is it?"

"That way! Can you see it?" Orihime said, pointing. Uryu didn't quite notice where she was pointing to. He was preoccupied with the enormous Soul Reaper behind her, who was raising his blade to strike. She hadn't noticed him, as her attention was on Uryu. _I had to say it, didn't I?_

The next five seconds were a blur to Orihime. One she was looking at Uryu, the next he was gone, the next she was in his arm as she saw a giant Soul Reaper smash his sword into the ground, the next she realized that the Soul Reaper had destroyed where she had been standing just a moment ago, the last was when the reality of nearly being crushed settled in. _Uryu…how did he…_

"Impressive that you were able to dodge me at such close range, girl. Very good. Had we not met this way, perhaps you could have lived a little longer. Quite unfortunate, so I'll give you ten seconds to regret. It's the least I can do for you."

As he began counting, Orihime looked up at Uryu. "Thank you for that, Uryu," she said softly, "but I'm fine, really."

"Yes, you are," he responded. "And you will be as long as I'm here." His voice was quiet, but dead serious.

_Uryu…I believe him. I've never seen him this determined. So this is what a Quincy is._ She noticed his hand was still around her shoulders. It made her feel confident that she just might be okay.

"Ten! Hope you've had enough time to think over your misfortune; I will now show you a different type of regret! I shall make you regret being alive!" He slashed downward at them.

Uryu and Orihime jumped apart, the strike landing between them. Uryu hadn't taken his eyes off the Soul Reaper. "Come at _me_, then, Soul Reaper! I am the one you should fight!" The Soul Reaper responded by throwing a fistful of dust at Uryu's eyes. His glasses blocked the majority of it, but a few grains got in his eyes regardless. He tried blinking them out, and so his focus on landing was almost none. He fell backwards, rolling down the building. He reached out to grab the roof just in time to prevent a nasty fall.

"It is not for you to decide who I fight." He turned to Orihime, who got into a ready stance. "Now, allow me to end your misfortune."

Uryu heard a crash as he struggled to keep his grip. "Orihime! You've got to run!"

She dodged another strike. _No. I must not run! If I don't stay and fight, how can I save Rukia?_ "Tsubaki!"

The spirit appeared as she called him, hovering by her shoulder. "Finally!" he said. "Showtime! Aim well."

She landed, staring at the Soul Reaper. "Not this time. Koten Zanshun, I reject!" Tsubaki shot forward at her command.

The Soul Reaper turned, slashing at Tsubaki. He flew backwards from the force of the impact. "No!" Orihime shouted. "Tsubaki!" She jumped forward, catching him in her hands.

Tsubaki writhed in pain, but still managed to fix her with an angry look. "What did you hesitate for, you stupid girl?" He returned to her hairpin.

"I've never seen a technique like that before. And yet I sensed no killing intent within it." His shadow covered her as he loomed over her. "You may be able to kill weaker Hollows with it, but it will have no effect on a Soul Reaper like myself."

_I…I can't move!_

"This is a battleground. If you cannot fight to kill, you will never stop _anyone_!" As he swung downward, a streak of blue cut across his arm, stopping his attack. "W-What?!"

"If you want to face an attack with killing intent, then _I'm_ the one you want to fight."

Orihime looked over at Uryu, who was standing back on the roof again, holding a solid, metallic looking bow in his right hand. His eyes weren't relaxing like they normally were. They were cold. Once again, she believed his words, but this time, they didn't calm her; they scared her.

"I'm sure you'll find it here in my bow. It's a thrill…I'd _love_ to give you."

The Soul Reaper turned to him. "Hmm. Interesting. I suppose that must mean that you are a Quincy, then."

"That's right."

"Well, this _is_ interesting. One enemy uses an unfamiliar skill, and the other is a Quincy. Both of you employ projectile weapons, and both of you have come to this place at this exact time to fight me. A coincidence, or a brilliant twist of fate? Either way, I must show you the true form of my zanpakuto." He placed his hand at the tip of his blade. "Spread your wings and fly, Tsunzakigarasu!" He slammed his hand down, and his zanpakuto split into multiple flying shaken. "What do you think? Time to lament? I am the fourth seat of Squad Seven. I am Jirobo Ikkanzaka, also known as Jirobo the Wind-Scythe. My nickname means I am the best when it comes to projectile weapons…" Uryu toned him out for a bit, letting him babble without actually listening to it. After a little bit, he grew irritated with the fact that Jirobo was still talking. He was still talking as Uryu destroyed all of his blades with perfectly aimed arrows, but he stopped a few seconds later.

"Interesting. Unlike the Human World, here the most skilled fighter seems to be by default the most long-winded whiner."

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The man's black cloak flapped in the wind. He looked down from the building, a small smile on his face. "Well, now that everyone's busy, maybe I can get some work done." He shuffled lazily to the other side of the building. "_They_ get to have all the fun, don't they?" He sighed. "Oh, well. The more chaos they cause, the easier my job gets." He looked over at the next building. "The battle's just begun. They better not get too cocky; the real war is coming." And with that ominous statement, he vanished.

* * *

Well, this one was really, really bad. Not only did I make you guys wait forever, but this chapter is abysmally short. BUT! Before you all, as Strong Bad might say "start throwing full wine bottles at your computer screen", consider this chapter about half of a normal one. The next chapter should be worth about 1.5 chapters. That being said, I hope this chapter's length doesn't tick you all off too much. And if it did, feel free to leave me a scathing review. Even if that doesn't sound fun, I'd still love a regular one! Please?


	18. Taking Names

Jirobo stared at Uryu with a mixture of confusion, pain, and bravado. "T-That attack was just a fluke! You're too cocky, Quincy!" He began to unsheathe his zanpakuto to re-summon his shaken.

"It seems you're the one who's too cocky." Another arrow sailed through Jirobo's zanpakuto before it was even half-drawn, blasting off the blade and half the guard. Blood ran down the Soul Reaper's hand. "If you're supposed to the most skilled with projectile weapons, then I'd think about changing your nickname. Because where flying weapons are concerned, it seems I'm the better man. Then again, _Uryu_ Wind-Scythe doesn't have as nice a ring to it."

"What did you do to my hand?!" the Soul Reaper cried. "Can't…move my fingers…"

Orihime stared with awe. _Amazing! Uryu's become even stronger than before. Compared to his previous strength, he's on a whole new level!_

Uryu stared at Jirobo with contempt. "I gather _you're _the one with regrets now. For all that talk about meeting us being a 'twist of fate', I'd bet you're starting to wish you hadn't met me today."

Jirobo growled. "Y-you…arrogant little brat! I will kill you!"

Before he could take more than a step toward Uryu, the Quincy's hands became a blur, and two more arrows hit the ground near Jirobo, one on each side of his leading foot with each less than a millimeter from hitting it.

"You should be aware of something," Uryu said evenly. "I missed you intentionally this time. The next time will be a much different story."

"What incredible power! Much as I am loath to admit it, the speed and accuracy of your attacks far surpass my own. I never dreamed I would meet such a powerful opponent…only to fail! You have defeated me: torture me, destroy me, do what you will!" he begged. Uryu lowered his bow. "What? Why do you not shoot me? Do you intend to let me live?"

"As a Quincy, I have no desire to show mercy to any Soul Reaper. Then again, I detest the thought of bullying the weak. So quit your bawling and get out of my sight, before I change my mind." With that, his bow disappeared in a flash of white-blue light.

"It would seem yours is a kind heart." He grinned wickedly, turning to Orihime with an evil gleam in his eye. "Too bad for…" He left his sentence unfinished as he stared at Uryu past his reappeared bow.

"Hmph. You thought that since you couldn't defeat me, you'd attack Orihime, didn't you? Or were you perhaps trying to take her hostage?"

"H-How did you know?"

"I may not desire to bully the weak, but I don't mind exposing and punishing those that do." He put his left hand to his bow, blue light beginning to form near it. As he pulled it back, a shining arrow formed, pointed straight at the large Soul Reaper. "From the moment you encountered us, you were targeting Orihime, not me. _Most_ warriors would consider it beneath them to attack a girl, even more so if she wasn't looking. No honorable person would even consider such an act. Coward! Farewell and good riddance; scum like you isn't even worth lamenting." With that, he released the arrow, which split into two projectiles that hit Jirobo in the torso, flinging him backwards into a heap on the other side of the building. Uryu released his bow, causing it to disappear once more. He clenched his gloved hand, sighing.

"Thank you for protecting me, Uryu." He turned to look at Orihime, who was beaming at him.

He shuffled uncomfortably, pushing his glasses up. "There's nothing to thank me for," he said, looking away.

"Yeah, it was nothing, right?" She shrugged her shoulders, still smiling at him. His mouth twitched upward, but he brought it back under control as he turned back to her. Her smile changed to a worried frown as she looked over at Jirobo's unmoving form. "Did you…kill him?"

He shook his head. "No. I just destroyed his soul chain and soul sleep; the places in control of spiritual powers. He'll live, but his days as a Soul Reaper are over. How fitting for a former bully to find himself powerless." He cleared his throat. "Well, shall we be going, then?"

"Sure." As they walked, Orihime looked at Uryu curiously. _Uryu…you've become so much stronger in just ten days! It's kind of scary…but you're our friend, right? So I'm glad that you've improved yourself. But…what did I accomplish in those ten days?_ She stumbled forward, but Uryu turned and held her up. "Oh, thanks Uryu!"

He turned away. "No problem."

She sighed. _I haven't done much, have I?_

"_Don't say that, Orihime!"_ Tatsuki's voice echoed through her mind. _"You've got to stay strong! You promised me, remember?"_

She smiled, looking up at the sun _or is it? This is the afterlife, after all_. "You're right," she whispered. "Thanks, Tatsuki."

"W-what's wrong, Orihime!" Uryu was flipping out over her behavior. "Did you get a concussion or something?"

She waved her hands at him. "No, no, I'm fine! Really! I just got all teary-eyed for a second! You know how that happens when you accidentally look into the sun? Sometimes it can make you sneeze, which is really weird, I mean, they're totally unrelated things!"

Uryu stared blankly at Orihime as she went on. _Uh…come on, say something, Uryu! _he reprimanded himself. _Anything!_ "Uh…" _That doesn't count!_

She shrugged, smiling enthusiastically. "Well, we've got places to go and people to rescue, right, Uryu?"

_Now's your chance! Say something cool, something intelligent!_ "Uh…" _Dammit!_

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Ganju panted as he ran away from the mob of Soul Reapers following him. "Why is it always _me_ that's getting chased around here? I was hopin' to run into that Dante guy, but I'm still doin' all the work!"

"Come back here, intruder!" one Soul Reaper yelled.

"You're gonna get beat!" another jeered.

"Yeah, for bein' so ugly!" a third added.

Ganju laughed. "Besides that pretty-boy with the funky eyebrows, which of you guys _isn't_ ugly?"

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that!"

_Shoulda kept my damn mouth shut…wait a minute…_ He saw Ichigo round a corner in front of him. "Hey, Ichigo! Perfect timing, I could use a hand about n…" He trailed off as he saw a mob as big as his chasing Ichigo. _Matter of fact, it looks even bigger!_ "On second thought, you deal with your own problems! Find me again when you get rid of those guys!"

Ichigo raced toward Ganju, ignorant of his protests. "Ganju, duck!" he said, in the middle of swinging the flat edge of Zangetsu into one of the Soul Reapers. With all the punches he threw around in the next thirty seconds, he felt kind of like that "Tazmanian Devil" he'd seen in those American cartoons.

"What the hell are you doin', ya moron?!" Ganju shouted as the Soul Reapers backed off. "You nearly cut my head off with that overgrown sword!"

"You're welcome, jackass! Besides, I warned you, didn't I?!"

"Yeah, when it had already almost killed me! Warn me earlier next time!"

"Not my fault you've got the reflexes of a half-conscious snail!"

"Just be more careful next time!" He growled as he looked around. "But right now, let's worry about our company. They hung back after your little spaz out, but I don't think that's going to work again. Besides, we're heavily outnumbered. We'll need a miracle."

As if on cue, a commotion was heard within the ranks of one group of Soul Reapers. A dark-haired boy stumbled forward, rolling to the feet of Ichigo and Ganju. "Ow! That wasn't very nice!"

Ganju grinned evilly. "Ichigo, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Ichigo matched his grin. "I think I'm thinking what you're thinking I'm thinking." Seeing Ganju's confused expression, he rolled his eyes. "That's a 'yes'."

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Kenpachi growled. "We've been running forever! Where are these things leading us?"

Yachiru smiled. "Hey, at least that red guy was nice enough to leave us a trail! He's probably got a special place in mind to fight you…I _think_."

"Did you just say you _think_?!"

She frowned. "Oh, don't be so grumpy, Kenny. At least we've got something to follow!"

"These things better be leading us to Dante or Ichigo!"

"How come you keep complaining? If you don't like these directions, just go your own way!"

He sighed. "Fine! This one's pointing right!"

"O-K! Right it is! I'm almost sure this is the right way, Kenny!"

"_Almost_?!"

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As the Soul Reapers prepared to charge the three, a bright light crashed through the wall, knocking them all out. "The hell was that?" Ganju shouted.

Ichigo snorted. "I don't care! But it cut our enemies in half!" He charged through the remaining Soul Reapers, Ganju close behind.

Chad stepped through the wall, his armored right arm smoking. _Hmm…I sensed Ichigo's spiritual pressure. I must've just missed him._

"Hey, what's with these bodies?" a Soul Reaper asked to his left. "Are you with the intruders we saw before?"

"Before?" Chad shrugged. "Probably."

As the Soul Reaper and his comrades began to draw their zanpakuto, the opposite wall exploded inward, knocking them out and burying them in rubble. A ghostly blue hand retracted back into the newly created hole. "Hey, Chad!"

Chad stared through the dust. "Ichigo?" As it cleared he shook his head. "Oh. It's just you, Nero."

"Gee, thanks. Nice to see you too, big guy."

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As the man raised his hand to strike Ikkaku, another hand grabbed it in a vice-like grip. "Hmm. Since when have you had the authority to punish squads other than Twelve…Mayuri?"

Mayuri growled. "Zaraki…" He relaxed his raised arm, and Kenpachi released it. "Fine. Since you're his captain, there's no need to continue this interrogation. Stubborn fool…good luck getting anything out of him." He walked out of the room. "Well, then, come along Nemu, you simpleton." Nemu quietly followed him out, nodding to Ikkaku as she left.

Ikkaku looked up at Zaraki. "Captain…"

He surveyed his injured Third Seat. "Well, you sure took a beating, didn't you?"

"Thank you for visiting."

"Oh, we weren't trying to," Yachiru said, popping up from Kenpachi's back. "Kenny was following one of the _ryoka_, and the trail led here! He musta been mad that Kenny was gonna beat him, 'cause he left slash marks all _over_ the place!"

Ikkaku looked at her. "I see you've brought your lieutenant with you."

She giggled. "Yep! How are ya, Baldy?"

"I told you not to call me that again!"

"Should it be _Mr_. Baldy, then?"

Zaraki cleared his throat, interrupting the two. "So, is it true? Did you face a _ryoka_?"

Ikkaku nodded. "Yes, I did. As much as it shames me to admit it, I was defeated by my opponent and allowed to live."

Kenpachi's eyes narrowed. "So he's strong, then?"

"Yes, very. He wears a Soul Reaper's uniform, and carries a sword nearly as long as his body with a bare tang; no grip or even a guard. He wears it on his back, and has short, orange-colored hair."

_Hmm…not Dante then. But he still sounds interesting. Maybe he's the one Dante was talking about._

"He's headed towards the Repentance Cell. He intends to rescue the prisoner being held there."

Zaraki shrugged. That little legal bit didn't concern him. "Well, with a description like that, he should be easy to find."

"I gave him your description as well, captain, and warned him to be on the lookout for you. But it did not seem to faze him. Regardless of the location of your battle, I am sure you will enjoy an excellent one. He may be strong now, but I believe his power is still growing, sir. When you face him, his strength will likely be much larger than it is now."

Kenpachi grinned hungrily. "Is his name…Ichigo?"

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"Hey, Ganju, anyone out there?"

"Nope. We're all clear."

Ichigo sighed. "Even so, we're still in deep trouble. Even if Ikkaku was right about Rukia being held in a white tower, we still need to know which road it's on and where it is."

Ganju tilted his head. "Hmm. Well, we could probably use this map." He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, unfolding it to reveal a rough sketch of the Soul Society. "If only it showed us where the enemy was, we could dodge captains no sweat."

Ichigo looked at the map, frowning. "_This_ is supposed to be a map? There's not even any landmarks or roads on it!" He noticed a small drawn portrait of Ganju in the corner. "What the…you drew this yourself, didn't you?!"

"So what if I did?"

"You're an even worse artist than Rukia! How the hell are we even supposed to know where we are _now_?"

"Um, excuse me?" the dark-haired Soul Reaper piped up.

"Just stay out of this, Hanataro. We're trying to make a serious strategy out of crumpled paper and children's artwork, and that'll take a while."

"It's Rukia Kuchiki you're after, isn't it?"

Ichigo froze at those words, fixing Hanataro with a stare that bordered between relief at finally getting information and dumbstruck at the fact that the information was coming from their _hostage_.

Hanataro, meanwhile, took Ichigo's silence as a yes. "Of course. It all makes sense. The younger sister of the Squad Six captain being held as a capital offender. And the white tower you're talking about must be the Repentance Cell." He looked up at both of them. "If you'll trust me, I'll show you a hidden way into that tower."

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Soifon had been out looking for the _ryoka_ for a while, but she'd been out of luck so far. As she'd turned the corner to return to the barracks, she'd seen a man wrapped in a black cloak walking in the middle of the corridor. She'd followed him for a few minutes until he'd stopped, standing still. He'd been standing like that for the past five minutes. Now she eyed the cloaked man warily. She decided to get some answers; after all, if he tried to run, she could just catch him with flash steps.

"Who are you, and what is your business here?" The man made no reply, and no movement to indicate that he had heard her, continuing to stand in silence. Soifon's hand inched closer to her zanpakuto. "I repeat: what is your business in the Soul Society? Are you affiliated with the _ryoka_?"

The man turned around slowly to her. As his face came into view, she saw that his eyes were closed and his face impassive. After facing her, he did not make another move or reply to her order. As she drew breath to give him his final warning, a smirk split his face, and he disappeared from her sight.

_W-what? How could he move that fast? I couldn't track his movements; there's no way that's flash steps! But then, what is-_

"Zzzz, zzzz," she heard from behind her. Whirling around, she saw the man not five feet away from her, with his arms crossed in front of him. His eyes remained closed. "Zzzz, zzzz. Zzzz, zzzz."

_What the hell?_

His grin widened. "Such loud buzzing…" His eyes shot open. "From such a little…broken…bee," he said, taunting her.

She growled, unsheathing her zanpakuto as she disappeared from sight. The man disappeared again as she reappeared, slashing through the empty space he'd been occupying a mere moment ago. _Dammit! How is he doing that?!_ "I don't know how strong you think you are, punk," she called out, "but you're nothing compared to me! I'm the captain of Squad Two and…"

"…the commander-in-chief of the Stealth Force," the man's tired voice called out a few feet behind her. "Declaring yourself to an opponent is no good when they already know who you are."

"So, not only do you know me, but you call yourself my opponent. Very well." She flash-stepped to the man once more, intending to cleave him in half at the waist, but he disappeared from her sight again.

The cloaked man then reappeared seven feet in front of her, waggling a finger at her. "Temper, temper. I was only speaking in counsel. My memory's poor, but isn't it against the law for one Soul Reaper to attack another?"

She lowered her sword slightly. "You're a Soul Reaper? You don't wear the uniform of one. What squad are you with?"

He chuckled. "I'll give you a hint. It's between one and thirteen."

"You arrogant little snot!"

He frowned. "Oh, come now. I said _between_ one and thirteen, which means it can't be either of those two. For what it's worth, I'm not in your squad either, but I gather you knew that already."

"If you don't tell me what squad you're in, I'll have you arrested or killed; whichever I feel like."

He rolled his eyes, waving his right hand in a shooing motion. "Buzz off. I'm neither interested in nor scared of your threats. I've work to do, and you're stalling me."

"If you won't tell me what squad you're in, how can I know you're really a Soul Reaper? You say that you're not my opponent, but you won't give me the evidence I need." She frowned. "Part of my duties as the commander of the Stealth Forces is to find and assassinate rogue Soul Reapers. If you don't cooperate, I have the authority to kill you right here and now."

"You'll have to catch me first. And judging from your current track record, that threat is quite empty." He sighed. "But that is neither here nor there. I've told you already, I'm not your opponent. On the contrary; I have some information I think you'll be interested in."

She nodded, not loosening her guard one bit. "Is that right?"

He held his hands out. "Well, yes, but before I give it to you, you'll have to agree to let me go, and not to share this with anyone else."

Soifon quirked an eyebrow. "I could just say yes and then kill you after you've told me."

"It's the principle more than the actual thing itself. You couldn't keep up with me, bumblebee," he said, grinning.

She gritted her teeth in irritation. "I don't like you."

His grin dropped. "Nobody here seems to," he said, shrugging. "But even if you don't like me, I'd still like to help you."

She re-sheathed her zanpakuto warily. "Fine. I give you my word that I'll let you go after you tell me what you know."

He nodded. "Thank you. About Rukia Kuchiki's execution…"

"I already know about that," she interrupted.

He sighed. "I realize that. But don't you think it's a bit odd? I don't know too much about politics here, but I do know that the Sokyoku is usually reserved for Soul Reaper Captains who have committed treason. While Rukia Kuchiki did in fact commit a crime by transferring her powers and staying too long in the human world, neither of these crimes are treason, and neither would merit the use of a weapon with such destructive power. Could she not have been punished by some other means? Perhaps she could have been detained by the Stealth Force, instead; you, as Captain of Squad Two, would certainly have enough strength to handle an unseated member of Squad Thirteen."

Soifon sighed. "Is this what you call information? I follow orders as I receive them; if they want me to detain someone, I'll do it. Otherwise, I'm all for killing lawbreakers; hell, it's what I do."

The man smirked. "No, no, that wasn't my information. Merely some food for thought; an appetizer, if you will. My information concerns the _ryoka_."

Soifon tensed. She hadn't expected _that_. "Get on with it, then."

"The _ryoka_ are a group of about eight people. Three of them call themselves Devil Hunters; one of them is Dante, Son of Sparda."

Soifon's eyes widened. "The man who purified the Menos Grande?"

He nodded. "The very same. The other five all have unique abilities. One wears the clothes of a Soul Reaper, carries a zanpakuto, and has bright orange hair. Another is a Quincy, and wears…"

"Absurd. The Quincy are extinct."

"_Almost_ extinct. He wears a white tunic and mantle, along with a blue and white glove; he also has glasses. Another is dressed in a pink shirt and grey pants with orange hair; this _ryoka_ is female. Another is tall, with dark hair and an armored right arm. There is another _ryoka _with black pants and a green jacket, but I was unable to get a good look at his abilities. The unknown _ryoka_ and the one with Soul Reaper clothes have both kidnapped a member of Squad Four to use as a hostage."

Soifon looked at the man expectantly. "Is that all?"

He smiled broadly. "No. The final one is someone you should know. Someone with dark skin and hair." His smile grew. "A fine looking lady."

"Enough games. Who?"

He shrugged. "Who indeed?" And with a chuckle, he disappeared.

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Hanataro smiled as he recounted all the things that Rukia had told him during her captivity to Ganju and Ichigo. "You know, she told me a lot about the world of the living. But every story always had one thing in common. There was always one person very special to her that was in every story." He frowned. "Even when the order came for her execution…it seemed she couldn't forget that one special person…"

"_Rukia, is the human you gave your Soul Reaper powers to the same person as the special one you mention in all your stories?" Hanataro gulped. He hadn't meant to blurt it all out at once; he'd intended to ask carefully, but his burning curiosity had defeated his politeness once again._

_Rukia nodded. "Yes. His name was Ichigo…Kurosaki. I…" She closed her eyes. "…loved him." She clenched her fists in anger. "And because of that, I put him in danger that he never should have been in. If he hadn't met me…he wouldn't have been…been…" Rukia took a deep breath, willing away the tears. "He died because of me. I don't deserve to be forgiven."_

"She sounded so…sad when she said that. Like she'd given up hope," Hanataro said, feeling a little sad himself.

Ganju looked confused. "Huh. This Rukia's one weird Soul Reaper."

Ichigo nodded, standing. "Yeah. One-of-a-kind." He walked forward briskly. _Rukia…you're wrong! _I'm_ to blame for all of this! And I'm not about to let you die because of my mistakes!!_

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The Soul Reapers looked at the snoring man curiously. "What should we do?" one finally asked.

Another narrowed his eyes. "We should capture him. Captain Kurotsuchi's orders said to bring any of the _ryoka_ alive to him."

A third grimaced in fear. "B-but…isn't that…?"

One towards the back of the group gulped. "It's the Son of Sparda."

A bright-haired Soul Reaper gasped. "Dante himself?"

The Devil Hunter in question, meanwhile, was sprawled out in the middle of the street, mumbling every now and then about an odd creature holding an (apparently) attractive woman captive.

Another with a moustache nodded. "He's the one who purified the Menos."

A young Soul Reaper shook with fear. "Y-you mean that's…the…the 'Red Devil'?!"

Dante chuckled, opening his eyes. "So that's what they're calling me now, is it?" He stood up slowly, cracking his neck. The Soul Reapers backed up a few steps hurriedly. "You know, any idiot could figure out that you were watching them during the five minutes you spend staring at them."

"B-but you were asleep!" the bright-haired Soul Reaper stammered. "We heard you talking about your dream!"

He grinned. "It's called faking it. I WISH I had dreams like that. Going up against a pizza-demon that's holding a smokin' hot babe captive…that's got all the perfect elements! Demon slaying, sex, and pizza…the only thing that could make it better is if beer rained from the sky!"

The Soul Reapers stared at Dante curiously. "What's a pizza?" one asked.

Dante's grin fell off his face, replaced by a look of horror. "You guys don't know what _pizza_ is?! What the hell kind of Heaven is this, anyway?!" He sighed. "You know what? I feel sorry for you guys. Just…just go. You've depressed me enough that I'm actually willing to let you leave."

A few of the Soul Reapers brandished their swords. "We're not goin' anywhere!" one said.

"Yeah! Captain Kurotsuchi's orders! He wants the _ryoka_ as test subjects!" the moustached man declared.

Dante rolled his eyes. "Dude, you're reeeaaally not helping yourself here. I'm nobody's lab rat. Now get out of my sight before I shave that moustache right off. The hard way."

Dante's comment seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. The Soul Reapers didn't move, although Dante did notice the smarter-looking ones hanging back. A dark-haired Soul Reaper pointed his sword at Dante. "C'mon! Let's get him!"

Dante shook his head. "You losers are in way over your heads." He cracked his knuckles. "You know that old saying, 'stupidity should be painful'? In your case…it _will_ be."

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"There it is! The white tower is right up there!" Hanataro said, pointing.

Ganju nodded, frowning. "That was a helluva shortcut, Hanataro, but even if this is the closest sewer opening, there's still a long ways to go. I've got a bad feeling about this…"

"Looks like this mist is thinning," Ichigo said, ignoring him. "Let's go; now's our chance." They walked forward towards the steps leading up to the plateau with the tower. Before they reached them, though, Ichigo held up his hand. "Hold up! There's someone on the steps."

As the mist began to clear a little more, a red-haired man came into focus. Odd headwear covered his eyes, and he held his zanpakuto in his left hand. "It's been a long time, Ichigo." He pushed his glasses up, revealing black markings around his eyes. "Tell me, do you still remember my face?"

Ichigo's face contorted in rage. "I'm not about to forget you after all you've done. I've got a whole keg of whoop-ass with your name on it…Renji Abarai."

Renji grinned. "So you're still alive. And you were nice enough to remember both my face _and_ my name? You're full of surprises."

"Thanks."

Hanataro shook in fear. "That's…Renji Abarai, the lieutenant of Squad Six!"

Ganju's eyes widened. "A lieutenant?!"

Renji began walking toward Ichigo slowly. "You know, I'm impressed. I've never seen anyone take a stab like that from Captain Kuchiki and live. I don't know how you survived that; there must be more to you than meets the eye."

Ichigo began walking toward Renji, ignoring Ganju's protest. "You bet there is. I'm not dyin' until I've saved Rukia!"

Renji drew his sword, walking faster. "That's where you're wrong. I've sworn to kill the human that stole Rukia's powers, which means that you're going to die right here!" Ichigo gripped Zangetsu. "As long as you're alive, Rukia can't regain her powers."

Ichigo gripped Zangetsu tighter, the cloth falling away from the blade. "Why do you care when you're going to execute her?! I'm gonna cut you to shreds!" He dashed at Renji, swinging downward.

Renji did the same. "Go ahead and try, faker!" Their blades locked, sparks flying as each pressed for an advantage. They broke their lock, staring each other down, and then attacked again. This time, however, Ichigo gained ground. He pushed Renji back further and further, eventually pinning him up against a wall.

Hanataro stared in awe. "Ichigo pinned the Squad Six lieutenant against the wall! Ganju…just what kind of human is this Ichigo, anyway?"

Ganju smirked. "A strange one, that's for sure."

Renji gritted his teeth as he kept Ichigo's blade from bisecting him. "So tell me, Ichigo. Do you truly believe that you're going to rescue Rukia?"

"You bet your ass," Ichigo grunted, never letting up.

"If a miracle _did_ happen and you beat me, there are still eleven lieutenants left. And above them, naturally, are thirteen out-and-out captains. You would have to completely defeat all twenty-five of us at least, if you even wanted a _chance_ at reaching the tower! Only an idiot would think he had a chance against those odds."

Ichigo snarled. "I don't care! Captains, lieutenants, whatever the odds! If I've gotta go through all of you just to have a single chance of rescuing her, I'll wipe you ALL out!!"

"Cocky little bastard. You know, that kind of confidence would be admirable if it weren't so dangerously foolish." He glanced at Zangetsu. "I take it that's your Shikai, then? You think that means you can defeat me? That's the mistake that's going to get you _killed_." With the last word, his zanpakuto began to glow. Ichigo jumped back, keeping his guard up. "Now…roar, Zabimaru!" As his sword's form changed back to the odd shape Ichigo remembered from their previous fight, it lengthened and shot at Ichigo, pushing him back at great speed.

_No! Can't stop…gotta…_ As much as he fought back, the strength of Zabimaru was too great, and he crashed through a building near Hanataro and Ganju.

Hanataro peered at the rubble, worried. "Is he dead?"

Renji retracted Zabimaru, sneering at the hole Ichigo had disappeared into. "You think just because we fought in the world of the living once that you know how strong I am? Let me give you a little lesson, punk. When Soul Reaper Captains or lieutenants travel to the living world, our power is reduced to prevent excessive damage to the world of the living. My full power now is five times higher than our first battle. However strong you think you are, you'll never be able to defeat me!"

"Is that right?" Ichigo's voice rang out from the rubble. "So I guess that last little strike was your best shot, then. Good…" He walked out, holding Zangetsu on his shoulder. "Because that attack wasn't nearly strong enough to hurt me." He could tell the wound above his eye had reopened, but it didn't actually hurt, so it still counted. "If all I'm up against are eleven more at that strength level, I'll beat 'em all without breaking a sweat!"

"Really?" Renji said, grinning. "You know, I'm going to enjoy this…"

* * *

TA-DA! See, that wait wasn't so bad, was it? This one's for everyone who's stuck with me and left those awesome reviews. And since this is technically 1.5 chapters (and since I really need to increase my output if I ever want to finish this story), this one won't count toward my "chapter a month" goal. Here's to kicking off the summer with a bang!

EDIT: Holy cow! Over 50,000 words and I'm not even halfway through? I don't think all of my previous papers put together have nearly that many. Bonus points for those of you who have been here from word 1. I tip my Internet hat to you.


	19. Stray Dog

Ichigo grimaced as the blood ran down his face. _Funny…I don't remember the wound above my eye bleeding this much when I fought Ikkaku. Renji must've opened it more when he hit me._

Ganju could see that Ichigo was in pain. "Ichigo, you're-"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Even as he spoke, his vision started to blur. His eyelids felt very heavy. _Gotta stay awake. This guy's between me and Rukia._ Even with that, he struggled to stay conscious.

Renji smirked, charging at Ichigo. "Looks like you're all talk, phony. You're barely standing; I thought you were gonna take on all the other lieutenants." He leapt into the air, swinging Zabimaru downward. "You're finished!"

Ichigo rolled out of the way as Renji's sword crashed into the ground. _C'mon. Gotta keep moving._

Renji retracted his blade, swinging it sideways at Ichigo. "If she hadn't met you, Rukia wouldn't have to go through all of this!" He swung downward again. Ichigo rolled again, but pushed off the ground and jumped onto the roof of the building next to him.

Renji looked up at Ichigo. "You won't get away!" he snarled. He swung Zabimaru as he jumped upward, cutting a large chunk of the building off. As it hit the ground, he rushed at Ichigo, who responded in kind. Their blades clashed loudly as they struck each other over and over again, neither one backing down.

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Orihime looked at Uryu curiously. "What is it, Uryu?"

Uryu frowned. _This strong spiritual pressure…one of them's definitely Ichigo, but the other one feels like that Soul Reaper I faced to protect Rukia. His name was…it was…damn, I'm getting as bad as Ichigo. Wait, I think I remember!_ "Renji Abarai." _Talk about a tough opponent. Hopefully you'll turn out better than I did, Ichigo._

As he broke his ruminating, he saw two objects very close to his face. "Hi, there!" one said cheerfully.

"Gaah!" he said, reeling back in shock.

"You look kind of funny!" the one in red commented.

"Yeah!" the pink one commented. "You feeling sick or something? We can fix you right up!"

He gulped. "Um, no, thanks. Matter of fact, I was just fine before you zoomed in front of my _eyes_."

Orihime smiled. "Sorry about that, Uryu. You kind of spaced out on me. I guess I got a little too worried. Well, are you ready to go?"

"Aww!" the one in yellow said. "That's no fun!"

The one in red nodded. "Yeah. What a weirdo." They returned to Orihime's hairpins as she and Uryu set off.

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Lady panted as Chad and Nero raced ahead of her. "Hey, slow down! Not all of us have demon blood!"

"Oh, yeah? Then why's Chad still faster than you?" Nero said, grinning.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. More importantly, why are we running?"

"I can sense Ichigo's spirit pressure rising," Chad answered. "But even so, his opponent's is even higher. He might need help."

She shook her head. "That whole 'sensing people' is _really_ starting to bug me."

Nero shrugged. "Why are you so irritated? I can't feel it either."

She blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"

"My arm only senses demonic energy. And hollows too, I guess. So I'm flying blind here, too."

Lady frowned. _Wonder if Dante's the same way, or if actually having a demonic heritage increases sensitivity to all energy._ "Well, at least I can see these Soul Reapers. With those hollow things, I pretty much _was_ blind."

"So why not just use that rocket launcher you're always lugging around?"

"Because your and Dante's fat heads are always in the way."

He chuckled. "And Dante calls _me_ a kid…"

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Ichigo and Renji both breathed heavily, both starting to show fatigue after attacking each other for so long. The blood was all over the right side of Ichigo's face now. _Boy, Ikkaku wasn't kidding when he said that wounds near the eye bleed a lot. Still, I didn't think that that wound was this bad._

Renji stared at the orange haired teen. "Stubborn jackass…do you honestly want to save Rukia this much?"

Ichigo shook his head. "Clean your ears out, punk. I didn't say I _wanted_ to, I said I WILL!"

"Don't mess with me!" Renji shouted. Zabimaru shot at Ichigo, going up over his attempted block and ripping clear through his right shoulder. It stopped, then retracted, cutting even deeper. "You stupid little fool! Rukia is sentenced to death; all because you stole her power!" Renji swung it around, extending it straight at Ichigo. "Don't you get it?! It's _your_ fault! _Your_ fault that she's going to be killed!"

_CRASH!_ Ichigo held Zangetsu solid against Zabimaru's force. "Bastard. You think I'm stupid? You're right. It's my fault that she's supposed to be executed!" He swung Zangetsu, sending Zabimaru upward. "That's why _I'm_ gonna be the one to save her with my _own hands_!!"

Zabimaru retracted fully, becoming its original, compressed state once more. _Hmm…I think I've figured his attack limit out now. It's three._

"_All right, Ichigo, pay attention," Urahara said. "In the heat of battle, there's one very important thing to keep in mind. The stronger the attack, the greater limitations are placed on the number of attacks."_

_Ichigo frowned. "Whaddya mean?"_

_Dante cleared his throat. "Well, look at some of our weapons. Nero can shoot Blue Rose three times before reloading. Lady can only shoot Kalina Anne once before reloading, not to mention the cool down time and all that."_

_Urahara nodded. "Exactly. The tricky part is, they probably won't be going for broke every time, so the number of strikes per attack will vary. That's not important; what is important is the maximum number before they have no choice but to rest. During this resting period-" he glanced at the Devil Hunters. "-or 'reload time', if you will, they'll be completely defenseless. But again, it takes a while to figure out. It'll be easier to determine in a prolonged battle: if they think they're backed into a corner, they'll go all out to get out of that corner."_

Ichigo nodded. _When he extends Zabimaru, he can still strike. After that, he's only able to use it twice more before he has to retract it and recover. Well, here we go._ He charged at Renji.

"You BASTARD!" Renji roared, shooting Zabimaru straight at Ichigo. Ichigo dodged to the side. _That's one._ Renji swung again, and Ichigo rolled under it, sprinting at him once more. _Two…_ Renji swung again, but Ichigo struck it, knocking it upward. _And three! Here I come, you stubborn bastard!_

"Dammit!" Renji swore, retracting Zabimaru. As he did, he gasped in shock as he saw Ichigo leap up, coming down at him with his blade extended.

"You're finished!" Ichigo said. He descended like a guillotine, Zangetsu right above Renji, relishing the obvious fear in his eyes. He swung downward with all his might…

And missed.

Even though Renji had been completely open, he'd still apparently had the skill to dodge Ichigo's strike and finish retracting his zanpakuto at the same time. As he swung the now compact Zabimaru into Ichigo's left shoulder, Ichigo barely felt it. _No…why? Urahara…I did everything just like you said…_

Renji grinned. "Didn't I tell you? You'll _never_ beat me." He forced his sword down, cutting completely through Ichigo's shoulder.

And as he saw his own blood shoot out, the pain hit him. It struck him so hard he couldn't even scream; he dropped to his knees, almost completely numb. _This can't be…I can't…lose here._

"Surprised that I could counter your attack?" Renji asked smugly. "You know, all things considered, you should've been able to cut me down. After all, your strategy was impressive, and your timing was nothing short of perfection. So how could I still dodge and strike you? It's simple, really." He rested Zabimaru on his shoulder. "You're still slower than I am. You're weaker; you'll never change that. No matter how much training you do, no matter how much you want to clear the gap between our power levels, it will never be enough. Do you finally understand?" He lifted his sword up vertically. "You'll _never_ save Rukia." He swung downward.

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Izuru Kira looked around. "What? That spiritual pressure…is it Renji?" He motioned to the group of Soul Reapers behind him. "C'mon! This way!"

As they rushed towards Renji's location, a small, dark figure moved quickly across the alleyway they had just been occupying. Its yellow eyes flashed. "That wave of energy just now…I hope everyone's all right." It slunk quietly into the shadows, its tail flicking back and forth.

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Renji stared downward. "You are stubborn."

Ichigo glared at him furiously. "You thought that would kill me? I'm insulted." His arms shook with strain as he held Zangetsu against Zabimaru.

Hanataro smiled at Ganju. "Hey, he's alive!"

Ganju nodded. "Damn right."

Ichigo pushed upward, knocking Zabimaru back a few inches. That was more than enough space to roll to the side and regroup. He crouched, leaning against Zangestu. _Damn…I haven't been pushed this hard since training at the Urahara shop._

"_You crazy bastard! You tried to kill me!" Ichigo said, getting to his feet and sporting a cut along his cheek._

_Dante grinned. "Obviously. Now get ready, 'cause I'm gonna do it again."_

"_But…I thought you didn't kill humans!"_

"_I don't kill _pure_ humans. I make exceptions when it comes to half-breeds."_

_Ichigo held Zangetsu in a defensive stance. "Urahara, why can't you fight me? I can't save Rukia if Devil-Man here kills me in training!"_

"_What difference would it make?" Dante scoffed. "He'd do the exact same thing."_

_Nero smirked. "Not to mention you never could beat him when you fought."_

_Dante pointed Rebellion at him. "Hey, shut up! We're a little busy here!"_

_Lady patted Nero on the shoulder as he started to argue back. "Just drop it," she whispered. "When it comes to ego checks, he prefers me to write them."_

_Dante turned back to Ichigo. "But anyway, like I said. I'll just keep on attacking, over and over and over again. If you want even the slightest chance at holding me off, you're gonna have to use that technique that shredded up Cloggy's hat."_

"_But that thing was just a fluke!" Ichigo protested. "I can't just use it whenever I want!"_

_He shrugged. "You've seen me use my Drive. Same thing. Your attack's no different; you'll either learn to use it…" He drew Rebellion. "…or you'll die. Even if I don't kill you now, if you don't learn to use your powers, you'll end up dying in the Soul Society. So use it."_

"_Easy for you to say! I just about used everything I had the first time!"_

_He sighed. "I don't have time for your childish whining. If you've got time to complain…" He rushed at Ichigo, trailing Rebellion behind him as if it weighed nothing. "…you've got time to attack!" He swung downwards. Ichigo blocked the strike, retaliating with one of his own. Dante jumped over the blade, flipping over as he did so. He planted Rebellion in the ground and pushed off of it like a master pole-vaulter, his foot crashing into Ichigo's chin._

_Ichigo recovered in mid-air, landing on his feet just in time to block Dante's next strike. He gritted his teeth, forcing Rebellion away._

_Grinning like a lunatic, Dante disappeared in a blur of red. Ichigo jumped backward as Dante crashed down with Rebellion. He dashed right, then at Ichigo. Rebellion struck Zangetsu, but carried no extra force behind it, and bounced off. Dante dashed behind Ichigo, who managed another block just in time. They continued like this six more times, Dante never slowing down. "I told you," he said. "I'm going to come at you again and again, until you man up and use the only chance you've got!" He swung Rebellion into Zangetsu, and when it was blocked, he punched Ichigo with his left hand, sending him skidding into a rock formation._

_Ururu looked at Ichigo. "Jinta, I think we'll need to patch him up now."_

_He rolled his eyes. "Man, does he suck. Well, I guess you're right."_

_Tessai nodded, but before he could move, Dante appeared in front of him. "Just give me a minute. I think I've almost got him."_

_Ichigo got to his feet, coughing. "Stupid Devil Hunter. If he keeps this up, I just might…" He stopped as Dante flew at him like a bullet, his trench coat flapping. Ichigo rolled out of the way as a gigantic slash mark appeared right where he'd been standing. He dodged another attack, then another. "Dammit!"_

_Dante rolled his eyes, standing in a small crater left from his latest attack. "Pathetic. You know, if your blade's anything like mine, it reflects your emotions during battle. If that's true, you're sniveling like a coward." He looked at Ichigo sternly. "You block because you're scared of dying. You don't attack fully because you're scared of killing me. When you try to protect people, you're scared of them dying. You're overcome with fear. And that's bad; fear is the _last_ thing you want. Even the adrenaline rush it gives only helps you run away." He held Rebellion up vertically, looking at it. "I, on the other hand, fight a little differently. When I defend, I refuse to be hit. When I protect people, I don't let them die." His voice cracked slightly, but he cleared it and continued. "When I attack, I attack with the intent to kill. Get it now?" He stared at Ichigo as Rebellion began to glow red. "My will to win gives power to my blade." Mentally, he groaned. _There, Urahara. I gave the damn speech. I better get my money's worth for it. _He looked at Ichigo as the ground began to shake and his blade glowed bright red. "So what's it gonna be, kid?"_

_Ichigo scowled. He lifted his sword up vertically as well, concentrating. _I will win…_ he thought to himself. Slowly, the ground began to shake around him as well. His blade began to glow bright blue. His eyes narrowed, glaring at Dante with cold fury._

_Dante grinned. "'Bout time." They stared at each other, both their blades glowing brightly. Then, as one, they swung downward._

_A bright blast enveloped the area. Tessai shielded Ururu and Jinta until it subsided, and then got up, looking on with admiration._

_The two now stood on opposite ends of an X-shape chasm. They both stared at each other._

_Dante grinned, a few sweat drops falling. "Was that so tough? You've got it now, then. Will, Resolve, whatever you want to call it. If you've got that, you just might be able to save Rukia after all."_

Ichigo panted as he leaned on Zangetsu. Catching his breath, he rose to his feet, his eyes locking onto Renji with focused hate. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Renji. I've found it."

Renji looked at him, confused. "What?"

"My Resolve." His spiritual energy began to rise as he lifted Zangetsu onto his shoulder. "This time, Renji…you won't dodge this strike."

Renji stared in awe. _What the-is this like last time? No, that time his power was unfocused, wild. This time…it's concentrated. Calm. And worse, it's much, __**much**__ stronger._

Ichigo rushed at him, swatting Zabimaru away as Renji tried to attack him. _When I defend, I refuse to be hit. When I protect someone, I protect them with my life._ As Renji retracted his sword, Ichigo held Zangetsu vertically, glaring at Renji as it glowed bright blue. "When I fight…I fight to win!" Renji swung upward, but a flash of light tore through Zabimaru's blade…then the guard…then him.

He flew backward, his hair dropping in front of his eyes as its ties were severed. He crashed into a wall, falling slowly. _What was that?…Zabimaru…he…_ He thought back to what Ichigo had said earlier. _Resolve, was it? Such pain…can't move my legs…my arms…I…lost?_ He fell to his knees, his vision blurring. His mind flashed with images of Rukia…growing up with her in Soul Society…training to be Soul Reapers…watching as she was adopted by the Kuchiki family… "I guess…you're not the only one to blame," he mumbled to himself. "I just stood there, and watched my only family from a distance, never interfering. A noble like her…and a stray like me…" He dragged himself to his feet, stumbling over to Ichigo. "I can bark…but even when it's the people I care about, I'm too scared to bite." He made it to Ichigo, grabbing him by the collar. "I thought…you were to blame for her sorrow…but her pain began before she even met you. _I'm _the one to blame; I just stood by and let Captain Kuchiki take her away from me. I tried to become stronger, but I just can't beat him." He coughed, spitting some blood out. "_I _can't." He grinned weakly at Ichigo. "But you're different, aren't you? Maybe…you can do it." He stared Ichigo right in the eyes. "Tell me honestly: do you love Rukia?"

Ichigo nodded. "Yes. I do."

"Then, please…I don't care about my pride, my honor…I care about her! I'm begging you…if you truly love her…please, save her! Promise me…" He coughed up more blood.

"All right. I promise."

Renji smiled. "Good." He released Ichigo, took a deep breath, and collapsed forward.

Ichigo nodded at Renji's fallen form. "You weren't too bad. Stay alive, Renji Abarai." He took a step forward, fixing his eye on the tall, white tower. Zangetsu clattered as it fell from his hand onto the ground. He took another step and promptly lost consciousness, not even feeling himself hitting the ground.

* * *

Well, this has been a fun week. Another chapter done, and according to Stephen King, nineteen's an important number. Not to mention I _finally_ beat **Dante Must Die!** mode of the original Devil May Cry. All in all, pretty productive, I'd say. Well, please read and review, and, hopefully, enjoy!


	20. A Death God Killed!

"This situation has indeed become critical," Head Captain Yamamoto said, eying the captains around him. "With the losses sustained by Squad 11 and the rout of Lieutenant Abarai, we cannot leave matters in the hands of lower-ranked Soul Reapers alone. As a result, Captain Ichimaru shall not be punished for his earlier independent actions."

Ichimaru nodded at Head Captain Yamamoto, still grinning that fox-like grin. "Thank you very much, sir."

"Furthermore, senior officers, lieutenants included, shall be allowed to carry their zanpakuto with them at all times, with full wartime release permitted."

Captain Zaraki grinned, his interest now mixed with bloodlust. "Full release? I couldn't be happier!"

"None of this would have even been necessary if _someone_ hadn't let the _ryoka_ live," Mayuri scoffed.

"Now, now," Ichimaru retorted. "There's no need to talk like that."

Zaraki licked his lips, dying to get out of the meeting and finally find his challenge. "Well, they're all fair game now, just the way I like." _Dante, fighting you would make me the happiest. But if this Ichigo's as strong as you and Ikkaku say, we might have to put our rematch on hold just a little longer._

"Everyone!" the Head Captain said, returning attention to him. "Let us declare all-out war on these _ryoka_, and the so-called 'Devil Hunters'!"

_Some way to thank 'em after purifying a Menos, _Captain Kyoraku thought to himself, _but I suppose old man Yama knows best. __Maybe I'll offer that Dante guy a drink if I meet him._

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_**Boy, you got yourself cut up pretty bad. You sure do suck at this fighting thing, don't you?**_

_Just shut up and leave me alone._

_**I ain't leavin' you alone! The fight with that lieutenant was an embarrassment! That guy should've been dead in a minute!**_

_Go away. I'm in pain and I don't need the voices in my head telling me how much they hate me._

_**Go away?! I ain't goin' nowhere!**_

_Fine, then. I'm waking up so I don't have to listen to this crap._

_**Don't you walk out on me when I'm-**_

Ichigo shook his head, slowly lifting himself up. "Hey! I guess you're awake!" a voice above him said.

Ichigo blinked a couple of times, focusing on the owner of the voice. "Hanataro?"

He nodded, smiling. "Yep! You know, we were getting worried about you for a minute there!"

Ichigo laid back down. "That right? So tell me, where am I?"

"We're back in the sewer system. Don't worry, we're safe. Just don't move around too much, or you'll reopen all your wounds."

"Wounds?" He looked at his shoulders and chest. "Oh, yeah, I fought Renji." After a second or two, he bolted upright. "I fought Renji!" He started to get up.

"H-hey, wait, Ichigo!"

"Thanks Hanataro, but I gotta get goin'."

"But you're not even close to being healed!"

"None of the others know where Rukia is. And Dante's probably gone off fighting and forgot why we're here in the first place." He got to his feet shakily.

"Ichigo, you need REST!" Hanataro said as he limped over to Zangetsu. "See? You wouldn't last an hour in that condition!"

"Oh, yeah?" he said as he grabbed his zanpakuto. "Then I'll just have to make sure I kick ass in less than thirty minutes." He drug Zangetsu along the pathway, but a fist came out of nowhere, striking him square in the jaw and knocking him out cold.

Ganju cracked his knuckles. "Stubborn bastard's got a thicker head than I thought. I guess you were right; he didn't even last a minute, let alone a full hour."

"Ganju!" Hanataro said, sighing. "Oh, great. _Another_ wound to heal."

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"Excuse me?"

The guards turned toward the cell door. "Yeah, what is it?" one asked.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but could you tell me a little bit about what's going on outside? Is there any recent news?"

The other guard shrugged. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt. We don't know the specifics, but the word is that the Squad Six lieutenant was defeated and forced to retreat."

Rukia gasped. "Oh, Renji, what did you get yourself into this time?"

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The next morning was a beautiful one. Birds were chirping, the sun was bright, the skies were clear. If one chose to rest that day, they could have had a comfortable spot under the trees, on the grass; anywhere, really.

The beauty of the morning was lost on the lone figure as it made its way from the Squad Five barracks to the scheduled morning meeting. _Oh no, oh no, I'm so late! _the girl thought as she sped past the remnants of Renji's battle. _Oh, what do I do? Maybe if I hurry, I won't be _as _late._ She sped up the stairs, taking the shortcut on her left. She leapt from building to building, reaching a hand back absently to make sure the bun in her hair hadn't come undone.

She landed on a walkway, dashing across it. "I might actually make it!" She ran forwards some more until a large red spot caught in her peripheral vision. One that wasn't supposed to be there. Not only that, but that steady dripping was highly unnatural. She turned around slowly, looking up at the origin of the redness.

A man was impaled upon a sword, a giant blood trail leading down from the tall building he was on. The _haori_ on him was stained by blood, but the occasional spot of white indicated he was a captain. The girl's eyes, wide though they were, widened completely as she saw the man's face. His glasses were spattered with blood, horribly ruining his kind face.

The face of Sosuke Aizen.

The beauty of the morning was shattered by a high-pitched scream.

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"Hey, Chad, wake up," Lady said, shaking the giant teen. "We've got company."

He woke up, rubbing his eyes. "That right? Shame. I was having a good dream too. But I feel kinda old for dreaming about the past."

Nero rolled his eyes. "Well, once we find a new hiding spot, you can go back to nap time. We should probably leave now, though; those guys sound pissed."

Before they could leave, there was a pounding on the door. Nero had blocked it with a wooden board just in case, but from the sound of it, the Soul Reapers outside could overcome it by sheer numbers alone. Chad smiled, forming the armor on his right arm. "Too late. But I'm glad you guys woke me. I'd hate to miss all the fun."

"You gotta work on that sarcasm, Chad. I can't tell if you're serious or not." He stared at the shuddering door, revving Red Queen impatiently. "Looks like we'll have to bust our way outta here."

Lady smiled, cracking her neck. "Well, shall we then?"

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Ichigo looked around warily. "Hey…Renji and I had a pretty huge battle here yesterday. Shouldn't they have guards posted or somethin'?"

Ganju shrugged. "Maybe they think we turned tail and ran. Or maybe everyone else is keeping 'em so busy that they don't have the manpower to spare."

"Hey, if it's that second one, I'm not complainin'. Maybe someone'll be nice enough to take out a lieutenant or two while they're at it, so I don't have to go through all eleven."

Hanataro stretched. "Boy, do I feel energized," he said sleepily. "That pill really did the trick."

"Yeah, well you still look like something the cat dragged in," Ichigo muttered.

"Hey, we haven't seen any of the others yet. Wonder how they're doin'?" Ganju wondered. "Whaddya think's the deal with that weirdo with the glasses and that cutie pie with the pink shirt?"

" 'Cutie pie'? Well, if that don't beat all. Now you're ugly _and_ outta style."

"You know, saying 'if that don't beat all' isn't exactly 'in style', either," Hanataro piped up. Ichigo responded by giving him a two-handed noogie. "Waah! Sorry, sorry!"

"I'm not worried about them," Ichigo said, turning back to Ganju. "They're both a lot smarter than me."

Ganju smiled. _He walked right into this._ "So you're saying you're a lot dumber than they are?"

As Hanataro snickered, Ichigo turned to him with his fist held up threateningly. "Do you _want_ another one?"

Hanataro gulped. "No, no, I didn't say anything!"

"Well, good. Anyway, they should be fine. If nothing else, Orihime can heal, so she should be able to patch 'em up pretty well."

Ganju tilted his head. "What about that Dante and Nero?"

"_And_ Lady. They should all be fine. If nothing else, they should be strong enough to force through at least a captain or two."

"And that tall guy?"

"He'll be fine, too. He's just too strong to lose."

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It would have been insulting to the three to call their battle anything other than "one-sided". With the combined strength of Chad and the two Devil Hunters, the small unit of Soul Reapers had all been dealt with in under thirty seconds flat.

Lady flipped, landing neatly on her feet next to the only conscious Soul Reaper. "Hey, there, big boy," she said, pulling him up to her eye level. "I'll make you a deal. You tell us where the Repentance Cell is, and you don't get killed by a woman."

He gulped. "W-why do you want to know where that is?"

Chad shrugged. "Because when we asked the last guy where Rukia was, that's what he said before Nero knocked him out."

"Hey, he was callin' me names," Nero said defensively.

The Soul Reaper shook in terror, pointing past them. "Right there! It's that great big white tower! Y-you can't miss it."

Lady dropped him. "Works for me. Let's go, guys."

"Wait, you're letting me live?"

"Of course. I'm not about to get your blood all over my nice white outfit. You have any idea how tough it is to bleach leather?" The three walked toward the tower.

The Soul Reaper grinned, grabbing his zanpakuto. "Fools! You turn your backs to an opponent so easily? You'll never last against-"

Exactly what they'd never last against went unknown as Nero, still looking forward, backhanded the rushing Reaper with his Devil Bringer. "Hell yeah. Always wanted to do that. Dante made it look like so much fun." He rubbed his demonic right arm affectionately. "I can see why; that felt _good_."

Lady rolled her eyes, muttering "Showoff." Chad just smiled.

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"Man, you guys are so hot-headed," Dante grumbled as the three Soul Reapers searched frantically for him. "Maybe you should…cool down." He spun Cerberus around his wrist once, then slammed it down just as they walked past him.

Within seconds, they were trapped by walls of solid ice. They hammered on the walls of their prison, but the opaque ice refused to give. Dante chuckled. "Hey, chill! I'm sure some Soul Reaper will free you guys!" And he walked off, listening for signs of other surprise visitors. "Hmm…maybe I should ask one of them where Rukia is _before_ they get iced." He stopped walking, slapping his forehead with his right hand. "What am I thinking? And miss out on mopping the floor with these idiots?" He shook his head, looking at Cerberus. "I think I might be getting sick from hanging around you. Do you have a cold or something?"

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Lady groaned. Nero turned to her. "What is it? Did you get injured beating those guards up?"

She shook her head. "I may not be able to sense stuff like you guys, but I just _know_ that a hurricane of bad puns is forming with Dante in its eye."

"Now what makes you say that?"

"I got this odd sensation. Like my brain wanted to throw up. And that's only ever happened when Dante makes corny jokes."

Nero looked up in desperation. "Is anyone here _not_ outta their flippin' minds?! Well, besides you, Chad," he added.

He shrugged. "I don't know about that. I mean, we're invading the afterlife to rescue the girlfriend of a friend of ours who's going to be executed for saving someone's life."

Nero chuckled, scratching his head. "Well, now that you mention it, that _does_ sound pretty crazy."

Lady rolled her eyes. "This coming from a guy with a demon's right arm? You damned hypocrite!"

Chad sighed as the two began bickering. _Well, at least we're getting closer._

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"They're here. From the looks of it, it's two of those 'Devil Hunters' with a _ryoka_ boy." Hearing no motion, she turned to the lying man. "Captain Kyoraku!" she said sternly.

"Already?" he grumbled. "I was hoping I could have a longer nap than that. Ah, what the hell. Wasn't a very good dream anyway." He sat up, yawning. "Guess I'd better say hello. I owe that Dante guy a drink anyway."

"I still don't understand, sir. Why won't you let me fight them? A single lieutenant should be more than enough…"

Shunsui chuckled. "Well, that's probably what Lieutenant Abarai thought as well. Besides, it's an order from the old man himself. He'd rather not have the _ryoka_ know they're causing us so much grief. You know how stubborn old folks get." He stood, still smiling. "Besides, if I'm lucky, one of those Devil Hunters is that Lady person. From what I've heard, she's kind of cute."

She whacked the pervert with her left hand. "Keep your mind on the business at hand!"

"Ooo, I _love_ it when you're jealous, Nanao. You're pretty cute yourself when you're riled up."

"Enough, you disgusting old man! If you want to go, then GO!"

He waved his hand at her. "Fine, fine." He slipped on his pink _haori_, yawning one last time. "Hey, don't look so glum. I'm just gonna have a drink with 'em. And if they get out of hand, I can take care of myself."

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Rangiku sighed. _Everything seems to be spiraling out of control. It all seemed to start when the Menos was purified. After that, Rukia Kuchiki was sentenced for execution. Then the _ryoka _invaded, Lieutenant Abarai was injured, and now, Captain Aizen's been killed. And Captain Hitsugaya keeps disappearing at the oddest times. I wonder what he's up to._ She sighed again, looking off in the distance. "What does all of this mean? What is happening to the Soul Society?"

"From the looks of it, losing all semblance of order."

She turned to look at the small, white-haired figure next to her. "Captain Hitsugaya. Where have you been?"

"We're in the middle of a war, Rangiku, and one of our own was just brutally murdered. The pace expected of us keeps increasing." The small boy's frown deepened; it seemed he hardly ever smiled, especially now. "I wonder if it will ever slow down again. But even more, I wonder what drastic actions will have to be taken to make it so."

She frowned. "You're awfully thoughtful today. Any reason?"

He shook his head. "I guess I'm just worried, that's all."

"About Momo, you mean?"

"I'd rather not talk about that here. We can continue this discussion elsewhere." He flash-stepped away, so quickly it almost seemed he hadn't been there at all.

She sighed. "Things are getting so complicated. I won't even get that drink I was hoping for." With that, she followed her captain.

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Kenpachi Zaraki had never been man who enjoyed complex strategies. He was a simple man, with likewise simple battle plans; find an enemy, fight them. If they're a worthy opponent, have as much fun as possible. If they're unworthy, get rid of them.

So after the captains' meeting, he decided to forgo chasing around after the strongest fighter. Since he knew that Ichigo would be going to the Repentance Cell, he just placed himself between the entrance to the path leading to it and the cell itself. A simple strategy: if Ichigo wanted to get to Rukia, he'd have to go through Zaraki.

When the group of three had arrived, he'd sent out a wave of spiritual pressure to scare them. Not all out, but strong all the same. They ran, of course. Everyone did after something like that. But after running for a few minutes, _that's_ when he could sift any gold from the dirt. One of them fell down, having difficulty breathing. _Not him, then_. He was picked up by a man wearing green and carried as he followed the one leading their group. _He's not wearing a Soul Reaper uniform, plus his hair's black. Not him either._ He looked at their leader. Still showing strength…good. Wearing a Soul Reaper uniform…better. A sword almost as tall as him hanging from his back…_much _better. Bright orange hair… "I think we have a winner. I see you, Ichigo Kurosaki." He flash stepped behind him, just to check. "So, are you Ichigo Kurosaki?"

Ichigo gasped, turning around with a snarl on his face. "Who are you and how the hell do you know me?!"

"C'mon, didn't Ikkaku give you my description?" Seeing the terrified realization hit Ichigo was enough of a 'yes' for him. "I'm the captain of Squad Eleven, Kenpachi Zaraki. If what I've heard about you is true, I'm here to duel you to the death."

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The man smiled as his black cloak flapped around him. "I've got some time off right now; I suppose a little entertainment wouldn't hurt." He sat down on the building top he was on, peering down at the opponents below with interest. "Well, Ichigo, let's see how much stronger you've gotten since we last met."

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Yachiru gaped. "Whoa!" She jumped onto Ichigo's shoulder to get a better look at his two comrades. "Gosh, Kenny, that little guy sure is drooling! You musta scared him with all that spiritual pressure!" She backflipped, landing at Zaraki's feet.

_The hell?!_ Ichigo thought, confused. _Where'd she come from?_

The little girl frowned. "Uh oh. I think I upset the big guy, Kenny!"

He snorted. "Of course you did. That was just _stupid._ And who are you to call someone 'little', anyway?"

"He's the little one of _them_, Kenny! And besides, I wasn't the one that let the other guy get away!"

"Hey, you!" Ichigo snapped. "The little girl with pink hair. Who…or what…are you?"

She smiled broadly at him. "Aww, that's sweet of you to ask! I'm the lieutenant of Squad Eleven, Yachiru Kusajishi!"

_The hell? A lieutenant? This little twerp's the same rank as Renji?! Guess she's someone to watch out for too..._ "Hey, Ganju."

Ganju dusted himself off. "Yeah, what?"

"Take Hanataro and get out of here. Go save Rukia; I'll buy you some time."

"But I thought you said-"

"Ganju!" he interrupted. "We don't have time to discuss. Do it now."

Ganju did as he was told, picking Hanataro up and slinging him over his shoulder. "Just don't die, you stubborn bastard." With that, he took off at full speed in the opposite direction.

Ichigo cracked his neck, his hand inching near Zangetsu's handle. _I told Renji I'd save Rukia with my own hands, and I won't make myself a liar. No matter what, this guy's goin' down._

* * *

Aaaanndd...THERE! Well, I've managed to kick out THREE chapters this month. I'm not sure this rush of inspiration will last, but _man_, do I like it! Not bad, actually...I posted this review just in time for my birthday. Not to mention, I just S-ranked Devil May Cry 1; oddly enough, I beat DMC3's **Dante Must Die!** mode first, but I've only S-ranked the first one. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, so I hope this chapter isn't too bad. Whether you like it, don't like it, or found some glaring typos, reviews are always welcome!

P.S. - Speaking of glaring typos, big thanks to **SplitToInfinity** for catching a particularly bad one in Chapter 11. People in the story have enough problems confusing Nero and Ichigo, but I never thought _I_ would. Oops.


	21. A Friendly Drink

With a loud crash, a blue energy beam shot through one of the walls of the Soul Society. Chad stepped casually through it, with Nero and Lady close behind. The former shook his head. "Geez, Chad, was that really necessary? We could've just jumped over the wall, you know."

"Oh, shut up," Lady shot back. "The shortest distance between two points is always a straight line. And since I'm apparently the only one keeping track of our time limit here, we don't have a helluva lot to spare."

"Hold it right there!" a new voice shouted. They looked at the man in front of Chad. He bore a slight resemblance to Jidanbo with the braided hair and the bare shoulder, but he wasn't any taller than Chad was. "That's as far as you go. You've no doubt heard of me; I am the Third Seat of Squad Eight, Tatsufusa Enjoji!"

Nero glanced lazily at the Soul Reaper. "Nope. Never heard of you."

The Soul Reaper growled in irritation. "You arrogant snot! Just for that, I'll make you wish you hadn't met me!"

"We already wish we hadn't met you; even Dante's not as annoying as you," Lady quipped.

He gritted his teeth. "You…" Enjoji drew his sword, swinging it at a furious speed in front of them. "Well? What do you think now? You're struck dumb with fear, aren't you? Or are you trying desperately to think of a move to counter my incredible technique? It's useless! There's no way you can stop my amazing power!"

Lady rubbed the bridge of her nose, glancing at Nero. "Let me shoot him. _Please_ let me shoot him."

Nero shook his head. "It'd be a waste of ammo. We'll take care of this."

"Prepare yourselves, for you are about to-" Enjoji stopped as an ethereal blue hand gripped his arm and halted his sword flailing.

Nero looked at Chad. "Sorry to impose, but could you clear the hot air around here?"

Chad nodded. "With pleasure." His right arm struck the Soul Reaper in an uppercut just after Nero released his grip, flinging Enjoji out of sight.

Nero cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting "Fore!" Lady slapped him upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"I wanted to say that," she grumbled.

Chad shook his head. "If you two are done behaving like children, we've got somewhere to be."

Nero glared at him as they set off toward the white tower. "I _really _hope that's not your way of calling me 'kid'."

Before he could answer, another voice rang out. "Hey, that wasn't too bad." They all stopped, looking around for the owner of said voice.

"What the…" Chad said as flower petals began to fall around them. They looked up, seeing a robed figure descending. It landed in front of them, looking like a pile of odd clothes and a straw hat until it stood up. The man had long hair tied in a ponytail, a pink _haori_, and thin stubble. "And just who are you?"

He smiled. "Name's Shunsui Kyoraku, Squad Eight Captain. Nice to meet you."

Lady crossed her arms. "If that's true, then that must make you the captain of that last guy."

He nodded. "Smart…and _beautiful_, too." He prepared to continue, but looked around at the still-falling petals. He looked up. "Alright, Nanao, that's enough!" She kept tossing down handfuls of petals from a basket, seemingly oblivious. "Hmm. Guess she couldn't hear me." He cupped his hands to his mouth. "Hey, NANAO! That's very nice, but I think they get the point! Save some for later, my lovely little Nan-OOF!" Shunsui couldn't continue after she poured the rest of the petals onto him and chucked the basket down, hitting him in the head and replacing his hat.

Chad frowned. "This seems awfully familiar…"

Nero nodded in assent. "Yeah…I'm gettin' that sense of déjà vu."

Lady raised an eyebrow. "The hell are you two babbling about? How does this seem familiar?" She didn't get an answer, as Chad stared at the pile of flower petals and Nero looked up, whistling. "Weirdos," she grumbled.

Chad sighed. "Excuse me, sir, but could you move aside? We're in a bit of a hurry."

Shunsui tossed the basket aside, placing his hat back on. "Ah, c'mon, big guy. You gotta loosen up, have a little fun! Life's too short to be so grumpy."

"I've asked once; we're in a bit of a rush. You seem like a nice guy, so if there's any way we could resolve this peacefully, I'd rather not fight you."

He chuckled. "Resolve peacefully? Why didn't you say so before?" Chad tensed as he reached for something in his _haori_, and pulled out…a bottle of sake? "Let's have a friendly little drink!"

Nero licked his lips. "Yeah! Now we're talking!" He tried to set of towards the Soul Reaper Captain, but felt a firm grip on his collar holding him back. "Hey, what the hell?!"

Lady frowned, never releasing the whining Holy Knight. "You're just going to go right up and toss a few back? What if it's poisoned?"

He tapped his right arm. "I can handle it. Now lemme go!"

She sighed. "Fine. We've got a little time to spare. But only on one condition…" She glanced at Shunsui. "If it's not poisoned, let me know."

He grinned. "Yes, ma'am!" He walked up, sitting down across from Captain Kyoraku.

The Captain smirked. "Well, good. For a moment, I was worried I'd have to drink alone." He poured Nero and himself a cup of sake. "Would you be the Devil Hunters, then?"

Nero nodded. "Yeah. I'm Nero, and that's Lady," he said, pointing to her. "Chad's a friend of ours, but he's not a Devil Hunter."

He sighed. "Hmm. Even though I meet two of you, neither is Dante." He shrugged, raising his cup. "Regardless, a toast to the Devil Hunters!" Both he and Nero drank.

Nero smacked his lips. "Good stuff. But why do you want to meet Dante so much?"

"'Cause I owe him for purifying that Menos. I can't tell you how irritating it is for a Captain to have to take on one of those things."

Nero closed his eyes for a few seconds. No pain, no aches; if there had been poison in the sake (which was unlikely, seeing as how Kyoraku had drank it himself), he'd definitely have felt it by now. He opened his eyes and waved Lady over, motioning for her to sit by them. As she did, he looked at Chad. "Aren't you going to join us?"

"NO."

"Aw, c'mon! Don't tell me you're a teetotaler!"

Chad shook his head. "I'm not, but rules are rules. Minors are not allowed to drink alcohol."

Lady nodded. "Fair point." She took a fresh saucer from Kyoraku, and slowly drank the sake. _Mmm. Nero was right. This _is _good._

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Dante sniffed the air. "Huh. My liquor senses are tingling." He sighed. "What a shame; somewhere, people are enjoying alcohol, and I'm stuck with you lowlifes," he said, looking at the mass of Soul Reapers surrounding him.

"Lowlifes?!" one asked.

"We're gonna kick your ass for that!" another shouted.

"Yeah! You better show some respect for Squad Ten!!"

Dante rolled his eyes. "Ten, five, three, eighteen…I don't care _what_ squad you're in. Get lost or prepare for the pain." Seeing no movement in the crowd around him, he pulled out Nevan. He held his right hand up in the air, a pick made of electricity clenched in his fingers. "Then c'mon, babe…" he said, smiling at Nevan, "Let's ROCK!" With the last word, he strummed hard on Nevan's strings, summoning electric bats that flew, screeching, at some of the Soul Reapers. And with that, those that weren't being attacked by bats charged at Dante.

He smirked, doing a couple of "windmills". Instead of summoning bats, the electricity and sound waves combined to form a dome of force that pushed outward, knocking away some of the charging Soul Reapers. He played a couple quick notes, and then launched into an impromptu jam session while power-sliding into a group of Soul Reapers. Bats, electricity, and sound waves spiraled around him like a miniature tornado, shocking those unfortunate enough to get caught in it. He finished jamming, yelling "WOO!"

He stood back up, facing a black-haired Soul Reaper that dashed at him, screaming. Smirking, he swung Nevan in a sweeping motion upwards, knocking the screaming man into the air. As the momentum from Nevan caused it to land on his shoulder, he struck up a vicious riff that spewed electric bats at the airborne man. As his victim fell to the ground, he turned around, spinning the demonic guitar around him like a saw blade. With a cry of "Time to ROCK!", he grabbed the guitar, spinning forward and electrifying another group of Soul Reapers.

He grinned, looking around at the few remaining Soul Reapers. Their hands shook in fear, and some had even dropped their swords. He laughed. "Aww, c'mon! This party's just gettin' started!!" He leaped into the air, Devil Triggering. His demonic wings spread out, easily keeping him hovering in mid-air. Nevan was slung on his back, and his hair spiked upwards, as if a starfish's shape and a lizard's skin had been fused together. "Well? Weren't you going to kick my ass?" he growled in a deep, raspy voice.

That was the final straw. Every Soul Reaper who heard his voice turned to flee. He scoffed as they began to scatter. "They call themselves Soul Reapers, and they're scared of me just flying here? How embarrassing…" He began to spin like a top, and then at lightning speed, hit all the fleeing Soul Reapers before they could react.

He ended his Devil Trigger, dropping to the ground and sighing at the bodies around him. "Just be grateful I let you wimps live."

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"…and so he charged energy into his pistols and shot that Menos Grande right between the eyes," Lady finished.

Shunsui set down his saucer, refilling it. "Interesting. Sounds like the stories about the Quincy I've heard." He chuckled. "But obviously different, or we wouldn't have had fifty extra souls cross over when it was destroyed."

"Yeah," Nero remarked. "We're kind of weird like that."

"Speak for yourself," Lady grumbled.

"Ouch. That was _low_," he said, looking at his right arm.

"No…wait, that's not what I…" She sighed. "Instead of stumbling over myself for five minutes, will a simple 'I'm sorry' do?"

He grinned. "Sure, why not?" He drank the rest of his sake, and held the saucer out for a refill. "So…Captain Kyoraku…"

He smirked. "No, no. Such formalities are unnecessary. Just call me Shunsui."

Nero retracted his now-full saucer. "Well, _Shunsui_ then. Exactly why aren't you trying to kill us?"

He shrugged. "I said it already. Life's too short to be fighting all the time. Not to mention…"

Chad cleared his throat. "Forgive me, Nero, Lady. But we are running out of time. If you will not continue, I am afraid I must do so alone."

"Hey, don't worry," Lady called to him. "We'll meet up with you later."

As Chad set off toward the Repentance Cell, he suddenly found Shunsui in front of him. "Sorry to be so rude," the captain remarked. "But I'm afraid I can't let you leave quite yet."

_Damn, he's fast_ Nero thought as he finished his sake. "And here I was, havin' a good time," he grumbled as he stood up.

Chad clenched his fist. "I appreciate the hospitality you've shown to my friends and I. But my patience has run out. Move."

Shunsui sighed. "Or what?"

Nero cracked his knuckles. "I'll give you the Wedgie From HELL!" He scowled as everyone else stared at him. "Oh, sure, like saying 'We'll kick your ass' is _so_ original. Let's see _you_ do better!"

Lady rolled her eyes. "Personally, I thought it was okay. It was just weird hearing it from _you_ instead of Dante." She glared at Shunsui. "Sorry to drink and run, but we've got friends in danger. If you wanna tussle, then let's _get it on_!!" Her glare weakened as she saw blood start to dribble from Shunsui's nose. "Ugh. Another lazy pervert. It's like fighting Dante."

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Dante sneezed. "The hell?" he wondered, itching his nose. "Why am I sneezing so much lately? And why am I getting this weird sense of déjà vu?" He shook his head. "Whatever. Like anything around here is normal, anyway." As he walked away, a figure watched him warily from the roof. The shihakusho billowed around him as he followed the unsuspecting Devil Hunter.

* * *

Going from three chapters in a month span back to one may seem incredibly selfish, jerkish, and lazy, but it's only that last one that has any grain of truth. The main reason, though, is because I'm planning something BIG for next month, and so this chapter probably suffered for it. For that, I apologize. On a more positive note, though, I enjoyed all of the reviews I've recieved! Each and every review is appreciated, not to mention they all motivate me to do my best; so even if it's a criticism, don't be afraid to tell me about it!


	22. The Bloodthirsty Reaper

Hey, did you think I forgot? It's the one-year anniversary of Bleach May Cry! I honestly didn't think it would go this long, but I suppose I don't have to worry 'til I hit two years. Anyway, here's Chapter 22!

* * *

_Ichigo's eyes were wide. This is bad…_ He'd confronted this Kenpachi guy and threatened him, and the guy said he'd give him a free hit. After a bit of hesitation, Ichigo had swung down with all his might…but Kenpachi hadn't been cut at all, much less cleaved in two like Ichigo had tried for. Worse, because he'd swung so hard, _his_ hands were bleeding, and now he was having a tough time holding onto Zangetsu. _Dammit. This guy hasn't even tried to fight me yet, and already this fight's going worse than the fight against Renji._

"Is that it?" Zaraki asked doubtfully. "Is that all the strength you possess?" He shook his head. "After Dante praised your ability, I'd hoped for at least a decent challenge, but that wasn't even close. How disappointing…Such a twisted joke considering all the time I spent looking for you. But for a joke, I'm not laughing." He drew his sword, pointing skyward. "It's my turn now, Ichigo. To repay my generosity, do you mind staying alive for at least a little while? I'd like to shake the rust off this blade."

_I am __**so**__ screwed._

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The combatants stared at each other, the silence between them tense. They'd all dropped into fighting stances, and Captain Kyoraku hadn't even moved. Nanao kept her eyes on them, waiting for the inevitable clash.

Oddly, it was the tall one who'd rarely spoken that broke the silence. "Nero. Lady."

"What is it?" Lady asked, her eyes never leaving Shunsui.

"Get to Rukia. I'll cover you."

"Huh?" Nero asked. "Hey, you getting all noble on us, Chad? Three-on-one may not exactly be fair, but we're not gonna sit by and twiddle our thumbs!"

"Then be useful and rescue her."

"Chad…"

Lady frowned. "Forget it, Nero. It's pointless to talk him out of it. You've seen how they get."

"…Fine." He smirked at Chad. "Don't go dyin' on us!"

Chad shot a grin back. "Wouldn't think of it."

Nero and Lady sprinted to the right, but only got about ten feet before Nanao appeared in front of them. "Hold it right there! I won't let you criminals escape!"

Lady frowned. "Look, you _really_ don't want to start this. That pervert never said we couldn't leave."

They heard a loud _**BOOM!**_ as Chad attacked Shunsui. "Unfortunately for you, he's busy right now. And I'm not quite as lenient."

Nero moved to draw his sword, but Lady held a hand with a gun in front of him. "Go."

"What? Lady, that's _crazy_! We've already **got** one of us makin' a stand!" But despite his words, she didn't move. "Lady…you don't have powers like the rest of us. I promised Dante I'd protect you!"

"_I _never asked you to do that," she growled through her teeth. "I may not have powers, but I'm not about to watch another person I care about die!" She fixed Nanao with a stony gaze. "Not again. Never, _ever_ again."

"But…"

She fired the gun in front of Nero, putting a bullet hole by his feet. "We don't have time for this crap. You can waste all the time you want _after_ we've accomplished our mission."

He sighed. "You realize he's gonna be pissed at me, right?"

She smiled. "Better you than me."

He set off, hearing Nanao draw her sword and begin to fight Lady. _Be careful, Lady…I'm gettin' a bad feeling about today…_

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_CLANG! CLANG!_

"…huff…huff…"

Ichigo had been fighting Kenpachi in a hit-and-run style for the past few minutes: he'd run, Kenpachi would catch up to him, they'd trade blows, and he'd run away again. But it wasn't doing much good; he was constantly gasping for air, and Zaraki seemed to chase him effortlessly.

_Gotta calm down! Can't be scared!_

Ichigo slid to a stop as the wall on his right began to crack. He put up his guard as it crumbled, and Zaraki charged through the rubble. "I think that's enough running," the Soul Reaper captain grumbled. "Games of cat and mouse bore me."

They clashed a few more times, but after one particular strike, Ichigo backed up, then ran away again. As soon as he got a ways away, he dropped to his knees, panting. _Dammit! I did it __**again**__! I hit him, but nothing happened! Is he truly that strong?!_ He shook his head. _Doesn't matter. Gotta calm down! Gotta focus. "Be afraid and you will die." That's what Zangetsu said. If I concentrate, if I abandon my fear…I should be able to cut 'im._ As he prepared to run back to the fight, he felt a large spiritual signature plummet. One that never should have; he was supposed to be invincible, after all!

_Chad…no!_

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Captain Kyoraku shook his head. "Not bad, friend. You did pretty good there…"

_Shunsui leaned to the left, dodging yet another blast from Chad's arm. "Missed again. That's eight now…aren't you tired at all?"_

"_No," the teen answered. "I can't afford to be. Not when I fight for what I do."_

_He dodged another blast. "So, then. What is it that you fight for?"_

"_I fight for my friends. To protect those who would protect me."_

_Shunsui nodded, ducking under number ten. "A code of honor. I like that. But even Soul Reapers have their own code to live by." He placed a hand near his blades. "Our conflict is growing a bit too destructive. The next time you attack…I will have no choice but to respond in kind." He drew both blades, standing ready to defend himself._

_Chad charged energy into his fist. _Ichigo…I will keep our promise. Because of that, I can't lose here._ He dashed at Shunsui, his hand glowing brighter and brighter as he gathered the last of his power for a final attack. Shunsui just stared at his rush, not even flinching. Chad thrust his hand forward, the blast unleashed from it demolishing the structure in its path…but Shunsui was nowhere to be seen._

"_Forgive me," a voice spoke near his ear. "But this is where our fight ends." Chad felt pain erupt, but before he could determine where it came from…_

_Everything went black._

"But I'm afraid it simply wasn't enough," Shunsui remarked, looking at Chad's fallen body.

"NO!" Lady screamed. "Not Chad…Dammit!" She ducked under a horizontal strike from Nanao's zanpakuto. She turned around at another one, blocking with Kalina Anne's bulk. Taking advantage of the block, she brought a handgun around in an arc, smacking Nanao in the forehead.

"OUCH! Stubborn woman!"

"Look who's talking!"

Shunsui sighed. "As much as I'd like to watch this catfight, old man Yama's order still stands." He sheathed his swords. "How troublesome."

Lady rolled to the side, dodging a downward swipe. She backflipped over another horizontal one, and side-stepped a forward thrust. Suddenly, Nanao found a large gun pointed straight at her face. "I win, Nanao. Give up and-" Before she could finish, her eyes went wide. She pitched forward as her eyes slid slowly shut, but her fall was interrupted by Kyoraku's arm.

Nanao adjusted her glasses. "A non-lethal attack? But Captain…"

"Hey, you wouldn't want me to kill a friend, would you? Besides, killing's a tricky thing. You can't just say 'sorry' and take it back."

"Sir!" A Soul Reaper dropped in front of them, kneeling. "Urgent news!"

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_Wait a minute…there! Still a tiny bit of spirit energy left! _Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief. _Chad…you're still alive. Good._ He looked up at the sky. _Well, then. What am I waiting for? Gotta win…not just for Rukia, but for everyone else that's lent me their aid!_

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Dante stopped in his tracks. He stood there, immobile, for some time. The man watching him stared curiously. _Is he perhaps trying to sense something? Or is he communicating with someone?_

He folded his arms across his chest. "Alright, come on out. We both know you're there."

_So he's noticed me. Never was much good at stealth._ He dropped down a few feet behind the white-haired man, staring as he rose from his landing. "When did you notice me?"

Dante smiled. " 'bout five minutes ago. I heard you land on a building a little too loud. After that, it's like finding Waldo; easy when you know what to look for."

"If you say so."

They stood in silence for a few moments, Dante tapping his foot impatiently. "Well?!" he asked finally. "Are you just going to stand there?" Silence. "Who are you?"

"Nobody important."

"I figured as much. I meant, what squad are you from?"

"None of your business."

"Rrgh. You're about as interesting as a brick wall."

"Probably."

He drew Rebellion. "So are we going to fight now, or what?"

"As you wish," the man replied. He held his zanpakuto out at Dante, pointing its white grip at him. "May the best man win."

"Sounds like a plan." He swung Rebellion downward, but the man drew his zanpakuto slightly, blocking it. He shoved the larger blade away, re-sheathing his sword and swinging it into Dante's shoulder.

Dante jumped back, snickering. "What's the matter? Afraid to get it dirty?"

"You are holding back. Honor dictates that I do so as well."

"Hmph. You're a bit smarter than the rest of these riff-raff. But if you want a chance of surviving, you better stop wasting my time and draw that blade."

"I cannot until you stop going easy on me."

"Fine. Your funeral, pal."

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"Well, finally. You've stopped running away. Are you ready to die like a warrior, then? Or did you just give up?"

Ichigo gripped Zangetsu tightly. "Neither of the above. I've come back to defeat you." He ran at Zaraki, swinging downward. Kenpachi blocked it lazily, but Ichigo was counting on that, and changed his strike to move diagonally. A cut appeared across Zaraki's chest. _I knew it! I __**can**__ cut him. And if I can cut him, I can beat him._

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Dante glared at the annoying Soul Reaper he was facing. _Every time I go in for a strike, he unsheathes it just enough to block, then re-sheathes it. Cocky little bastard. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's acting like Urahara did when we sparred. Right before…he…_ Dante smirked. _So that's what you're hiding._ He charged up a Drive, sending it at the Soul Reaper in a semi-serious slash.

The Soul Reaper dodged out of the way. "So, you are taking me a bit more seriously, then?" He drew his zanpakuto and tied its scabbard to his sash.

Dante grinned. "Almost"_…hmm, that sheath looks familiar. Like a white and silver version of Yamato. Bastard better not be ripping of __**my**__ bro._ He clashed with the Soul Reaper twice, then they both pressed against the other's blade. "You know, you're still a bit too uppity to be fighting all out. Wanna share with the class?"

The Soul Reaper grunted with exertion. "What do you mean?"

"You've got something else you're holding back. It's shikai, isn't it?"

The Soul Reaper pushed off, backing up a few feet. "How did you know?"

" 'Cause you're not the only Soul Reaper I've fought. I've fought two with shikai, and they were both around your current strength." _Well, technically Urahara was still holding back, but he doesn't need to know that._

"Is that so?" He sighed. "Well, no sense hiding it anymore." He clasped both his hands over the hilt, as if praying. "Cry, Ōkami." A bright flash of light engulfed the Soul Reaper. As it faded, Dante saw that it had become a set of gauntlets and greaves. The former resembled wolves' heads (with fangs, even), and the latter looked like wolves' paws, complete with claws.

He rolled his eyes. "Sheesh. Everything **about** you is a knockoff. Those look more or less like Beowulf."

"What is this Beowulf?"

Dante ignored him. "Next you'll be telling me they have light-based powers!"

He shook his head. "I am afraid not. Ōkami has a different ability."

Dante snorted. "Oh, yeah? And what's that?"

"Come at me, and you shall see."

Dante did, and the Soul Reaper swung at him. Dante leaned out of the way, the blow flying past him harmlessly. The Soul Reaper's other fist came at his gut, but he cart wheeled around to the Reaper's backside. Planting one foot, the Reaper turned around, grazing Dante's chest with a swipe from the greaves. Dante flinched back, seeing three blood trails lead upward before he healed them over. _The hell?!_ "The hell?! You only scratched me with one claw!"

He nodded. "So, now you notice the true strength of Ōkami. Tell me, do you know what a "lone wolf" is?"

"Yeah. Spare me any poetry crap and just explain it."

"They are an exception, rather than a rule. As a rule, wolves travel in packs."

"Screw the zoology lesson and get on with it already!"

"Fine. My strength is not simply that of a lone wolf. I attack with the full force of the pack. Every tooth and claw of Ōkami is as sharp and as deadly as any other zanpakuto."

Dante grinned. "Good thing I heal fast, then. Besides, a wolf pack's nothing to me. _My _weapons carry the full force of hell." He switched Rebellion for Gilgamesh, its metal mask closing over face. "And it's just your unlucky day that I'm going to send it right at you."

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Kenpachi grinned. "What's this, now? You're thinking you can beat me just because you cut me?" He marched toward Ichigo. "Don't drop your guard, idiot. Stay razor-sharp. 'Cause after all…" The spiritual pressure around him began to increase dramatically. "This is where the fun begins!"

Yachiru smiled as she watched the fight unfold. "Yay! Kenny looks so happy!" She turned as she heard someone land near her. "Huh? Who is it?" It looked almost like a Soul Reaper, but he was wearing an odd white mask. It almost looked like a hollow mask…

"Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni bong," the figure replied.

"Huh?"

The man pulled the white mask off. "Sorry. Guess that greeting isn't so universal after all."

"You're weird. Go away, I wanna watch Kenny's fight."

He smiled. "Me too! I was watching from another building, but I wanted a closer view. Looks like it's getting good."

She giggled. "Yep! Kenny's getting excited!"

The man chuckled. "I'll bet."

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Dante sighed, switching Gilgamesh back for Rebellion. He looked at the Soul Reaper's prone form. "You know, I actually had to put some effort into that. Not much, but more than the rest of these Soul Reapers. Well, except that captain with the spiky hair." _So a zanpakuto returns to its original state if the user is unconscious, huh? Probably happens if they're dying too, but I don't care to test that._ "Your gauntlets' ability was interesting, but it had a pretty big weakness: the number of multiple slashes depends on your current power. If you'd have gone all out from the start, this might've taken a little longer." He sighed, walking away. "Shame you didn't give me your name and rank," he said. "I wanted to know if I'd wiped out all of a squad yet."

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Ichigo and Kenpachi clashed again and again. Ichigo swung with all his might, but Kenpachi was only using one hand and grinning like a manic. _Fitting, then_ Ichigo thought grimly. They locked blades, but as Ichigo tried to force Zaraki's blade away, the lunatic grabbed Zangetsu with his bare hand, yanking on it. "The hell?!" Ichigo blurted out as Zaraki reeled him in like a fish. His blade came at Ichigo, but he ducked away from it just in time. "Let go, you crazy bastard!" he yelled, kicking Zaraki's hand away so that he could regain control of his blade.

As they clashed some more, Ichigo noticed something very bad. _What the…when our blades connect, he's putting enough force into it to make craters! And he's __**still**__ not even really trying yet!!_ As he shook himself from his amazement, Kenpachi was nowhere to be found. _The hell did he…_ Hearing the small _clink_ of bells behind him, he instinctively brought up Zangetsu in a defensive stance. A split-second later, Zaraki's blade connected with it.

Kenpachi laughed. "Good! So, you're starting to notice things a little better? You couldn't hear my bells before." He tapped his eye patch with his blade. "Good thing, because the reason I have those and this is so that I can enjoy my battles a little bit more. If you don't take advantage of them, they're useless."

"Dammit! You're not taking me seriously! Is _that_ the reason why you don't call for your zanpakuto?"

"Hmm?"

"Heh. Having a trick up your sleeve is a good plan, I'll give you-"

"My zanpakuto doesn't have a name."

Ichigo stopped cold. _WHAT?!_

"It's already out in the open. There's no trick or deceit to it. This _is_ the true form of my zanpakuto."

Ichigo smirked. "You probably shouldn't have let that slip. Now I know your sword can't get any stronger, which means…" he stopped as he brought the flat of Zangetsu up to block Zaraki's thrust.

"Which means _what_? Which means you can _beat me_? That's what you were thinking, wasn't it? Now it's you who's not taking me seriously." Ichigo's cleaver began to shake as Zaraki increased the pressure on it. "Did it ever occur to you to ask WHY my blade isn't sealed? It's because my spiritual energy is so large that even if I used all my strength, I couldn't seal it. I've been going easy on you; it's how I fight all my battles. Because if I don't, my opponents don't live long enough for me to enjoy it."

_SHINK!_ With barely any extra effort, Zaraki's blade stabbed straight through Zangetsu, striking Ichigo deep and leaving a particularly large wound.

For what seemed the second time, Ichigo fell forward in slow motion, pain screaming through him. But this time, as he fell, a large crack grew on Zangetsu from the point of impact, cracking the massive cleaver in two.

"Didn't I tell you not to drop your guard?"

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Yachiru frowned. "Aw, that was a terrible ending."

The man grinned. "It would be, if that was the end. Our orange-haired friend isn't quite out yet…"

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"_Do you want to fight?" _Zangetsu asked him, his ragged cloak flapping as the rest of the world froze._ "Do you want to win, or merely survive?"_

"Fighting merely for survival isn't an option for me…it's not enough of a purpose. I want to _WIN_!"

"Very well. Come with me." His black cloak wrapped around them. Ichigo felt himself falling, and he closed his eyes. When he came to a stop, he opened them to see…

_This place again?_ Then he remembered he was on the side of a building. "Gah!" He flattened up against the wall.

"Why are you lying down?" Zangetsu's voice called.

He looked at the source. "Don't you remember? Last time I did that, I fell straight to the ground!"

"That was because your inner world was crumbling due to your hollow transformation. This time is different; look around you. Everything is stable."

"You tellin' me that these sideways skyscrapers are actually _normal_ for me? Doesn't exactly inspire much confidence."

"Such stability is a sign of how much stronger you've become."

"Ignoring me now, huh?" Ichigo grumbled.

"Stand up," Zangetsu ordered. As Ichigo did, he tossed a sword at the orange-haired teen. After some desperate fumbling, he caught it without severing any digits.

"The hell was that for, tossin' an unsheathed blade at me without warning?! I could've lost a finger or a hand!"

"Hang on to it. It's yours, after all."

"Huh? No it isn't." He stared as the spirit walked away. "Zangetsu!"

"It will serve as much. It is a zanpakuto of a low-level Soul Reaper, one unworthy of joining one of the thirteen Guard Squads."

"But…_my_ sword is Zangetsu."

"You mean this?" he replied, stepping aside to reveal the full cleaver Ichigo had been using until now. "I'm afraid I cannot allow you to have this." With that, he threw it off the side of the building.

"Hey, what are you-"

"**Outta my way!"** a new voice yelled. A white blur shot past Ichigo, catching Zangetsu as it jumped to the next building. As it stopped, Ichigo could see it more clearly.

_The hell? It's like the Negative Zone! Except even more weird._ "Hey! Who the hell are you?"

The figure chuckled. **"C'mon, don't act like you don't know me…partner."**

Zangetsu stepped backwards. "Now we shall test whether or not you truly _are_ worthy to wield me, Ichigo. If you truly want me to return, take me…from yourself."

"**Good luck! Think you'll take this blade from me, partner? Then do it…if you can!"** The other Ichigo charged at Ichigo, swinging wildly. Ichigo stood his ground, needing all his strength just to fend off his vicious double.

_I can't counter him! He's just too damn fast!_ His double shoved him away, stopping at the edge of another building. Spirit energy flowed around him like a thick red cloud. _Zangetsu's amazing. He's practically burning the air with spirit energy alone!_ He gazed down at the zanpakuto Zangetsu had given him. _This dinky little thing may as well be wooden. Dammit!_

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Zaraki stopped. _Hmm…was that…a weak pulse of spirit energy from Ichigo?_ He shook his head. _No, he's down._ He started walking, but stopped again. _Was that…?_ He sighed. _I want a fight so bad I'm imagining things._ He didn't even get to start walking again before the spiritual pulse pounded like a small explosion.

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Ichigo's inverse doppelganger sighed. **"So he's gone, then,"** he said, looking at the broken zanpakuto that had replaced Zangetsu as he had charged at Ichigo. **"Is that good enough?"**

Zangetsu nodded. "For now. I appreciate you coming."

"**Don't mention it."**He tossed the hilt of the broken weapon away. **"He's the king of this world, after all. Since I'm done, can I go now?"**

"Very well."

The duplicate Ichigo began to dissolve into black particles that flowed back to Zangetsu. **"He's a tough one, even if he whines about that queen of his. Train him well, would you? After all, that power of his is gonna be mine someday…"**

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The man smiled as Ichigo's spiritual pressure skyrocketed. "See? The fight's not over yet. Matter of fact, now's when it gets interesting."

"Lieutenant Kusajishi!" another man kneeled at the opposite end of the roof. "I have an urgent message for you!"

The man sitting next to her waved at him impatiently. "Not right now; this is getting good."

"Keep quiet! This message comes straight from Head Captain Yamamoto and Captain Hitsugaya."

She waved him off much in the same manner. "You heard him. Wait 'till later."

"But, Lieutenant…"

Her spiritual pressure rose, the energy forming an angry pink cat face. "Shut up, you! Kenny's fighting right now, so stop nagging me, under_stand_?!"

The man next to her chuckled. "Isn't that overdoing it a bit?" She turned to him, the spiritual pressure growling. "Okay, fine. You outrank me, anyway."

They watched the two combatants' efforts grow fiercer and fiercer, each boosting their spirit energy enormously. Eventually, Kenpachi took off his eye patch, and then things got really destructive. But Ichigo's spirit energy grew to rival even that. Finally, both fighters rushed at each other, focusing all their power into one final blow.

"This is it. Wonder who wins?" the man thought out loud.

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"My friends…I've failed you. Rukia…please…forgive me…" Ichigo fell forward, no longer able to move.

Kenpachi snorted. "What do they need to forgive you for, idiot?" His blade broke in half, mimicking what he'd done to Zangetsu earlier. "You moron…you won…" Then he collapsed as well.

Yachiru dropped down to the two. She looked over Kenpachi, then bowed to Ichigo. "Thanks so much, Ichi! Kenny had a great time fighting with you! I appreciate it…it's been so long since I've seen Kenny have so much fun!" She hefted Kenpachi onto her back. "Try to stay alive, okay? That way, maybe you and Kenny can play again some day!" With amazing strength, she leapt up, bounding between the buildings and speeding out of sight.

_Play again? I'd rather not._ Ichigo saw feet approaching him, and was hit with a sense of déjà vu once he realized who they belonged to. "You're that man in black from last time."

The man smiled. "I'm glad you remember me. Yachiru and I were watching your fight with Kenpachi; you've gotten stronger."

"What the hell do you want with me? And why do you always show up when I'm on the verge of dying?"

"I want to help you, Ichigo. And I'm showing up now because you can't stop me." He snapped his fingers. "I'll get medical attention for you, but after that, I'll leave you in much more capable hands." He disappeared from sight, and Yoruichi appeared in his place, looking at the surroundings in a very confused way.

* * *

I decided to make this chapter twice as long as a regular one to celebrate. Originally I planned on three times as long, but...well, let's just say the party's not over yet. Thank you to all those who have read this story and those who've followed it for a full year now. You guys are awesome!


	23. Omake 1 Dante vs Internet

As a continuation of the anniversary celebration (forgive me, Dr. Seuss), I decided to add this as sort of an "intermission". There's no real timeline; this is just for laughs and giggles. Hopefully.

* * *

_THUMP!_

Dante cracked an eye open. From the looks of it, someone had set a large box on his desk. He opened his eye a bit more. So it was Lady, then. He sighed, opening his eyes and sitting in the chair normally. He looked more closely at the box, which had a picture of what was inside, then looked up at Lady. "What. The hell. Is that?"

She rolled her eyes. "This. Is a. Computer."

"For what?"

"Trish and I had a little talk…"

"Oh, boy, here we go…"

"Shut up and listen. We figured that with the surge in business recently, you could branch out a bit more. Maybe use something that's been invented _after_ 1950."

"How's that crap supposed to help me with my business?"

"Ever wonder how I get more customers than you?"

He blinked. "Cleavage?"

"_AND_ this little thing called the Internet. It's a revolution for advertising."

He cracked his neck. "Well, people used to say the same thing when they invented television, but father never bought into the hype."

She sighed. "Let's just try it. We went to the trouble of getting you an Internet line, after all."

"I did wonder what that weird cable was for…"

Lady cut the box open and started setting random pieces of…whatever made this _computer_ thing on his desk. When she got to the last part, a little oval-shaped device with a long cord, she grabbed a few empty liquor bottles off the desk and set the odd object in their place. "There. Let's see…" she picked up a small packet of paper. "This goes here…and that there…what slot is this supposed to go to?" The instant Dante opened his mouth, she whacked him over the head with the papers. "That won't be the last one of those before this is over, and this'll only take longer if you say what I think you were going to say…"

He grinned. "Actually, I was going to say it goes _here_," he said, pointing for clarification.

She stared at him. "How the hell did you know that?!"

"Um…purple tab, purple connector?"

"…"

"So what does it mean when I can put this together better than y-"

_WHACK!_

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A while later, the odd device was finally put together. Lady turned it on, drumming her fingers until the welcome screen popped up. "Hmm…password…" She looked at Dante. "What do you want as a password?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully, glancing around the shop for inspiration. _Sparda? No, too easy. Force Edge? Still too easy._ He visually swept the whole shop, his eyes returning to Lady. His eyes went to her face, then started dropping… "Um, cleavage?"

_WHACK! WHACK!_

Lady itched the bridge of her nose. "Now that _that's_ out of the way…how about…Rebellion?"

Dante got up from the floor, his paper cut healed. "Nah, too easy."

"What about 'white-haired pretty boy'?" a voice called from upstairs.

Dante smirked as he saw Ichigo at the top of the stairs. "Well, good morning to you too, sleepyhead. You realize it's noon, right?"

"Actually, it's one-thirty."

_Oops. Guess that ten-minute nap got an upgrade._ "Close enough."

Lady smirked. "No, not enough space…" She grinned evilly, typing with fervor. "There. Dante, your password is now 'prettyboy'. No caps, no spaces."

"Ladyyy…"

She chuckled. "Too late. It's loading."

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By the time Lady had taught Dante basic computer use, Trish had woken up as well, and was currently reading a newspaper. Ichigo had dug some eggs out of Dante's fridge and started cooking a late breakfast.

"This icon here is your Internet browser," Lady said, pointing.

Dante clicked it. "Okay. Now what?"

"Your homepage should pop up soon…"

"Ugh…man, this takes forever."

Trish smiled behind her paper. "Patience, little boy."

Dante prepared to shoot an insult back, but the home page had popped up. "Okay, it's up. What now?"

"Type in an address."

"What address?"

She shook her head. "Fine. I'll just show you a few high points." She clicked at the search bar and typed in a site. "A great way to advertise is on this place called 'YouTube'."

"The hell is a YouTube?"

"It's a place where people can upload videos from pretty much any subject matter they want."

"You mean like nude flicks?"

She rolled her eyes. "Pervert. That would be the exception to the rule."

He frowned. "Man…talk about a buzz kill."

Ichigo chuckled, scraping his eggs onto a plate. "The Internet's a big place. There's plenty of sites for that kind of thing."

"And how would you know?" a voice called down from the stairs. The owner descended, frowning at Ichigo.

"Rukia…um, I, uh, heard it from Keigo!" he said, looking at the floor to hide that his face was beet-red.

"Yeah, I'll bet you were comparing notes."

He cleared his throat. "Anyhow, the only reason I brought it up is because Dante just got himself a new computer."

"Hmm?" Dante wondered aloud. "The hell's a PS4? Well, better check it out." He clicked on the link, but when the video loaded, it was a man with orange hair singing and dancing. "What the…"

Ichigo bit his lip to keep from bursting out in laughter. "Lady, can I say it?"

She smirked, trying not to laugh as well. "I kind of wanted to…let's both say it on three."

"Okay…one…two…three!"

In unison, they shouted "RICKROLLED!!", finally cracking up. Ichigo was laughing so hard he collapsed to the floor.

Dante looked at them oddly. "What's so damn funny?"

Trish smiled comfortingly. "It's okay. It's a bit confusing the first time. But after a while, you learn to enjoy it."

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After an explanation, Dante grabbed a pair of headphones, grumbling to himself. A few minutes later, Lady got a business call and left, still chuckling. The office was quiet for the next hour or two, save a chuckle every now and then from Dante. Finally, Trish's curiosity gave in. "_Now_ what's funny?"

"Nothing. Just watching some anime."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "That stuff's weird. I mean, it's cool and all, but the characters get such freaky expressions at the strangest things. Not to mention, there's a helluva lot of screaming."

Rukia nodded, absorbed in a manga she'd bought recently. "An acquired taste, perhaps."

Trish sighed. "You know, if you're going to run your business on the Internet, you'll need to set up a few rules."

Dante grinned like she'd just said the perfect set-up line; because, in fact, she had. "Screw the rules, I have money!"

She put a hand over her face, shaking her head. "Oh. I see you've discovered Abridged Series."

He nodded, still grinning ear to ear. "Yep. But they keep talking about something called 'fan fiction'. Where do I look for that?"

"Add a .com to the end and see what pops up."

He nodded, following her directions. "Let's see…Dragon Ball Z…Yu-Gi-Oh…Bleach, whatever that is…hmm?" He looked at Trish curiously. "Hey, Trish?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a lemon?"

"Well, you see, it's a type of sour fruit colored yellow…"

"No, I mean a fan fiction lemon!"

Ichigo frowned. "Lemon? I'm getting this weird sense of déjà vu…"

Rukia set her manga down. "Me too. Why don't we check it out?"

So the four huddled around Dante's new computer. Dante clicked on one (the rating said "Mature", but that didn't scare him) and started reading it. The others did as well, and about two minutes later, Trish was laughing, Ichigo was blushing, Rukia was confused, and Dante was jotting things down on a pad of paper. Trish noticed Dante's actions, and swiped the pad from him. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

"Research. I wanna find out if that stuff's really possible."

She snorted. "Good luck. I'm not giving this back."

Dante shook his head. "Man, we've _got_ to get Nero one of these computer things…" He retraced back to Google. Out of sheer curiosity, he typed in his own name. The first name that popped up was…"Dante Alighieri?" He clicked on the link; "wiki" something or other. Apparently, the man was a famous Italian poet who'd wrote something called the Divine Comedy. He'd fallen in love with a woman called Beatrice, and held great respect for another poet named Virgil. He shuddered. "Okay, this is getting spooky."

Trish grinned. "Speaking of spooky and lemons…" She clicked on the 'images' tab of Google, and went through a preference list. Saving her changes, she went back to the Google Images site and typed in something. "You'll get a kick out of this, Dante."

He frowned as she clicked 'Search'. "Yaoi? What the hell's…" And then the images popped up. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Quicker than the naked eye could follow, Ebony & Ivory leapt into his hands and tore the computer into nothing more than scrap metal in mere seconds.

"Whew…they're gone…" He glared at Trish. "If I ever get another one of those, you're not going ANYWHERE near it."

* * *

WINNER: DANTE!

Yeah, this may not have been that good, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone, so, much like the opening credits to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I threw it together under great stress and at the last minute. This was inspired by two things: firstly, the omake in Japanese manga. They don't really have an impact on the story, but they're usually pretty funny. The second thing was the story Ichigo and Rukia discover Fanfiction, a hilarious story on this very site; the "lemon joke" was lovingly borrowed, with permission, because I found it so damn funny; big thanks to author Nightsmoke for being so understanding. If you haven't read the story yet...**what are you waiting for?!** I just gave you the story name, author, and everything! For those who have, though, please review, and I hope you liked it!


	24. Stoic Noble, Brash Hero

The man in black smiled to himself. _This is just too easy…with Dante's and Ichigo's groups providing such good distractions, I can work completely unopposed._ He walked up behind the unsuspecting man, gritting his teeth. _Let's see…my target's little friend here just poses too big a risk; he might try to stop me. I can't have that at all._ Looking at the man in question, he raised his thumb and forefinger to the back of the other man's neck, and flicked him. The man slipped into unconsciousness instantly, and the cloaked man set him down silently.

Regardless, his intended target looked around warily, sensing the spirit energy of his friend suddenly decrease. "Hmm? Who's there?" He turned around, and by luck ended up staring directly at the man in black. "Where are you?"

He grinned to himself. _Stupid fool, you can't see me at all, can you? My powers must be stronger, then. Looks like I finally figured out what happens when two of _**those** _are in close proximity._

"Come out, coward," the other man said calmly. "If you don't, you'll just die slower."

"I'm right here," said a voice to his left.

The man turned his head slowly to his left. "Hiding won't give you the advantage you think it will. You're no match for a Captain."

The man in black chuckled, his voice now behind the other man. "You always did have a knack for underestimating people. A bad habit like that just might be the death of you."

The man turned around, frowning at the lack of another person. "So…you must be projecting your voice somehow. Nothing more than a simple parlor trick. Easily replicated." His last two words echoed around them.

The man in black shook his head, unseen by the other man. "I'm not projecting, actually. It is your own vile ambition that blinds you."

The man's hand began to inch toward his zanpakuto. "Telling me your position was…"

_SHIK!_

"…a fatal mistake," he finished, appearing just beyond where he'd heard the voice before. He waited, staring at the empty space where he'd cut through earlier. But uneventful seconds grew steadily, with no body suddenly appearing and falling in two pieces like he'd expected.

"Is that so?" the man in black called in a taunting voice. "Believe what you wish, but I think…"

_SHIK! _The man cut through the space as before, and was again equally disappointed.

The man in black continued from a different direction. "…that revealing a location may also serve another purpose. For instance…"

_SHIK!_ The man tried a third time, but his attack yielded the same result.

"…leading you into a trap."

Before the man could react, pain erupted in his chest. His left lung felt like it was on fire, the agony so intense he found himself unable to make any noise.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" the man in black asked softly, grinning from ear to ear. "Having a hand shoved through your chest tends to do that."

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Nero held his left hand over his eyes, glancing at the white tower in the distance. _Man…even though I high-tailed it away from Lady and Chad a while back, it'll take me a bit more to get to that tower that Rukia's in. I thought I felt something a few minutes ago when I heard that explosion…hope they're okay._ He lowered his hand, then blinked. _Hmm?_ He looked at his Devil Bringer curiously. _The tiniest of pulses…is it Dante fighting?_ He shrugged, and set off towards the tower.

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_**Beat up again, I see. At least it was someone strong this time.**_

_That voice…_

_**Y'know, I'm still scratching my head about some of that crap. If you were usin' all of Zangetsu's power, how did you get injured so bad?**_

_You…you're that freaky, Negative Zone me, aren't you?_

_**C'mon, partner, this isn't some comic book. I'm just me, and you're just you.**_

_Well, at least we know each other's names now. I'm "Ichigo", and you're "creepy, high-pitched bastard"; but I'll call you "you bastard" for short._

_**You loud mouthed little sh-**_

_Waking up now. Bye._

_**Next time we meet, I'm kickin' your ass, you annoying little fu-**_

Ichigo's head rocked back and forth, and his foul-mouthed inner opponent's voice finally faded. He opened his eyes, finding himself, once again, in a strange place. _Why does this crap always happen when I fight a major battle?_ He frowned. _Oh, yeah. So people can heal me and save my life. Oops._ He glanced to his sides. _But Hanataro and Ganju are gone…so…who patched me up?_

"Ah, I see you're finally awake, Ichigo."

He rolled his head to the right, looking at… "Yoruichi?" _Oh, yeah, that's right. That guy with that weird Soul Reaper uniform brought Yoruichi to help me…and then I blacked out. Damn._ "So you healed me, then. Thanks."

Yoruichi nodded, tail flicking back and forth. "Don't thank me. Someone must have brought me to you, and it looks like they were just in time. Not to mention, your high energy kept you in a fairly stable state, even with your terrible wounds."

"Wounds?" Then he remembered exactly _why_ he'd been in need of treatment in the first place. _It was that Zaraki bastard. How could I forget that whacko? I mean, he had me on the run to begin with, and it wasn't until I sensed Chad that I…_ "Oh, no!" He sat up quickly…which opened up a few of his chest wounds, pain lancing through his body. "Grrck!"

"Hold still, you idiot! You can't just hop up and run off to fight, or you'll open up all those wounds again!"

"But I gotta help Chad! He's in d-" He was cut off as Yoruichi zipped straight at his head, knocking him down like a furry bullet.

"Chad will be _fine_. You need to RELAX." Yoruichi hopped off, Ichigo rubbing his forehead absently. "Everyone is alright. It seems Chad met up with Lady and Nero, so it wasn't like he was fighting _alone_. They were lucky to face who they did; their opponent left both him and Lady alive."

"Wait, then…"

"Nero managed to escape the confrontation before the other two were subdued. I haven't sensed any sudden drop of energy from him since, so he should be safe. Uryu and Orihime have both been fortunate enough to avoid major conflict so far, and Dante…"

"…is Dante," Ichigo finished, smirking slightly. "Loud and reckless, but powerful."

"Just like someone else, perhaps?"

Ichigo frowned. "Huh? Whaddya mean?"

"Never mind that, now. The important thing is that everyone else is safe; so you can just stay here and rest for a little while."

Ichigo let out a deep breath, relieved. "Yeah, I guess."

"Your internal organs were in a terrible state, but thanks to this thing…" Yoruichi said, pushing something toward him. "…you avoided anything fatal. It must've absorbed most of the impact."

Ichigo stared as he saw Yoruichi prop up a white mask, just like the one Hanataro had found. "What? That was on me?"

"Yes, it was. I thought you'd discarded this a while ago."

He frowned. "And you're **sure** it was on me?"

Yoruichi stared at him warily. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I'd wanted to keep it as a good luck charm after my fight with Renji; after all, it did something like that before. But Hanataro chucked it in the sewer canal 'cause he said it creeped him out. Little thing sank like a stone." Yoruichi glared at him. "Oh, I bet you're wondering about Hanataro. He's from Squad Four, but he's cool, even if he's technically the enemy. He healed me last time, so he can't be all bad." He picked up the mask. "Weird…I saw him toss the thing with my own eyes…"

"Ichigo, give it to me. _I'll_ take care of it."

"Huh? No way. It saved my life twice now, I'm definitely keeping it."

A small, bright aura formed around the cat. "Hand it over NOW! End of discussion!" Yoruichi commanded in a stern voice.

Ichigo gulped, giving it to the cat quickly. "On second thought, you take it. It's all yours." _Holy crap, that cat's almost as scary as that Shiba lady!_ Once Yoruichi's aura backed off (and he could breathe once more), he spoke up again. "Y'know, you must be a real powerhouse."

"Hmm?"

"Well, you carried me all the way to…wherever we are, even though you're so small."

"Oh, _that_. I can lift things easily in my original form."

Ichigo nodded. "Oh, yeah. Original form. Almost slipped my…" he stopped, his eyebrow twitching. "Wait, what? What original form?"

Yoruichi chuckled. "Oh, I've never shown you or the others my _true_ form, have I? That _did_ slip my mind. Well, now that we're this far, I suppose there's no reason to hide it anymore."

Ichigo watched the little cat walk a few feet away, then sit on its haunches. _Huh? What's he up to?_

Yoruichi coughed. "So, here we go. My true form." The cat paused, grinning. "And count yourself lucky to be the first to witness it; I know Dante would get a kick out of it."

Ichigo gulped. _Oh, crap, now I just __**know**__ he's gonna turn into some freaky demon._

"This…is what I really look like." Energy began to form around Yoruichi, kicking up the dust around. It reared on its haunches, growing taller as purple hair began to form around its head. Paws lengthened into hands and fingers, feet and toes. The skin grew slightly lighter, to a tanned brown. The pupils of Yoruichi's eyes widened, becoming round; however, the yellow color remained.

Ichigo gaped, pointing at… "Y-you…you're a…a…girl?!" He didn't dare glance downward, no matter what his curiosity about the question said otherwise.

She folded her arms across her chest, smirking. "Well, aren't you observant. I didn't think you'd be quite this stunned." She rolled her eyes. "But I guess most people assume I'm a male because my voice is so deep in cat form." She dropped her arms and walked toward him, chuckling. "I'll admit that no matter how many times I show people my true form, it's always interesting to see their reactions. Though, honestly, I'd thought someone like you would handle it a bit better."

"B…b-but…I thought…weren't you…aren't you a cat?!"

She frowned. "Cats don't talk," she said, as if she were a mother scolding an errant child. "_Think_, Ichigo."

He hung his head. _Why does all this crazy stuff happen to ME?_

She sat down in front of him Indian-style. "But enough surprises. Now, on to the business of carrying you here." She held out an object. "First, I used this device…"

Ichigo tried only looking at the object, he honestly did. But it was just too small. As a result, when he looked down, he could not only see her exposed chest, but…well, now he _knew_ she was a woman. _GAAH!_

"WOULD YOU _PLEASE_ PUT SOME FRIGGIN' CLOTHES ON?!?!"

She sighed, grabbing a spare set of clothes from a nearby shelf. "Oh, sorry about that, Ichigo. I haven't worn clothes so long, I honestly forgot." She pulled a black shirt over her head. "But I'm surprised; you're more naïve than I thought. Tell me, was that the first time you saw a woman naked? Hmm?"

"None of your damn business," he grumbled, pointedly looking in the other direction.

"Well, from the way you talked about Rukia, I just figured…"

"REALLY none of your damn business!"

She smirked, raising the shirt up slightly. "Well, I _could_ show you again, if you like. After all, life's short, and you might not get another chance to see a hot babe like me nude again for a while."

"Well, you're probably right about that first part, 'cause if Rukia finds out about this, she'll kill me. But NO THANKS! Who do you think I am? Dante?" Unfortunately for him, he turned to yell the last two sentences at her, and got another unwanted glimpse. He flung his head into his hands, his face as red as a stop sign. _Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!! Rukia, I'm sorry!_

"Oh, I'm just kidding," she huffed, unaware that she'd flashed Ichigo regardless. "Really, you have _no_ sense of humor. You'd better calm down, or you're going to open up all those wounds."

"Would you please shut up and PUT SOME PANTS ON?!" he asked, flinging an arm out angrily…and painfully. "Dammit, I'm bleeding again!"

"Oh, fine," Yoruichi grumbled, settling for an orange jacket and black pants. "Ugh. After all these years, I'd forgotten how uncomfortable clothes are."

"Yeah, well, at least I'M comfortable now," he growled. Ichigo picked up the odd-looking device. "So…how's this work? Is it like the cannonball, where you just put spirit energy in it and it flies?"

She nodded. "Yes. There's no other like it anywhere, not even here in the Soul Society."

"That rare, huh? Wow."

"Impressive, right?"

"Well, yeah, but…" he looked at her, curious. "That's what bothers me. How'd you get something this valuable? Not to mention the form-changing and healing abilities…just who are you, Yoruichi?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked. I'm-" Before she could finish, a massive wave of spiritual pressure hit them.

_This pressure…I know its energy! It's that bastard that was with Renji when they tried to take Rukia!_

"It's coming from the area of the Repentance Cell," Yoruichi remarked. Ichigo jumped up. "Wait, what are you doing?"

"I told Ganju and Hanataro to meet up with me at the Repentance Cell! I can't let anything happen to them!"

"What good can you do in your condition?"

"I don't know, but I'm not gonna let them die!!" With that, he channeled spirit energy into the object, and it wrapped itself around his arm. "Fly!" A massive wing burst from the skull-like object on its head, and pulled Ichigo right through the door, shattering the wood beams that made it. He flew off in the direction of the familiar spiritual pressure. _Don't let me be too late!_

Yoruichi rushed out of the cave-like area. "Ichigo! You fool…"

"Yes, he is rather headstrong, isn't he?" a voice said behind her. "But don't worry, he'll be taken care of."

She turned around, staring at the man behind her. He wore an outfit similar to a shihakusho, but with a few differences. He had a hood over his head, and the hem of the robes was low enough to cover his feet. It looked more like a cloak than robes. His head was bowed, so she couldn't see his face. _Or 'her'_ she reminded herself. _Can't judge people on voices, or I'd be a hypocrite._ "Who are you? And…what do you mean, 'taken care of'?"

"I _mean_ that he'll be safely removed from the conflict." He raised his head.

_He's wearing a mask like the one Ichigo was carrying! But this one's undamaged; why does he have it?_ "What are you doing with that mask?"

He chuckled. "Just wearing it. It's like a Halloween mask!" He pulled the mask off, storing it in his cloak. "As for the question you asked me first: 'who am I?' Well, let's just say I'm someone who wants to help you…for now." He folded his arms across his chest. "But it's quite rude to ask someone's identity when you haven't introduced yourself first." She started to speak, but he shook his head. "Don't bother. It's the principle of the thing, and the moment's passed. Besides, I know quite a bit about you." He circled her, eyes traveling up and down. "But I'm confused as to _what_ you are. I've always been curious…are you a nekomata?"

"A what?"

He frowned. "A supernatural cat-like creature that can take human form _and_ communicate with the dead…tell-tale signs of a nekomata. Though, you don't have a forked tail…" He grinned. "But what a tail you _have_…"

She glared at him. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"You don't get it? Hold on…" He pulled a piece of paper out of his cloak, unfolding it. He cleared his throat, then read from it. "Posterior, behind, seat, bottom, fanny, tush, rear, derriere, rump, nates…" He paused. "Nates?" He shook his head, continuing. "Keister, arse, hind, backside, tooshie…" He sighed, folding the paper back up and storing it away again. "I could do this all day, but in short, you have a nice ass." He grinned lecherously. "It looks so firm, too. You mind if I test th-"

_CRRACK!_ Yoruichi appeared behind the man, her right arm extended. She'd struck him so hard that when his head snapped back, it had bent his neck into a U shape.

"Yes, I do."

"Worth…a try…though, eh?"

She gaped as his hands reached back to pull his head back up, his spine cracking as he did so. "Ow, ow, ow…" He cleared his throat as he finished. "Well, that stung."

"How in the…?!"

"Sheesh, a simple 'no' would've done it." He sighed. "Note to self: do **not** piss off a nekomata in a hot human form." He coughed. "Well, now that pleasure has been denied, on to business. Ichigo's gone off to fight someone again, right?"

She nodded slowly, still wary of this weird man. "Yes…"

"Even though he got his butt handed to him by Kenpachi, right?"

"Ye…wait, how did-"

"Some other time. So, if I've done this right…" He nodded. "Okay, follow me," He motioned to her as he walked toward the door.

Yoruichi watched the man in black leap away. _Hmm…well, I'm still faster. If he is an enemy, I'll be able to catch him easily._ She leapt after him, grumbling. _It's been centuries since I last did this…not even the decency to give me a warm-up._

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Byakuya went to swing again, but felt a firm grip close around the hilt of his zanpakuto. "Hmm?!"

The white-haired man sighed. "Well, that _was_ close. How about we leave it there, eh, Captain Kuchiki?"

"C-Captain Ukitake…" Rukia stammered.

He grinned cheerfully, waving to his subordinate. "Heya, Rukia! Been a while, hasn't it? You alright?"

She nodded. _Captain…what brings you here?_

Byakuya stared at the new arrival. "And what are _you_ doing here, Captain?" he asked, unintentionally voicing Rukia's curiosity.

Ukitake shrugged. "I could ask you the same thing, you know. After all, the release of a zanpakuto in the Soul Society _is_ a first-class offense, _ryoka _or not. What were you thinking?"

"Matters have changed. The war-time exemption permits unrestricted use of zanpakuto," he answered.

The white-haired captain's eyes widened. "_War-time_ exemption?! Has the _ryoka_ invasion really got that bad?"

"It would seem so. Squads Twelve and Seven have been roughly halved, and Squad Eleven has been all but wiped out. Not only that, but the Captain of Squad Ten has also come under suspicion of treason."

"Toshiro? Why?"

"Frequent disappearances, combined with ice formations that appear to be directions to the _ryoka_."

The elder captain scratched his head. "That does sound pretty fishy, but I doubt it. He's a good kid, even if a little odd." He frowned. "Maybe another zanpakuto with similar abilities?"

"It wouldn't be the first time. Head Captain Yamamoto has allowed that possibility, which is why Captain Hitsugaya has not been arrested."

"Yeah, we'll need all the help we can get," he said, nodding. "Especially with-" Suddenly, a massive spiritual pressure buffeted them both. "This energy! It's nearly captain-level, but…I don't know it…"

Rukia gaped. "I…no…it couldn't be. But I know this energy."

A blur shot up past the bridge, and then dropped down onto it. The wing over one of its arms shrank, the membrane between it disappearing and folding back into the device in the figure's hand. It stood up.

"Ichigo…" She began, but he walked right past her.

"Hey, Hanataro, you okay? I would've got you a little more back-up if I knew you'd be going against another Captain."

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. But Ganju-" he stopped as Ichigo turned around and walked away.

Ichigo glanced at the fallen, bloodied form on the bridge. _Forgive me, Ganju. Looks like you got hurt getting Rukia out. I owe you for that._ He walked over to Rukia, keeping his eyes on the dark-haired Captain. "Rukia…I'm here to save you." She didn't respond, tears welling up in her eyes. "C'mon, what sort of look is _that_? I'm here to rescue you; you could at least ACT happy!"

"Ichigo…you FOOL! I told you not to follow me!" She stared at his bandages. "Look at you! You're injured already, and there's worse to come!"

He sighed. "Rukia…some other time. You can get mad at me however you want: lecture, shout, hit me; hell, you can even attack me with your zanpakuto. But only after this is all over." He glared at Byakuya. "After I defeat _him_."

"But…"

"But what? You actually believe I'd give up after I came this far?"

"It's…"

" 'Cause I WON'T, so don't even ask me to. I told you I'd save you, and you know me well enough to know that I keep my word. Oh, yeah, and from now on, I'm ignoring your opinions; I don't give a damn _what_ you say, I'm rescuing you whether you like it or not! _Got that_?!"

She glared at him. "W…_what did you say_?! Who the hell do you think you are, bossing me around like that? A rescuer isn't supposed to ignore their rescuee!"

"And the rescuee's not supposed to complain about the rescue! Just go tremble in a corner like a girl and scream 'save me, my hero', or something like that!"

"I _am_ a girl, you idiot…and I DON'T TREMBLE!"

Ichigo blew a raspberry at her while she gritted her teeth and growled at him. After about five seconds, Ichigo stopped, chuckling softly. "You know something weird? I kinda missed this."

She nodded. "Well, I can see you haven't changed much. Which means there really _is_ no point in arguing with you. Why bother when you don't listen to me?"

He scoffed. "I listen, just not when you go on and on worrying about me. 'You're hurt' this, or 'You could be killed' that. Seems to me this time, you should worry about yourself for a change."

"But…you really could-"

He smirked. "Hey, don't worry. Everyone except Cloggy's group, the stuffed pervert, and Kyrie are here. We've got a small army; not to mention Dante, the one-man army." He paused, scratching his head. "Which I guess means we have _two_ armies here…or three if you count Nero…" He shook his head. "Well, whatever. The point is, the gang's all here."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Get up."_

He shook his head, feeling the rain drops hitting his face. He opened his eyes, seeing the shapes all around him. _So, I'm back in my inner world._ "Ōkami…" He sighed. "I'm sorry. I got careless, didn't I?"

One of the wolves shook its head. "No," it answered. "Think back. Remember your battle with the red warrior. Go over your movements."

"Yes, Master Kiba." He obeyed, thinking intently. "He's faster. He's stronger. He's more agile. And he's smarter."

The wolf nodded sagely. "Good. But all that can be summed up in one word. Do you know what it is?"

"Talent?"

"_Experience._ You may have had shikai for quite some time now, but that man was at least captain level, if not stronger. Which means that if you ever wish to defeat him, you would need to have bankai." The wolf chuckled. "But you're not quite ready for that yet."

"Yes." Another one named Tsume agreed, nodding. "He is much too young."

"I wouldn't say that," another, Kuchisaki, countered. "I think the problem is maturity."

"Patience," a fourth disagreed. "He was much too eager to fight."

"Perhaps he _is_ a bit too battle hungry?" a fifth wondered. "Maybe the red invader had noble intentions."

"Possibly, but would that not fit in maturity?" a sixth added. "The mature course would surely be to discern the virtue of the man's goal and see whether or not the cause is worthy."

"What about anger?"

"I think fear."

"I disagree. I believe it is doubt."

"Does he not fight with enough passion?"

"Enough!" At Kiba's order, all chatter ceased. "Such bickering will get us nowhere." The wolf leader nudged the man with his nose. "Get up, little cub. While you are here, you shall receive a lesson."

"Yes, Master Kiba."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Aaand…here." The man in black stopped on a building under the bridge to the Repentance Cell.

"But Ichigo-" Yoruichi began.

"I know, he's not here. He's on the bridge. But give it a little bit. There's no need to act just yet." He licked his finger and held it in the air. "Yep. Just a few minutes now." He sat down, pulling out a white bottle. "Want some?"

"Isn't it a bit early to be hitting the alcohol?"

He shook his head. "Just water, I'm afraid." He waited, but received no reply. "Oh well," he said, taking a swig. "Suit yourself."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ichigo smirked at Byakuya. "Whaddya think? Not bad, huh? All those attacks were completely visible to me!"

Byakuya gripped his zanpakuto tighter. "Very well, then. You leave me no choice. To rid you of any foolish arrogance you might have, I shall display the difference between us."

"You never shut up, do you? I can see where Rukia gets it from, but even she's not HALF this bad."

Byakuya ignored the orange-haired teen. "Witness…a gap in power you could never cross, not even with a millennium of training." He held his sword vertically, turning it to the left so that the flat of it was to Ichigo.

"RUN, ICHIGO!" Rukia screamed.

Ichigo braced himself. _The hell is he doing?_

"Scatter…S-"

_BOOM!_

What seemed to be a comet crashed into the bridge, forming a cloud of dust on its arrival.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The man put away the water, standing up. "Okay, here it is. About ten seconds." He held his arms out. "I believe I've timed this just right. All I have to do is just hold my arms out…" He leaned his head back, closing his eyes and smiling as he heard the loud impact. "And…two…one…ca-"

_CRASH!_

Someone in a Soul Reaper uniform crashed down, landing directly on the man's head. He was flattened onto the top of the building, stars dancing around his field of vision.

Yoruichi smirked. "Well, it looks like you timed it perfectly," she said, chuckling. "I will say this: you've got terrible pick-up lines, but at least you know how to make a girl smile." She snickered, trying to hold her mirth in, but after a few seconds she just gave up and laughed, shaking her head.

"Z'not my faultt," the man said dazedly. He pointed at her, his arm wavering back and forth. "Iz bad enuff to have one babe laugh t'me, don't need the three of ooall makin' funome." He shook his head. "Ugh…a concussion. Dandy. Now, are you going to keep laughing that nice butt of yours off all day, or are you going to get him _off_ me?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Byakuya stared at the dark form within the cloud of dust. _What was that? A sudden surge of energy…_

"Well, that could've gone better," the figure laughed. "Still, I'm here, so I guess I can't complain too much."

Byakuya frowned. "I don't know what you just did, boy, but…"

_BANG!_

Something very fast whizzed by Byakuya. He looked back to see two round holes in the building behind him.

"Ya know, I'm startin' to get a little pissed that everyone keeps calling me some form of 'kid'. I'm not a kid anymore, and I _have_ a name."

"Hmph," Byakuya snorted. "Very well, then. Get out here and face me, Ichi-"

_BANG!_

He heard a snap, a click, and another snap, and then a bunch of small objects falling onto the bridge. "Wrong again. I'm not likin' you already, and I haven't even _seen_ you. Speakin' of which…" The figure pulled the sword from his back and spun in a circle, blowing the dust away.

Byakuya stared at the one before him. "You…"

He grinned, pointing the revolver at the Soul Reaper Captain. "Similar voice or no, I'm not Ichigo. Name's Nero. Holy Knight, Devil Hunter, and in a few minutes, the guy who beats the shit out of you."

* * *

*whistles* Wow. About halfway through there, the innuendo went from zero to sixty and back in a twenty-second span, didn't it? Sorry; it's probably all my fault, but regardless, I blame Dante. At the very least, I hope everyone's happy with the new chapter limit: 5,000 words per chapter minimum. That should speed things right along, eh?

Special thanks goes out to Drifter-747-X for catching a typo in Chapter 22. Lesson learned: I need to watch quotation marks a bit better. But hopefully I'll do better in the future.

Now it's YOUR turn. That's two people that have pointed out my mistakes, and I'm sure there's vast potential for more, with the gold mine of grammatical errors that is my writing style. If nothing else, it makes me laugh, which makes me happy, which motivates me, which means I try to work a little more.

To answer your question: yes, I'm trying to bribe you.

So! As usual, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and whether it made you laugh, gasp, or frown in disgust, feel free to tell me about it! I haven't reviewed everyone else's stories quite yet, but I'm working on it; I don't go back on my word. That's my nindo, my ninj- er, sorry, wrong anime.

Next time: Electric Blue Fury! Honor of the Quincy

* * *

Um…no. Let's try that again…

* * *

Next time: Love and Honor

(ah, much better)


	25. Love and Honor

"Nero?" Captain Ukitake asked, staring at the white-haired man. "Is he the one from the reports?"

"Yes," Byakuya answered. "He is one of the individuals who have been responsible for cleaning up hollows lately."

Ukitake stared intently at Nero. "So…this is the one the Stealth Force calls 'Blue Demon'…"

Nero frowned at Ukitake. _That voice…Sanctus? It can't be; we're in a different universe, after all. Plus, there's Ichigo and me, and Kyrie and Orihime. Still…_ "Hey, Rukia. Who's the guy with the white hair?"

"That's Captain Ukitake. _My_ captain," she replied.

"Never mind, then. That's a relief…" He stared at the dark-haired captain. "So are we going to fight, or just stand here?"

Byakuya gazed at Nero. "Fight me? No matter how many hollows you've killed, you'll never be at the level of a captain."

Nero snorted. "I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'arrogant bas'. You know, with your nose in the air like that, you're never gonna see it when someone cuts your throat."

"Do you think you can?"

"Why don't we give it a shot?" He put away Blue Rose and charged at the captain, swinging downward with Red Queen. But he cut through only air, and turned around, bringing his blade up to block a strike from Byakuya's sword. "Damn, you're fast."

"Hmph." He disappeared from Rukia's sight, but Nero flipped his sword behind his back to block another stab from Byakuya.

"Why do you keep running around behind me?" Nero asked. "That's kinda predictable."

"You can see him?" Rukia asked.

He brought Red Queen up, forcing the captain back. He spun around to face his enemy. " 'Course I can. So?" He swung at Byakuya, but was blocked. He tried twice more, but neither worked. He smirked. "Hey, not bad. You've got some power, that much I can tell." He cracked his neck. "Even so, I'm still gonna Bust you up!" He swung his blade again, but after it was blocked, he used the Devil Bringer to uppercut Byakuya. The ghostly blue extension lifted the haughty captain over his head. Byakuya stabbed at his opponent's face, but Nero grabbed his sword arm with his left hand and forced the blade downward into the bridge. He let go of Byakuya, reared back, and as the captain dropped down, he sent the Devil Bringer forward in a punch, knocking the Soul Reaper clear across the bridge.

Byakuya righted himself in mid-air, landing on his feet and pointing his zanpakuto at Nero. "Hmm. So, you're not complete talk, after all." He brought his blade up vertically. "But if you still think that you can defeat a captain, you're sorely mistaken."

Nero shrugged. "What can I say? I guess I'm just full of optimism."

"Then observe. My power shall crush that foolish hope of yours." He turned the blade to the left. "Scatter…Senbonzakura."

* * *

Yoruichi set Ichigo down. "Whew…guess I'm out of shape, if all I can do…huff…is 300 or so flash steps before having to catch my breath."

The cloaked man grinned. "Not _that_ out of shape, milady. He doesn't have a concussion, does he?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Well, I wouldn't be surprised, giving that he got clocked by a Devil Hunter hard enough to knock him off the bridge. But I guess we won't know until he wakes up." She smirked at the man. "What about you? You got a fifteen-year-old dropped right on your head, and even said that you had a concussion."

He shrugged. "I'm a fast healer. Not the only one, either." He frowned. "Which reminds me…I apologize, but I must go. And if Ichigo asks, you knocked him out and brought him back on your own. How and why is up to you." He turned away.

"Wait." He paused at her voice. "You show up unannounced and think you can leave just as quickly? I want some answers. Just who are you, and what are you doing here?" She stared at the back of the unmoving man. "You helped me get Ichigo out of danger, but why? What do you want?"

He chuckled. "Awful lot of questions, there. Unfortunately, I can't answer most of them." He turned his head around, staring back at her. "As far as you and your old friend are concerned, I'm the wild card in the deck. It's just your luck that my objectives are in the same hand as yours. But don't be surprised when the next deal comes around and they aren't." He grinned, pressing his second and middle fingers to his mouth and blowing a kiss. "Au revoir, baby." With that, he disappeared.

* * *

Dante surveyed his handiwork. "Hmm…never was much for art, but I gotta say, I'm really feelin' good about this picture." Said picture was three identical holes smashed through three parallel walls, one after the other, with unconscious Soul Reapers scattered near each one. He held his thumbs and forefingers in the shape of a square. "Yeah, I guess I could get into this art stuff."

"So, I guess this would be a 'Dante Pollock', then?"

Dante turned around to face… "Well, well. If it isn't that sneaky little sorcerer bastard. Got a lot of nerve showin' up after that little trick you pulled."

The cloaked man smirked. "Oh, lighten up. We both know you weren't going all out, and neither was Zaraki. Besides, your job isn't to carve up Captains, it's rescuing Rukia."

"Yeah, and I do it my own way. If we can beat every major obstacle in our way, once we reach her, nothing's blocking us on the way back."

"So typical of you, Dante…punch through the waist-high fence that you could just hop over."

"Like I said, my own way. Speaking of, stay the hell out of it." He began walking away from the man.

"Aww, and here I was going to tell you the whole situation of why you're here in the first place. But if you're not interested…" He smirked when he saw Dante stop. "Hmm…do I have your attention now?"

Dante walked back to the cloaked man. "You could say that. Not to mention, you're gonna tell me where you got my mother's music box. Now."

The man clapped his hands together excitedly. "Ooo, that sounds fun! But only if you get this right." He held his right hand out.

Dante gritted his teeth. "Better idea. Talk or die."

"So testy. But it's so simple! C'mon, let's play! Rock, Paper, Scissors!"

"Bullet."

_BANG!_

He lowered Ebony as the man fell backward. "Looks like you lose." He holstered Ebony, folding his arms across his chest. "Finally…I've wanted to do that for a while now."

"You cheated!"

Dante stared at the man. "You gotta be kiddin' me…" _Then again, it's probably a good thing, considering we need him to get back._

The man sat up, pulling the bullet out. He rubbed the wound absently as it healed within seconds. "Cheater! No fair!" He sighed. "But you still won, so fine." He stood up, clearing his throat. "By the way, that stung," he said grumpily.

"You don't want another one, you'd better hurry up with the explainin'."

The man nodded. "All right, then. What do you want to know?"

"Who are you?"

He shrugged. "Too complicated to explain right now. But for now, let's just say I'm a traveler."

Dante frowned. "And what reason do you have for 'traveling' here?"

"I like this place."

"That why you drug us along? To show us the view?"

"Well, yes and no. I didn't bring you here just to see the sights, but I did bring you here because I like this place. You see, I like this place…and I want it to _stay_ nice. But there's a certain someone who doesn't seem to share my sentiment."

"Who? And why should I care?"

He smiled. "No one you know…yet. And you should care because you can't leave if he gets what he wants. So you have to help me get what _I_ want."

"You think I'm just some pawn to you?!" Dante growled.

"Of course not. Pawns would imply we were playing chess. This isn't a chess game." He chuckled. "Or at least, it isn't anymore. Not with you here."

He stared at the man curiously. "What do you mean by that?"

He grinned. "Well…maybe visual aids might help." Their surroundings disappeared, replaced by an empty black space. The man pointed to their left. "A normal game of chess is fairly simple. Black vs. white. Good vs. evil. You get the idea." As he spoke, a giant chessboard appeared, with pieces resembling actual people rather than simple figurines. He saw Dante's wary stare and chuckled. "Don't worry, it's just a picture. These pieces won't attack you like they did in the Netherworld."

"How do you know about th-"

The man continued, ignoring him. "Anyhow, this translates into the conflict that was in this world: one person against another, with their own affiliated warriors battling each other in an effort to eliminate the opposing side. Hell, even the players themselves take the field from time to time."

"Players…and who are they? Who are the players?"

The man smiled. "Urahara and A-" He gulped. "Ahh, a Soul Reaper Captain."

Dante frowned at the name the man had almost let slip, but pressed on. "What part was Soul Society in this?"

"They comprised a number of pieces on both sides; some aware, some not. Of course, that wasn't all: obviously, Urahara also has Ichigo and his friends."

"And us," Dante added.

The man chuckled. "Ah, but that would be where you are wrong, Son of Sparda. You see, this game had been going on for some time before you arrived. Centuries, in fact. Your arrival…" He waved his hands, and the pieces flew off the board and disappeared. "Changed the game entirely. You can't just add new pieces to a game of chess; after it's begun, they can only be lost."

"What about Ichigo and his friends? They didn't have powers until a month or two ago."

The man frowned. "Hmm…fair point. But only Ichigo had awakened powers when you arrived, so the game had already changed by that time."

"And Ichigo?"

"Think of him as…a hidden pawn." He shrugged. "Of course, the pieces part is mostly irrelevant anyway, because your arrival alone was not the sole factor of change. It was your arrival, as a result of me."

"As a result of you? What's the difference?"

The man chuckled. "Because when I arrived, the game gained a new player. And you can't play a three-person chess game. Now the game more resembles…" He scratched his chin, thinking for a few moments. He snapped his fingers, his face lighting up. "Ah! Risk!" The chessboard morphed into a map-like surface. He looked at the Devil Hunter. "Ever played it?"

He shook his head. "Never had to. Only demonic board game I've come across is chess, and I beat that."

"Fine. It's a war-type game where-"

"Is there a point somewhere in this metaphor?"

"The point is that now there's _three_ people vying for control of the game. Urahara has his armies, his…opponent has theirs, and I have you and the other three."

"Not looking good for you, then, is it?"

He smirked. "Well, both yours and Nero's pieces are worth ten of nearly any other. Not to mention Lady's worth at least four or five. So I'm not worried."

Dante grinned. "And the players? How do they interact?"

He thought for a moment. "Well, the…third player doesn't get along with anyone, so he's all on his own. For the moment, Urahara and I have a truce." He smirked. "Even if he doesn't know it."

"You thinking about stabbin' him in the back, then?" Dante asked, frowning.

"Well, I won't lie; if I see a situation where I gain the upper hand, I'll probably take it. But since I don't like the idea of fighting two fronts at once, I'm gonna avoid pissing Hat-'n-Clogs off too much. As it stands, for now, I want what he does."

"Yeah? And that is…?"

The man turned his back on Dante, beginning to walk away. "To prevent Rukia Kuchiki's execution." He snapped his fingers, and suddenly they were back in the Soul Society.

"Hold it." The man stopped at Dante's command. "So…the only way to get out of this is to play your little game, then? How do we know you're not lying?"

The man chuckled. "That's a _risk_ you'll have to take."

Dante shook his head. "And I thought my jokes were bad…" he mumbled. He stared at the black-cloaked man. "Well, if we're gonna play, what are the rules?"

The man turned to him. "Well, for starters, no killing, but I don't think you'll have to change to meet that. As for new rules, let's see…yeah. Rule one: the time limit for this game ends on the day of Rukia's execution; in other words, three days."

"Three days? Didn't Urahara say-"

"Since your arrival, the schedule has bumped things up a bit." He chuckled. "Given that you've been demolishing the Soul Society's forces left and right, I can't say that's unexpected."

"Well, whatever," the Devil Hunter scoffed. "Three days is nothing, anyhow. Next."

"Rule two: Squads One, Three, Five, Six and Nine are all off-limits."

"Oh, come on!"

He shrugged. "I'm trying to make this as simple as possible. But if you _want_ me telling you exactly how to fight your battles, I can-"

Dante waved him off. "Fine, fine. Anything else?"

"Rule three: if anyone asks, you don't know anyone else's name besides Nero, Lady, and Ichigo. More complicated stuff. The last rule: what I've said is for your ears alone."

"Well, aren't I just special?" He rolled his eyes. "Okay, but I've got a condition."

"If it's 'no talking', forget it." Seeing Dante's amazement, he laughed. "Long story, and I'm out of time to waste. Spit it out!"

Dante shrugged. "Okay. Who the hell are you? And none of that dodgy crap. I want a name."

The man rubbed his chin. "Hmm. Well, that would cut down on the confusion. Call me The Man In Black."

"Got anything shorter? Like 'Annoying Sorcerer Punk'?"

"No. Mostly because that's longer."

"How 'bout Cloak?"

"Cool, but taken. If it's that important…" He smiled, an odd look on his face. "What was it they used to say about me? 'And we hail thee, our knight, for his name flares thy soul with joy'…" He sighed. "Mar. You may call me Mar."

Dante scratched his head. "Can I just call you Richard?"

Mar looked at him oddly. "Why?"

" 'Cause you're definitely a 'Dick'."

He laughed. "Ah, the infamous razor-sharp Dante wit. Impressive. But no, if you call me anything, I would rather it be Mar or The Man In Black. For now, anyway." He turned away again. "The game is afoot. Stay strong, my friend." He snapped his fingers, disappearing.

Dante sighed. "Man, things _always_ gotta be complicated…"

* * *

Nero glanced at the…well, they seemed to be cherry blossoms…floating around him. He raised an eyebrow. "Is…that your zanpakuto? I thought it'd be…I dunno, a bit more…_masculine_ than petals."

Byakuya stared at the young Holy Knight. "What do you mean, 'masculine'?"

"No offence and all," Nero said, shrugging, "But where I come from, pink's kind of a girly color."

"Hmph. Taunt me if you wish, boy, but what you see will be the cause of your demise."

"Hey, what did I say about calling me-" He stopped as Byakuya swung his bladeless hilt down. He looked up to see the petal-like objects converge on him. He put his Devil Bringer over his face reflexively, and the pink things shot through his body like knives. He sank to his knees, panting.

"Do you understand now? Senbonzakura is actually comprised of thousands of miniscule blades. They receive their appearance from the way that light reflects off of them." Nero struggled to his feet, clenching his Devil Bringer. "Though your efforts are impressive, you lost this battle the second you arrived. Now there is no escape. The blades of Senbonzakura will-"

"Would you just…shut your damn mouth already?" Nero panted. "You keep babblin' like I'm dead. Your just…caught me off guard, is all." He smirked, his breathing calming. "But don't worry, I'm ready now." He chuckled. "Here…you can have 'em back." He threw the Senbonzakura petals at Byakuya with the Devil Bringer. He placed his other hand on Red Queen, revving it. "I'll burn right through those cherry blossoms!"

Byakuya stared at the white-haired man in front of him. _This boy…so much like the other. _A glint of excitement appeared in his eye. _Perhaps…he may be the first in a very long time to witness it. But not just yet._ He swung the hilt down again, a flurry of blades coming down on Nero once again.

Nero grinned fiercely, spinning Red Queen in an upward circle. The released blades of Senbonzakura scattered, and he rushed forward at Byakuya. Some of the blades followed him, but he ignored them, slashing downward at the stoic Soul Reaper.

But then he was gone, and Nero swiveled, using his Devil Bringer to backhand the tiny pink blades away. He stared at Byakuya. "Little quicker that time, huh. Guess you're steppin' it up a little; well…" He brought his left knee up, knocking Blue Rose out of its holster and into the air. He used the Devil Bringer to grab it; he pointed it at Byakuya as it began to glow brighter, shouldering Red Queen with his other hand. "I better ante up, too." He charged at Byakuya again, slashing horizontally, and when Byakuya disappeared from view, he pointed Blue Rose (now glowing red with energy) backwards, and fired it at the same time as he flipped Red Queen around and stabbed backwards.

As Byakuya appeared behind him, he leaned his head to dodge the bullets from Blue Rose, but blood splashed at his side. At the same time, Ukitake brought his sword up, and four halves of fire-coated bullets embedded themselves in the walls around him.

Nero glanced behind him. "Not bad, huh? Not what I was hopin' for, but you're still bleeding. Now let go, or half that hand is gone."

Byakuya complied, releasing Red Queen from his left hand. "Your weapons…one projectile, one sword. Are they both your zanpakuto?"

Nero shook his head, holstering Blue Rose. "A revolver and a blade. The first with a few little additions, the second coated with demonic material. No zanpakuto." _I'm iffy about Yamato, but he didn't ask about that._

"Hmm. Regardless, your strength is nothing compared to a Soul Society Captain."

"Well, good. For a second there, I thought you'd compliment me." _This guy reminds me of Credo. Cold and honorable. Except even Credo wasn't a jerk to his own family._

Rukia stared with fear at her brother. _Oh, no. That look in his eye…he's beginning to take this battle even more seriously. And if he's already released his zanpakuto…oh, _no.

Byakuya held his hilt up, the many tiny "petals" returning to reform as a single blade. "You are able to match my Shikai with your weapons. You have come further than many others before you, and for that I commend you. However, you have yet to see the full extent of my true power."

Ukitake stared at Byakuya, re-sheathing his zanpakuto. "Could he really be using it…here?"

"You may be able to match one thousand blades. But even you cannot hope to withstand millions." He held the hilt out, turning it upside-down. "Witness a power centuries beyond your grasp." He dropped his zanpakuto. "Ban-"

Nero watched as Byakuya's sword seemed to descend in slow motion. And just as it was about to pierce the bridge…

_CLING!_ "Now, now…we certainly can't have _that_."

Nero stared at the arm of the person who had caught the sword, following it with his eyes up to the face of… "It's…_you_!"

The Man In Black smiled. "Long time no see, right, Nero?" He turned to Byakuya, holding the hilt of Senbonzakura out to him. "Sorry, but keep it in your pants. There's too many kids around."

Byakuya took his sword back from the man. "Who are you? You wear the clothes of a Soul Reaper. What squad are you with?"

"You may call me Mar. I'm from Squad Three. Hello, Captain Kuchiki." He turned to Nero. "Interrupting fights seems to be becoming part of my routine, doesn't it? However, there's precious few of any good fighters as it is. I can't have any of you killing each other off." He chuckled. "Well, not _yet_, anyway."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Nero growled. "Are you on their side now?"

He shrugged. "Details. You want the full version, talk to Dante." He turned to Byakuya. "Sorry to have interrupted, Captain, but I believe that you've something that belongs to me."

The captain in question stared at him. "What nonsense do you speak? I possess nothing which is not mine."

Mar smirked. "Okay, I'll rephrase. You _carry_ something which is not yours. Your grip on it has been unshakeable until now. But after fighting a tough battle…I think it's loosened enough where I may finally reclaim it." He disappeared from view.

Byakuya glanced around. "Whatever trick this is, I can guarantee-" He suddenly stopped.

The Man In Black reappeared in front of him, his right hand through the haughty Captain's chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. I could've sworn you were boasting about something." He chuckled darkly. "This won't take long, just need to find…_there_."

Pain sparked anew within Byakuya as Mar seemed to be pulling something out of his heart. As the man pulled it free, he fell forward, unconscious. The man caught him with his remaining arm, setting him down gently. "Well, that makes two."

Nero stared at the object held in Mar's right hand. It seemed to be…blue fire, and yet solid, as if contained within a mostly flat object. "What the hell did you just do to him?!"

Mar set the unconscious Captain down gently. "Oh, he had something stuck in his spirit," he said, shrugging. "Just removed it, that's all." He held the object out to Nero. "Hold this for me, would you?"

Nero eyed the object warily. "And if I say no?"

"You won't," Mar said simply.

Nero pointed Red Queen at him. "I think that's where you're wrong, jackass. Try it; I dare ya."

"Why are you so confrontational?" he asked, walking towards Nero. "I already have one, so I figured I'd share the wealth a little."

Nero's Devil Bringer started to glow wildly as the man approached. _My arm…what is this feeling?_ "Stay back!"

Mar stopped walking. "Well, if you insist." He held his other hand up. "Mind giving me high five? I could use something to raise my spirits."

Nero snorted, bringing his hand up. "Raise THIS, you b-" Before he could finish the very rude gesture he had started, the man suddenly appeared in front of him, shoving the strange object into the hand of his Devil Bringer. Nero's eyes shot wide open as energy surged through him. "What did you…" He dropped Red Queen, grabbing his head with both hands as his brain began to throb. He shook his head violently to dispel whatever had caused it, but the pain wouldn't stop, and he felt himself rising into the air. "Ggh…what the hell…did you DO TO ME?!" The pressure in his skull increased, building further and further.

And as quickly as it had begun, it all stopped.

His head stopped throbbing. Nero's hands dropped to his sides. He slowly floated to the ground, his head down.

Mar looked at him curiously as he landed. "Hmm…now that's interesting…" He took a few steps toward the Devil Hunter. "Nero?"

Nero's eyes shot open, glowing red. A specter formed behind him, holding Yamato in its hand. "**Rrgh**…" Nero growled, his voice demonically deepened.

The Man In Black smiled. "Well, now. I trust you're feeling a bit better. Consider that power a small token of thanks, for helping me."

Nero kept glaring at the man, clenching his right hand as the specter clenched its left. "**You trash...but this power…I LIKE it**." He took a few steps toward Mar, but then the specter behind him disappeared, dropping Yamato and its sheath. He fell forward, darkness overtaking his vision. "Wha-" he managed before he knew no more.

The Man In Black chuckled. "Then again, you'll have to get used to that power before you can use it. Unleashing the devil within you was a bit hasty." He walked over to Byakuya, tapping his forehead twice. "Well, can't have that memory of yours causing any more trouble for me. We'll meet for the first time some _other_ time." He kneeled down by Nero, sheathing Yamato. "As for you, I'm taking you someplace safe." He slung the Holy Knight over his shoulder, grabbing Yamato with his free hand. He disappeared, reappearing on the roof of the building opposite the Shrine of Repentance. "Ah, of course. The fight." He snapped his fingers, finishing the illusion he'd cast over the bridge and those witnessing the events on it. He then disappeared again, taking Nero and Yamato with him.

* * *

Night had fallen.

"Ready, Orihime?"

"Yeah. Alright, let's go." They both snuck out of the warehouse, the sandals of their "borrowed" Soul Reaper uniforms pattering on the cobblestone. Uryu shot a glance at Orihime. _Orihime losing her attack power…as terrible as it is of me, I can't help but think it's a good thing. In the time we've spent together, I've understood she's really not made for combat. She's just too kind; she can't bring herself to hurt someone, even an enemy. People like her shouldn't fight; there's not many kind people as it is._ He shook his head. _Who knows, maybe the world would be a better place with more of those like her._

"Hheeeeeeeeeey! Hold it there, you two!"

They stopped, turning around to face the voice behind them. A man stumbled toward them, clearly drunk. "Lem-Lemme get a look ashoo. Whaddya doin' here? What shquad are you with, anyway?"

Orihime gulped. "Well…we're…"

Uryu thought fast. _Umm…a number between one and thirteen…_ "We're with Squad Eleven."

The man raised an eyebrow. "Hmm? Funny, I'm in Squad Eleven too, but I ne'er seen anyone in it rock-stupid enough to walk around without wearin' zanpakuto!"

Uryu clenched his teeth, kicking himself mentally. _Dammit! I should've known…each squad must have a different characteristic._

The man grabbed Orihime's uniform, rolling the right side of it over to show a flower-like symbol. "Heyy, waitaminit. This's Squad Twelve's emblem. You ain't one of us." He released her. "Enough o'the lyin' crap. Who are you?"

_THWACK!_ Before either Uryu or Orihime could respond, a wooden block struck the man over the head. He fell over, toppling onto the ground. The man holding the wooden block sighed, flanked by three more Soul Reapers. "Whew. That was close. You two okay?" They both nodded, still surprised about what had just happened.

"Hmph! What a jerk, roughing up his own allies!" one Soul Reaper interjected.

"Not to mention, this guy's drunk!" another added.

Orihime bowed to the man who had knocked over their drunken aggressor. "Thank you very much for helping us."

The Soul Reaper held a hand up. "Stop, there's no need. It's the least we could do for a Squad Twelve comrade."

Uryu stared at the new arrivals warily. _Wait…something's not right here. The big guy may have been drunk, but his concerns about us were still legitimate. These four, on the other hand, aren't concerned in the least. They're acting like there's nothing wro…_ His eyes widened. _Dammit…it's a trap!_ He raced forward. "Orihime! Get away from them NOW!"

He'd barely finished speaking before three of the Soul Reapers exploded, screaming in agony as they roasted alive. The only surviving member turned to a man behind him. "C-captain…this isn't what you promised! You said we were just…_just supposed to talk to them_!! That our goal was just to bring them back to the barracks!" He ran at the man.

The man chuckled. "Oh, no, no. It seems you've misunderstood. When bombs are sent out…they're not supposed to return." He depressed the button on an object he held, and the last of the four exploded as well. As the smoke cleared, the man's eyes widened, mirrored by the woman behind him. "What's this…a shield?"

Orihime looked up at Uryu as she crouched down by his feet. Her triangular barrier was right behind him. "Thank you for warning me, Uryu. If you hadn't warned me…"

He shook his head. "Don't thank me. It's your barrier that saved us. Not to mention, you activated it without your chant; it's only because you were so fast that we're still alive. _I_ should be thanking _you_."

She stared at the ground. "But what about…the four that h-helped us?" She sniffled, tears threatening to spill.

Uryu bowed his head. "They…I'm sorry, Orihime, but they're gone." She closed her eyes, doing her best not to cry. "But don't blame yourself for that; don't let the guilt of their deaths weigh on you." The barrier behind him shattered as he turned around. "Because the one who should bear that guilt…is _him_!"

"What's this?" the man asked. "I have never seen such a technique before. This barrier…it must be the work of the girl behind you, I assume."

"I'm not about to tell the likes of you," Uryu snapped.

"How _interesting_. There may be something I can learn from you. I'm going to make you an offer, woman. Come work for me as my research subject."

"So you can pick her apart like some common insect?!"

"Oh, rest assured, I take good care of my subjects. And I'm very…_gentle_ with the ladies…"

"Keep your filthy hands away from her!" Uryu snarled. The man didn't seem to listen, walking closer as he rattled off his "generous" terms. Uryu had had enough. He appeared behind the man, his bow at the ready and an arrow just begging to be fired at the despicable man.

"Hmm? A Quincy then, eh? Your kind are becoming somewhat of a rarity these days. In fact, it's been years since I've had a live specimen. Regardless, I'm not interested in you. I long ago finished recording data about your miserable species. Now get out of my way."

"Finished recording data? Just what do you mean by that? Who the hell are you?!"

The man looked at him with an air of disappointment. "You don't _know_? Did you _ryoka_ just decide to invade the Soul Society without doing any research whatsoever about who you're fighting? Such carelessness! I would at least think you'd have rudimentary profiles about the thirteen _Captains_!!" His spiritual pressure rose, buffeting Uryu with its intense waves. "I am the Squad Twelve Captain and Head of Research and Development, Mayuri Kurotsuchi!"

_This pressure_ Uryu thought. _It isn't safe for Orihime to be here. I can't allow her to get hurt._ "Orihime! Run! I'll keep him off of you!"

She shook her head. "No! I wanna fight, too!"

"Out of the question!" He turned his head towards her, and the rising figure next to her. "Hey, you! Squad Eleven guy! Take the girl and run! Get her as far away from here as you can!"

The man shook his head. "To hell with you! I'm getting outta here!"

"Not without her, you're not. Unless you'd like an arrow in the back. And if you stay here, you'll die too: caught in the crossfire. So what's it going to be?" The man reluctantly obeyed, hauling a protesting Orihime over his shoulder and running full speed away. _If there's so much as a single scratch or bruise on her when I'm done here, I'll repay you in kind_ Uryu vowed.

"Did I give you permission to leave?" Mayuri questioned. His left arm shot after them, lengthening impossibly. But before it could catch them, Uryu's arrow shot through it, causing an explosion.

"Did I give _you_ permission to pursue them?" Uryu growled.

* * *

Dante looked off in the distance. "Hmm, feels like fun over there. Stupid sorcerer guy; why'd he have to teleport me somewhere else?" He prepared to walk forward, but stopped, sniffing. "Well, well…now what's this? If you're trying to be stealthy, babe, your perfume kinda ruined it." He smiled as a blade was placed to his throat. "Mmm, peaches. Fine choice."

"Don't think that flattery will let you escape," a voice behind him responded. "Now, 'Red Devil', by authority of the Soul Society, you're under arrest."

"Aww, you've even give me a pet name. That's so _cute_. So what's your story?"

"Put your hands up, _now_."

He smirked. "Sorry, but if we're gonna dance, I never follow a lady's lead." Alastor appeared in his left hand, sending a surge of electricity running through his body. It jumped to the blade on his neck, zapping the person behind him. She grunted in pain, and he ducked under the blade, jumping forward a few feet before turning around to look at his would-be captor. He let out a sigh of relief, smiling. "Oh, Lady…sorry. Don't sneak up on me like that. Thought you were a Soul Reaper and all." He looked her over as she still twitched from the electricity, whistling. "Nice costume. From the looks of it, you musta fought a Captain. Now how did you pull that off?" She opened her eyes, glaring at him. The smile slid off his face. _It's dark, but I can still see…Both eyes are brown. Not Lady's red left and green right. And she's got really long braids…Lady sure doesn't have hair that long. So, this is an actual Captain, isn't it?_ "Sorry, I got you confused with someone else. Never mind. Well, what's your name, cutie?"

She gritted her teeth. "Soifon, captain of Squad Two."

His face lit up. "Oh, good! I guess I can dance with you after all, then." He returned Alastor, pulling Rebellion off his back. He cracked his neck, smirking. "Hope you can keep up with me," he said, charging at her.

* * *

Things were going bad for Uryu. He couldn't move, was in incredible pain, and seemed to be dealing with a being even more monstrous than the fiercest hollow he'd ever faced. Someone confused about these set of circumstances would, thus, naturally wonder: how had he gotten there?

After he'd covered Orihime's escape, he and the despicable captain had made their way to a building top. Kurotsuchi had released his zanpakuto, and Uryu, unsure of its abilities, had hesitated in attacking. His hesitation had allowed the captain's silent subordinate to slip past his guard and make him unable to defend himself from a slash that tore through his bicep and nearly bisected the girl. Kurotsuchi, furious with her, had beaten her viciously. Uryu demanded that he stop, but the monster had simply replied that he'd created her, and so he would decide what to do with her. That hadn't stopped Uryu's disapproval: artificial or not, anything with any positive emotions was a life to him. Unfortunately, he couldn't do much about it, as he found his limbs unresponsive to his instructions. He suspected a tranquilizer, but Mayuri soon demonstrated it was more like curare: no movement, full pain. The captain then discovered that his lieutenant had naturally also been caught by the same trap. He snarled once again, berating her for perceived uselessness, and prepared to finish her off with his blade.

"Leave her _alone_!"

Mayuri turned back to Uryu. "What was that?"

"You heard me," Uryu said, his voice shaking with anger. "I said leave her alone?"

"Such a persistent one." He scratched his chin. "Or is this perhaps that irritable 'Honor Of The Quincy' your kind always mutter about?"

"What?"

"As easy as it may come to you, worm, don't play stupid with me. You know what I mean. That revolting line you Quincy keep spouting even as you draw your last breath. 'By the Honor Of The Quincy, I will' this, or 'By the Honor Of The Quincy, I cannot allow' that. 'Honor' this, 'Quincy' that…it's _insufferable_! And yet, with all your bluster about honor, it makes no difference; a single thrust of this blade will be enough to kill you."

"You monster…"

"Disrespectful to the end. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to learn everything about your kind? By the time I'd become Head of Research and Development, the Quincy were already a dwindling species. It was so _difficult_ to find live specimens for study; the few there were lay under Soul Reaper surveillance. And so bribery was necessary to ensure that I could collect the souls needed…" Uryu's mind tuned out in disgust when he began mentioning the exact procedures of the experiments run on live and un-anesthetized Quincies, but focused back in afterward. "…and the frequently _poor_ quality of the specimens…ugh. The last was a decrepit old man who wouldn't stop screaming the name of his pupil…pathetic."

He pulled out a photo from his uniform. "A souvenir of the final subject." He tossed it at Uryu. "You may see what he looked like, but it was taken _after_ he'd been studied, so the body isn't exactly, shall I say…_intact_."

Uryu's breath ran cold. The bloodstained face in the picture would've been nearly incomprehensible to anyone else, but he could still make out the face of his teacher.

_Grandfather_.

Mayuri kept talking on, ignorant of the torment of his opponent. "What _was_ that student's name, again? Oh, well. It seems that after finishing the experiment, such a trivial fact is inconsequential."

And that's when it happened. An educated casual observer might say that Uryu lost his temper. A more blunt one that could sympathize would say that Uryu was pissed off as all hell. But to Uryu, his rage surpassed any mental words he would have used to describe it. He felt blue fire burning in his veins, felt power surging through him that would allow him to operate on willpower alone. And most importantly…

Uryu would not stop until this man was torn into so many pieces, there wouldn't be anything solid enough to bury.

"Do you want to know…that name you just can't remember?" Uryu snarled as he rose to his feet. "The student of the man you slaughtered? His name is ISHIDA…_Uryu Ishida_." He tucked the photograph away in his robes. "This man was Sōken Ishida. My teacher…and my GRANDFATHER!!"

Kurotsuchi scoffed. "And?"

"And I'm glad that Orihime isn't here to watch. Someone as innocent…as _pure_ as her…shouldn't EVER see what I'm about to do to you!" His spiritual pressure doubled, surging from the power of the young man at its center. "I swear, by the Honor Of The Quincy…you will fall by my hand, you MONSTER!!!"

* * *

Whew. Man, was this month crazy. I won't bore you all with the details of my personal life here, though; I'll save those for my profile. Anyhow...YIKES! I really wanted to get this chapter out yesterday, but, well...previously-hinted complications arose, so I'm a day late. But I ended up packing a lot more into this chapter than usual, so I hope you all can forgive me.

Oh, and anyone who sends me artwork of Dante and Mar's Rock-Paper-Scissors game gets an honorable mention and a tip of the ol' Internet hat. I wish I had a better prize to offer, but it'd make my year if I saw that even just once.

Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope all of you had a fun Halloween. Later!


	26. The Mark of Death

I am so, _so_ sorry for having this chapter out so late. But I won't go on about that here. If you're at all interested, it's at the bottom. Otherwise, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Hanataro stared at his handcuffs dejectedly. _Rukia…we were so close. We almost saved you. I'm sorry._ He sighed. "I'm so sorry, Rukia."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself."

Hanataro turned to look at the voice. It seemed to be a Soul Reaper with a hooded shihakusho. "Hmm? Are you the jailor?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Just a lowly Squad Three member, I'm afraid. But back to you. You don't need to beat yourself up, you know. You did a lot to help save Rukia."

He hung his head. "I don't know. We got so far, and in the end, they imprisoned her again."

The man shrugged. "I know it's tough to see all the consequences of your actions now, but trust me when I say, if it wasn't for you, Ichigo and the rest wouldn't even have a chance to save Rukia." _Well, sort of._

Hanataro looked up at the man, a small smile forming. "Really?"

He nodded. "You bet. And you proved that you're no pushover, either. What you did took guts. Knowing that you'd be facing Byakuya Kuchiki, you _still_ went out to face him."

"But I didn't even end up facing him…and how do you know about that anyway?"

"I was watching. You're not the only Soul Reaper sympathetic to the _ryoka_, you know. However, even though you didn't face Captain Kuchiki, you had every intention to. And THAT'S what counts. You didn't retreat, you charged forward. That's bravery." His mouth twitched, but he brought it under control.

Hanataro frowned. "But what if I retreat next time?"

"You've got to tell yourself you won't. Say to yourself: 'I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away.'" He stared at the Squad Four member. "Well, go on, say it!"

"Out loud?"

"Sure. It helps reinforce your strength of will."

"O-Okay." Hanataro took a deep breath. "I mustn't run away…I mustn't run away." He turned to the man as he heard a snicker escape his lips. "Hmm? What is it?"

A giant grin spread over the man's face. He waved Hanataro off, but then let out a loud laugh, falling to the floor in hysterics. He slapped his knee, his face reddening.

Hanataro stared at the man, irritated. "Hey, what's so funny?"

The man's laughter slowly subsided. He wiped the tears from his eyes, getting back up on his feet. "Sorry, I didn't really think you'd say it."

"You were just playing a joke on me, weren't you?"

"No, it's not that…" He looked at Hanataro, a strange smile on his face. Was it…nostalgia? "You just reminded me of someone else I used to know. You're a lot like him, you know…except I think I can trust you a little more around comatose women…"

"What?!"

The man frowned. "You know what…never mind. Anyhow, I'm sorry to cut our chat short, but I'm here because I need your help with something. And sorry again, but I'll have to bring you back here afterwards; don't want you disappearing if they need a medic."

Hanataro nodded. "Will…it help save Rukia?"

"…Sorta. Not immediately, but it'll help out later."

"Well, okay then. But can I ask you something?"

The man nodded. "Sure."

"What is your name?"

He smiled that strange smile again. "Call me Mar." He grabbed Hanataro's shoulder, and they both disappeared.

_---_

_CLANG! CLANG!_

Dante and Soifon clashed swords yet again, neither of them giving up. Dante chuckled, and brought their swords into a lock. "Ya know, it's a shame I've got a girlfriend. If there's one thing that I like in a woman, it's not being afraid to get a little _rough_."

"Shut up!" Soifon snarled. She flash-stepped backwards, then over to Dante's left. He blocked her strike effortlessly, still grinning. She swung again twice, but he leaned casually out of the way of them both. "Why won't you sit still?"

"Aww, sad that I'm having all the fun? If you'd just get a little more enthusiastic, you'd be enjoying this a lot more."

She flash-stepped back a few feet, pointing her blade at the Devil Hunter. "You want to see enthusiastic? How's this?" She smirked. "Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi!"

Dante stared at the blade warily as it glowed and then…shrunk? _Huh? What kinda shikai is this?_ As it stopped glowing, he saw its new form. _REALLY?_

Soifon grinned. "So, what do you have to say now?"

"So your shikai's special ability is…flipping me off? How the hell are you a captain?" He then brought Rebellion up to block her attack. "Heh. So that's how; because you're one fast babe."

"Taunt me all you want, but don't underestimate my Suzumebachi. I can kill you in two strikes."

"Aww, that's cute. See, _I _can kill you in ONE hit." He pushed her away, switching Rebellion for Gilgamesh. "Just to make it fair for you, I'll use this." He motioned a hand at her in a "bring it" gesture. "C'mon!"

She rushed at him, stabbing at his jugular. He ducked under it, aiming a punch at her gut. She disappeared, reappearing behind him to stab at his head. He shot to the side in a red blur, grinning. She spun around deftly, stabbing straight at his smirking face. Gilgamesh morphed instantly, jutting the left gauntlet's attachment out to block the strike. Dante's left foot shot up to kick Soifon, and she leaned her head back, the spur-like object just barely missing her chin. Her right leg lashed out, straight at…

"My crotch?" she heard from behind her. She spun around, blocking one of Dante's fists with Suzumebachi. "Damn, babe, I like it rough, but that's just _dirty_ fighting." He punched twice, both of which were blocked, and then threw his elbow into her stomach. Her eyes widened as his elbow sank into her abdomen. "Looks like you're gettin' slower, babe. Maybe I should keep one hand behind my b-ACK!!" He looked over his shoulder, seeing Soifon behind him and feeling an odd sensation in his back. "You little faker…how the hell'd you do that?"

"We Soul Reaper Captains are very proficient with flash steps. More so than invading trash like you could ever be." She pulled her arm back and prepared to stab again, but Dante shot forward in a blur. A black mark began to form on the back of his trench coat. He turned his head back, staring at it. "That mark is called a Hōmonka. It-"

" 'Hornet's Crest'? Then why's it look like a butterfly?"

She continued, ignoring him. "It is the symbol of your 'Death In Two Steps'. That mark is the first step. If I stab you in the same place again…you _will_ die."

"You sure about that? I'm a pretty tough guy. How's some butterfly tattoo supposed to kill me?"

"It-"

"And did it _have_ to be a butterfly? Couldn't it be something a little more cool, like a dragon or-" He disappeared just as Soifon stabbed at him. He reappeared a few feet away. "-a skull or something?"

"It is my shikai's special ability. It works by way of a poison, and the mark will stay on you for as long as I want it to. So if you don't want to die-" She vanished, and Dante dashed out of the way as she reappeared and stabbed at the crest. "Either surrender or get a _lot_ faster."

_Hmm…poison. So I can't just heal it over. Well, alright__…this fight just got _interesting. He chuckled. "So…what you're saying is, this thing is controlled by your will?" He took her silence as a 'yes'. "Then I'll just kick your ass, knock you out, and then this tattoo'll be gone. No problem."

"It doesn't work that-" She blocked as Dante launched a barrage of punches at her. She stabbed back at him twice, and then caught him off guard by kneeing him in the gut. She moved in for the kill, stabbing Suzumebachi around him. He batted away her right hand and head-butted her, sending her reeling backwards. "Dammit, you're thick-headed," she grumbled, shaking away the spots in her vision.

"Good thing, too, with all the people that keep punching me there."

"Smartass."

He smirked. "Better a smartass than a dumbass." He motioned a hand at her as she finished recovering. "C'mon, babe."

---

Uryu felt the scythe cut through him again, barely dodging enough to prevent it hitting major organs. Mayuri caught it, saying something to him, but he was focusing all he could into just staying alive.

Despite his paralysis, Uryu still had a counter-technique: _ransōtengai_. Unfortunately, it took so much focus that he could barely keep dodging his opponent's attacks. Of course, there was one final ace to play…

_The glove…_

But if he did…

_Uryu, once you have put this glove on…_

But if he didn't, he could die, and then this monster would escape, ruining his vow of revenge. To have the bastard right in his sights, and yet not enough strength to kill him…

_Once you have put this glove on…_

But would revenge be worth the price of losing his power forever? Could he say for certain that the countless other monsters that preyed on the innocent would not weigh on him nearly as much as this one? _Grandfather…I…_

…_you must __**never**__ take it off._

He stared at the beast before him. The captain stared back amusedly at the young man. _Ichigo…Dante…I'm sorry, but I guess that I'll leave the hollows to you from now on. I cannot allow this…__**thing**__ to escape. Not after what he's done._ His hand moved toward his bow.

_Forgive me, master…but it seems I must disobey you once more…_

---

Suzumebachi struck Gilgamesh, bouncing off the demonic metal. Dante smirked, taking the opportunity to punch Soifon in the gut with his right fist. She disappeared, and he dropped down into a crouch, her attack sailing over his head. He launched up in a move he'd dubbed the "Rising Dragon"; unfortunately, she was a bit smarter than the hundreds of demons before her, and jumped back before his fist struck her. She was unprepared, however, for him flying toward her, his foot connecting with her jaw after she'd moved back a meter or two. She flash-stepped behind him, rubbing her cheek. "How'd you do that?"

He shrugged. "Magic. What else?"

She frowned. "You know Kidō?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. " 'Demon Way', huh? Sure, why not. But don't expect any of those long chants you guys do, 'cause let me tell you, they're a pain in the a-AAAGH!" He barely dodged in time, and the strike she'd aimed at his back ended up hitting his left thigh, leaving another crest. He frowned at her. "Well, that was rude."

"If you've got time to talk, you've got time to fight. You can sit there and listen to me talk if you want, but don't expect the same courtesy from me."

He rolled his eyes. "Sheesh, all you captains are so testy. You're worse than-"

_BOOM!_

They both looked in the direction of the loud noise. Dante raised an eyebrow. "Well, what's this?" He turned to Soifon. "That one of your buddies?"

She shook her head. "That energy may be Captain-level, but I don't know it."

"I don't suppose you'd let me check it out, either."

"Hmm. Maybe you're not so stupid after all."

"Heh. Wish I could say the same about you, babe." _CLANG!_ He grinned as he blocked her strike with Gilgamesh. "Oops, that must've been a nerve."

---

"Is he…"

"Of course he's alive. He's a Devil Hunter; you'd be surprised at the amount of punishment they can take."

"So…why do you need my help exactly?"

"Well, Hanataro, it's simple," Mar said, sighing. "I can't use Kidō at all. Much less use it to heal anyone."

"Huh? Really?" Hanataro scanned the figure. "He doesn't seem injured to me. Exactly what do you want me to heal?"

Mar tapped the figure's forehead. "Right here. More mental than physical, but I guess that's irrelevant in here. But I'll have to hold him down for you. He's…a bit unstable right now."

Hanataro nodded, holding his hand up by the figure's head. Mar held its arms down, nodding. Hanataro gulped. "Okay, here we go."

After he started healing, nothing happened for a few minutes. The figure's eyelids twitched a bit, but that was normal. Hanataro let out the breath he'd been holding. "So, what brings him here anyw-"

The figure's eyes snapped open, glowing red.

Mar frowned. "Ah, hell."

The figure snarled. **"You…"**

"Yes, Nero, it's me."

"**You gave me power."**

"That I did."

Nero grinned fiercely. **"I want more. Give me more."**

"In due time. Now shut up, you're scaring the poor kid."

Hanataro was sweating heavily, but he kept healing Nero as told. A few seconds after Mar had finished speaking, Nero's eyes began to flicker. **"You will…**where…**not…**are…**deny…**you…**me…**Kyrie…" Finally, the glow left his eyes, and he fell back into unconsciousness.

Hanataro backed away, breathing a sigh of relief. "W-what _was_ that?"

Mar shrugged. "Like I said, I needed you to heal something."

"Whatever it was…it was almost as scary as Captain Kuchiki…"

"Ugh, tell me about it. Him and his bad puns…well, at least he's not as bloodthirsty as Ukitake or Ikkaku…"

Hanataro stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Of course, I'm still deciding which is a bigger shock: that Izuru Kira is a rebel or Momo Hinamori is a robot…"

"What?!"

"But then, I guess you're no stranger to robots…"

Hanataro shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't have _any _idea what you're talking about."

Mar's eyes went wide. "Oh, sorry! I went and mixed them up with someone else. Damn; I'm getting forgetful after all I've seen." He cleared his throat. "Well, sorry to scare you and all that, but I think it's about time I got you back, don't you think?"

Hanataro nodded. "I suppose."

"Sorry to push you into all this."

"Oh, it's okay. If I can do something to help Rukia's friends out…"

"No, I mean _literally_, I'm sorry to have pushed you into all this."

"Huh? You keep saying such odd things."

"Well, I may have nudged you a mite too hard when we had Ichigo and Ganju surrounded…"

Hanataro scratched his chin, thinking back…then his eyes shot open in realization. "That was _you_?!"

* * *

Author's note as follows:

*sigh* I wish I had a good excuse for you all. I wish I had a good reason for delaying this story for a month, leaving you all hanging, and failing to meet my own goals. But I don't. So, you ask, why on earth couldn't I get the chapter out on time? It wasn't exam pressures, or family business, or community obligations; I had all those, but they didn't affect this. SO...why couldn't I get this out?

Writer's block.

Something so stupidly simple as writer's block. I kid you not, I was in the middle of writing this chapter in November, and I just...blanked. I knew what would happen, I just couldn't figure out how to describe it happening. This chapter definitely suffered as a result, but I promised myself that Christmas wouldn't pass me by without at least releasing one chapter, especially after missing October's deadline and then going dry all of November. I'm amazed this chapter is even partially finished; I had to write about ten pages of garbage just to get to something salvageable.

I'm really, _really_ sorry about taking so long; you all deserve a better Christmas present than this. I just wish I can be better in the future.

But enough moping, it's the holidays! Merry Christmas to all of you!! Eat plenty of food, stay warm, hang out with relatives...the usual, just have fun doing it! And even though this chapter was subpar, please review! Hearing from all of you is one of the best gifts I can ask for.


	27. Omake 2 New Year 2009

Two spotlights come on, striking two chairs on a stage. Two figures walk up to said chairs from opposite sides of said stage, sitting down. They both wave.

"Hello!" one says. "My name is Mar! You may remember me as the 'antagonist'-" he says, using air quotes, "of Bleach May Cry. But not Bleach, as that role is currently filled by A-"

"Ahem!" the other interrupts. "Hi, everyone. My name is Shin-" He frowns. "Uh…I think the teleprompter's broken. They got my first name wrong, it's Hanataro…and my last name is Yamada, not Ikar-"

"Anyway," Mar butts in, "welcome to the Bleach May Cry New Year's party! We're glad you could all make it!" Crickets chirp. "Hmm…maybe they're just late…well, anyhow, we've decided to hold a very special event here tonight."

"To celebrate a year and nearly a half of this wonderful-"

Mar snickers to himself. " 'Wonderful'…that's a bit generous…" he mutters to himself.

Hanataro, none the wiser, continues. "-story, we've decided to host a discussion about the past year with the cast of the story. The good, the bad…and yes, even the ugly." He pauses, turning to Mar. "But wouldn't ugly be the same thing as bad? I don't get it."

"It's a human phrase; kind of a long story. Well, let's not delay any longer! Let's meet our guests for the evening; some cast members of the story!"

From stage right, Kenpachi, Byakuya, Renji, Ganju, Lady, and Chad all walk out, looking confused (with the exception of Byakuya, who takes it in stride like everything else). Mar snaps his fingers and six chairs appear beside him. They all take seats, and he and Hanataro turn to look at their guests.

Hanataro clears his throat. "Welcome, everyone. Now, first question is-"

Ganju frowns. "Hanataro? What the hell are you doing here?"

He scratches his head. "I'm not sure, exactly. My best guess is that this is just a strange dream I'm having, which involves me getting roped into hosting a New Year's episode of…something. Ahem. Anyway, the first question is: what do you think of the Devil Hunters?"

Kenpachi grins fiercely. "If they're all like Dante, that's fine by me! But I'm a little disappointed that my fight with him got cut off…"

Byakuya nods. "The same happened to me during my fight with the one called Nero."

Ganju's eyes widen. "Nero showed up? When? Was it after Captain Kuchiki beat me?" He frowns. "Come to think of it, I thought you killed me!" he says to the Squad Six Captain.

Kenpachi nods. "I thought I was dead after Ichigo beat me."

"Same here," Renji pipes up.

"I thought something similar during my fight with Captain Kyoraku," Chad says. Lady nods her approval.

They all turned to Byakuya expectantly. His eyes turned slowly from his left to his right. A few seconds of silence pass before he speaks. "I believed that I might have been injured during my battle with Ichigo." He stares at Mar. "Would you know anything about that?"

Mar gulps. "That's, uh, not important right now…"

"Yeah!" Kenpachi shouts. "The important thing is that it's been a while since I've done anything!" Everyone else nods, looks of irritation dawning on their faces. "C'mon! I wanna fight someone strong!"

"I would like a rematch with that arrogant boy, as well," Byakuya adds.

"Hell, I just wanna save Rukia and get this over with," Ganju grumbles.

"Me too," Renji says.

"Same here," Lady agrees. Chad nods his approval.

Mar scratches the back of his head. "Well, that's really up to the author…but he's kind of stubborn. …Okay, he's REALLY, stupidly stubborn. But he's got the final say, I'm afraid."

"Is that so?" Kenpachi growls. "Then I think we're gonna have to find him and give him a piece of our mind!" He sprints back the way he came, everyone else following suit; everyone except Byakuya, that is, as Mar grabs his robes.

"Wait, Byakuya. This question is for you." He clears his throat. "Now, we all know that Yoruichi is known as the 'Goddess of Flash'. We're wondering if…well…she lives up to that nickname."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well, we've heard that she can Flash Step so quickly her clothes get left behind." He grins. "Is that true? What do you think about it?"

"I think that if you wish to retain possession of that hand, you will release it from me." Mar complies, and Byakuya Flash Steps away. He tugs at his collar, letting a large breath out. "Well, then, Hanataro, it's just you and me." He turns his chair back to face Hanataro. "Tell me, what was your most favorite scene in the story?"

"Well, I liked the scene where Ganju and I sneak into the tower to rescue Rukia-"

"Actually, I meant of _this_ story, not the original manga."

He frowns. "Wait…are you saying that scene isn't in this story?"

"Cut for time. Sorry. Well, how about your least favorite scene?"

"Definitely when we met Renji. I couldn't do anything but watch him and Ichigo fight."

"Don't forget state the obvious."

"Hey, that's not fair. I was just surprised at someone actually being able to take on a lieutenant, that's all."

Mar smirks. "That's nothing. Just wait a couple seasons…"

He frowns. "For what?"

"For when you fight in Hu-erm, I mean, that's all the time we have, folks! Since our guests were so generous tonight, we'll let them forget any of this ever happened, free of charge, just like an actual omake!"

"Um, what's an 'omake'?"

"Usually a lot funnier than this, that's what. Who writes this crap, anyway?" He shrugs. "But I digress. Like I was saying earlier…guess what?"

"What?"

"Memory wipe!" he says, slapping Hanataro across the face. Hanataro slumps in his chair, unconscious. "Oh, come on, that should barely faze you after all the times Asuka slapped you around. True, I could've gone easier, but an omake demands _slap_stick, dammit!" He stands up, picking up Hanataro and draping him over his left shoulder. "Too bad you're unconscious; seeing Byakuya Kuchiki slapped by _anyone_ is a once-in-a-lifetime-chance." He scratches his chin. "Then again, I'd rather not have too many witnesses if I miss and have to run away screaming like a little girl." He waves. "Good night, everyone! Happy 2010!" He drags Hanataro off stage right. Ten seconds later, he walks back on, sans unconscious Hanataro. "And for your reading pleasure, here's a blooper from the Dante and Soi Fon fight." He runs back offstage, yelling "Hold still, this'll only hurt a lot!"

* * *

She flash-stepped behind him, rubbing her cheek. "How'd you do that?"

He shrugged. "Magic. What else?"

She frowned. "You know Kidō?"

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. " 'Demon Way', huh? Sure, why not. But don't expect any of those long chants you guys do, 'cause let me tell you, they're a pain in the a-AAAGH!" He winced, grabbing the recently stabbed body part in agony. He then let out a stream of curses that this fan fiction isn't rated for.

Soi Fon was torn between laughing her ass off and staring at him with interest. She settled for a smirk _while_ staring at him with interest. "I take it you'll surrender now?"

He nodded, his face red with anger. "I give, I give! The hell's the deal with stabbing me in the…in the…"

"Well, I didn't TRY to, but I suppose this works just as well as anything."

"But why the CROTCH?!" He took his hands off, staring down. "Oh, you even put one of those tattoos on it, too!! Isn't it enough you STABBED me there?!"

She let out a small chuckle. "You shouldn't have dodged that way, it's your own stupid fault. Now, you're under arrest. Unless you'd like this stabbed somewhere else near there…"

He held up his hands. "I'm in too much pain! I can barely stand with this injury." He grinned a little. "So…can you kiss it and make it better?"

She pointed Suzumebachi at Dante. "This. Your backside."

He sighed, his head drooping. "Fine, I'm under arrest. Lead the way."

* * *

So, it's not a chapter, but there's no way THAT'D happen in five days. Anyhow, this omake only breaks the fourth wall because of the Anime Omake clause, Article 3. And I quote: "The characters in the omake are allowed to refer to their own fictional status when they are within the bounds of the omake. The knowledge and opinions found within shall not reflect the knowledge and opinion they possess within the story proper."

...

Okay, so I made that part up. The point is, it's all in good fun, so we're not going to have any characters with Deadpool-like tendencies in the actual story. Well, happy New Year, everyone! I know you're probably all out partying, but leave me a review when you get back!


	28. Broken Bee's Cry

The figure looked down with interest as spiritual pressure didn't so much _ripple_ as it did crash down like a two-story wave. He smiled, staring at the figure outlined with blue spiritual energy.

Another figure landed silently on the roof next to him, taking brisk but noiseless steps toward the oblivious observer.

"Uryu, you crazy son of a…" He looked up, chuckling. "Well, _grand_son of a Quincy." He shook his head, still smiling. He looked back down, sighing. "And how may I help _you_?"

The other figure frowned. They hadn't been expecting him to notice them…

He waited for an answer, but one never came. He shrugged. _Fine. You wanna play the strong, silent type? I'm better at it than you, so _I _know that I just have to annoy you enough to get you to say something._ "So, are you gonna keep staring at the empty air there, or state your business?"The figure tilted its head at him, curious as to his meaning. "Well, whatever. Just give me a minute; I want to see what the kid does with all that energy." He didn't even flinch as the very rooftop he was sitting on began to crumble and dissolve into spirit particles, being forcibly absorbed as energy by the young Quincy.

Said Quincy fired a shot at his opponent, who dodged it fairly easily, but then reappeared faster than anyone could follow directly above, firing straight down. His opponent was forced into the ground with great force, sending up a large cloud of dust. He landed near his original starting point, staring back into the dust cloud with hate. "Beg for mercy…and I _might_ let you live," he said icily.

The figure smiled. "That is so _cool_…" He sighed, standing up and promptly disappearing. The other figure glanced around warily, looking for him…

"You have an odd habit of looking at nothing," his voice said from behind the figure. It turned around, staring at the smirking man. "So, am I gonna get that explanation?" The figure simply motioned for him to follow them, flash-stepping away from the battle. Shaking his head, the other figure followed.

They stopped about fifteen seconds later, the frowning man folding his arms across his chest. "Alright, spill it." The other person mimicked him, tapping their foot impatiently. "Oh, I don't think so. Ladies first."

Her eyes widened. "How did you know?"

"Oh, please. That shihakusho has, shall we say, 'bumps' that men don't have…"

She sighed. "Figures that would be how you noticed. You're sick."

"_I'm_ sick? He sends _you_ to me, and you call _me_ sick?" He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Truth be told, I thought I'd never see you again." He smirked. "So, since you're wearing the Soul Reaper uniform, albeit a hooded one, what squad are you with?"

"That's irrelevant, and you know it. You _know_ why I'm here."

He frowned. "No time for small talk, eh? You never change…" He stared at her. "So, what does he want this time?"

"He wants you to call back both your fighter and your…_ally's_ fighter."

He smirked. "No can do. I'm not interfering with the fights this time."

"He wants you to have a force _left_ when _that_ day comes around."

"He worries too much. Tell him to have a little more faith in my troops."

"Getting attached to them, are you?" she asked, eyeing him curiously. "That's unfortunate."

"Don't be ridiculous. I know their limits, that's all. And I know they'll win."

"But the consequences-"

"Will play right into his hands, as I'm sure you know. You and he _both_ just hate to trust me with something like this."

"Hmph…Moving on, what did you do with the turncoat?"

"That's not very fair of you," he said, glaring at her.

"Answer the question," she responded, glaring right back.

"Knocked him out, took him back to a cell. Modded his memory a tiny bit so he didn't have any inconvenient damage."

She raised an eyebrow. "You can do that?"

He nodded. "Ever since I recovered the last you-know-what."

She scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm…interesting…ah!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers. "So _that's_ why you could use that illusion. Even if it _was_ a bit primitive…"

"Good enough to fool you…" he grumbled.

"When the building started dissolving from underneath you, you were floating. I just wanted to see if you'd notice and correct it."

"And how did you know that I _don't_ have the ability to levitate?"

She scoffed. "There's no way someone like _you_ could have that power."

" 'Someone like me'? And just what is that-"

"You're undisciplined. Admit it. You couldn't keep the focus needed for ten seconds."

He shook his head. "You're probably right." He smirked. "Then again, _you're_ losing your focus right now, if I can sidetrack you this easily."

"Oh, shut up," she snapped. The faintest hint of red on her cheeks, however, gave the intended result of the man's taunt.

_Hmph…after all these years, I finally got one over on her._

"So…" she said, eyeing him critically. "Before I was so _rudely_ distracted…"

"Well, of all the people actually _here_, the only active units are I-"

"_Codenames_," she warned.

He rolled his eyes. "-are Nineteen, Yin-Six, and The Anomaly. Oh, and yours truly, obviously."

She rolled her eyes. "_Obviously_."

"As for the rest, Two was defeated and Eighteen is…well, I shouldn't need to tell _you_."

She nodded. "The item?"

"Still sealed. Any requests?"

"Yes, actually." She whispered something in his ear.

He frowned. "Is it necessary?"

"_He_ thinks so. Probability is estimated at ninety-four point eight five-"

He waved his hands at her. "Okay, I get it. Dammit, I hate when you do that…"

"Fine," she scoffed. "Now, what's your alias?"

He grinned. "Don't you know?"

"This'll just take longer if you waste time like this…"

He smiled, the nostalgic look creeping into his face. "Mar."

She glanced at him, her irritation beginning to change to worry. "You haven't gone by that name in a long time," she said softly.

"Yeah, well, I felt like I needed a reminder," he responded, the smile beginning to fade.

"The past is just that. The _past_. Let it go."

His face hardened as he turned away. "Tell that to all the people I failed. They're gone because of _me._"

She sighed. "Very well…'Mar'. Of course, I can't help but notice that it's one small sound away from-"

"-what I _should_ be called. Hell, knowing Dante, he'll probably end up saying it anyway."

She shook her head. "Back to the discussion…are you experiencing any side effects from the N.A.S.S.? Feedback, blackouts, anything?"

The smirk returned to his face. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that was actual _concern_ in your voice."

"I'm just doing my job," she growled. "If there's been any contamination-"

He sighed. "Every now and then, I can hear a whisper. Never loud enough to make out, but…"

"Any attempts to-"

"No," he interrupted. "It'll take a lot more than that to break me. I would know…"

"Anyway," she said hurriedly, avoiding _that_ conversation, "how are the Others' plans coming along?"

"Well, The Bright One is still trying to recover the item. He's a bit like me, in a way; still trying to make up for his mistakes after all these years…"

"And the other?"

"The Dark One is still continuing his charade, waiting for a chance to steal the item and use it himself." He frowned. "Are you _sure_ that I-"

"Yes."

"Hmm. So does that make it 'the wrong thing for the right reasons', or 'the right thing for the wrong reasons'?"

She shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. And _don't_ say it," she said as he opened his mouth.

He chuckled. "Fine, I won't. Anything else for your report?"

"Not that I can think of," she responded, shaking her head.

"Will you be making another one?"

"Probably not here."

He shrugged. "Well, okay then. Have a safe trip back."

She smirked. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that was actual _concern_ in your voice."

"Heh. 'Turnabout is fair play', and all that, right?"

She nodded, then frowned. "Hold on…" she stared off in the distance.

Mar followed her gaze, seeing the distant form of Mayuri's Bankai. In a few seconds, a bright blue arrow tore through it, splitting it in half. "I hope you didn't just do what I think you did…"

"Of course I did, it's my job."

"You're _really_ denying him this?"

"Resources that don't exist can't be used. You should know that by now. Besides, do you have any idea what would happen if that kind of thing was allowed to happen all the time?"

"I _guess_…"

"Good. Well, I suppose I'd better leave before you do something _else_ I need to report." She turned on her heel, snapping her fingers. The air darkened in an oval shape until a portal had formed. She prepared to step through, but turned back to Mar. "Don't do anything _too_ stupid." She stepped through, the portal closing behind her.

Mar chuckled. "Yeah, take care of yourself, too."

---

Uryu stared Mayuri's departing form with rage. Or rather, the departing form of what _used_ to be Mayuri. Fitting, though; Uryu saw him as nothing more than slime, and that was precisely what he had transformed into. He growled. _Damn him. I was so close…I didn't want it to end like this._ He scratched his chin, frowning. _Although…come to think of it, I wanted to rip him apart until there wasn't anything solid enough to bury, and now that he's slime…_Unfortunately, the pain that wracked his body derailed this train of thought. _Ugh…that poison he mentioned must be taking effect…at this rate-_

"Quincy. Come here." Uryu glanced over to the young woman's form. "Behind the lieutenant's emblem on my arm, you'll find an antidote. If you don't administer it soon…"

Uryu nodded, attaching his bow behind him. He walked over to her, propping her body up against the wall at her insistence. "You're sure you wouldn't rather lie down?"

"I am sure, thanks." He shrugged, undoing the emblem on her left arm and finding a brown bottle filled with liquid. "You should go first," he said, offering her the bottle.

"If you do not trust me, put the bottle to my lips if you like. I will drink it to prove that it isn't poison."

He shook his head. _That's unnecessary; there would be no point in poisoning an opponent twice._ "That's not it at all; I thought you might need some as well, and with your injuries-"

She smiled. "How kind of you. But you needn't worry. My body is made of the same substance as my Captain's. So the poison does not affect me."

"Very well." He removed the bottle's stopper, peering at the liquid within. _Well, for what it's worth, it certainly smells like medicine_.

"Thank you for showing my Captain mercy."

He turned to her sharply. _What on earth does she mean by that?_

"Had you aimed for his head, you most certainly would have killed him. But your arrow pierced his chest, and while he was still badly wounded, he will survive."

"I…" Uryu frowned. _She's been so kind to me…perhaps I shouldn't tell her that I flinched._ He thought for a moment. "I vowed that he would fall by my hand. Even though he still lives, he was defeated by my arrow. Perhaps…I may consider us even for the time being." _Of course, if I ever see him again, that will likely change…_

She smiled again. "Then consider the antidote a token of my thanks. But you should drink it quickly; after the release of my Captain's Bankai, troops will be on the way here soon."

He drank the contents of the bottle, and set it at her feet. "I appreciate this…Nemu, wasn't it?" She nodded. "Thank you for the antidote, Nemu. And farewell."

---

_He just doesn't quit_ Soifon thought, glaring at Dante. Despite the marks she'd put on his back, left thigh, and both arms, she still couldn't complete the technique. And he was still grinning as they fought, annoying her to no end.

Dante, for his part, was having more fun than he'd had for some time. Here was a person that was an actual _challenge_, for once; the last person to claim that was Nero, and since they hadn't had a reason to fight again after Fortuna, his later opponents had been far too easy.

"Ya know, I gotta hand it to you. You're one of the few that can keep up with me." He punched at her once, then spun around, kicking her in the chin. She dodged most of the attack, but it still glanced off her. Dante pressed his advantage. "Those hollows are way too easy; except for that big one. He was okay. But you…babe, you take actual _effort_. Not all of it, but-" As expected, she didn't take well to that, and he dodged three otherwise well-aimed stabs to his chest. A fourth, though, did get him in the stomach, and he moved in a blur until he was a few feet away from her. He stopped, the white butterfly crest forming as he continued. "I gotta say, whoever trained you did a damn fine job. They must've really been somethin'."

She glared at him. _He dares…to talk about __**her**__…_

"Tell me," he said, "what was their name? You never know; I might've met 'em." Nothing. "Maybe I can guess, then. Were they tall? Short? Were they one of those old guys that talk in riddles? Or…ooh, better yet, was it a hot babe? Oh, _tell_ me it was a hot babe! One with nice, big-" he continued, gesturing toward his chest.

Soifon shot at him, eyes blazing with fury. He blocked her strikes as quickly as he could, but they were much faster than before. "It's not what you think! I was gonna say armor, I swear!" He blocked a few more strikes. "But you know, from the way you reacted, I'm guessing she _did_ have-"

She punched him in the gut twice, then stabbed. He reeled back, the grin disappearing from his face just as quickly as the crest formed over it. "So, you're not holdin' back anymore, huh? Well, if that's all you've got…" he said, Gilgamesh disappearing. He brought up his right hand. "Then I'll stop playing around, too. And I was having so much fun…" He sighed, snapping his fingers. "Stand still…"

---

Nero looked around him, confused. He seemed to be floating through a black space. "What is this? Is it a dream?" He tried to draw his weapons, but Blue Rose and Red Queen were both gone. He tried Devil Triggering, but it didn't work. "Huh. So what the hell's going on, then?"

As soon as he'd finished speaking, he saw something up ahead. _What is that? Can I get closer?_ He tried walking toward it, but found that just by wanting to investigate the strange object, he was floating toward it. As he got closer, the form became slightly clearer. _It's dark blue. _He peered closer at it._ It's like a cloud if it was shaped like me. Does it mean anything?_ The figure seemed to turn toward him, regarding him curiously. Then it turned, moving away from him. Try as he might, the figure was much too fast for him, growing smaller and smaller by the second. As it disappeared, he could have sworn he heard a soft voice.

"_Those of…'s fire shall be…the third of the twelfth…first of the fourth…no longer be…one returns."_

He strained to catch all of it, but the further away it got, the quieter the voice became. "Wait!" he yelled, but the figure vanished. He reached out to it, but the darkness claimed him once again.

---

Soifon struggled to block the attacks that came from Dante, but every time she tried, another three would hit. She was silently thankful that his gauntlets had disappeared; even with his bare fists, she was hopelessly outmatched. Unless…

_If I used it here, I might beat him. But I was waiting to use it on __**her**__…_She held an arm in front of her face and another in front of her stomach, trying desperately to lessen the onslaught. _If I die here, I'll never face her again. I've got no choice but to_- Her thoughts were abruptly cut off as she felt both her arms grabbed in a stiff lock. Her left was held in front of her, and her right was pulled up to point Suzumebachi a centimeter away from her throat. One of Dante's legs wrapped around hers, leaving her unable to move.

"And now, we're at a very interesting point in our dance," Dante said softly in her ear. "Your little trick was fun at first, but now it's kind of annoying. So, you've got a few different options. You could try to escape or scream for help, _or_ we could quit playing around, you can take these tattoos off me, and you can release your Bankai." He paused, waiting for a few seconds. "It's up to you, but keep in mind where you are right now. I can stab you twice before you can even blink. Even if you're immune to your tattoos, getting stabbed in the throat _sucks_. Trust me on that."

Soifon gritted her teeth. She _hated_ this situation. But even so… "Then you'll have to kill me. You will not witness my Bankai."

"Aww, c'mon. You show me yours, I'll show you mine."

"You have a Bankai?"

He smirked. "Devil Trigger, close enough. So, go ahead. Make your move."

"If you wish to face my Bankai, you'll have to release me."

"Nice try. If you release it, the surge in power will free you. Otherwise, we're stuck like this. And one more thing to consider: I can keep this up all night."

She frowned, dispelling the crests. _Hmm…I will use it, then. I may as well get some practice in before I use it against __**her**__._ "Very well, then."

"Now, say the magic word."

She smirked. "Die."

"You're saying it wro-"

_BOOM!_

Dante jumped out of the way as the energy surged up around her. He stared at her new form, frowning. "Call me crazy, but that doesn't look like a Bankai."

"Perceptive," she replied, smirking. "This technique combines both Kidō and unarmed combat. In fact, it's only recently been perfected; you should be honored to be the first _ryoka_ to witness it."

Dante blinked. "Wait a sec…did you just take your clothes off?"

"It's a result of this technique. And thanks for reminding me; that was my captain's haori, and I happened to like it."

"Oh, cry me a river. You know how many times this coat's been stabbed?"

"If my math is correct, one more…thanks to me."

He chuckled. "Took the words right out of-" He disappeared, causing Soifon's kick to go sailing through thin air. He reappeared a few feet away, shaking his head. "A punch with more power is still just a punch if you can't hit anything. Tell you what, I won't even dodge this time." He turned to her, staring straight at her. She rushed at him, punching straight at his chest.

The impact kicked up a huge cloud of dust. As it cleared, she saw… _WHAT?! He blocked it with one hand? That's impossi-_

_Stand still…_ He pulled his arm up slowly, curling almost all his fingers into a fist. He brought it up to her forehead…and flicked it.

She flew back into a wall, nearly doubling over. She stared at him, dumbstruck.

"You surrounded your arms and back with energy. A decent plan, but you left your head wide open. That thing's flashy, but it needs some work."

"Shut up!" She rushed at him again, but as her fist was about to connect, he mumbled again, and she felt another flick on the back of her head. It sent her tumbling to the ground, angry and in pain. _This is impossible! How can he…_

"You know, this wouldn't be so boring if you'd just use the damn Bankai," he said, yawning. "But, since you're gonna be stubborn about it, I'm outta here." He started to walk away, but only took one step before turning around and catching Suzumebachi, the tip an inch away from his face.

"You can't walk away from _me_!" she growled, trying to forcefully stab him. His grip, however, was unshakeable. "Damn you! I won't lose to the likes of you!"

"No means no, babe." He caught her fist with his other arm, still holding both in an inhuman grip. "If that's all you've got to give, we're through."

She forced all her energy into her arms. All she needed was one more inch… "I…won't…_lose_!"

Dante sighed. "You already did." He smiled. "But don't let that get you down. Only one person's ever beat me before. Matter of fact, with that Shikai of yours, you've come closer than anyone else. So keep training. Get stronger. I'd _love_ to have a rematch." Demonic energy began to arc around him. "Sweet dreams."

_WHACK!_

She fell to the ground, the energy around her evaporating as she fell unconscious. Dante rubbed his forehead, smirking. "And _that's_ what I call usin' your head."

* * *

Ta-da! Finally, the end result of the Dante vs. Soifon fight. Winner: Dante! Truth be told, I was going to end the chapter right when she used Shunkō, but I figured I'd already dragged it on long enough.

So...the chapter. It seems I'm back in the swing of being on time. Even if only barely on time. And more cause for good news...this story is officially 1 MB in size! Now, to hit that 100,000 word mark...

Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. As usual, whether you did or didn't, drop me a line about it! The shiny review button beckons...

Er, sorry.


	29. Omake 3 Dante vs The Movies

WARNING: Expect OOCness from the characters (it's an omake, after all). Also, UNMARKED SPOILERS FOR THE TRANSFORMERS LIVE-ACTION FILMS. Well, there. You've been warned. Beyond here be ridiculousness...

As for the chapter itself, well...imagine Mystery Science Theater, only very poorly written and in text form.

Key: _-Words-_ = stuff happening on-screen

* * *

It was one of those days.

There hadn't been any Hollows for about a week, and there was really nothing to do for Dante. Happy Hour didn't start until nine, and as the sunlight streaming through the Urahara Shop windows demonstrated, that wasn't for some time yet. As for the man in question, he had his feet propped up on the kitchen table and was leaning back in a chair, as usual. He'd been listening to the CD player he'd…"borrowed" from Lady, and had dozed off somewhere around the fifth track. He was now snoring loud enough to drown out the humming of the refrigerator behind him.

Which was all the better for the approaching figure. A smile formed on its face as it crept up on Dante, a large blade in its hand. It drew closer…closer…

_WHACK!_

The figure struck him with the side of the large blade, knocking him out of his chair and sending him rolling along the floor. "Imgonnakickyorassyousonnova-!" Dante said groggily, shaking the cobwebs and flashing lights out of his head. "The hell, Ichigo?!"

Ichigo grinned. "Sorry, but I don't think anything else would've woke you up. Besides, Lady doesn't know that you stole that, yet; now you can put it back in her room without her knowing. I did you a favor."

"Little bastard…" Dante growled. "You wanna scrap, just say so!" He began walking over to where he'd set Rebellion (the coat rack), but found Rukia blocking him. "What the hell is this?"

"We were told to wake you up and we did. Let's try to keep the violence to a _very_ bare minimum."

He frowned, rubbing his eyes. "Whose _genius_ idea was it to beat the sleep out of me?"

"Mine," a voice called out behind him.

He turned around. "Trish?"

She nodded, grabbing his coat and flinging it at him. "Put it on. We're going out."

"Trish, babe, we've been _over_ this. You look just like my mother, and as such it would be extremely awkw-GHZZZZZZ!"

Trish flexed her hand, stopping the flow of electricity into Dante's body. "You know what I meant. We, as a group, are going out to the movies."

"Who's included in that 'we'?" he asked, picking himself up from the floor. As he got to his feet, he saw Urahara and a strange woman he'd never seen before (but who, for the sake of narration, we'll admit is Yoruichi) looking at him with interest. "Hi there," Urahara said, waving.

"This hurts already…"

---

The group, consisting of Ichigo, Rukia, Dante, Trish, Urahara, and Yoruichi, made their way inside the theater. Trish sidled up to the ticket counter. "Six, please."

The lady at the register quirked an eyebrow at Trish's outfit, but to her credit, didn't actually say anything about it. _How on EARTH does that top stay up?!_ "For which movie?" After Trish answered, she punched a few buttons. "That'll be ¥2160."

Trish passed over a few bills. "Keep the change."

The lady nodded gratefully, handing the tickets over. "Second door on your right."

---

Dante frowned as he stared in. "Man, this place is empty."

"It's like a metaphor for your skull, isn't it?" a voice responded behind him.

"Lady? What the hell are you doing here?"

"What do you mean, 'what am _I _doing here'? Trish invited us."

" 'Us'? Then that means…" he peered over her shoulder. "Yep. It's the lovebirds."

Nero frowned. "Nice to see you, too. Now could you get out of our way so we can go through?"

"Fine." He walked in a few steps to let Nero and Kyrie past. "But still, it's just us?"

Urahara chuckled. "I…_may_ have called in a few favors. Besides, did you really want to get kicked out when you got too loud?"

"You mean 'if'."

"Riiiiight. That's _exactly_ what I meant."

They all plopped down in the front row, from left to right as follows: Urahara, Yoruichi, Trish, Dante, Lady, Nero, Kyrie, Ichigo, and Rukia.

"So, what's the movie, anyway?" Dante asked.

"Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen," Trish answered.

"There's no '2'," Lady remarked absently.

"But I haven't even seen the first one," Dante said, ignoring her.

Lady sighed. "Okay, I'll sum it up for you. Big, alien robots come to Earth. They beat the crap out of each other. The good robots win."

His eyes went wide. "And we're not watching something that awesome because…"

"Because _somebody_ decided to break the DVD…" Rukia grumbled.

"For the last time, that wasn't me, it was Kon!" Ichigo exclaimed. "I was out killing a Hollow at the time, and _I_ would know the difference between a DVD and a coaster!"

"Sometimes I wonder…"

"Hey, settle down over there," Urahara grumbled. "On a related topic, does anybody want any snacks? 'Cause if they do-"

"I'd like some Milk Duds," Yoruichi answered.

"Well, actually-"

"I'll have some popcorn," Trish piped up.

Urahara frowned. "Well, I-"

"Diet Sprite for me," Rukia remarked.

One of his eyebrows began to twitch. "Look, I-"

"Sour strawberry licorice straws," Ichigo stated.

The twitch became much more pronounced. "Hey-"

"Popcorn, lots of butter, lots of salt," Nero ordered. "And make it snappy, would you?"

"I didn't say that I-"

"You asked us," Yoruichi cut him off with a smile. "It's your own fault."

Urahara walked back out, his head hung low. _But I just asked. I never __**volunteered**__!_

---

He walked back in, handing everyone their items, grumbling while he did so. He glared at Yoruichi as he took his seat. "I hope you're happy."

She smiled. "Oh, I _am_," she purred. The lights began to dim. "And just _think_ of how good my eyesight is in the dark," she whispered. "I mean, everyone else's night vision will be terrible. Just think of what we could get away with…"

Suddenly, going back to the concession stand didn't seem like such a bad deal, after all.

Dante scoffed. _Typical. Whoever that woman is, she doesn't realize that my senses are still pretty good in the dark. Oh well…what she doesn't know won't hurt her._

The screen flared to life.

_-"Earth…origin of the human race…"-_

Dante nudged Lady. "Who's the guy talking?"

"Optimus Prime," she answered.

"Opti-what?"

"He's the leader of the Autobots-the good robots," she explained.

"Oh."

-_"Our worlds have met before."-_

"Is he that one?" Dante asked.

"No," Lady sighed.

"That one?"

One of Lady's eyes began to twitch. "I'll tell you when it's him."

"Okay."

They sat quietly for a little bit, looking at the action unfolding.

_-"He's here. I smell him."-_

"Can they actually smell other robots?" Dante wondered.

Trish frowned. "You know, I'm not sure. I suppose it would be possible, considering chemical content and-"

"Boring. A 'yes' would've been-"

_-BOOM!-_

He stopped, looking up at the screen hungrily. "Oh, yeah. The robots fighting. _Finally_…" he said, practically drooling.

Rukia frowned. "Why would they be unaware of its other form? Surely nothing that big _exists_."

Ichigo shook his head. "You'd be surprised. Some of that construction equipment gets pretty big."

_-"We got a second Decepticon!"-_

"Ugh, I _hate_ Audis," Urahara grumbled. "The drivers are always such-"

"Well, in this case, the 'driver' is an alien robot, so I don't think that applies," Trish responded.

"But it's ALSO an _evil_ robot."

She smirked. "Fair point."

"What's the deal with all the unicycle-robots?" Lady wondered aloud. "You'd think the stability on them would be _terrible_."

"Hey, alien robot," Dante pointed out. "Besides, motorcycles are less stable than cars to begin with, and they work just fi- Did that robot just crash through a building?"

"It would seem so."

"Just HOW have I never heard of this before?!"

"Because you don't own a TV?" Trish answered.

"Because the most advanced technology you have is a phone?" Lady added.

"Because you're horribly out of touch with modern times?" Ichigo piped up.

Dante scoffed. "I only admit to two of the previous three."

_-"Bring in Sideswipe!" "Clear a path!"-_

"Okay, for a car, that's not bad looking," he admitted. "Well, there you go, Lady. He's got TWO wheels for feet."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's _so_ much better."

"That reminds me of the time I got a pair of roller…" he trailed off as he stared at the screen.

"Are…" Trish began. "Are you drooling?"

_-"Damn, I'm good."-_

"I…think I've finally died. Died and gone to heaven…" Dante said, his mouth hanging open.

"You do stuff like that all the time…" Trish sighed.

Kyrie looked at the screen with wide eyes. "All those people…"

Nero nodded. "Yeah. Things have really picked up since the last movie; it's like a war."

_-"Autobots! I'm in pursuit!"-_

"…And _that's_ Optimus Prime," Lady said.

"A semi with flame designs? Never actually seen one of- Okay, they just broke through a highway overpass. Even _I _never get quite that destructive."

"Not that you've got anything wrong with that, though, right?"

"Are you kidding?! I have a new GOAL now!"

"I sure hope you're more mindful about collateral damage than they are…"

"Well, duh."

_-"The Fallen shall rise again…"-_

"THE Fallen?" Dante asked, surprised.

Trish shook her head. "No, not the ones we've fought. It's a different one, within the context of the movie."

"How do they know any English, anyw- whoa, _brutal_ execution. But yeah, if they're aliens, how do they know a language on Earth?"

Lady sighed. "They explained it in the first movie; they researched the Internet and picked up our language."

"Surprising they never picked up on memes or yaoi…" Trish said, giggling.

Lady smiled back. "I don't think giant robots would have any concept of yaoi. Shame…"

Dante frowned, scratching his head. "What's a 'meem'?"

"We'll tell you when you're older."

"But Laaaadyyyy…"

"Knock that off," she snapped. "You sound like Jerry Lewis."

"I wouldn't keep bugging you if you didn't keep talking about things I've never heard of," he pouted. "…Okay, who are these people?"

"Human Autobot allies. Another first movie thing."

_-"March, young lady."-_

Nero grinned. "It's like an older, married Dante…except without a sword…or long hair…or a red trench coat…and has a kid…okay, he's barely like Dante. Except for the perversion."

"I _can_ hear you, you know…" Dante grumbled.

_-"You'll see a lot of __**that**__ in college, too."-_

"Okay, firstly, sick. Secondly, what does he mean by that? There's a lot of dogs in college doing that to-"

"He means people having sex, you idiot," Ichigo said, a strawberry straw hanging out of his mouth.

Rukia blinked. "Ichigo, what's 'sex'?"

Ichigo spat the straw out, coughing. "W-what?!"

She grinned evilly. "Just kidding…or am I?"

_You are an evil, evil midget…_ "You are an evil-"

"Um, Nero?" Kyrie asked softly. "What is that girl doing?"

"It looks like she's detailing," he answered, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

"Doesn't it…_hurt_ to bend like that?"

"Ah, that's nothing," Dante scoffed. "I've seen Trish bend in ways that would make _that_ look like kid's stuff…"

Urahara grinned. "_Please_ elaborate."

_Click-click!_ "Yes, please _do_ elaborate," Lady said evenly, holding a pistol under Dante's chin.

He sighed. "Okay, that came out wrong. What I _meant_ was that while we were _fighting_, she's bent in ways that would-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it now," Lady sighed, putting the safety on and re-holstering her pistol.

"You brought a _gun_ to the movies? You've got issues, Lady."

"I like to think of it as being extremely prepared," she sniffed.

"I like to think of it as being extremely psychotic," he shot back.

_-"Oh, I __**love**__ it when you say 'camshafts'. Whisper it to me." "…Camshafts…Why can't I hate you?"-_

Dante gaped. "Okay, he's smooth. She went from breaking up with him to wanting to jump his- What's that metal thingy?"

"Another first movie thing. Kind of like a robot power source."

"Like a Green Orb?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that…" Nero replied thoughtfully.

Lady frowned. "What the hell is a Green Orb?"

Dante ignored her, instead staring at the screen. "Okay, _please_ tell me that that cannon didn't come out of his crotch."

Ichigo coughed. "Um…okay…that cannon _didn't_ come out of his crotch."

"Smartass."

"Dumbass."

"Oh, shut up!" Lady hissed. "You're both asses!"

"But he started it!" they whined in unison.

Nero frowned. "Ugh…more dog humping…"

_-"What was that?!" "The whole kitchen!!"-_

"Okay, why are they trying to kill the kid?" Dante asked.

"Because they're feral," Lady said tersely.

"Really?" Trish wondered abstractly. "I thought it was because all of Earth's advanced technology had been reverse-engineered from Megatron, and so all Earth-based created Transformers began as Decepticons."

Dante blinked. "Ooookay…could you back up and explain that slowly, and in normal language?"

"No."

_-"BUMBLEBEE!!"-_

Yoruichi's eyes widened. "Soifon?!"

_-VROOOM! CRUNCH!-_

She frowned. "Oh. Never mind." She leaned back, scooping a handful of candy into her mouth.

"This reminds me of when we got a job to kill a Beelzebub, and it turned out to be twenty," Trish commented. "Messy."

_-CRRRRRRRRRR…BOOM!-_

Nero chuckled. "Extreme Makeover: Autobot Home Edition."

_-"Get in the garage, NOW!"-_

Dante sighed. "This is me after any given demon-slaying job."

"This is me after any given intervention," Urahara added.

_-"I wanna talk to you about the college thing…"-_

"So he can't talk himself, but he can talk through the radio?" Dante volunteered.

Lady tilted her head from side to side. "Well…sort of. He's kind of being cute."

"…WHAT? He's _not_ taking the transforming robot to college? Why the hell not?!"

_-"Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars."-_

"That is the single lamest rule I've ever heard of, and sounds like an excuse for something," Dante ranted. "I'm guessing the dean had a really small-"

"DANTE…" Lady warned.

"…desk," he finished. "Whoa, she's taking her clothes off!…Why'd she stop?"

"Because this is rated PG-13, idiot."

"…Wait, so…he's breaking up with a giant alien robot to be with his human girlfriend that happens to be a mechanic?…I'm not sure whether he's a complete idiot or not, but I guess he's not as smooth as I thought he was…"

"I'm not sure he's really 'breaking up' with Bumblebee," Trish explained. "It's more that he's trying to move on with his life, and leave the past behind him…" She sighed, looking down.

He smiled. "Hey, for what it's worth, I'm real proud of you for doing that. Don't worry about it."

_-"I…adore…you." "That's not the word I wanna hear right now…"-_

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "What's her problem? I mean, he just said he adores her!"

"She wants to hear the 'L' word," Rukia whispered.

"Huh? What 'L' word?"

"…You are really dense…"

"The hell is that supposed to mean?!"

_-"It can be." "Well, it's working…"-_

Dante frowned. "Okay, _how_ is it that she is so into him?"

"They survived a life-and-death experience together," Lady responded. "Not to mention that he grew a backbone while doing so."

"But you and I aren't like that!"

"We also don't have giant alien robots, either."

"Don't remind me…"

_-"That hurt, man!" "It's __**supposed**__ to hurt, it's an ass-kickin'."-_

"So…they _are_ Autobots, right?" Dante inquired.

Lady nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"They just kinda…grate on my nerves, is all."

"You grate on _my_ nerves all the time, and as much as I hate to admit it, _you're_ not evil…"

He held his chest, acting pained. "Oh, that hurt me! You shot me right in the heart, you vile, evil woman!"

"Keep blabbing and I'll do it for real…"

They sat quietly for a little while, Nero and Trish munching on popcorn.

"…What the HELL is he doing to that satellite?!" Dante exclaimed.

"He's hacking into it."

"Is _that_ what you call it?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

"Okay, fine, a robot is linking up with a satellite in a very sexual way. What are you gonna do about it?"

"What I usually do in these kinds of situations." He pulled out a large bottle of alcohol.

"You carry that around in case you see something disturbing?"

"You _don't_?" he asked, taking a swig.

"…Okay, you've got me there."

"You're welcome to have some if you like."

She smirked. "It wouldn't last long with the way you drink."

"Ah, don't worry. There's plenty more where this came from."

"…How much more ARE you carrying?"

He grinned. "_Plenty_ more."

She gaped at him.

_-"But who are YOU to judge what's best for US?"-_

Nero quirked an eyebrow. "A gigantic robot with a cannon five times the size of your head?"

"A machine with a foot bigger than most living organisms?" Ichigo offered.

"An alien with an arm almost as big as my-" Dante began, but paused. "You know, that gun is getting _really_ annoying."

Lady glared at him, holding her pistol calmly. "Stop making innuendo and I'll stop pointing it at you."

_-"Soldier, you're paid to shoot, not talk." "Don't tempt me…"-_

"What kind of idiot insults someone that kills multi-ton death machines for a living?" Urahara wondered aloud.

"An arrogant prick?" Lady suggested.

"A pompous fool?" Rukia added.

"An asshole?" Dante supplied.

Urahara grinned. "All of the above, then."

_-"So, what do we know so far?"-_

"Exposition, exposition, get it out A.S.A.P…" Urahara, Yoruichi, Trish, and Lady sang.

"So if this is classified," Dante thought aloud, "why is this idiot blurting it out over a long-distance communication system?"

Rukia frowned. "I think you just answered your own question; because he's an idiot."

"You got that right…"

_-"Decepticons, we have located the shard."-_

"And…I'll get you next time, Gadget. Next time…" Ichigo rumbled in a deep voice.

"Raaaar…raaaaaaaar!" Yoruichi mewled.

_-"Sounds to me like something's coming…"-_

"Bwahaha! Captain Obvious strikes again!" Trish declared.

_-"What if we leave…and you're __**wrong**__?"-_

Dante grinned. "The leader of the Autobots: a quick-witted, down-and-dirty-fighting robot with the mass of a semi. You know, I'd join them if they existed…"

"I don't think they'd accept someone as small or as fleshy as you for a member," Nero said, chuckling. "But maybe you could be an honorary backup for their army."

" 'Backup for their army'? I sealed the Emperor of Hell away; I AM an army!"

_-"Including girlfriends?" "Especially girlfriends."-_

Lady's eyes widened. "Oh, no…there's _another_ one!"

"Another _what_?" Dante asked.

"He's Sam…or what he used to be in the first movie…"

"Well, people probably tend to mature when they survive being attacked by giant, multi-ton robots…" Ichigo mumbled.

_-"The Internet doesn't lie!"-_

Trish snickered. "Suuuure. Just keep telling yourself that…"

Dante frowned. "I swear, it's like they're supposed to be symbolic of something. I just can't tell what…"

_-"They baked it with reefer in it!"-_

"Nero…" Kyrie whispered.

"Ichigo…" Rukia said.

"…what's reefer?" they asked in unison.

In response, both Nero and Ichigo palmed their faces, sighing.

_-"His car…is a talking robot!! Hahahahaha!"-_

Urahara frowned. "Um, marijuana doesn't work like that. Neither the effects or the speed of them…"

Yoruichi frowned. "And you would know because…?"

"In my line of work, you learn lots of little tidbits like that…"

_-FOOM!-_

"Oh, good," Ichigo remarked. "That was starting to get weird…at least we're back to normal."

"So, your definition of 'normal' is giant robots in space shooting dog-like robots down to earth?" Rukia said.

"Well, normal for Transformers," he said, scratching his head.

"…Are you _sure_ that's a robot?" Dante asked. "Because if I didn't know better…"

Lady sighed. "It's an _alien_, not a demon." She wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, disgusting."

"Not really. I don't think robots _can_ vomit," Trish pointed out.

"ALIEN robot, remember."

"Oh. Well…yuck."

Nero frowned. "And the point of that was…?" He watched as the small metal balls began forming into a shape. "Oh, great, a sentient alien razor blade. Because the giant dogs, vehicles, and satellites weren't enough. Can they transform into _anything_?"

"I would think so, if they are called 'Transformers'," Kyrie said softly.

Dante gaped at her. "Did…you just make a _joke_? Nero, you're slippin'; even your _girlfriend_ is burnin' you!"

"Not as bad as I'm going to burn _you_…" Nero grumbled.

"Not in this theater, you won't," Yoruichi said sternly.

"HaHA! Now it's nighttime!" Trish called out.

"…A sentient alien razor blade…that can jump _through_ people," Nero said, gaping at the screen. "Oh, yeah, I'm gonna have nightmares about this soon…"

"Hip-mounted guns…" Dante said to Lady thoughtfully. "Maybe I should try getting some of those; after all, in our line of work, the more firepower the better, right?"

"And how would you shoot them, genius?" she responded.

"…Magic?"

"Try again. And while you're at it, think of how much they're going to cost."

"You're not very fun sober."

"You're not very realistic _ever_."

_-"Are you okay?" "No, uh…just gettin' a napkin for my drink."-_

"Nothing says 'protagonist' like a descent into madness while scrawling an alien language," Trish remarked thoughtfully.

"Only in a Lovecraft story, I'm afraid," Lady shot back.

"A fair point, and well made," Trish nodded, grinning.

_-"So how about…tonight, you pretend I'm your girlfriend…"-_

Dante frowned. "Yeah, I WISH women acted like that."

Lady snorted. "Not everyone is as piggish as you. Besides, you said yourself he was smooth."

"And how am I piggish, exactly?"

"You offered a girl a 'shiny C-note' if she would take her top off and dance on the bar!"

"She was a stripper, and that was a _very_ generous tip."

"But you didn't KNOW she was a stripper beforehand!!"

"Eh, details…"

_-"We shouldn't stare…uh, share…"-_

"Here's what I don't get," Dante stated. "If his car is an alien robot with a mind of its own, why couldn't he have it go with him, just not stay with him?"

"Not all heroes are perfect…" Trish said absently.

"And another thing…if this girl's coming onto him so strong, there's a simple solution. One girl has the hots for him, another has the hots for him, he gets both together…" He clapped his hands together. "BAM! Threesome."

Lady sighed. "I'm only not shooting you now because you have _no_ idea how girls work. When this movie's over, though, I will, and _then_ explain to you all the things that are wrong with that statement."

"…Trish?"

"You're not dragging _me_ into a threesome…" she said, winking. "…discussion, that is."

"Um…awkward."

"Not really," Ichigo piped up.

_WHAP!_

Rukia sighed, pulling her hand back. "Yes, really."

_-"We're not cheating…not __**yet**__…"-_

"SUCCUBUS!!" Trish yelled, pointing at the screen.

"No, she's just really, really, really, really, really…" Dante trailed off. "Okay, maybe."

"HaHA! Now it's daytime!"

"Quit that, you."

_-"I am not some alien ambassador. I'm a normal kid with normal problems."-_

Nero snorted. "Your Camaro is an alien robot, kid. Your problems ain't anywhere _near_ normal."

Ichigo nodded. "Plus, you've got the chance to argue why having giant transforming alien robots on your planet is a _good_ thing. How can you _lose_?"

_-"Sam, Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing." "You're Optimus Prime."-_

"And _you're_ turning your back on a giant robot that puts bullets through aliens the size of excavators!!" Dante exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "How are none of you people realizing the awesomeness in front of you?!"

"Um, hon, you do realize that you've killed things roughly the same size before, right?" Trish asked.

"But they were _demons_, not transforming alien robots!"

"Demons to them might be just as far-fetched as transforming alien robots are to us," she pointed out.

"Which is _why_ I kill the bastards," Dante explained patiently.

"Wait, how did that fisherman _not_ hear the giant robot hit the ship?" Rukia asked.

"Well, you see, after being at sea so long, he's lost all sense of hearing," Trish offered.

"That's an even worse excuse than magic."

"Oh. Then it was magic."

Rukia's eyebrow twitched.

_-"Need parts!…Kill ze little one!"-_

Trish gasped. "Oh, no! Not ze little one! He was my favorite!"

Yoruichi tilted her head. "But isn't the tiny one 'ze little one'?"

"He means ze _ozzer_ little one."

"But the one on the left was smaller than ze little one…" she shook her head. "Okay, stop that."

"Stop what?" Trish asked innocently.

Nero grinned. "So the way alien robots perform CPR is stabbing a robot in the chest with a metal shard? Nifty."

_-"…now holds __**six**__ contacts…"-_

Dante frowned. "Wait, that's not right. If five went down, they killed ze little one, and brought the big one back up, there should still only be five…" He sighed, taking another swig of alcohol. "Ahh. Never mind."

Trish rubbed her chin. "Maybe they could detect the remnants of ze little one _and_ Megatron."

"But ze little one wasn't rising up, and they said _six_ contacts coming up fast."

Yoruichi palmed her forehead. "Ugh, not you too…"

_-"Starscream…I'm home!"-_

Lady grinned. "Well, if robots can have sexual tension…I guess that Mr. Decepticon Molester violating that satellite was just as wrong as we thought…"

_-"Even in death, there is no command but MINE!"-_

Lady gasped. "NOO! He killed ze little hatchling one!"

Yoruichi gripped her head tightly. "Oh, hell, it's _spreading_…"

_-"And you will, my apprentice…in time."-_

"The son of Skyw-er, Prime must not become a Jed-er, victorious," Urahara rasped.

_-"Without Energon, the hatchlings will keep dying."-_

Dante frowned. "So…can these things reproduce, or…you know what?" He took a long drink from his bottle. "Magic."

_-"Space! Time! Gravity!"-_

"Strangeness!" Nero barked.

"Arrogance!" Lady yelled.

"Overacting!" Trish shouted.

Kyrie frowned. "Why would she eat something that fell on the ground?"

Rukia shrugged. "You got me. Personally, I think that's disgusting."

_-"Young man, there are no questions until I've reached the climax of my lecture."-_

Lady snorted. "Wouldn't be the first guy that wouldn't stop until the climax…"

Dante grinned. "And you call ME the pervert. You _hypocrite_…"

_-"I will not be 'punked' in front of the dean."-_

Yoruichi frowned. "Wait, so he took a bite out of his apple, let it bounce off his foot and onto the floor, flirted openly with a student, and made several innuendo…in front of the _dean_?!"

Urahara nodded. "Guy's got balls, doesn't he?"

_-"I am the Alpha and the Omega"…-_

"You are the arrogant and the deluded," Rukia snorted, shaking her head.

_-"Hey, Bones! You hungry?"-_

Dante grinned. "Hey, Lady, it's just what you wanted! More robots with wheels for feet!"

Her eyebrow twitched.

_-"Something just happened to me!" "What, you finally hit puberty?"-_

Lady grinned. "I'm starting to like that girl…"

Ichigo tilted his head. "But Sam's mom said that he'd got his 'cherry popped'. Wouldn't that mean that he'd already gone through puberty, or at least far enough to get an erec-"

"AH-HEM!" Nero cleared his throat loudly.

_-"You're hot, but you ain't too bright."-_

Trish gasped. "Oh, NO! They've converted Spongebob to the Decepticon army! Quick, we need jellyfish, stat!"

Dante blinked. "What the _hell_ are you babbling about?"

_-"OW! That's my EYE, you crazy b****!"-_

Dante frowned. "Yeah, I can see why Lady would like her…"

"Stop torturing Evil Spongebob!" Trish yelled. "He's locked in a vise and you burned his eye out! We're just lucky that as a sponge, he can regenerate…"

"Okay, first off, no. Second, stop making references I don't get!"

"Hey, blame Mundus for giving me pop cultural awareness!"

Ichigo winced. "Boy, they'd _never_ get away with this kind of thing if all the characters were people…"

_-"And have any strangers given you anything suspicious to carry on?" "…No."-_

Trish sighed. "Ah, it's so nice to see the advancements in airport security in action."

Lady chuckled. "What, you're surprised about that when Dante can carry a sword in a guitar case? Which I still don't get why you'd need to do, by the way…"

_-"…and it repeats itself and repeats itself and repeats itself and repeats itself and repeats itself and repeats itself kitten calendar kitten calendar kitten calendar…"-_

"This is the part in the story where our hero loses his mind," Lady remarked.

"Oh, dear. I _do_ hope he finds it again," Trish mused.

_-"Sam, I __**knew**__ there was something special about you."-_

"So her turn-ons include mental breakdowns and alien languages?" Nero remarked.

"Keep in mind, this is AFTER the Camaro gave her head trauma and leaked antifreeze on her," Urahara added.

"Wow. She IS a trooper."

_-"And I know you know what happens when two people in a room get together…"-_

"…They shoot each other?" Dante offered.

_-"They're genuinely amazing…"-_

"In bed, right?" he snickered.

_-"…in bed."-_

"HA! _Called_ it!" he cheered. "It's like the fortune cookie game on the big screen!"

_-"I have needs, Sam…"-_

"…In bed," Dante interjected helpfully.

_-Hssssss…-_

"I KNEW IT!" Trish yelled, standing up. "SUCCUBUS!" she screamed, pointing at the screen.

"Trish, that's a _metal_ tail," Lady pointed out.

"Oh." She sat down, looking extremely put out.

_-"You're very aggressive…"-_

"…In bed," Dante supplied helpfully.

"That's the idea, Corporal Obvious," Lady snarled.

"What, I'm not good enough to be a captain?"

"Short answer: no. Long answer: nooooooo-"

"_Very_ funny."

_-"I can explain everyth-" "GROOARR!"-_

"_Little_ too much tongue for my taste," Dante commented.

"I think that's too much tongue for _anyone's_ taste," Urahara piped up. "…No pun intended."

_-"She's an alien robot! You gotta run!" "For __**real**__?!"-_

Lady palmed her face. "No, she just has face paint to make it _look_ like her face peels off and forms a metal exoskeleton. YES, IT'S REAL!!"

_-"…it smelled like __**diesel**__! It had a dieselly tinge…" "Oh, you're __**such**__ a little girl!"-_

Ichigo snorted. "Double standard much?"

_-"I'm the key to this! The aliens, they want me 'cause of my site!"-_

"No, they want the _other_ you. The one with a backbone," Nero corrected.

"Ya know, for all this talk about Sam being the one with a backbone, he sure screamed like a little girl…" Dante commented thoughtfully.

" 'Backbone' doesn't mean 'impressiveness'. Sometimes even brave people have their moments…" Rukia responded.

"Enough of your silly philosophy! BEHOLD! The truth is found in explosions! And fire! And fiery explosions!"

_-"Back up the car, back up the car!"-_

"WHAT did I say about the tongue?!" Dante exclaimed. "No means no!"

_-"Saaaaaaaam!!"-_

Nero rolled his eyes. "Oh, quit whining. We do crap like that all the time."

"We also have magical powers and the ability to heal from otherwise fatal wounds," Trish pointed out. "Him…not so much."

"…Touché."

_-"It feels good to grab your __**flesh**__."-_

Dante sighed. "And now it's weird again."

_-"Doctor. Examine this…alien specimen."-_

Ichigo gasped in mock outrage. "Never! Not when your last diagnosis was 'kill ze little one'!"

Nero frowned. "But zere _is_ no little one zis time."

Yoruichi pulled on her hair in frustration. "It's an epidemic, I swear!" _As long as the girls besides Trish and Lady are immune…_

_-Snap, snap!-_

Rukia's eyes widened. "Oh, no…he _is _going to kill ze little one again!"

Kyrie turned her head away. "I don't want to see them kill ze little ones!"

Yoruichi banged her head against Urahara's shoulder.

"Hey, you still have _me_," he consoled her.

"Oh, hell," Lady growled. "They're re-enacting the interrogation scene from the Matrix. Damn you, Hugo Wea-er, Megatron, you sick bastard!"

"…Ewwww…" the ladies remarked in unison.

Dante shrugged. "Well, at least it can't get any weirder."

_SLAP!_

"You IDIOT!" Lady exclaimed. "You just HAD to say it!!"

_-"We need ze brain on ze table! Chop, chop!"-_

Lady sighed. "See, _this_ is the crap that happens when you open your mouth."

_-CRASH!-_

Nero sighed. "You know, I think every time they want to end a weird scene, they just add a Transformer crashing into something."

Urahara rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm…you may have something there…"

"SHH," Dante said, holding a finger to his lips. "The giant robots are fighting."

"Why is it you're quiet during the action, but you keep talking during the plot?"

"I only talk when I don't understand."

"…Oh."

They sat in silence for a little bit as Optimus Prime punched away at Megatron. Dante began grinning when Optimus heaved a tree into his opponent, and grinned even wider when the blade came out of Optimus's arm.

_-"Decepticons!"-_

They were quiet for a little bit longer. "BOOT TO THE HEAD!" Trish called out. "…sorry, Dante."

"It's fine," he said, waving her off.

For a few minutes, the only sounds they made were chewing (in Nero's, Yoruichi's, Trish's, and Ichigo's case) or drooling (in Dante's and Urahara's case).

_-"Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?" "You'll __**never**__ stop at one!" SHINK! "I'll take you __**ALL**__ ON!!"-_

"Oh, YES…" Dante gushed.

_-"Piece of TIN…"-_

"…Did he-?"

Lady sighed. "Yes, Dante. He ripped a Decepticon's head apart using two hooks."

"…On a completely unrelated topic, I think I found a new fighting tactic…"

_-"You're so WEAK!"-_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"NOOOO!" Dante wailed. "They killed the only one that was close to being as cool as me!!"

Lady frowned. "Why are you shocked? Optimus dies all the ti-"

"No TV," Trish pointed out.

"Ah. Um…we're sorry for your loss…"

They were all quiet for some time.

---

INTERMISSION

---

_-THUNK!-_

"Oh, you DICKS!" Dante exclaimed. "After all Optimus has done for you, you just drop him like a hunk of scrap metal?"

"Well, it IS a corpse…" Nero said hesitantly.

"This is NO time for logic!" He sighed. "Go back to blowing stuff up. That always makes me feel better."

_-"Lower your weapons!" "Tell them to lower THEIRS."-_

He sighed. "A noble effort, but it's just not the same. Besides, you _really_ wanna be the dumbass pointing a single 5.56 mm rifle at five plus advanced alien robots that have CUT A CAR IN HALF before? I know the military is trained to follow orders, but I can't believe- Oh, no, it's the _other_ dick…"

_-"…we will explore every possible diplomatic solution…"-_

"Ah, yes," Ichigo growled. "Walk up to the alien death machine and ask it nicely to leave. 'Cause THAT'S a good plan."

_-"I really don't like that dude…he's an assHOLE."-_

"THANK YOU!" Ichigo, Urahara, Nero, and Dante cried out in unison.

_-"I had a bit of a mild panic attack earlier…" "That's 'cause you a p****."-_

Dante blinked. "It's like they're taking the words right out of my mouth. Was Sam really that bad in the first movie?"

Trish shrugged. "Not really; they're kind of playing it up to show how much he's matured."

"Ah."

_-"I think I know someone who can help…" "Who?"-_

"Batman!" Trish answered.

_-"Everything about anything alien, he's supposed to know."-_

Trish raised an eyebrow. "Wow…and that was just a guess…"

"No, it's…GAH! It's John Turturro again!" Lady exclaimed.

"You mean Simmons?"

She looked at Trish blankly. "Let's face it, he's John Turturro."

"Okay, okay…"

_-"You gotta be kidding me."-_

"No, this cameo _is_ happening, and you can't stop its awesomeness," Trish said fiercely.

_-"Found these symbols all around the world...China, Egypt, Greece!"-_

"Japan! Timbuktu! Zimbabwe! America-no wait, that was just a drunk archaeologist by the name of 'Jones'…"

"Shut it, Ichigo!" Lady growled.

_-"How did they end up drawing the same thing?"-_

"Plagiarism," Yoruichi suggested.

_-"Aliens!"-_

"That…works too, I guess," she shrugged, eating more Milk Duds.

_-"That I…was…obsessed! Can you imagine that?-_

"No need," Rukia chortled. "The demonstration's working quite well on its own."

_-"And I'm not on speaking terms with any Decepticons…" "Actually…I am."-_

"If by 'speaking terms', you mean 'burnt the eye out of and locked in a toolbox', that is," Nero pointed out.

_-"I'm sorry about your eye."-_

"No, you're not," Urahara said quickly.

_-"But if you're a good boy, I'm not gonna torch your other eye."-_

Dante shuddered. "It's always the pretty ones that get the weirdest. No wonder you liked her, Lady." _WHACK!_ "That was unnecessary."

_-"All I ever wanted to be was an astronaut." RRIPP!-_

"GAAH! DO NOT WANT!" the men yelled out together.

"Speak for yourself…" Trish mumbled.

_-ZZZZZZZZZZ!-_

Trish sighed. "Electricity doesn't work that way…"

Dante winced. "Oooh…right in the _testicles_. Poor bastard."

_-"HOW many times can you get TASED in the NUTS…before you CAN'T have KIDS?"-_

"I don't know," Nero mumbled, "but I don't care to find-"

"Eight, with typical settings."

Everyone turned to stare at Urahara.

"_What?!_" he shouted.

_-"Yo, freshman! Point the shard, and watch the __**magic**__ happen…"-_

Trish shuddered. "Evil Spongebob is creepy when he's excited."

_-"It's a Decepticon!"-_

Urahara gulped. "Oh…shitbees."

Lady blinked. "_What_-bees?!"

_-"Behold! The eternal glory of…JETFIRE."-_

"Mmm…ham…" Trish said, licking her lips.

_-" 'Earth' ? What kind of name for a planet is 'Earth'? Might as well call it 'Dirt'!"-_

"Well, it also goes by Gaea, Terra, Chikyu…" Yoruichi trailed off.

_-"Who's your little Autobot?"-_

Lady tilted her head. "Huh. Well, Dante, I will say that even with all your pickup lines and innuendo, you've always stopped short of humping my leg."

He nodded. "Not for lack of wanting, mind you."

"Ah, the double standard strikes back," Ichigo said casually, slurping up another licorice straw.

_-"My father, he was a wheel. The FIRST wheel! Do you know what he transformed into?" "What?" "NOTHING! But he did so with __**honor**__! Dignity, DAMMIT!"-_

"Oh, a _large_ ham…delicious," Trish said, grinning.

"I don't think they should be taking dignity advice from a robot that just farted out a parachute," Nero said wryly.

"Maybe that was intentional, for the sake of irony," Kyrie suggested.

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah. If you want to see dignity in action, go find Byakuya. He doesn't scream about 'eternal glory' or cut one loose at odd times."

A picture formed in Rukia's mind of exactly that…and she began giggling madly.

_-"Hold on, everybody! Stay still or you'll DIE!"-_

"No pressure!" Yoruichi added helpfully.

Lady gasped. "Oh, no…a deserted wasteland with nothing of value for miles around…they've been transported to Dante's mind!"

He rolled his eyes. "Baha_ha_haha…"

Ichigo sighed. "Now that's just ridiculous…none of us landed on each other like that when we entered Soul Society."

Yoruichi chuckled. "Good thing, too, as there were three girls and five guys…"

_Three?_ Dante thought to himself. _Orihime, Lady, and…who?_ He shuddered. _On second thought, maybe I don't want to know._

"Where did she get that gauze?", she added, chewing more candy.

_-"…by our earliest ancestors, millennium ago…"-_

"**A** millennium or more than one? 'Cause I get flack about saying 'millenniums' WAY too often," Dante grumbled.

"Alien robot, remember?" Trish prodded.

"…that's this movie's version of magic, isn't it?"

"YOU meet an alien robot and _then_ we'll see what they can do."

_-"Do you have any idea what it's like to fall apart and DIE?"-_

Ichigo frowned. "Well, yeah. Matter of fact, we probably die sooner than they do…"

_-"…called the Matrix of Leadership."-_

Dante frowned. "Weren't you talking about that earlier, Lady?"

She shook her head. "Wrong Matrix."

_-"A great battle took place over possession of the Matrix."-_

"But in the end, the Fanboy Legionnaires were defeated, and the Wachowskis reigned supreme," Trish said solemnly.

Dante looked from Trish to Lady several times, then shrugged and settled on draining the rest of his bottle and pulling out a fresh one.

_-"The Fallen was stronger than his brothers, so they had no choice but to steal and hide it from him."-_

"His brothers were kind of dicks that way," Nero informed them.

_-"Only a Prime can defeat The Fallen." "__**Optimus**__ Prime?"-_

Dante drew in breath sharply. "Oooh, too soon for destiny talk."

_-"…be somehow used to re-activate Optimus and bring him back to life?"-_

Dante's face began to light up. "Then again…"

_-"It was never designed for that purpose…"-_

He scoffed. "You can't touch such awesomeness with your pithy logic! We're bringing back Awesomus Prime, dammit!"

"_Optimus_ Prime," Trish corrected gently.

"…Isn't that what I said?"

"Of course it is, sweetie. Of course it is…"

_-"…divides Egypt and Jordan like the tip of a blade."-_

"If by 'Jordan', you mean 'Israel'," Lady corrected irritably.

_-"This is what's called blendin' in like a ninja."-_

"Says the gigantic alien robot perched on top of a stone wall," Nero added.

_-"It's me! Leo! Leo! Leo!"-_

Lady gasped. "What? Could it be…Leo? I had no _idea_!"

_-"Oh, great, a freakin' munchkin. Little people are mean…tell him he's tall!"-_

"Ignoring the borderline discrimination," Lady said slowly. "wouldn't that just piss him off worse?"

"Never said it was good advice," Trish commented. "He's not the sharpest screw in the set."

"Hey!" Nero exclaimed at the screen. "Easy on the alie-uh, I mean, 'Camaro'. Yeaahhh, that's _definitely_ what I meant."

_-"You gotta blend in wit' your surroundin's. Gotta be part 'o da landscape."-_

"Again, says the gigantic alien robot tiptoeing through the sand," Nero remarked.

_-"Being my girlfriend is hazardous to your health." "Yeah, well, girls like dangerous boys."-_

"Yeah…" Rukia and Lady both sighed.

_-"Pyramids…" "Why do boys always change the subject?"-_

"Well, usually, we stay on the same subject and _refuse_ to change it," Urahara stated flatly, "but I suppose there is an 'End of the World' special exemption."

_-"They all point due east, towards Jordan. The mountains of Petra."-_

"And by 'due east', we mean 'about 258 miles due east'," Lady said, shaking her head. "For all they knew, the Tomb could've been in Israel."

Dante shrugged. "Yeah, but what's all in Israel?"

"…Please tell me you're not serious."

"I'm not serious," he said, grinning. "Seriously."

_-"Alright, team, grab your chutes!"-_

"Ta-da!" Trish announced cheerfully. "Optimus has disappeared!"

Dante sighed. "That's great Trish, but-"

"Ta-da! Now he's reappeared!"

"Okay, Trish, that's-"

"Now he's disappeared!"

"Look, dammit, I'm telling-"

"Now he's reappeared!"

Dante opened his bottle of alcohol, taking a large swig.

"…Did you say something?" she asked sweetly.

_Glug, glug…_

_-"Not now, we're on the plane, you dumbass!!" "AAAAHHH!"-_

All the guys (plus Yoruichi) applauded loudly, Nero even whistling.

_-"Have we checked these coordinates?" "Egypt, sir."-_

Lady's eye began twitching violently. "If by 'Egypt', you mean '_Jordan_'…it's circled and everything!"

Dante patted her on the back. "Easy, girl…"

_-"Bumblebee, what-" CRASH! THUMP! "…Now that's __**rude**__."-_

"But effective," Nero pointed out.

_-"Bee!" CRRRRRRRRRR…BOOM!-_

"Ancient ruins exploration made efficient, and all it took was a transforming Camaro with a big gun," Urahara mused.

_-"The Tomb of the Primes…"-_

"You know, the music seems just a **bit **too peppy for a tomb," Trish commented.

_-"The Matrix…"-_

"They've managed to condense Keanu Reeves down to such small levels…they truly were an advanced race," Trish said reverently.

_-Sssss…-_

Dante's mouth dropped open.

Lady raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that one surprised me."

"They just don't make resurrecting artifacts like they used to…" Urahara sighed.

"They must've taken tips from Mayuri," Yoruichi noted dryly.

"Duuuust in the wiiiiind…" Ichigo sang softly.

Rukia expressed her feelings the best she could. "Huh."

"Oh, my," Kyrie remarked.

"Well, that sucks," Nero remarked.

_-"The voices and the symbols in my head lead us here for a __**purpose**__."-_

"Yeah, that line never works for me," Urahara said. "Just the opposite, actually; people tend to back away very slowly…"

_-"You think you can bring him back to life with that pixie dust?" "Absolutely."-_

"Well, _I'm_ rootin' for ya, kid," Dante said.

_-BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!-_

He smiled. "YES! Now it is fighty time, fighty time…"

Trish smiled. "That's cute and all, but if you use Shoryuken on me while I'm watching the movie, I _will_ zap you in the balls."

"Firstly…what the hell? Secondly…what the _hell_? And lastly…_what_ the _HELL_?!"

_-"OWOWOWOW!" THUD! "I can't __**take**__ this guy anymore!"-_

"DON'T TAZE ME, BRO!" Trish shouted.

"Look! It's as if Lady carried a taser!" Nero quipped.

Dante held up his hand. "Look! It's as if I _wasn't_ punching you!"

_-"I'll draw their fire with Huey and Dewey there. You get to those soldiers."-_

Trish sighed. "I hate myself for doing this, but since I forgot to during the first movie, the other way of looking at it is that you need to GIT TO DA CHOPPA!!"

Lady sighed. "Ugh."

"…I know."

_-"You tased me! You owe me!" "That was a test. You passed, alright?"-_

"Yes, a test," Rukia said, tenting her fingers. "I was…determining how long you could withstand electrical shocks while under duress, and was in no way trying to silence you. Yeeessss, we'll go with that…"

_-"How is it that we can't reach our men, but he can reach me from some random, Egyptian desert?"-_

"He's such an asshole, he warps the laws of reality, bending things toward himself," Urahara posited.

"Kinda like a 'Warp Ass-Hole'," Ichigo suggested.

"YES!" Trish cheered.

"_Again_ with the 'Egyptian'?!" Lady cried. "Petra is in Jordan, for crying out loud!!"

"Easy, Lady, _easy_…" Dante soothed her.

_-"I don't think he's following us anymore." "That's what you think."-_

"Whereas I've been in one of these movies before," Nero said in a deep voice, "and so I would know _exactly_ when we're not being followed."

Yoruichi frowned. "Okay, if they _know_ that their enemies take the forms of vehicles, _why_ would they park right next to gigantic construction vehicles?"

"They're not the ones driving," Urahara offered.

"The point remains, then; why would the _Autobots_ park next to the gigantic construction vehicles?"

"Well, they're not exactly the brightest bulbs in the array…"

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess not…"

_-"Decepticons…"-_

"ATTACK!" Trish finished.

_-"Begin our assault!"-_

"Aww…it's just not the same…" she pouted.

_- "How many…?" "Thirteen of 'em…"-_

"Look, it's Bonecrusher!" Lady said, pointing at the screen.

Ichigo shook his head. "Nah. Gotta be his younger brother or something. They can come back from a lot, but decapitation seems pretty permanent."

"Maybe he was only _mostly_ dead."

"This is _no_ time for a Princess Bride session; it's about to turn into a war zone!"

"Aww, you're no fun…"

Dante shook his head. "You dirty, dirty _hypocrite_…"

_-"Is that good?" "__**Lotta**__ people died…"-_

All the males' mouths dropped open at the ensuing spectacle.

"You know, I heard the computer they designed this on _melted_," Trish remarked casually.

"Is that right?" Lady said lightly. "I heard it was _several_."

She shrugged. "Well, one way or another, at least one computer conked out just making this." She looked to her right. "You okay?"

Dante just stared dreamily at the screen. "Oh, _yeah_…"

_-"What if it doesn't work?" "It's gonna work." "But what if it doesn't?" "It'll __**work**__."-_

"Trust me, I read the script," Ichigo said forcefully.

Trish shoveled popcorn into her mouth with fervor. _Dammit, he beat me to it!!_

_-ZZZZZZZZ!-_

"Rip off the wings of a _micro_-fly," Nero sang.

"Nah, just the head," Urahara piped up.

Dante frowned. "So…why didn't they just have Bumblebee _drive_ them over to Optimus?"

Lady sighed. "Because it's sand, and the only way they can get traction is by walking in their- wait, why do you keep asking _me_ all this stuff?"

"Because you're smart enough to answer intelligently," he said simply.

"...Idiot," she whispered, a light blush creeping up.

"Besides, Trish is the only other one who knows anything about these movies, and since she's stuffing her face-"

"WHAT?!" Trish squawked, cheeks bulging out like a squirrel's. She gulped, getting all but a few kernels of popcorn down, the rest of which promptly fell on the floor. "I was _not_ STUFFING my face…"

Urahara snorted.

She ignored him. "I was just really enjoying the movie, that's all!"

"Suuuuuure…"

_-"I don't think the soldiers know we're here…"-_

"HaHA! Now it's overcast!" Trish called out gleefully.

"Trish, we get-" Dante started.

"HaHA! Now it's clear-skies!"

"_Knock _that off!" he growled.

_-"Mean robots SUCK."-_

Ichigo's eyes widened. "It's like the Hoover from Hell. Also, another pun for the collection."

_- "I don't wanna die! I don't wanna…Kung-fu grip!"-_

"YES!" Trish yelled. "G.I.…nooo!"

Dante sighed with relief. "Good. He was kind of getting on my nerves."

"So you're glad to see the twin of a good guy fall to his death, then?" Lady blurted out. _Oh, hell. So much for tact._

Dante blinked, utterly wrong-footed. "Did…you…"

_-THUNK! CRASH! "You're NEVER eatin' me! I'm gonna BUST…yo…FACE up!!"-_

Lady breathed a sigh of relief. _Good…__**that**__ conversation always ends up ruining an evening. I was an idiot for brining it up…_ "I guess he wasn't dead after all…"

"Well…" Dante said. "Okay. He's redeemed himself a little bit…but just a little!" he added hurriedly.

They sat in silence for a little while. Trish finished her popcorn and Yoruichi her Milk Duds, while Rukia sipped her soda.

_-"This is what you want."-_

Trish nodded, wiping the crumbs off her face. "Yes, the Autobot Tube Sock of Leadership…"

_-"BUMBLEBEE!"-_

Nero nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's it! Float like a butterfly, sting like a…oh, _right_…"

Ichigo smirked at the screen. "Bumblebee Chiropractic Services. Serving Decepticons since 2007."

"Try to detect it!" Trish sang, bouncing in her chair.

"It's not too late!" Urahara called out.

"To whip it!" Yoruichi chimed in.

"Whip it _good_!" Dante finished, grinning.

"Aaa-ACHOO!" Kyrie sneezed, just at the moment when…

"HOLY…!"

"Did you _see_ that?"

"I guess you weren't kidding about that Chiropractor thing, Nero…_Damn_."

Kyrie sniffled. "W-What? Did I miss something?"

Nero gulped. "Um…that dog-like Decepticon tried to sneak up on Bumblebee, and he…well…took care of it."

"Oh." She shrugged. _It was probably nothing…_

They sat quietly for a little while again.

_-"You gotta let me go, Dad. You have to let me go…You __**have**__ to."-_

"Wow…this is really kind of emotional…" Ichigo remarked.

"Oh, the irony…" Rukia mumbled.

"Hey, WAIT!" Dante exclaimed. "If he's trying to evacuate them in Bumblebee, he could've used him to get to Optimus quicker!"

"But then his parents probably would've been killed," Lady pointed out.

"But he wouldn't have KNOWN that!!"

She blinked. "…You know, I think you're right."

"…Seriously?"

"Well, in the context and all that…"

_-"We got Jordanians!!" BOOM!-_

"Not anymore," Urahara observed dryly.

_-"Remember what I did for my country. This is my moment…"-_

Lady sighed dramatically. "Oh, John Turturro, you shall _never_ be forgotten. We shall remember how you _bravely_ threatened to keep a girl's father in jail, how you _selflessly_ streaked into an aeronautical museum, how you _heroically_ went over plot structure with an aging robotic entity…"

"To be fair, he _also_ helped decapitate an evil alien robot that moved faster than most people, provided valuable information to the last known Allspark interface, and…is doing whatever he's doing now," Trish ranted. "Plus, it's _John Turturro_. You can't help but love the guy."

"Well, you've got me there…" she allowed.

_-"Predator Zero-One…"-_

"Except that it's a REAPER!!" Lady shouted angrily.

"Hey, I'm sure it's an honest mistake," Ichigo said hurriedly.

"Lady, maybe you get a little _too_ nerdy with your tech…" Dante added cautiously.

She sighed. "Maybe so. It just pisses me off, is all…"

"Like when people immediately assume my last name is 'Sparda'?"

"Yes, _exactly_ like that."

"Oooo…that rough, huh?"

_-"Follow us, we'll take you to the pillars."-_

"Again, why can't he just ride on them?" Dante asked, exasperated.

_-BOOM!-_

"_That's_ why," Rukia pointed out.

"But there's two more…" he grumbled. He shook his head, guzzling down more liquor.

_-"…Alright, Agent Simmons, I'm listening."-_

"You know, to that guy's credit, he's taking the news of possible solar destruction pretty well," Yoruichi remarked.

"Again, I am baffled how smooth these guys can be," Dante said, shaking his head. "It's like they're coated in…uh…something that would make them smoother," he said, shrugging. "The point is, they're good."

The only sounds for a minute or so were the crunching of Nero's popcorn, the sipping of Rukia's soda, and the slurping as Ichigo finished his last strawberry sour straw.

_-"Incoming!!"-_

Trish licked her lips. "Ah, the giant ham returns. How we've missed you, and your juicy hamminess…"

_-"Behold the glory of JETFIRE!"-_

Dante blinked. "The old guy's really kickin' some ass, isn't he?"

_-rrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRR-_

"Aw, hell," Trish blurted.

"What?" Dante asked.

"It's _Scorponok_," Lady responded, her eyes wide. "He's one of the few Decepticons that survived the first movie. He's vicious, deadly, ruthless."

_-CRUNCH! "I'm too old for this crap."-_

"…"

Dante grinned. "And now he's flat. Guess he didn't survive _this_ movie…"

Nero frowned. "For all the buildup, that was surprisingly depressing."

"Yeah," Ichigo agreed, nodding. "And what the hell happened to Barricade?!"

"…Who?"

"The Shelby Mustang."

"…Who?"

He sighed. "The cop from the first one."

"_Oh_…wait, I thought he died."

"That was the video game, not the movie."

_-"I am directly beneath…the enemy scrotum!"-_

Dante blinked. "But there wasn't even any wrecking balls on his original components…"

"But it's funny," Trish supplied.

"But it doesn't make any-"

"_But_…it's funny."

Lady frowned. "Why is he climbing up the pyramid if they're using a rail gun, anyway? It's not like you can punch in coordinates and pull the trigger. It's more like an actual GUN; you know, with the _aiming_."

"…alien technology?" Trish volunteered.

Dante responded by taking another swig of booze.

_-"Hope these F-16's got good aim." "Yeah, why's that?" "I told 'em to hit the orange smoke." "…You mean __**that**__ orange smoke?" "It wasn't my best toss, okay?"-_

"Once again, their cool-headedness is nothing short of astounding," Yoruichi stated.

Urahara smirked. "Yeah, you'd fit right in with 'em."

_-BOOM! BOOM! "Die!" BOOM!-_

Dante blinked. "Oh, crap, they killed him…"

Lady quirked an eyebrow. "Well, that's strange…"

" 'Strange' is putting it _mildly_…"

They sat, staring at the screen with rapt attention.

_-"Sam! SAAM!!"-_

…Even more so.

_-"Sam, listen to my voice…I love you…and I __**need**__ you…__**please**__…"-_

"He's dead, Jim- er, Mikaela," Trish said quietly.

_-"Am I dead?"-_

Yoruichi frowned. "Well, that seemed to be the general message they were sending us…"

_-"The Matrix is not found…"-_

Trish nodded sagely. "No, you cannot be _told_ what the Matrix is…you have to-"

"Cut that out!" Dante snapped.

"Educate yourself," she replied in a sing-song tone.

"By watching movies?" he asked dubiously.

"You can learn lots of stuff from movies. Mostly what _not_ to do."

_-"YAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" zzzzZZZOOM!-_

"YEAH, baby!" Dante whooped. "The big guy's BACK!"

_-Myyy Matrix…-_

"DAMMIT!"

"Easy now," Trish said softly. "Don't jump to conclusions so quickly."

_-"Now, I claim your sun!!"-_

"…"

"Well, Optimus is still alive," she ventured.

His face brightened. "Very true!…What the…telekinesis?! From a robot?!"

"ALIEN robot!" everyone else chorused.

_Glug, glug, glug…_

_-"Take my parts…and you will have a power you've __**never**__ known…Fulfill…your destiny!"-_

"NOO! Jetfire!" Trish wailed. "We'll always remember you as going out in a blaze of glory. Hammy and geriatric…" she admitted sadly. "…but GLORY!"

Dante began drooling again. "Is he actually…?"

_-"Let's __**roll**__."-_

Lady could _hear_ the saliva dripping on the floor (and not just from Dante). "Ugh…control yourselves!"

_-CHIK…BOOM!-_

"Too late!" Dante said, giggling like a madman.

_-"Die, like your brothers!" "They were __**your**__ brothers, too!!"-_

They sat in silence yet again.

_-BOOM! CRASH!-_

Dante scratched his chin. "Thrusters as a weapon, eh? Looks like someone's borrowing _my_ moves now…" He winked at the screen. "It's all right, big guy. I don't mind."

_-"You picked the wrong planet!…Give me your FACE!!"-_

Dante's mouth hung open. Nero's eyes went wide. Ichigo and Lady both raised their eyebrows. And Trish fell into an uncontrollable giggling fit.

_-"I rise…you __**fall.**__"-_

Urahara whistled lowly. "_Damn_. I'm sure glad he's on _our_ side…"

Trish managed to compose herself. "Yes, he's a lot more ruthless than most other Primes, isn't he?"

Dante grinned from ear to ear. "Hey, it gets the job done! And let's be honest, saying that line to your enemies practically _guarantees _loss of bowel control. Give me your FACE!!" he roared.

Lady whacked him over the head. "The movie's not over yet, oh mighty one."

_-"…Sometimes, cowards __**do**__…survive…" "This isn't over…"-_

"Missster Anders-er, PRIME," Trish hissed.

_-VVRRR…CLUNKUNKUNK!-_

Dante gaped. "Okay, Jetfire _died_ to give Optimus his parts, and once he wins, he just drops the thruster and gun like garbage?!"

"Well, if you think about it, he was basically wearing a corpse," Lady said pointedly. "If it was necessary to win, fine, but afterwards, it might feel kind of awkward…"

_-"Thank you, Sam, for saving my life."-_

"Yes, THANK YOU!" Dante declared. "You brought back the coolest giant alien robot ever! Just be careful or he might…Give me your FACE!!"

_WHACK!_

Lady sighed. "Idiot."

Trish frowned. "Aww…with the size of him on that carrier, he would be TINY compared to an EVA." Seeing Dante's look she shook her head. "Not Eva, EVA. Long story, but that's the size of an average skyscraper…"

He grinned. "Oooo, maybe we should watch _that_!"

Her eyes widened. "Not a chance. You have enough issues…"

"HEY!"

_-"Our races, united by a history long forgotten; and a future we shall face together. I…am Optimus Prime, and I send this message so that our pasts will __**always**__ be remembered. For in those memories…__**we**__ live on."-_

They cheered as the credits popped up.

"Ah, ah!" Trish said, waggling her finger. "It's not over _yet_." They saw Sam and Mikaela share a kiss. "Not yet…

_-"Ah, so glad you could join us…Professor Einstein." "Yeah…I was kinda busy…"-_

"Okay, _now_ it's over," Trish declared. "So, what did you think?"

"I loved it!!" Dante raved.

"Eh, not bad," Lady allowed. "Pretty light on the plot, and they got _so_ many things wrong…"

Dante gaped at her, then frowned. "You _do_ realize that they'll never have it perfect anyway, right?"

"Doesn't mean there's no reason to try…"

Trish shrugged. "Fascinating. And the rest of you?"

"Liked it," Yoruichi responded.

"Liked it," Urahara agreed.

"It was good," Nero voiced.

"Um…I don't know if it was my particular taste…" Kyrie said, frowning.

Nero chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with that. We've all got different ones anyway, right?"

"I enjoyed it," Ichigo announced.

"It wasn't too bad," Rukia allowed. "If _some_ people weren't talking the whole time…"

That set off a whole new round of bickering. Trish grinned. "Ah, our loving little family…"

* * *

Result: TIE!!

Well, then, that was a VERY uncharacteristically long chapter, now, wasn't it? I will honestly and shamelessly say that I borrowed and referenced from a LOT of things in this humble little omake, none of which I own (unless you count buying the candy, but that's still not the same as owning it).

The idea for doing an MST3K-style chapter came from a very cool reviewer of mine, Assault Godzilla. I thought it was neat when he mentioned it, but when I started thinking more seriously about it, I actually thought I could pull it off. So I started writing a little bit today to test it out, and...well, you can see the chapter for yourself. :-) So while I'm at it, I'll call this my Chinese New Year chapter. *grins*

On a more canonical note, the always watchful Drifter-747-X has caught yet another of my many mistakes. But I'm glad; better to be corrected and learn, I think. So, thank you, and while I hope to make less mistakes in the future, I hope you'll be patient enough to catch me when I do anyway.

So, to both Assault Godzilla and Drifter-747-X, I salute you.

-Small side note: Holy CRAP, was Trish OOC! I mean, everyone was, but Trish _especially_. I'm kind of embarassed about it, but I felt guilty that she's more or less only had a cameo in this fic, so I tried to let her have a little fun. Ah, well.

Anyway, the product of an all-nighter, a sugar high, and idea that would NOT leave lies before you (or behind you, as it were). As crazy and as poorly as I threw it together, I hope you like it all the same!


	30. Bathing and Betrayal

The sun shone brightly, in stark contrast to the night before it. Were Uryu in a state to concentrate on something else, perhaps he would have wondered how a sun could shine in the afterlife, or how days could even exist in the spirit world. As it was, though, he was struggling just to keep moving. Every step required the utmost focus, and even then, he could feel his energy slowly starting to fade away.

_It seems my time as a Quincy…has almost passed. The ransōtengai is fading…starting to lose feeling in my arms…_ He trudged up the stairs slowly, unknowing that Ichigo had taken the exact same stairs and met a Captain at the top. _Orihime…I hope she's okay. Her spiritual pressure was__ much higher than that guy from Squad Eleven…although, she may not have been as willing to fight as him…regardless, I suppose there's nothing I can do but hope._ He trudged up, step by painful step. _I wonder how everyone's doing. Ichigo's probably fine, knowing how strong he is. Chad should be fine; I honestly can't see him losing. Ganju…well, I hope he knows a few tricks…Lady, Nero, Dante, Yoruichi…I don't know much about them, but I haven't been around them long enough to recognize their spiritual energy. I guess I just have to hope that they're not too far behind me._ He chuckled, a thought crossing his mind. _Wouldn't it be ironic if I was the one who reached the tower first? If _I _was the one who rescued Rukia? Oh, Ichigo would be __**pissed**__. Everyone knows he wants to be the one that swoops in and save his girlfriend, like some big damn hero. I'd never hear the end of it…_

He reached the top. Sighing in relief, he prepared to continue forward, but his sight was greeted with…_Another captain?! No…not now…_

The dark-haired captain sighed. "Forgive me. But for the sake of peace, I must defeat you immediately." His hand moved to his zanpakuto.

_Dammit…I can barely stand. Looks like I don't get to play the hero after all…_

"Cry, Suzumushi."

_Orihime…_

---

Rukia looked out the window of her cell, worried. _Ichigo…it's been a while since you fought Byakuya. Knowing you, you'll be much stronger the next time we meet…__**if**__ we meet again._ She sighed. "Ichigo…don't get killed for my sake."

"We both know that ain't gonna happen."

She whirled around, eyes wide. "I-Ichigo?! But…_how_? You were knocked out and carried away!"

Ichigo frowned for an instant, but then smirked back at her. "Is that what happened? Are you _sure_?"

"Of course it did!" Rukia exclaimed, nodding vigorously. "I saw it with my own eyes!"

He chuckled. "Well, lucky me, then. Dreams never _did_ have to make sense."

She opened her mouth, then closed it, frowning. "So…this is-"

"Yep. All in your head."

"Oh," she said softly. "And here I was going to lecture you on why you shouldn't waste your time saving me."

"I wouldn't listen to that crap even if I _was_ real," he said, snorting.

"I suppose not," she allowed. "So…if this is a dream…" she trailed off, looking at him curiously.

"Not _that_ kind of dream, you perv. Not _yet_."

"IDIOT! That's not what I meant!" she yelled, fuming. "What I meant was 'why are you here?'!!"

"The hell are ya askin' _me_ for?! It's YOUR dream!" Ichigo palmed his face, groaning. "Here I am, tryin' to be all helpful and metaphysical, and the first thing you do is chew me out!"

"Maybe if you walked over here and _explained_ yourself instead of just arguing, I wouldn't be yelling at you!"

He sighed, marching over to her. "Fine. For your inf-RMPH!" He found himself unable to continue speaking with her lips pressed up against his. He broke away awkwardly. "What the hell was that for?!"

She shrugged. "You said it was a dream. If you won't take the initiative, I _will_."

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I also said 'not yet'. Maybe I'd better get the important stuff out of the way…"

Rukia rolled her eyes. "About time."

"Look, Rukia, I'm going to be doing my best to save you. You don't have to like it-"

"You've got that right…"

"-but it's the truth. I'm going to give it my all. So, for once, can you just stop worrying about _my_ safety and just TRUST me?"

She sighed. "Maybe…" She jumped at him suddenly, wrapping her arms around him.

He sighed. "Rukia…"

"Just shut up. I thought you were dead, and then you show up and act like nothing happened. And now…you're training to face my brother, aren't you?" He glanced away guiltily. "He's stronger than any Hollow or Soul Reaper you've faced before. And even if you do get stronger, even if you _can_ fight him as an equal, what then? There are other Captains, other lieutenants…you think you can protect me from all of them?"

He shook his head. "Not 'can'. **Will**."

"But at what cost? Would you really throw your life away to save me?" She sighed. "So, either way, in a few days one of us will be dead." _Please, let it be me. I've caused him too much suffering._ Tears began to well up in her eyes. "This may not be real…but please…one last time…" She breathed out shakily. "Please tell me you love me."

Unseen to Rukia, a strange look came over Ichigo's face. "Rukia…"

"Ichigo…"

"I…I'm sorry…"

_That voice…that's not…_"Wh-" Her eyes widened in shock. The sudden pain in her chest slowly spread, increasing to an unbearable agony. She didn't even have the breath to scream.

"I'm so sorry…"

---

Nero sat up groggily, holding his head with his left hand. _Ugh…talk about a migraine._ Then the rest of his body, seemingly jealous of his brain, decided that it was in pain as well, and screamed for his attention. "Oww…OWW. Feels as bad as the time I got stabbed in the chest with that big-ass sword…" He reached out with his Devil Bringer, fumbling for purchase, and his fingers brushed up against something familiar. He removed his left hand, staring at the object. "Huh? Yamato? What're you…" He noticed a piece of paper wrapped around the scabbard. Grumbling to himself, he pulled it off, reading it.

_Dear Nero,_

_About time you woke up, sonny! Youngsters like yourself shouldn't sleep in so late! Anyhow, I had to borrow Yamato for just a tiny little bit; killing our friend Hana would've been terribly rude of you, after all. But here it is again, undamaged. I do hope you appreciate my gift!_

_Also, the second you read this, take one step to the left._

Nero, not quite sure why, complied. Less than half a second later, a gigantic, serrated blade appeared where he'd been standing, stabbed into the ground. Dozens of other similar blades appeared all around him, but each with its own distinct look; some had a smooth edge, some didn't, and some were bent in strange ways. He frowned. "What the…" He went back to reading the note.

_That probably wouldn't have killed you. Probably. Then again, "better safe", and all that, right?_

_Moving right along, the next battle won't be for a couple days. You're not going to like it, but please keep your head down until then. The more ruckus you make, the itchier the executioners get, understand? But if it makes you feel any better, it'll be a HELL of a battle._

He shrugged, then, seeing an arrow pointing around to the back side of the note, flipped it over.

_P.S.- It's highly unlikely, but if you see a woman dressed like me, DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING. I'm begging you, it's VERY important that you SAY NOTHING._

_Finally: this message will self-destruct five seconds after you finish reading it._

Nero held it away from him, watching it warily, but after five seconds had passed, nothing happened. He looked at it again.

_P.P.S- Got you, didn't I?_

He ripped the note apart, scowling. "Smartass." He picked up Yamato, looking at it curiously. Strange; it felt like something was missing…

His ears caught the sounds of blade-to-blade combat. Shrugging, he walked over to where the noise was coming from. "Huh? Ichigo?" He saw the teen in question clashing with a man wearing a ragged black cloak and sunglasses. They each held a sword similar to the ones that had appeared around him.

Seeing another figure observing them, he walked over to it. "Hey, you know anything about this?"

The woman frowned at him. "Nero? Is that you?"

He nodded. "As advertised. Not to be rude or anything, but…who the hell are you?"

---

Uryu's eyes snapped open. "Huh? Where am I?" he wondered aloud, looking around. He sat up in the small bed. "And how did I get…" he trailed off as his eyes focused on the bandaged, chuckling, upside-down head less than a foot away from his face. "GYAAAAAH!"

The head chuckled. "So, you're finally awake."

"What the-! Who are you? Where did you come from? Are you a burglar?!"

The head rolled over, bringing a heavily bandaged body with it. "Yeah, right!" The figure landed next to Uryu. "Ow. Dammit, that hurt…" he whined to himself. "Anyway, who'd be stupid enough to rob a prison? It's me, you idiot!" The figure lifted its bandages.

"Huh? _Ganju_? I didn't peg you as very strong, and I haven't seen you for a while, so I thought-"

"Back at ya, kid," he interrupted, grinning.

"Would you two children quiet down?" a female voice interrupted them. "Mommy's got a hangover, and you're not helping."

"Eh? Sorry, Lady," Ganju chuckled.

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Well, fill him in. I'm sure he'll get a kick out of our 'epic' fights."

He did so, and despite himself, Uryu chuckled at a few parts. _And I thought my defeat was the only embarrassing one…but-_ "I don't get it. After they defeated us, why waste so much time and effort not only keeping us alive, but healing our injuries as well? There must be something I'm missing."

"That's about right," another voice chimed in.

"Sado!"

He nodded. "I overheard one of the guards talking outside the cell while you were all asleep. Apparently, one of the captains was murdered inside the Soul Society within the past few days. They haven't found who did it. And given that we're intruders here-"

"-we're the prime suspects," Uryu finished. "I should've known. They want us for questioning."

"That's the long and short of it," Ganju confirmed. "If only these stupid things didn't seal off our spiritual energy…" he grumbled, staring at his manacles.

Lady snorted. "A fat load of good that does me. I don't have any spiritual energy in the first place. Too bad they were smart enough to take my weapons, though…"

Uryu frowned, recalling his battle with Kurotsuchi. _Come to think of it, I don't have spiritual energy, either. It…_

"It sucks!" Ganju complained. "Being stuck here with no spiritual energy, and thought to be responsible for killing a Captain…the situation couldn't get much worse…"

Lady slapped her hand to her forehead. "Dammit…why the HELL did you have to say it?!"

He frowned. "Huh?"

"Look, I'm not sure what you guys' world is like, but a major rule of ours is: never, EVER say 'it can't get any worse', or something similar."

He scratched his head. "Oh…oops."

She rolled her eyes. "Too late now…at the very least, we can count on the Soul Society keeping the others alive as well if they happen to be captured."

Chad nodded. "Considering they captured us, though, they've no doubt got Orihime as well. She's not much of a fighter."

Uryu sighed. _Dammit…I hope not, but…_ "You might be right. So, if you are, who's all left?"

"The kid, the cat, the idiot, and the other kid," Lady rattled off. Seeing Uryu's raised eyebrow, she sighed. "Ichigo, Yoruichi, Dante, and Nero, in that order. You guys have no imagination…"

"We also don't have hangovers," Chad pointed out.

"Oh, shut up," she snapped.

---

"Here goes…!" Ichigo growled, rushing at Zangetsu. Zangetsu got into a ready stance…

And promptly became the doll again, falling over onto the ground.

"…Huh?"

Yoruichi dropped down beside him, smiling. "You've done well, Ichigo. But that's enough for now."

"Huh? But…I'm not done yet."

"First day's over, Ichi!" Nero called from his perch. "Get some rest; you'll need it!"

"But I-"

"You heard him," Yoruichi insisted. "There's a nice pool to relax just over there," she said, pointing. Ichigo frowned, but shrugged, dropped his sword, and went over to it. Yoruichi chuckled as she heard Nero land lightly behind her. "So, what did you think?"

"He's got some skills, I'll give him that," Nero admitted. "I'm surprised he can't figure it out yet, though."

"It's always our own problems we have the most difficulty correcting," Yoruichi mused sagely. "Just because it's obvious to you doesn't mean that he's got a clue."

"I guess you're right, with as hard-headed as he can be." He brushed the dust off his trench coat. "So now what? None of us can go anywhere, and now we've got nothing to do."

She pointed over to where Ichigo had gone. "You probably don't _need_ it, but it would be nice to relax for a little while, don't you think?"

"…Well, if you put it that way…"

A few minutes later, Ichigo and Nero were soaking in the nice, warm pool. "Man, this hits the spot…" Ichigo sighed. He splashed some water on his face, and to his surprise, his cuts began healing. "What the- this is freakin' awesome! All my wounds are healing!" he yelled, splashing around.

"Hey, easy, killer!" Nero grumbled, holding his hands up.

"Oh, you're just jealous that I can heal my wounds instantly and you can't," Ichigo taunted, not noticing Nero's snort of laughter. "Hmm…wonder what would happen if I drank it?" He scooped some water in his mouth to test his theory.

"Hey, boys, how's the water?" Yoruichi called out from behind them.

"SO relaxing," Nero replied, scooping up some water and washing his face as Ichigo had. Ichigo gurgled a reply, but neither of them could decipher anything beyond it being positive.

Yoruichi smiled, undoing her hair. "Is that right? I'm glad to hear that. Well, if it's as nice as you say, maybe I'd better join you."

Ichigo spit out the water in his mouth in massive stream, while Nero did the same with the water in his hands in a smaller, but just as passionate, display. "WHAT?!" they yelled in unison.

She chuckled. "Oh? What's wrong?"

"What's WRONG?!" Nero shouted.

"You just took your pants off!!" Ichigo screamed.

"Well, how else am I supposed to get undressed? Heheh…come on, you two, loosen up."

"H-hey, knock it off!"

"GAAAH!!" Ichigo hid his face in his hands.

Yoruichi paddled in in her cat form. "You prudes. I don't know _what_ you're so worked up over."

Ichigo peeked out, and then removed his hands altogether. "Uhh…oh."

"What? Are you disappointed?…You _are_, aren't you? You little perverts."

"You sneaky little…" Nero began.

"I'm quite disappointed in both of you; you've got girlfriends, and yet you're still trying to take advantage of poor old me…"

"Ugh, don't flatter yourself," he snapped, his cheeks burning red.

Ichigo nodded, looking away. "But anyway, I've been thinking…this place kinda seemed familiar, and now I think I know why. It's just like the training ground under the Urahara Shop."

Nero frowned. "You know, now that you mention it…yeah, I definitely see the resemblance."

"Hmm…you picked up on that, did you?" Yoruichi replied, amused. "Well, it's a long story, but when we were kids, we needed a place to play. Let out all that youthful energy. So we decided to sneak off and build this place. It was our little secret."

Nero shuddered in disgust. _Ugh, Urahara's old love nest. Creepy…"__Play"? Never heard it put like that before…_

" 'Secret'? This place is freakin' huge! How the hell did you keep it a secret?" Ichigo exclaimed.

Yoruichi shrugged. "I could tell you, but it would be a very long and boring story. But back to my original one. Kisuke and I used to play here almost every day; we were quite spirited back then."

_Every day, huh? Well, I guess that's one way to build up stamina…_

"When we got older," Yoruichi continued, "he joined the 13 Court Guard Squads and I joined the Stealth Force, but we'd still come back every now and then to hone our skills."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "Huh?! So you're saying that both of you used to be-" He turned to Yoruichi to find her back in her human form. "YAAAAH!" he screamed, falling into the water.

Nero frowned. "Huh? What's wrong, Ichi-" Then he made the same mistake of looking where Ichigo had. "GAAAA!" he yelled, turning away.

Yoruichi chuckled. "The same reaction from both of you, hmm? Ichigo I can understand because he's so young, but what's your excuse, Nero?"

"You were telling a story, weren't you?" he asked, willing both the images and the nosebleed away. "So don't try to distract us!…And cross your legs or something!!"

---

Ichimaru and Izuru both stopped as they saw the figure in front of them. "Hmm. I thought I might find you together," the figure said.

"C-Captain Hitsugaya!" Izuru gasped.

"After all," the young captain continued, "of the three escaped prisoners, Izuru's cell was the only one opened from the outside. How careless to leave evidence like that, even for you, Gin."

"Ironic that you're the one calling _me_ careless," Gin drawled, "when the truth is that I left it like that on purpose to draw you out. Who would've thought there was a traitor in our midst…the youngest of all the captains, and yet _you're_ the only one that's actively aided the _ryoka_."

"Hmph. As I've already explained to Head Captain Yamamoto, I had no business in that. And don't try to play innocent with me, Gin; _I'm_ not the traitor here. I'm just glad I got here before Momo. I'll finish this quickly, so that your blood is on my-" He stopped as a small figure dropped between them. "What? Momo, no!"

"I found you," she said flatly. "I'm glad I'm not too late."

"Momo, stop this! You're no match for-" He gasped as she drew her blade, pointing it at him. "What are you doing?"

She glared at him with cold fury. "I'm taking revenge for Captain Aizen. Why, Toshiro? Why did you kill him?" He stared at her, shocked. "There's no need to pretend. I know everything. It's here, in this letter," she said, touching her chest. She explained in detail what the letter said, and its implication of Toshiro as the murderer of Sosuke Aizen. "…Please, do this. I beg of you…" she finished, tears streaming down her face.

"Momo…I…" he began, and then his face split into a half-smile. "Can't believe you're that gullible."

"What?!" she cried.

"Knowing there was a conspiracy, and then going to face it alone, knowing that he'd die; then trusting the information only with his lieutenant, who possesses no Bankai…oh, Momo…" he said, shaking his head, "how disappointing."

"Shut up!" she screamed, swinging at him wildly. He dodged all of her strikes, with that calm half-smile still firmly in place. She swung in a wide arc, only to find him a foot further back, his arms crossed over his chest. _He's never acted like this before…what's going on?_ "Toshiro?"

He began to chuckle. "I'm sorry, he's out at the moment. May I take a message?"

His behavior began to scare her. _Is this what he's really like? I suppose the Toshiro I thought I knew never would have killed Captain Aizen, so that version of him must've been a lie. _"Is this…what you really are?"

He shook his head, laughing. "I am what I am, but that's not _who_ I am!"

She shook her head, refusing to let him confuse her. "No matter what you say, I can't let you get away with this!!" She thrust her sword at him.

He dodged to the right, snapping his left arm to his side and pinning her blade between his arm and chest. He smirked, walking toward her slowly, sliding along the flat of the blade.

"W-why, Toshiro? What's happened to you?" she yelled.

"Didn't I already tell you, Momo?" He stopped in front of her, locking his eyes with hers. "I'm not the Toshiro you know."

"Then…what are you?!"

"Nothing more than a bad dream." He stood on his tiptoes, kissing her forehead. "Good night, little Momo." Her eyes rolled back, and his arms rose up to catch her as she fell limp. "Rest peacefully. You will struggle in pain no longer."

Gin eyed Toshiro carefully as he set Momo's body down. "What's this, now? That was quite unlike you, Captain."

He snorted. "I expected sharper hearing from that fox-like face of yours. I _detest_ repeating myself; I'm just taking the appearance of the youngster that everyone thinks that they know for the time being." He sighed. "We've met before, you know. Matter of fact, I've been both advancing my plans within and operating out of your squad for a while now. We've got a little time, so…" He drew the blade from his back, and both Gin and Izuru tensed, their hands going to their zanpakuto. But the strange, new version of Toshiro pointed his sword straight down, stabbing it into the walkway. He put his hands on the end of the hilt, resting his chin on them. "We can fight like beasts, or we can talk like civilized men…and then fight like civilized men. Your call."

---

Nanao sighed. It was bad enough with Captain Aizen's death, but holding their enemies as prisoners for questioning? _Not to mention the problems of disarming them…_

_Nanao didn't think her eyes could've got any wider, but they did. Her captain had told her to relieve Lady of her weapons, and she had complied, figuring that with all the visible weapons she had on her, the task would be easy._

_If she could've slapped her past self for wishful thinking, she would've done it at least three times by now. After the obvious large weapon carried on her back, and the four, smaller weapons that the humans apparently called "guns", she'd begun to empty Lady's pockets and "utility belt" (or at least, that was the name she'd overheard from Nemu). That was where the despair began to set in. After removing three more "guns" and about forty of the objects called "clips" (why, she would never understand, as they didn't seem to "clip" on to anything), she'd noticed by chance a similar belt by Lady's ankle. She fished out four more "clips" and a knife from that belt, and a twin of it on her other ankle. Deciding to conduct a complete search was inevitable, and within five minutes, she'd confiscated two more small "guns", twelve "clips", and at least twenty assorted knives. And she hadn't even made it up to the stomach area yet!_

_She heard a soft chuckle from over her shoulder. "A strip search, eh, Nanao? Maybe you take after your Captain more than you think. Need any…help?"_

_She responded the dignified way; by hitting him offhandedly with a backfist without looking (she'd had plenty of time to practice, after all). As her Captain massaged his wounded face, whining, she fished out yet another knife…_

She sighed. "I'll be glad when they're finally out of our hair."

"Aww, don't say _that_, my little Nanao," the bundle of pink - her Captain responded from his relaxed position on the floor. "They make things so much less annoying when it comes to Hollow hunting."

"It's also likely that they were the ones that murdered Captain Aizen."

He nodded, putting his hat over his face. "It is a possibility. But I doubt it. They've got no grudge against us, and as rough as they've been with our troops, Captain Aizen's the only actual casualty we've had. There's just no _motive_. It also doesn't fit with their goal; they're here to rescue Rukia, right? So why attack one of the most peaceful Captains, and why in such a bloody way? I've only ever seen that kind of violence among Hollows and ruthless Soul Reapers."

"But there's never been a Hollow alert while they've been…" She gasped. "Are you suggesting that one of our own comrades…"

His hat shook from side to side. "Of course not. It's not wise to jump to conclusions so quickly. But if you ask me, this whole situation stinks." He sighed. "I'll need to talk to someone I can trust about this. Wonder if Jushiro's feelin' any better…"

* * *

Well, here it is: my thirtieth chapter!!

...Why does that make me feel old? :-I

Anyway, I was going to post this over spring break, and then St. Patrick's Day, but it felt a little bit like cheating to have a shorter chapter after the extra-large omake last update. So I extended it a bit, and...well, here you have it!

Also, apologies to those who might've been expecting this during February. It would've been nice, but do you really think I'M capable of writing that much? Still, I didn't say I wouldn't be posting an actual chapter February, and given my usual policy...Well, I'm sorry.

Oh, and due to the suggestion of one of my reviewers, I've realized that at the very least, I can wait a few chapters before getting in danger of the M-rating. Nothing raunchy, but potential gore...then again, considering the setting, is that REALLY so surprising? But the point is, this fic shall be T-rated once again!

Since more people will be able to read...AND since I'm most certainly a glutton for awesome feedback, I will once again ask for reviews.

...Please?


	31. Deadlines Approach

I am so sorry for- *gets hit by a brick*

* * *

"…and that's pretty much what's going on," the strange version of Toshiro said finally.

Izuru blinked. "What? But…you didn't say anything! You just stared at us for a few seconds and said 'And that's pretty much what's going on'!"

"Yeah, so? By gum, you explain something to someone, and they start yelling at you…" He paused, frowning. "Oh, wait. You want me to explain out _loud_, don't you?"

"That would help, yes," Ichimaru said lightly.

"_Oh_…Well, too bad. I told you before, I hate repeating myself."

"Aren't you doing that now?" he pointed out.

"…I hate you SO much…" the one that looked like Toshiro grumbled, pouting.

"Well, come on, now. You can't expect to say what you have and expect us to leave here. For all we know, _you're_ the traitor."

He snorted. "Oh, _that's_ rich, coming from YOU…"

Izuru frowned. "Huh? What does that mean?"

"One of the top rules of the universe is as follows: Never trust young men with white hair. They're almost _always_ evil. Which makes no sense to me, but there you have it."

"But…YOU have white hair."

"And I would be the one that provides the 'almost' qualifier. But this is pointless. Your captain has white hair, and thus is evil. Surely you can see the logic of this."

"Uh…no."

He sighed. "Figures. Think you're so cool with your hat and trench, Shin- er, I mean Izuru." The one with Toshiro's face frowned. "Well, consarn it. I was hoping she'd take a little longer, with all that weight…"

" 'She'?"

"Captain Hitsugaya!" a voice rang out behind the strange version of Toshiro. Rangiku Matsumoto landed behind him, surveying the scene. "What happened here?"

"Ah, you ran here, Ran?" the one who appeared to be Toshiro asked, smirking. "Good thing; Momo here seems to have escaped her cell, and Gin and his lieutenant were kind enough to help me…take care of her." He sighed. "She was in quite a terrible state. Apparently, she received a forged letter in Captain Aizen's handwriting that implicated me in his murder."

"What? You're serious?" She nodded to the Third Division members. "Thank you, Gin. But…wasn't Izuru being held prisoner, too?"

"He felt that Izuru might be able to help us find her, seeing as how they're old friends. He was right; as such, I believe that Lieutenant Kira has redeemed himself for his earlier indiscretions." He bowed to them. "Thank you both very much for helping, but we can get her back from here. We wouldn't want to trouble you further." He winked. "See you later…"

Gin nodded, and glanced at Izuru. He left, with his lieutenant close behind.

"Toshiro" smirked, picking Momo's body up. "Well, Ran, what do you say we head back?" He disappeared.

She blinked. _Huh? That wasn't flash steps…and something's not right about him. What's going on here?_ Shaking her head, she began flash-stepping back to their barracks.

"Miss Kuchiki, we are opening the door. We request that you step away."

Silence. Then again, that was the usual response. The head of the group of robed figures nodded to the guards, who unlocked the door.

They stepped in, their eyes adjusting to the dark. "Miss Kuchiki." He spied her sprawled out on the other side of the room. _Not very dignified for a noble_. "Miss Kuchiki, we have come to deliver a message." Nothing. Odd; she'd always moved when they came to deliver announcements. "Miss-" He stopped abruptly as he noticed something very wrong…

She wasn't breathing.

_W-what?_

Ragiku glanced at Toshiro as he finished wrapping Momo's bandages. _His face…it seems so much more open. Could it be that in all this madness, he's changed? Or…has he stopped being so-_ She frowned. _Whatever it is, he's different._ "Captain…"

"What is it, Ran?"

_And that nickname…_ "What really happened with Momo and Gin?"

He chuckled. "I could tell you, or even show you, and you wouldn't believe me. However, the general idea is that I've reason to believe that Gin has a hand in these events."

"Huh? B-but you said…"

"C'mon, Ran. You really think I was going to be honest in front of a possible traitor? I only said that to get him to leave."

"…Why?"

He frowned. "Even if we stop Gin, the execution will still occur. We must stop the execution first before we go after him." Toshiro scowled. "I've taken action against it, but I don't think anything less than a direct appeal will help…" He shook his head. "Well, we'll wait until morning. And then we'll do what we need to."

"I suppose…" _I still don't know what's happening, but if there's answers to be found, I may as well follow him._

"I'll sleep here. I don't want anything to happen to Momo…"

Rangiku nodded. "I guess I should as well, if we're going together."

Toshiro smirked. "Mind sharing your pillows with me?"

"Huh? But you have your own…"

He rolled his eyes. "Never mind."

Rangiku frowned, and then thought for a second. _Hmm…that might work…_ "Good night, 'Shiro."

He chuckled, turning to walk away. " 'Night, Ran."

_That settles it. Something's definitely wrong here. He HATES that nickname._ She eyed her zanpakuto. _I think he's got some explaining to do…_

The figure frowned, running a hand through his red hair. "Hmm…is this it? That weird guy's directions lead here, but-" He smirked as he felt a surge of spiritual energy. "Guess he was right. I found you, Ichigo." He hefted his sword up, resting it on his shoulders. _Time to finish what we've started, eh, Zabimaru?_

The small figure stirred as the sun shone in his eyes. _Mmrph…did I rest for this long?_ Toshiro yawned, stopping short as he felt the side of a blade press against his neck. _Oh, no…did Momo escape again?_ He opened his eyes slowly. "W-what? _Rangiku_? What do you think you're doing?"

She frowned at him. "Questioning you. Something's not right here…"

"Rangiku…what's gotten into you?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Captain. Tell me what really happened with Gin and Momo." The look on her face nearly matched the one he always wore. He would have found it amusing if it were a different situation.

He frowned. "I tracked down Gin to ask him a few questions. After I found him, Momo attacked me, thinking I was responsible for Captain Aizen's death. I dealt with her, and Gin retreated with his lieutenant. You don't remember any of that?"

"But at the time, you told me that you requested Gin's help in finding Momo. You said that he got his lieutenant to help you in the search."

"…What are you talking about? I cornered him because I suspect him of being involved in the recent events."

_What the…he doesn't remember? Hmm…_ "When we returned here, what happened?"

"I said that we could wait until morning, and then make an appeal to stop the execution."

She nodded. "That's true. But be more specific. What did you say to me? What did I say to you?"

"I said…" He stopped. _Hmm, that's odd._ He thought back on the previous night…and drew a blank. _Strange. I know what happened; why can't I remember it?_ "I said that…" _Come on, THINK._

_Seriously? He REALLY can't remember? …Well, there's one more thing I can try._ "C'mon…focus, 'Shiro."

He gritted his teeth. "Show the proper respect, Lieutenant! It's Captain Hitsugaya!"

_Hmph. Well, whatever that was, it looks like he's back to normal. But what WAS happening last night? _She frowned, thinking. _Could it have been…the effects of a zanpakuto? Yikes…the thought of a zanpakuto that can control people…that's something I hope I never run into._

"Well, Lieutenant? Are you going to let me up?"

"Huh? O-oh, sorry, Captain!" She pulled her blade back, re-sheathing it.

Toshiro sat up, scowling at her. "When we have a moment to spare, you'll explain to me what that was all about."

She nodded. "Of course. But we'd better-" She stared at the Hell Butterfly that floated in. "Hmm?" She stretched out a finger, allowing it to perch and deliver its message. "W-what?" She turned to her Captain. "It's about the execution…"

_CRASH!_

Ichigo paused in mid-swing as a huge explosion obscured the top of the training ground's ladder with dust. Nero's hand drifted to Red Queen as Yoruichi's eyes darted upwards.

"Well, well…so this is where you've run off to. I'll go out on a limb and guess that that's the spirit of your zanpakuto you're fighting." A figured dropped down to the ground, covered in a cloud of dust. "So, you've come here to train in secret in the aim of gaining your Bankai, eh? Sounds like fun."

Nero frowned at the figure. "Show yourself, or I'll dice you eight ways to Sunday."

"Hmph. If you insist." He stepped forward. "Long time no see, Ichigo."

"Renji!" Ichigo exclaimed.

"Heh. You've got that 'what the hell are you doing here?' look on you. Well, I can't blame you. I'm here because there's something I need to take care of."

"If it's a rematch, then you can-"

"Not interested. We don't have much time for that crap now. In fact, we don't really have any time left at all. So I'm here to get some last-minute training done in peace, just like you."

Ichigo frowned. "What do you mean, 'we don't have any time left at all'?"

"Hmm. Guess that's the downside of training in secrecy…Well, it's about the execution. From the sound of it, I guess it got bumped up a whole hell of a lot."

"How much is a hell of a lot?"

"Noon. Noon tomorrow."

"W-what?" Nero growled. _Bastards…moving it up again? We gotta hurry, dammit._

He nodded. "Yep. And as much as it kills me to admit it, at my current level, I still won't be able to save Rukia. So, here I am." He noticed Ichigo's scowl. "Oh, don't worry. I'm not here to get in your way. To be honest, I'm getting pretty close to achieving Bankai myself…" He held out Zabimaru, manifesting its spirit. "…like so. So if it's all right with you guys, I think I'll just do my own thing here."

"Noon…_tomorrow_?" Yoruichi gasped. "No way…there's no way he can achieve it that quickly. He-"

_CLASH!_ The sword in Ichigo's hand was now only the hilt and about an inch of the blade.

"What?" Ichigo snorted. "Giving up so soon? This crazy plan was your idea, wasn't it? So you'd better see it through."

"But if you can't-"

"We don't have time to waste on what-ifs and maybes! All I've got time to do is train. So if you say the deadline is tomorrow…" He clenched his fist, shattering what was left of the sword in his hand. "…then the only option left is to complete it today."

She nodded, sighing. As Ichigo went to pick up another sword, she turned to Nero. "You think he can pull this off?"

"The hell are you asking me for? I didn't make this training program." He rolled his eyes. "But if I had to put my money on it one way or the other, I'd bet it on the kid."

She smirked. "You're sounding a bit like Dante; and he calls YOU 'kid'."

He snorted. "Yeah, well, Ichigo's fifteen. Since I'm _definitely_ older than that, I'm gonna count it." _Still…real money or no, I don't like losing a bet. C'mon, Ichigo…show us what you've got._

* * *

...Ahem. I really am sorry for missing last month. We're getting so close, too... Anyway, I could give you the full story, but it's boring, and since it's unlikely that I'll get any sympathy for it, I'll leave it in my Author profile so you don't have to read it. As for the story itself: this isn't a very good chapter, I know. It's short, and it doesn't have any good fight scenes. Hopefully, the next one will start to ramp things up (Kenpachi fight, GO). Later!

P.S. - As usual, the wise Drifter-747-X has pointed out another one of my many mistakes in the last chapter. When you fling around as much punctuation as I do, you lose track of a few... :-p But seriously, thanks goes out to Drifter-747-X. I'm happy to see that people do, in fact, read my story. And as much as I kid around, I really do appreciate the help. I owe you one.


	32. Warrior's Return

_SLAM!_

"I'm tired of all this waiting around crap!" Kenpachi growled, the hand he'd hit the table with clenching into a fist. "I'm in the mood for a fight, and I'll find it, one way or the other!"

Yumichika raised an eyebrow. "Ikkaku, do you know what he's talking about?"

"The usual," his bald friend answered. "Can't say I disagree with him either. It feels like forever since I fought Ichigo…"

Zaraki eyed the orange-haired girl. "You're a friend of Ichigo's, right? Then you're going to help me find him."

Orihime gulped.

* * *

The Soul Reaper sheathed his zanpakuto. _Dawn…It seems the execution date is upon us at last._

_Indeed. You still have much to learn, cub, but we shall halt training for now. The promised time is upon us…_

He nodded. "Yes, Master…it is time to make a stand."

* * *

_CRASH!_

Uryu and Ganju dived out of the way as something broke through the ceiling. When the dust cleared, Lady gasped. "It's…_you_!"

Zaraki grinned. "You're the woman that was with Dante, aren't you? Where is he?"

"I don't know. We lost track of him after we ran from you."

He frowned. "Hmm. That's a letdown."

"Aww, c'mon, Kenny!" Yachiru piped up. "There's other people to fight, too!"

Ganju blinked, then glared at Yumichika. "And I remember YOU! I'd never forget that pretty-boy face with the funky eyebrows!"

Yumichika scoffed. "I wish I could say the same for you. I have such a terrible memory for the ugly faces."

"And how the hell would you know what my face looks like with all these bandages?"

_And yet, no argument about the ugly part…_ Uryu sighed. He blinked as a head poked up over Kenpachi's shoulder. One with long, orange hair. "Huh? Orihime?"

She tried waving to them, but fell off as Yachiru jumped onto her back. Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "So, you really don't know where Dante is?" he asked Lady.

"Not a clue. With as thick a head as he has, he's probably as lost as you guys are."

He grinned. "So, he's our type, eh? I bet he'd fit right in with our Squad…"

* * *

Dante sneezed. "Whoever you are, I HATE you," he grumbled, itching his nose. He looked up at the white tower in the distance. "So, today's the day, eh? Ichigo'll want his big boy hero moment; I probably better go just a little faster, though. Who knows how far in over his head he'll get?" He took a few steps, then sneezed again. "If it's Lady, I _swear_…"

* * *

As Renji began to leave, Nero sighed. "Maybe he's got the right idea. Ichi's got this covered." He stood up, dusting off his coat and picking up his weapons. "Yo, Yoruichi. I'm gonna head out for a while. Don't wait up for me."

She nodded as he placed Red Queen on his back. "You looking for a fight, too?"

He shrugged, re-holstering Blue Rose. "Better than just sittin' around." He leapt up, landing at the top of the ladder. He walked out, squinting at the sun. _Hmm…my arm's been feelin' kind of weird. Maybe a good fight will straighten it out…_

Almost on cue, he heard a loud crashing sound. Grinning, he tied Yamato to his waist and took off in that direction.

* * *

"Oh, great," Lady grumbled. "More Captains."

Captains Tosen and Komamura had just appeared with their lieutenants, and he was grinning like…well, like Dante when he was up against a crowd of demons. And the best way to deal with that was to leave him to his own devices while she dealt with her own matters. _Besides, if he's distracting them here, maybe the forces guarding Rukia will be a little lighter. Worth a shot, anyway._

"Get out of here," Zaraki growled. "I'll be there in a little bit."

Well, she wasn't about to argue. If the guy faced Dante and lived, he certainly wasn't a slouch in combat…

"Okay!" Yachiru shouted, looking them over, from Ganju, to her, to Orihime, to Chad, to Aramaki, to Uryu. "Muscles, Boat Lights, Jiggles, Monkey, Whiskers, Eraser! Follow me!"

She nodded, running after the little girl. _Strange how such a cute little girl can be so strong…odd nicknames as well…wait…_ "…'Boat Lights'?"

* * *

"All right, then. _Finally_, we can get back to the fighting." Kenpachi grinned. "Of course, without your lieutenants, your number's been cut in half; this'll probably be no more difficult than my morning exercises."

"Still you brag," Komamura growled. "It is time…" He drew his blade, spiritual energy flowing around him. "…to put an end to your foolish bravado!" He swung downward, cutting a gigantic slash into the ground and wall behind it, and throwing up an equally huge cloud of dust.

"Step back, Sajin," Kaname said from the air, "I will shred his limbs to pieces." He swung his sword around in a circle. "Suzumushi Nishiki: Benihiko!" Countless blades appeared in the path his sword had taken, and when he swung, the blades all shot out in the direction of where Kenpachi had been standing. He landed next to Komamura, sheathing his sword.

"It's over," Komamura said, satisfied. "Not even Kenpachi Zaraki could have survived that."

"…Heheheheh…" Kenpachi's voice rang out from the cloud of dust. "You sure about that?" It settled to reveal him standing, grinning at them, with four of the blades Suzumushi had created sticking out of him. "Is that it? Is THAT all you've got?"

"I-impossible! Tenken…Benihiko…how is he still standing?"

"Oh, dear…" Zaraki's voice dripped with sarcasm as he pulled one of the blades out of him, tossing it away. "Y'know what? Forget what I said before. This…isn't even good enough to be a _warm-up_ for my morning exercises."

"I dunno…" a voice rang out from above. "I sure can feel the burn…"

Zaraki turned, seeing a figure standing atop the wall that Komamura's attack had hit. "That voice sounds sorta familiar…"

The figure jumped off, crashing into the ground next to Zaraki. He frowned. "You…you're that weird guy that Dante was fighting."

_Hmm…he's not Dante. Wait a second…_ "You're the one that ran off with that girl before we fought, aren't you?" He grinned. "That must make you a friend of his."

The man shrugged. "I guess." He saluted with his right arm, another of Benihiko's blades impaled in it. "Name's Nero, captain. How are ya?"

Zaraki snorted. "I'm a little busy right now. I've been dying for a fight for so long, and I don't want any distractions."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been wanting to get a little workout in…" Nero sighed, pointing his impaled Devil Bringer at Tosen. "Oh, and by the way; watch where you wave that thing, pal, or you might hit some innocent bystander."

"If you really were looking for a fight, you wouldn't exactly be 'innocent'."

"Hey, I wasn't gonna get involved until someone STABBED ME. Now I'm lookin' for a little payback. Mind if I cut in? I'll even let you have the big guy."

Zaraki chuckled. "Do what you like, but stop pointing at him. There's no sense in it."

" 'No sense'? Why're you talking like he can't see me?"

"Because he can't."

"HUH?" He looked from Tosen to Zaraki several times. "Aww, hell no! I can't fight a blind guy!"

Tosen's eyebrow twitched very slightly as Zaraki chuckled. "Don't underestimate Kaname!" Komamura snarled. "He's more than strong enough to fight the likes of you!"

Zaraki shrugged. "Dunno about that, but they didn't just _give_ him the title of Captain. He's not your average grunt."

"Well, if he's so good, why don't YOU fight him?"

"I was trying to, until you butted in." He sighed. "Waste of time, though. There's no point in fighting either of them if they won't release their Bankai."

"They won't use Bankai, eh? Ahh, that's no fun at all." Nero smirked, pulling Benihiko's blade out of his Devil Bringer. "So, you chumps gonna get serious or what?"

Komamura growled, but stopped as Tosen walked past him, spinning his sword on the ring between the hilt and guard. "K-Kaname?"

"Leave this to me, Sajin." He turned to Nero. "Did you know there are three ways to become a Captain of the Soul Society?"

"I do now," Nero replied airily.

"The first is to pass the Captain's proficiency examination, administered by three other Captains, including the Head Captain himself. The second is to receive a recommendation from six or more Captains and be acknowledged by at least three of the remaining seven."

"Are you going somewhere with this?"

"The monster you would fight alongside became a Captain by neither of these methods, but by the last: defeating the previous Captain in a one-on-one battle with at least two hundred witnesses."

Nero cast a sideways glance at Kenpachi. "So he's got skills. What's your point?"

As Kenpachi grinned, Tosen's mouth set into an angry snarl. "Ever since you killed the previous Squad 11 Captain, I've felt a deep unease about you. And now I am proven right; you aid the _ryoka_ and wish to destroy us. All for your despicable bloodlust and need for senseless violence. Am I wrong?"

Kenpachi snorted. "Right, wrong, or in-between, you seem to have a problem _getting to the point._ If you hate me so much, shut up and attack me already!"

"I never said I hated you…" His sword stopped spinning abruptly as he gripped it. "I just find you unforgivable! In the name of justice, I have no choice but to erase you!"

Something told Nero he'd better step back a foot or hundred. He leapt back at the same time the helmeted captain did. Moments later, a thick, black oval of some kind formed around Kenpachi and Tosen, expanding for quite a ways. He blinked. "Well, that's new." He looked over to the Soul Reaper Captain. "I don't suppose you're gonna tell me what the hell that thing is, are you?" Silence. "Mind humoring me with a little fight?" Komamura drew his sword, pointing it at Nero. "That's a 'yes' if I ever saw one." He grinned, planting Red Queen in the ground and revving it twice. "Bring it on, big guy!"

The large captain swung downward, and Nero brought Red Queen up against it. It ignited, and knocked Komamura's sword away. "Hmm? A fire zanpakuto?" Komamura exclaimed "Could there be another besides…"

"Heh. So what if it is or it isn't? A fight's a fight." Nero swung in a circle, revving again as he did so. Komamura brought his sword down to block, but the force of Red Queen pushed him back. Nero swung downward, and the Soul Reaper Captain dodged to the side, Red Queen slashing a red-hot line in the ground inches away. "So, why don't we stop playin' around?" Nero taunted, smirking. "Let your Bankai come out to play, and we'll see how tough you are."

"You presume to think you can counter my Bankai? Even my Shikai would be enough to-"

_SHIK!_

Nero held Red Queen against Komamura's blade, with the point of Yamato at his throat. "I'm holdin' back too, y'know. Any other day I'd play around a little more, but we don't have any more time for screwin' around. And if I could kick that Kuchiki's ass when he was usin' Shikai, I'm sure you're not much tougher." Komamura gasped as Nero pushed him back, sheathing Yamato. He sighed. "So come on, already! Let's see what you've got!"

"You held your own against Captain Kuchiki's Shikai? Few can claim that honor…" Komamura held his sword up. "Very well, _ryoka_. Witness a power beyond your comprehension! BANKAI!" With a mighty tremor and a tremendous crash, a gigantic samurai appeared behind Komamura as he glowed with spiritual energy. "Kojuko Tengen Myo'o!"

Nero's eyes widened. "That's…your Bankai?"

"Yes. Do you see now, invader? This is the power of a captain!"

He blinked. Then blinked again. Then fell over backwards. "AHAHAHAHA! Oh, this is GREAT!"

"What's so funny, child?" Komamura snarled. "Do you find the form of your death comical?"

Nero shook his head, getting back on his feet. "Don't misunderstand. I'm not laughing 'cause it's funny, I'm laughing 'cause it's _awesome_."

"What?"

"To fight you…it's perfect!" He untied Yamato from his waist, holding it with his Devil Bringer. "If this is what it's like when you go all out…you'll love _this_." He Devil Triggered, the semi-ethereal blue spirit forming behind him. Nero drew Red Queen and pointed it at Komamura, while the spirit did the same with Yamato. Komamura stared at Nero in shock as he spoke in a much deeper, darker voice. **"So, you're like me. I couldn't have asked for a better fight."** He grinned, his glowing red eyes afire with bloodlust. **"Let's dance."**

* * *

Izuru sighed, walking along the path of the Squad Three barracks. So many things were happening so fast; the way events were being played out, they were confusing him to no end. _And Captain Hitsugaya's actions…they were greatly out of character for him. All that talk about how he WAS Captain Hitsugaya but he WASN'T…Urgh, it's so difficult to understand. And my captain as well…he keeps disappearing at the oddest times. And what's more…he seems to be anxious for something. Something that will happen soon. I'd say the execution, but it just seems like there's more to it…_ He shook his head. "What's going on around here?"

"Good question…Lieutenant Kira."

He spun around, staring at the Soul Reaper that had appeared behind him. "You…who are you, and what squad are you with?"

"How disappointing, Lieutenant. I had hoped that you would have noticed me by now. I am of your squad. If you don't remember my name by now, I doubt you shall remember it even if I tell you."

"Mmm…" Izuru glanced at the zanpakuto he held in his left hand. "You're carrying your zanpakuto by hand? Why?"

"What use is a shield if it is worn on one's back? What good is a sword if you tie it in your belt?" The odd Soul Reaper frowned. "The Head Captain has declared war on the _ryoka_. If we are in a war, should I not have my blade in hand?"

_But it's still sheathed…_ "Hmm. Well, what is you business, then?"

"I have come to a conclusion. I have decided to make a stand against the execution."

"W-what?"

"I take it from your tone that you do not share my objective. Very well. With all due respect, Lieutenant Kira, please move."

Izuru drew his zanpakuto. "You forget your place, soldier. Stand down and stop, before you're tried for insubordination!"

The Soul Reaper placed his right hand on the white and silver grip of his zanpakuto. "I do not do this lightly, Lieutenant. No doubt your strength surpasses my own; regardless, I must act against this. Please move." He received no response, save a glare from Izuru. "Very well. There is no honor in attacking one's superior; but standing idly by while an innocent woman is executed would be far more dishonorable." His face narrowed, a feral snarl on his face. "Have at you, Lieutenant Kira."

The lieutenant slashed from the left, but the odd Soul Reaper drew his blade slightly to block it. He sheathed his sword, pinching Izuru's blade between the guard and scabbard of his own, and then kicked Izuru's left side, pushing him back a little. He pushed the lieutenant's blade away, fully sheathing his zanpakuto, and then struck downward with the sheathed sword, hitting Kira in the forehead. Kira retaliated by stabbing forward, but the Soul Reaper dodged to the right, batting the blade away with his own sheathed sword and kicking Izuru in the stomach, and turned to kick him again, but was met in the chest by a punch from Kira, and ducked as the lieutenant's zanpakuto sailed over him. As soon as it passed, he shot up to uppercut the blonde, but Izuru backed up and kicked his exposed chest.

Coughing once, the odd Soul Reaper swung his sheathed zanpakuto in a reverse grip at Kira's chin, but Izuru stabbed at him at the same time with his own. He altered his strike quickly to push the blade to the side, and grabbed the lieutenant's wrist. Izuru's left fist shot out in a punch, but the Soul Reaper pushed it to the side and grabbed his left wrist as well. He pushed forward, stepping on Izuru's stomach, then his shoulder, and jumped up, spinning around and swinging his zanpakuto at Izuru's head. Izuru stumbled forward, and the sheath grazed by his cheek.

He turned around to face the strange Soul Reaper, gritting his teeth. "I see. You're a seated officer, aren't you? Tell me, what's your rank?" His opponent said nothing. "Very well. But attacking me was a very foolish mistake." He held his sword up. "Raise your head, Wabisuke!" The blade shone and curled around into a hook-like shape. As the glow faded, Izuru's eyes narrowed. "You attack me head on, forgetting one crucial detail; my Shikai. I trust you understand what it does?"

"Naturally."

He nodded. "Good. Then you know that this battle is over. Lay down your sword immediately."

"I am afraid you are mistaken, my lieutenant," the Soul Reaper said, sighing. "This battle had not started until now. Now, perhaps we can fight as equals."

"Do you honestly think you can defeat me, with only an unreleased zanpakuto? Without Shikai, you have no hope."

"You are mistaken again. While you are strong indeed, you are not the only one here that possesses a Shikai." He clasped his hands over his zanpakuto; almost as if in prayer. "Your zanpakuto is known as 'The Penitent One', yes? In that case, I humbly beg your forgiveness." He bowed his head. "Please forgive me for the harm I shall inflict upon you." His zanpakuto began to glow a bright white.

"Cry, Ōkami."

He was engulfed in a bright light. As it cleared, he sported his wolf gauntlets and greaves. "Let us hurry, Lieutenant. The hour draws nigh." He rushed forward, punching at Kira's gut. Izuru dodged to the right, swinging at the fist that had attempted to punch him, but the strange Soul Reaper was suddenly on his other side, kicking at his head. He raised Wabisuke to block, but his opponent suddenly appeared in front of him, kicking again. With Wabisuke too far up, he could only block with one arm as he dodged backward. Only two of the claws scratched him, but he felt several cuts form along his arm as he completed his move. "W-what? But you only hit with two claws!" His opponent was silent, fixing him with a steely stare. "…I see. So, that is the special ability of your zanpakuto. But once Wabisuke connects with one of those gauntlets or greaves, this battle will be over."

"Then I shall have to hope that I continue to dodge your attacks." He leaned to the side, dodging a downward slash from Kira, then punched at the arm holding it. Izuru turned, slashing at the offending gauntlet. The Soul Reaper ducked, using his other arm to punch Izuru in the gut. Izuru flew back, feeling as if he'd been hit by scores of strikes. He hit the wall, coughing. "H-how? Your zanpakuto ability multiplied the slashes of the gauntlets' teeth and the greaves' claws!"

"Then it seems you have misjudged Ōkami's special ability. I do not wish to fight you any longer, Lieutenant, but as long as you are conscious, I cannot leave."

Izuru stumbled to his feet, putting both hands on Wabisuke. "I…I will obey the command of my Captain!" He rushed at the strange Soul Reaper, swinging diagonally downward from right to left. The Soul Reaper rolled to the left, sweeping Izuru's legs out from underneath him. As the lieutenant fell, he saw the Soul Reaper poised above him, ready to strike. His zanpakuto was too far away to counter the punch, even as he tried in vain to block it.

"Forgive me, sir." The punch rushed downward, but before it hit, it slowed down considerably, turning into a tap. The impact, however, was more than enough to account for a full strike, hitting Izuru square in the ribs.

He slammed into the ground, his consciousness fading. "C-captain Ichim-maru…p-please…forgiv-ve me…" He passed out, his head caught by the Soul Reaper before it could hit the ground.

The Soul Reaper set Kira's head down gently. "Lieutenant…we are much alike. Conflicted by our sense of honor and our emotions. But unlike you, I have had an epiphany during my training." He sighed, returning Ōkami to its sealed state. He turned from his lieutenant, resuming his walk to the Repentance Cell. "It is always the duty of a gentleman to uphold his honor. But even the most noble of gentlemen must be willing to set aside his honor to protect the innocent. Rukia Kuchiki is innocent; of this I am certain. I cannot say how; perhaps I see it in the will of those who would save her." He sighed. "If you had seen this truth, this battle would have had a very different ending. It is very likely I would have lost, even died. The strength of the mind is strong indeed; yet the strength of the heart is stronger yet." He sheathed Ōkami. "Fare well, my lieutenant. Perhaps one day, we may fight alongside one another with both our minds and hearts." _Those who would save Rukia Kuchiki…I must do what I can to aid you. I doubt I can do much without a Bankai, but I shall fight my hardest all the same. The eleventh hour is upon us at last…_

_The time has come._

* * *

And with that, we take yet another step closer to the thrilling conclusion. :-)

Sorry for all the extra lines, but for some odd reason, my, ahem, "benefactor" sees fit to delete my usual line spaces. *shrug* Ah, well. Not much I can do about it. Also, I WAS going to save this chapter until next month and just keep adding to it (to make up for the terrible one last time), but one and a half fights was about all I could manage. Anyway, please read and review!


	33. The Time Has Come

Nero grinned ferociously, his Devil Trigger spirit clashing swords with the Captain's giant Bankai. The actual forms of the Captain and he were locked in an identical struggle, their blades glancing off one another. They locked weapons, and with a mighty quake, their respective spirits did so as well, staring at each other over the steel. A massive flare of Spirit Energy ignited from the overhanging hill in the distance, reaching to the skies.

Nero frowned. **"The hell's goin' on over there?"**

Unseen to Nero, Komamura's eyes narrowed. "The execution…it's begun."

"**For real? So soon…figures, with as perfect a matchup as this…"**

"Hmm?…Ah, I see. So, this is why you wish to defeat me. You intend to intervene in the execution." The force he was pushing against Nero doubled. "That I cannot allow."

"**All you guys say the same thing. I've got half a mind to yank that helmet off and punch the stubborn out of you."** He grinned. **"Hell, now that I think about it, that thing reminds me of when I got this arm of mine. You're not hiding a demon's face under there, are you?"** Silence. **"…Uh, are you? Not that I care, really…"** They forced apart, sliding backwards. **"Okay, maybe that's not **_**completely**_** true. You got me a little curious, now…"** He held his sword behind him, focusing energy into it. **"Cry out loud!"** he roared, launching a blue energy wave at Komamura.

The Captain focused his spiritual energy into his blade and slashed through the wave, breaking it up into wisps of blue energy. He glared at Nero, but stopped short as he saw the triumphant smirk on the Devil Hunter's face.

_CRRACK!_

He was unprepared for the strike from above him. Glancing up as he dodged, he saw the semi-ethereal blue spirit in the same pose as Nero was. _That spirit…can it also perform the same move?_ Fortunately, the dodge meant that all the blast cut into was his helmet, not his head inside. Unfortunately…

Nero gazed with fascination as the helmet began to break away into fragments. The Captain drew himself up to his full height, and stared at Nero with the face of…_Is that a dog? Maybe a wolf…_ **"…Really? That's it? And here I was expecting some horrific, ugly demonic beak or something. But this…You actually look kinda cool."**

Komamura blinked, staring at Nero with confusion. "…W-what?"

"**That's why you hid your face? That's not so bad. And I would know; I've seen butt-ugly demons that I WISHED would've wore something over their faces. 'Specially that damn toad…You? You're all right."**

…This was not the reaction he had been expecting.

* * *

The figure's eyes widened as a massive swell of energy rose up from the cliff in the distance. "What? It has begun…" His eyes narrowed. "I must not waste any more time." Gripping Ōkami tighter, he quickened his pace.

* * *

_Ichigo…_

The _sōkyoku_ closed in, racing at the form of Rukia Kuchiki, the phoenix form burning with immense power. She waited for it to strike…and waited…and waited…

"Hey."

No…it couldn't be. She didn't dare open her eyes. _It must be my last thought. My mind's last, desperate wish…_

"C'mon, Rukia, you're not dead yet. Open your eyes."

She reluctantly complied, making out a dark figure in front of the _sōkyoku_ with a mantle flapping and what seemed to be an arm holding a sword on its back. _No…it's impossible…_ "I-Ichigo…"

He grinned. "Yo."

"…You IDIOT! I said not to rescue me!"

"Wha-?"

"How many times do I have to say it before it gets through to you? You can't beat my brother! He'll kill you for _sure_ now! I don't want you or anyone else risking your lives to save me! I've accepted my fate; now GO AWAY!"

The burning form of the _sōkyoku_ retreated a ways, the sudden release of pressure sending Ichigo stumbling forward a bit. He turned around, grinning fiercely. "Backing out for a second try, eh? Go ahead; make my day."

"That won't work a second time! Ichigo, just quit already!" He ignored her, lunging at the phoenix's shape. "…ICHIGO!"

As they closed in on each other, a long cable flew up, wrapping around the beak of the _sōkyoku._ Something happened among the Captains below, and energy raced up to the _sōkyoku_, breaking it into countless burning pieces that rained down. Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "I don't know _what_ the hell that was, but I don't give a damn. A free diversion like that's just what I could use!" He landed on the stand above Rukia, pulling Zangetsu off his back and spinning it by the cloth.

"Ichigo, what do you think you're doing?" Rukia yelled.

"The hell do you think? I'm knocking this damn stand down. Maybe I'll get lucky and knock someone out with a piece or two."

"Th-that's crazy! You'll kill us both!"

"Tch. What Dante does is crazy. This? This is no worse than slicing cheese. If you're that scared about it, just shut up and close your eyes." He stopped spinning his zanpakuto, catching it with the blade pointed down. "HAAA!" He slammed it into the stand.

Rukia closed her eyes, feeling the energy surge around her and hearing a large explosion. She felt Ichigo grab her around her waist and haul her up.

" 'Don't rescue me' you say. 'Go away', you say. And that little gem about having accepted your death…did it ever occur to you that maybe the rest of us haven't? Now, this is the second and last time I'll say this…Rukia Kuchiki, I'm here to rescue you."

She turned away from him so he couldn't see the smile on her face. "You fool…I…I'm not going to thank you…"

Ichigo smiled warmly. "You don't have to."

"So, Ichigo…what do we do now? Now that you've saved me, how do we get out of here?"

"We run for it."

"That's it? That's the best plan you have? How's that going to work with so many eyes on us? The Captains down there-"

"Will just get their asses kicked, then. Besides, didn't I tell you before? We're not alone, you know." A scuffle was heard down below. Ichigo grinned. "Case in point. About time you showed up, Renji!" he called out.

"Heh. You think I'd leave it all to you?" he called back. "I'm going to do everything I can, too."

"All right." He heaved Rukia up by his shoulder. "Here you go, then!"

Rukia blinked. "W-wait, you don't really mean to-"

"Just trust me. You'll be in safe hands…eventually."

Renji gulped. "Hold on now…you wouldn't _dare_…"

Ichigo chuckled. "Dumb question. Here you go!"

* * *

"Whew…finally made it outta that crazy maze…" Dante sighed, looking up the stairs in front of him. "Man, what a pain…" He began trudging up the stairs at a slow pace, but whipped around, putting a hand on Rebellion. "Rushing up behind me like that, huh? You're not even giving yourself half a chance."

The figure skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. "You…Red Devil? I dared to think we would not meet again."

Dante raised an eyebrow. "Mmm? Who're you?" He glanced at the zanpakuto the Soul Reaper held. "Hey, it's the ripoff. Haven't seen you since I kicked your ass. What's up?"

"I am pleased to see you as well. Sorry, but could you please move? I am in somewhat of a hurry. I doubt I can make you," he said, putting his hand on the grip of Ōkami, "but if you do not, I shall try regardless."

"Heh, scrappin' for another fight? Sure, why not? I got a little time to kill." He drew Rebellion.

"I do not wish to fight you. For now, we share the same purpose. Please, move."

"Huh? Same purpose? You mean…"

The Soul Reaper nodded vigorously. "Yes. I have decided to help stop the execution. I witnessed the _sōkyoku_ being activated; if we do not hurry, Miss Kuchiki will be killed!"

Dante blinked. _Today? _"…Run that by me again?"

* * *

Captain Tosen's Bankai fell to pieces, revealing him to be impaled by his own blade at the hands of Zaraki. The two other combatants, however, didn't notice it right away.

"…and so then I said 'You're REALLY gonna whine about this? I can slaughter demons the size of _tanks_, and you're gonna nag me about my **hair color**?' Never did find out what his problem was, but he sure was a pain in the…" Nero turned to where the black structure had been moments ago. "…ass…Zaraki? Damn, it sure took you long enough!"

Kenpachi snorted. "Yeah, well, it was a little tricky in there. I got to have some fun, though. You?"

Nero nodded. "Yeah. Me an' Sajin here were fighting for a little while with Bankai, but a couple things happened and, well…we got kinda sidetracked." He frowned. "…Or maybe just me; he's just been kinda staring at me for a while."

Sajin did exactly that for a few more seconds, and then blinked as he noticed the absence of Tosen's Bankai and just what that meant. "K-Kaname!"

Zaraki chuckled darkly, pulling Suzumushi from Tosen's chest. "If you've got something to say, I'd say it quick. He's not looking the best."

"You…" Komamura began to advance on Zaraki, moving a hand to his zanpakuto, when an enormous surge of spiritual energy crashed against them like a tsunami. "Head Captain Yamamoto…"

"Heheh…so, he's fighting too? How very interesting…" He blinked, noticing Sajin's missing helmet. "So, that's what you were hiding under there? I'll admit, I _was_ a little curious, but I suppose it doesn't really matter either way."

Komamura flash-stepped over to Tosen, putting one of the injured Captain's arms around him. "Don't worry, Kaname. I'll get you to the Fourth Division soon." He glared at Kenpachi and Nero. "Count yourselves lucky, and wish that we do not meet again." He and Tosen disappeared from sight.

Nero sighed. "Wimps. Running away like that's so annoying…"

Kenpachi grinned. "True, but I'm curious who's fighting the Head Captain…maybe it's your pal Dante."

Nero shook his head. "No. Whoever's fighting, it's not him." He glanced at his Devil Bringer, clenching it. "Doesn't have the right...feel."

* * *

"I had a feeling I'd be your opponent. It's been a long time, and you haven't changed a bit…Soifon."

"Th-that voice…"

The masked woman pulled off the material covering her face, grinning. "Hi there."

_So, __**you're**__ the one that odd Soul Reaper was talking about…_ "Yoruichi…"

* * *

"Ohhh, Caaptain! Captain Zaraki! Where aaare you?"

Zaraki rolled his eyes at Yumichika's sing-song voice. "You're awful damn chipper, I see. So, you won your fight."

He nodded, starting to smile, but it quickly turned into a frown as he saw Nero. "Who's he? Another opponent?"

Nero shook his head. "Nah. Just a combat buddy. Gotta say, didn't expect someone with _your_ looks to be the victor in a fight…"

He smiled. "Too taken aback by my good looks to believe that I am an impressive fighter as well? What a flattering compliment…"

Nero rolled his eyes. "Uh…yeah. Don't mention it."

"Soo? What happened to the other Captains, then?"

"We each fought one. He took Komamura, and I took Tosen. Which reminds me…with that beastly appearance of his, I wonder...was he just as beastly a fighter as well?" he asked Nero.

He grinned. "You bet. It was a pretty good fight. Kinda depressed it ended so soon, but, eh…" He shrugged. "What can you do?" He cracked his neck. "Anyway, that was fun and all, but I got a party to crash."

"Yeah, yeah…get outta here, kid. And if you see Dante, tell him he owes me a rematch. Our last fight was too close, and I know he was holding back."

_Okay…Dante bites, couldn't beat a Captain, and owes Kenpachi a rematch. Got it._ He smirked. "Got it."

* * *

Ichigo grinned with ferocity. He felt…great. Not because he'd taken out three lieutenants bare-handed, not because he'd stopped the _sōkyoku_, heck, not even because he'd finally saved Rukia, even with all the doubt and lectures everyone had given him. No.

Seeing Byakuya's blade blocked by his own. Effortlessly. The chilly bastard who had promised to execute his own sister, that sorry excuse for a big brother who thought he was so tough; and here Ichigo was, holding him off with minimal effort.

How the hell could he _not_ have a smile on his face?

Byakuya had thought his shikai would be enough to take care of Ichigo, but a quick Getsuga Tensho had made short work of it. He'd explained a little to Byakuya, but now he was getting irritated. "Now, I'll say it again…show me your Bankai!"

"…That attack… 'Piercer of Heaven'. Hmph. Such a pretentious name. But since you insist, I'll show you. Witness my Bankai." He brought his sword up, pointing it down. Then…

_He…let go of it?_

It almost seemed to melt into the ground. Then, two rows of giant blades formed behind Byakuya.

"Bankai. Senbonzakura Kageyoshi." At those words, the blades split into countless of those floating pink petals. Ichigo gaped, then picked up Zangetsu and ran towards Byakuya, dodging the wave of blades coming at him. He swung at him, launching another Getsuga Tensho, but another wave rose up to defend Byakuya. "Pathetic." As Ichigo's attack dissipated, two waves shot at him from his sides. He launched another, but again his attack was dissipated. Two more waves closed in, and then two more.

_Dammit…won't make it!_

The pink waves slammed down onto him. Byakuya scoffed. "Think of Senbonzakura as a relentless barrage from every conceivable direction by billions of tiny blades, all attacking in unison. While you may be stronger than I expected, your attacks are far too clumsy and unfocused. You could never defeat the precision of Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

Ichigo coughed, grinning even as he breathed heavily and fresh blood seeped into his bandages. "Damn…Should've known better, that I couldn't beat you like this…worth a try, though. Heh…should've known there was no way to beat you…using just my Shikai…"

"What's that? You seem to talk as if you've already reached Bankai."

Ichigo chuckled. "Well, whaddya know? He _can_ be taught."

His eyes narrowed. "What did you just say?"

"I won't say it again. Believe it or don't, I don't care…because I'll show you. You'll see it with your own eyes!" He brought Zangetsu out to his right. "Take a good look…and witness…" He pointed the sword at Byakuya, putting his left hand up to his elbow. "MY Bankai!" Spiritual energy roared up around him, rising high into the sky.

_What? Impossible. This upstart _ryoka_ can't possibly know Bankai…_ But, much to his shock…

"Ban…KAI!" Zangetsu began to shine bright blue, and the air around them spun into a fierce dust storm. After a few seconds, it was blown away by an incredible release of power.

Byakuya stared at Ichigo. He was now wearing a tattered black cloak, and the sword in his hand was much smaller than the previous one. The color was purest black, and the grip was in the shape of the _manji_, the first symbol in the word "bankai".

Ichigo glared at Byakuya. "Tensa Zangetsu."

"…That's it? That's your Bankai? That tiny weapon?" He frowned. "Now I see…it seems you're no different from before. You merely enjoy stepping all over the things we hold sacred, like pride and honor. You need to-"

And then Zangetsu's blade was at his throat.

"With your nose in the air like that, how were you supposed to see my blade coming to cut your throat?"

He blinked. Something was…_familiar_ about those words…

"Y'know, I have things sacred to me, too. Like my friends. My **family**. Must take an awful lot of honor to threaten to kill your own _sister_," he snarled. "If that's what you consider 'pride'…" He leapt backwards four feet, staring at Byakuya all the while. "I'll knock you off that damn high horse so fast it'll make your stomach turn. That's why I got all this power in the first place…" He pointed Tensa Zangetsu at the stoic Soul Reaper. "You and your damn PRIDE!"

* * *

Toshiro and Rangiku frowned as they examined the door in front of them. "Locked from the inside…" Toshiro looked to Matsumoto. She shrugged; not that he knew any more, either. "Attention! This is Captain Hitsugaya of Squad Ten! Open at once! This is an emergency!"

In response, several horizontal and vertical blades slid out in front of the door, blocking it further.

"Stranger and stranger…what's going on here?"

* * *

"Tell me…why did you take your blade from my throat? It is said, 'Arrogance destroys the footholds of victory'. So why? Whatever that technique of yours is, it's not Bankai. No Bankai is so small and fragile, and a lowly _ryoka_ attaining it in the first place…it's inconceivable. But you will soon regret not slitting my throat when you had the chance. After all, a miracle only happens once…_boy_." New waves of Senbonzakura Kageyoshi swept up with renewed vigor. As they prepared to crash down on Ichigo, he flash-stepped to Byakuya's unprotected side. They reformed and changed course, but he did it again. And again. And again. He flash-stepped so quickly and so often, it almost seemed as if there were an army of Ichigos.

"What's wrong? Am I going too slow for you? Fine, then…I can always go a little faster!"

"Such arrogance…" _Like this, I can control Senbonzakura easily, but by using the palms of my hands…_ He made sweeping motions with his arms, and the waves of blades doubled in speed. _I can control them twice as fast!_

Ichigo managed to dodge a few, but more began to close in, and quicker than before. As they encircled him, he slashed them all away with Tensa Zangetsu.

Byakuya stared in disbelief. _Impossible!_

"If a miracle only happens once…"

He turned around at the voice behind him, knowing he'd never dodge completely.

"…then explain to me, what's this?"

_SLASH!_

* * *

The group of escapees looked around. "I can sense Ichigo fighting…but I can't sense Rukia at all." Chad reported. "Does that mean that…"

"Well, obviously, she's already been rescued!" a cheery voice came from above.

Lady looked up. _It's that cute little girl…_ "Yachiru, wasn't it?"

She giggled. "Hiya, everybody! Hi, Boat Lights!"

Her eye twitched. _That nickname again? What the hell does that even-_

"Wait…if Rukia's escaped, why's Ichigo still here?" Orihime wondered out loud.

"Well, he's fighting somebody powerful…" Uryu frowned in concentration. "If you think about it, the whole reason we're here is because Rukia was caught. He probably figures that running away won't work again, so he's going to defeat the people who caught her so completely, they'll never come after her again."

"…Ichigo…"

Uryu sighed. _Ichigo, you idiot…she's waiting for you. Whether you realize it or not, she's hoping, praying for your return. Lucky you…but if you disappoint her, I'll __**never**__ forgive you. So win. Or I'll kick your ass._

* * *

Dante stopped abruptly on the steps they were climbing.

"Hmm? What is wrong, Red Devil?" the Soul Reaper with him asked.

"This feeling…" His eyes narrowed. "I know this feeling…it's just like that time…that time back at…" His eyes widened. "Dammit…this is bad! We gotta hurry!" _No Devil Trigger left…guess I'll just have to book it!_ He grabbed the Soul Reaper's arm, racing up the steps at inhuman speed.

* * *

Ichigo was in a bad situation.

Byakuya had activated that _senkei_ thing, and after that, things had been going downhill very fast. He'd gotten slower; a **lot** slower. Whereas Byakuya, keeping his speed, had stabbed him in the foot and shot kido through his shoulder. And now he was mumbling something, raising his sword up for the deathblow. Ichigo couldn't move, and everything was slowly getting darker.

_Move…c'mon, move! Move, dammit! I fought so hard…this can't be it! I can't lose to him! If I lose…Rukia will…_

"It's over…boy."

_Can't lose…can't lose…CAN'T LOSE!_

_**Hmph. Didn't I tell you already, idiot? It's a big pain in the ass for me if you die.**_

As Byakuya swung down, Ichigo caught his sword, a white mask beginning to form on his face. "W-what? Just who or what are you?"

"**Hehehehe…ME? You wanna know who I am? I'm just me!"** He threw Byakuya's sword up, slashing across his chest as he did so. **"AHAHAHA! Ichigo, you utter amateur! You've been getting so slow because you're being crushed by your own Bankai's spiritual pressure! Your own bones are cracking from the strain! Hopeless, completely hopeless!"** The being possessing Ichigo grinned. **"So…sit back and watch how **_**I**_** use Bankai!"** Crushing the blade in his left hand, he swung with his right, hurling a black energy wave outlined in red at Byakuya.

_A…black Getsuga?_ He dodged it, but then that mad thing appeared behind him, launching another. He flash-stepped away, only to see it launch another. Flash-stepping again, he was met by that thing's fist, leaving him in the path of the black Getsuga.

_BOOM!_

As the smoke cleared, the remains of his headpieces began to crumble away. "This twisted energy…are you a Hollow?"

"**Hehehehe…Hollow, Reaper, what does it matter? Why bother explaining when you're about to-"**

_GO AWAY._

The thing looked shocked as its left hand reached up to grab its mask. **"Wh-what do you think you're doing?"**

_I don't need you; stop interfering!_

"**Idiot, **_**you're**_** the one that's interfering! I'm going to kill him!"** The mask began to crack. **"Don't you want me to save that queen of yours? You NEED me!"**

The mask shattered, the twisted creature uttering one final scream.

Ichigo shook off the mask shards, glaring at Byakuya. "Sorry. That was an unwanted disruption."

"_Disruption"? THAT'S what he considers that thing?…I see. Even if that thing had won, he would not truly have had the victory. Ichigo Kurosaki…perhaps you have more honor than you realize._

"Now…where were we?"

"…Very well. I won't ask you to explain that thing to me. But I don't think either of us has enough strength left for more than one final attack. So let us end this with just that."

He nodded. "All right. But before we do, I wanna ask you something. Why aren't _you_ the one saving Rukia?"

"…If you actually manage to defeat me, I will answer that question."

"…Fine. Let's finish this…Byakuya Kuchiki."

* * *

Dante skidded to a halt, sighing in relief. _Phew…guess he got it under control. Sheesh, Ichi, don't scare us like that…_ He looked down at the Soul Reaper he was holding, grinning sheepishly. "…Sorry. False alarm."

The Soul Reaper's eye twitched, his hands just itching to draw his zanpakuto…

* * *

Byakuya sighed. The whelp had won. A boy who a mere month ago had been helpless against him, was now the one who had defeated him. The thought was staggering. "You wanted to know…why I would allow Rukia to be executed, correct?" Ichigo nodded. "Criminals must be punished. When their punishment is decided, it must be carried out. That is the rule of the law."

"You honor the law…even over your own sister?"

"Justice has no room for nepotism. Criminals remain criminals, regardless of family ties."

"How can you stand there and say that? Don't you _care_ about her?"

"Emotions have no place in the law. Or in the Kuchiki clan. As one of the Four Great Noble Houses, we are duty-bound to act as an example to other Soul Reapers. How can we enforce laws that we ourselves will not obey?"

Ichigo sighed. "I still don't get it…maybe I never will. I can't understand how you'd obey laws like that with no effort to stop them…but you must have your reasons." He chuckled. "So I won't bother. Instead, I'll make you a deal. If, by some impossible chance, Rukia's ever condemned by the law again, you do your best to uphold it. You do what the law tells you to. And while you do that, have faith in me. Because I'll be fighting with all my strength to protect her, law or not. And in return, I'll do what you can't. I'll defeat _anyone_ who **_dares_** to hurt her; even if it's you. I'll fight until they stop trying. I'll fight for her; for _you_. Whaddya say?"

Byakuya's eyes widened, and a flicker of a smile almost crossed his face. Almost. _I…I was never his true enemy. His only enemy was those who caused Rukia harm. Ichigo Kurosaki…_ "…Very well. Since your recklessness managed to break my blade, I shall withdraw. You have my word as a Kuchiki that I will no longer hunt Rukia. You have won." He flash-stepped away.

_Finally…took long enough…_ Ichigo had just won. Against a Captain. He took a deep breath…

And screamed.

* * *

As Toshiro stepped inside the broken doors to Central 46, he saw what seemed to be a hooded Soul Reaper beckoning to him. He ran at it, but the figure raced ahead, slowly getting further and further away as they went underground, finally disappearing into the Central 46 chamber itself. Toshiro raced ahead, Rangiku close behind, but stopped in horror once they'd reached the chamber.

"Wh-what is this?" _Central 46...all of them…DEAD!_

* * *

Dante surveyed the top of the hill as the Soul Reaper beside him gasped for air. "Weird…an execution location, and no noose or, um…French head-chopper thingie. You guys must have a weird way to get rid of criminals…" He looked at the Soul Reaper. "Oh, stop your whining. We're here, aren't we?"

He nodded. "It…would seem…so. Where…is…everybody?"

Dante frowned, scratching his chin. "Hmm, good question. I'm guessing…there," he finished, pointing in the direction.

"Why there?"

"Because…" he said, grinning, "that's where all this rubble came from. That fight musta been something…"

* * *

Ichigo sighed as Orihime healed his wounds, the urge to sneeze fading. "So, tell me something, Lady. In all this craziness, what do you think our chances are of getting out of here unnoticed?"

"The usual: slim to none," she responded, smirking.

"Heh. No worse? Good; I just might take those odds." He looked up at the sky. "I say we make Dante our diversion. Him versus whoever's left in the Soul Society. While he's fighting, we make a break for it. Sound good?"

She chuckled. "Tempting, but how are we supposed to get back without a gateway?"

He blinked. "Now that you mention it…Urahara never said anything about that. Huh…guess I never thought about it, what with Rukia's execution. Hmm…you think Yoruichi can make one, too?"

"That little cat may be tough, but he doesn't seem like the type…" Lady frowned.

Ichigo smirked. _Boy, is SHE in for a surprise when she sees Yoruichi's true form…_

"A one-way portal…something's not right here…"

"You got that right," a voice piped up behind Ichigo. "Joking about leaving me behind like that…talk about ungrateful…"

Ichigo smirked. "Dante…it's been a while."

"Too long, kid. So…how've you been?"

Ichigo shook his head, smiling. This was going to be a long story.

* * *

*sigh* Finally. Only one chapter left. I'd hoped to finish the arc in this one, but Episode 60...*shakes fist*...it's SO tough to write around. I'll have to go back and revise everything AGAIN...But I'll try my hardest, anyway. I highly doubt I'll have this done by tomorrow, but we'll see, eh?


	34. Dark One's Gambit

Toshiro gaped at the massacred bodies of Central 46. _No…this can't be!_

"Hmhmhmhm…"

He whirled around, seeing that strange hooded Reaper again. The Reaper beckoned with a finger, then turned and ran away.

"Stop, you murderer!" Toshiro raced after the man.

Rangiku blinked once in confusion, but set off after her captain. _Toshiro…he was standing in my way. I couldn't see who he ran after…Just what's going on around here?_

The strange Reaper turned to grin at Toshiro as he ran. "Well, well, look at you. What are you getting so worked up over?"

"It was you that killed them, wasn't it? Are you also responsible for Captain Aizen's death? ANSWER ME!" Toshiro yelled.

"Tch, please. I may have hurt a few people here, even impaled one or two. But I haven't _killed_ anyone. It's dangerous to jump to conclusions just on circumstantial evidence, you know…"

Toshiro frowned. "If you haven't killed anyone…what were you doing there?"

"Waiting for you…_partner_."

"Wh-what? 'Partner'? What are you talking about?"

"Hmhmhmhm…well, I _am_ better with demonstrations, I suppose…" He stopped abruptly. "Or, better yet, why don't we get a second opinion? Ask your lovely lieutenant about what happened last night." He blinked. "That came out wrong. Ask her about how you were acting."

He turned to her. "Rangiku…what's he talking about?"

She blinked. " 'He' who, Captain?"

"The one that…" His eyes narrowed. "Rangiku, what do you see over there?" He pointed at the man in black, who waved.

She looked over in the direction he was pointing. "The Shrine of Repentance. Captain, what's going on?"

"…I'm beginning to wonder, myself." He stared at the Reaper (apparently) visible only to him. "Who are you, and what's your game?"

The man grinned. "The temptation to break out into a 'Stones song notwithstanding…The name's Mar. My game? One of great…_risk_." He paused, waiting. "Nothing? You kids have no sense of taste…Let's just say that I'm one of the puppet masters in this little show…" He grinned. "And you're my puppet."

"What did you say?" he growled.

"C'mon, partner. Think about it. All I had to do was show up and say hi, and you started chasing me. You're _far_ too easy to lure, you know. You never stopped and thought I might _want_ you to chase me."

His eyes widened. "What have you done?"

"Hmhmhm…led you away, of course. Come on, youngster, we just went over this…"

"But…why? Why lead us away?"

"A young lady had an appointment within, and I didn't want you disrupting it. What was her name, again…Momo, wasn't it?"

"No…!"

* * *

"…and then he flash-stepped away. Just like that."

Dante grinned. "Sounds like one helluva fight, kid. No wonder you look like hell."

Ichigo chuckled. "Gee, thanks. I only went up against a CAPTAIN, you know. That's two for me; how about you?"

"Hmm…let's see…that crazy guy with the eye patch…"

"_Zaraki_? You fought him too?"

"You bet. Guy was pretty tough, but…eh…it was sort of a draw."

_Just like mine? Thought Dante was stronger than that…_ "Anyone else?"

"Well, now that I think back on it, that little cutie with the braids was a Captain. Man, was she wild; couldn't keep her hands off me."

Lady smirked. "So she kicked your ass, huh? Can't wait to meet her…she probably wasn't even a Captain."

"Hey, I never said that! And she SO was! She said so right before she took her clothes off!"

Ichigo could almost _feel _Lady's glare. "…What."

"Yeah. She did this one technique where she had a whole bunch of energy shoot out her back, and it blew her robes off." He said, looking confused.

"…Oh," she replied, her hands moving slowly back away from pistols she no longer had.

It was all Dante could do not to laugh. _YES! SO worth it!_ "So, the crazy…the cutie…" he said, ticking them off on his fingers, "and a couple hundred no-namers. Too easy."

* * *

Aizen smirked as Toshiro collapsed behind him. _Too easy_.

"Captain Aizen!"

He turned to face the owner of the voice. _Captain Unohana…_

"No, that's wrong. After what you've done, you've lost the right to the title of Captain. Sosuke Aizen…Your title is High Traitor."

"Captain Unohana. I knew you'd find me here. I didn't expect you to take so…"

As they talked, none of them noticed Toshiro's form slowly grow more and more transparent.

* * *

"So, what's our plan now?" Dante wondered out loud. "The kid won, and that giant spear's junk. I say we find the cat and get the hell out."

Lady sighed. "Then we'd be leaving Rukia. Which would negate the whole point of trying to _rescue_ her, genius."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna just _sit_ here wasting time. I _hate_ wasting time on a mission; makes me feel…I dunno. Less awesome, I guess." As a figure landed behind him, he smiled. "What do you think, kid?"

_One of these days…I swear, one of these days…_ "Weird as it sounds, I kinda agree with him."

She rolled her eyes. "I think there's an exception when it comes to learning important details…but whatever. Before we can leave, we have to find-"

Renji appeared in a swirl of ribbons with Rukia in his arms. "H-huh? This place again…what's going on here?"

Dante held his hand out to the two. "See? Problem solved."

Nero raised an eyebrow. "Hey, it's the blind guy. That stab wound looks like it healed better and faster than I thought it would; I didn't think I'd see you up and about yet."

"Yes, he always was surprisingly stubborn," a familiarly sinister voice said.

Dante turned around. "You…you're that foxy lad- er, Reaper. Itchy-somthin', wasn't it?"

Ichimaru raised an eyebrow as Aizen did the same. "Well, if it isn't the Red Devil and Blue Demon," Aizen noted. "I'll admit I wasn't comfortable using you as pawns at first, but you've played your parts quite admirably."

Nero's eyes narrowed. "You…you're Mar, aren't you?"

_No…he's not. The voice is wrong, and he mentioned that in his little game, we were "armies", not pawns._ "No…this is someone else." _Wait a minute…_ "_You're_ the one who's opposing Urahara."

Aizen blinked. "Hmm. You seem to know a surprising amount about my plans. No matter." He looked at Renji. "Renji…set Rukia down there and walk away."

"May I have the attention of all Court Guard Captains, Lieutenants, seated officers…and the _ryoka_ as well."

Dante looked around for the source of the feminine voice. _The hell? Where is she?_

"This is Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu with an urgent message. Listen closely, as this message will not be repeated. As dire as the following information is, be assured it is the truth…" She went on to explain Aizen's betrayal and his ruthless wounding of Captain Hitsugaya and Liutenant Hinamori.

Lady blinked, pieces forming in her mind. "The captain of Squad Five that was supposedly murdered…you're him, aren't you?"

Nero snorted. "He's awful damn sprightly for a dead guy…"

Uryu gritted his teeth. "He faked his own death, and murdered over forty people…_This_ is Captain Aizen?"

"I won't let go of Rukia," Renji growled. "Not after all I've fought through."

Aizen scoffed. "I'd rather not hurt you, Renji."

"Oh, yeah? Tell that to Momo! You _killed_ her!"

"Hmph. What happened to Momo was unavoidable. After all, I'd trained her so that she couldn't live without me. Wouldn't killing her be merciful?"

Dante snorted. "Keep telling yourself that, pal. Even the most loyal of servants can desert their masters if their heart commands them to."

Lady blinked. "That was…awfully poetic of you."

"Oh, shut up."

"It is true that I didn't want to kill her myself, though," Aizen continued. "That's why I went to so much trouble with the letter, causing her to attack Gin through Izuru, and then later Toshiro. But those failed, and so I had no choice."

"Just didn't want to get your hands dirty, eh? That's not any better…" Much to Dante's irritation, Aizen then began to explain what he had done to manipulate Renji. _All these evil masterminds have to talk and talk…sometimes I regret that vow to never kill humans…_

"…turned out to be right. So hand her over or I'll-" He stopped as another figure appeared next to Renji.

"Heh. You know, Renji, as tight as you're holding her, I might almost think you were movin' in on her or something…" Ichigo pointed Tensa Zangetsu at Aizen. "You want him to let her go…you'll have to deal with _both_ of us."

Renji smirked. "Idiot…but I guess I won't complain about an extra ally."

Ichimaru sighed. "Sorry about that, Sosuke, but I thought you didn't want me to interfere, so I let him by."

"It's all right. When going to step on an ant, it doesn't matter if there's one or two extra," Aizen said casually.

Ichigo glared at the man. "So…that's Aizen, huh?"

"Yep," Renji responded.

"Got enough strength to get away?"

"I doubt it, but I do know I've got plenty left to stay and fight."

"Care for a little help? C'mon, whaddya say? With the two of us fighting on the same side, what could go wrong?"

Lady palmed her face. _Great. Now we're screwed._

Renji set Rukia down behind him, a grin forming as she ran back a distance. "Sure, why not? I may not have enough left for Bankai, but my Shikai's more than ready."

"All right, then. We'll stall him long enough to escape." He looked over at the rest of them. "The rest of you, stay out of this."

Dante blinked. "Whatever you say, kid." _If he wins, we're done. He loses, and hopefully it'll wear down that other guy long enough where we can get away with Rukia._

Renji held up his zanpakuto. "Roar, Zabimaru!" It became the pick-like weapon Ichigo remembered from last time. "Listen up," he whispered to Ichigo. "I'm gonna whip this around him in a circle; he'll block it, I'm sure, but it should leave him open for a few moments. Make sure you take advantage of them."

"Right."

Renji swung Zabimaru like a whip, circling it around Aizen as Ichigo rushed in. He swung downward with all his might.

_CLANG!_

Ichigo blinked in disbelief. Aizen had blocked Zabimaru with his zanpakuto…and Tensa Zangetsu…with his finger. It bent around Ichigo's sword, and he felt Aizen's zanpakuto slice through him.

"My, my…" Aizen commented as Ichigo fell to the ground. "And here I thought I'd cut you in two. It seems you're stronger than I thought." He disappeared from view, and Renji felt a blade cut through him as well. Aizen continued walking towards Rukia as Renji fell.

Dante sighed. _So much for wearing him out._ "Yo, Ichigo, mind if we take a shot at him now?" he called out.

"Wait." Lady said, glaring at the traitorous Captain. "Let's let this play out for a bit, first. Maybe we'll find some way to stop that sorcerer and get back home."

Dante sighed. "If you say so…"

The Soul Reaper moved his hand closer to Ōkami. "I shall oblige for now, but if he attempts to kill Miss Kuchiki, I shall attack. I trust you will do the same?"

"Tch. You gotta ask?"

* * *

Unohana stared at the icy form of Toshiro Hitsugaya. Aizen had attacked him, wounding him enough to dispel his Bankai by force, and yet his spiritual energy hadn't decreased at all. It all seemed to be encased in the Captain within the icy sculpture. "How strange…I don't see a wound on him anywhere. It's almost as if-"

Within the sculpture, Hitsugaya's eyes opened.

She backed away as the ice around him cracked, then shattered. Finally, Toshiro rose free from the frigid debris. "Phew…for a second, I thought I was done for." He turned to her. "I'm going to need your help when this is all over, Captain. But for now, I must take my leave. After all…" He disappeared from view, and yet his voice sounded as if he were still there.

"Captain Aizen and I have some unfinished business."

* * *

"Hado 90: Kurohitsugi."

The black box of energy rose up around Komamura, and then dark spears pierced it through like an iron maiden. As it fell, Komamura did as well.

"Now…where was I?"

* * *

Toshiro appeared at the bottom of the steps leading to the execution grounds. An odd grin split across his face; one that was alien to the young captain. "It's almost time…Dante…Nero…" He disappeared again.

* * *

"…And so, I reasoned that the answer of how to _remove_ an object from a soul was _also_ hidden in his research." He depressed a button on the strange object, causing an odd mist to begin forming. In moments, sharp, green spikes launched up out of the ground. Aizen smiled, his right arm transforming into the same green substance as the spikes. "This…IS that answer."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "No, WAIT!"

Aizen grabbed Rukia by the neck with his left arm, plunging his right into her chest, still smiling that calm smile. He grasped…

And his smile dropped just a bit. "Hmm…perhaps Kisuke has hidden it a bit deeper." He reached further, his smile ever so slowly fading. "The orb…" The lightest trace of irritation entered his voice. "Where is the **orb**…?"

"Is there a problem?" a voice rang out. A shadowed figure appeared in front of them, with a white mask over its face.

Aizen glared at the new arrival. "**You**," he growled.

The man folded his arms across his chest. "As much as I'm **sure** you love groping a physical fifteen year-old, it's leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Please put her down."

Aizen's eyebrow twitched. _Him…what is __**he**__ doing here?_

The man sighed. "_Now_…unless you'd _like_ me to stab you in the heart again."

He set Rukia down, the spikes and the material covering his right arm dissolving into mist again. She coughed, the oddly familiar pain slowly ebbing away.

The man chuckled. "Good." He waved at Dante and Nero, taking his mask off and storing it in his robes. "Hey, guys. Glad to see you here."

Nero's eyes widened. "_Mar_? What the hell are you doing here?"

"From the looks of it, interrupting a monologue," he said, grinning.

Aizen stared at Mar, hand inching ever so slowly to his zanpakuto. "What have you done with it?"

" 'It'? Now, what_ever_ could you mean by that?" Mar asked innocently. He chuckled. "Why don't you just come out and say it? You're not making much _sense_." Aizen's hand stopped. "Oh, yes. I've had my eye on **you** for quite some time now."

"What have you done with it?" Aizen repeated.

"I got to it before YOU did. Finder's keepers, as the young 'uns these days say."

Ichigo looked back and forth between the two. "What are you two talking about?"

"When?" Aizen asked, ignoring the teen.

"Two days ago, while you were recovering."

"Mmm…so you approached her while she was still in the Repentance Cell, masking your spiritual pressure and preventing Gin from locating you…it seems I underestimated you after all."

Rukia frowned. "Two days ago…but no one visited me that day…"

Mar scratched his head sheepishly. "Actually…I did. I may not have looked the same, though…" He put on the white mask again. "Perhaps this might look more familiar…" He removed the mask.

Ichigo gasped. "The hell? He looks just like…_me_!"

Faux Ichigo chuckled. " 'Fraid so."

_He looks like Ichigo…_Rukia thought back. _And this pain…THAT'S why it's so familiar!_ "So that wasn't a dream…" Her eyes went wide. "I…"

Fake Ichigo blushed. "I only meant to steal that item; I didn't intend to steal a kiss as well."

"You-!"

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Dante yelled. "You keep blabbin' about 'it' and 'item'. What is this thing you're both after?"

" 'Thing'?" Pseudo-Ichigo scratched his chin, as if stumped. "I'm not sure…" He snapped his fingers, an enlightened look on his face. "Oh! You mean…" He held up a small object in his left hand. "…_this_?"

Aizen's eyes narrowed at the small purple orb. "The Hogyoku…"

Fake Ichigo nodded, disappearing from view milliseconds before Aizen did. Aizen appeared in the spot Faux Ichigo had been standing, and False Ichigo appeared a few feet away. He grinned, waggling a finger at Aizen. "Uh uh _uh_, Captain Backstabby…if you forced everyone here to sit through _your_ speech, then I get to say mine."

Dante rolled his eyes. "So what does that little thing _do_, anyway?"

"The Orb of Distortion bends the lines between Hollow and Soul Reaper. Or rather…that's what it is _intended_ to do."

"What?" Pseudo-Ichigo ignored him, walking slowly toward him. "Hey…what're you doing?"

"You and your companions' abilities have gotten my boss interested. And with the Orb in our possession…Tell me, can you sense Hollows?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Hmm…perhaps they _are_ related, then…Anyway, if that's true, and the Orb blurs the lines between the Reapers and the monsters they chase…well, his theory is that the same should work for other, _similar_ processes." He stopped in front of Dante. "For example…human and demon." Dante tensed, putting a hand on Rebellion. "Oh, no, you misunderstand." Fake Ichigo disappeared. "It's not _you_ he's interested in…" his voice continued behind Dante.

Dante spun around, his eyes widening. _No…not-_

Mar shot forward, his face back to normal. "Too late." He slammed the Orb against Nero's Devil Bringer.

"_AAAAAAGH!_" Nero screamed, his arm in more pain than he'd ever experienced in his life. _It hurts…dammit, it HURTS!_ He dropped to his knees, clutching the Devil Bringer. _DAMMIT! Am I…dying?_ He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "You can't kill me…I won't die here!" His eyes glowed red, the power surging through him. _I have to use __**it**__…it's the only way…_

Mar jumped back, smiling. "Triggering the devil within, I see. Do you really think that will be enough?"

The blue form appeared over Nero, its right hand drawing Yamato from the sheath at Nero's waist. **"Why don't we find out?"** he snarled.

Mar chuckled. "Sorry, I decline. I've no intention of fighting you like that."

Dante peered at Nero. _Weird…that form…I could __**swear**__ it looks different from when we killed all those Hollows. But how?_

"It's not very fair ganging up on me, after all," Mar continued. "Not that I don't want to fight _you_, however."

"**Tch. Talk is cheap. Why don't you put your money where your mouth is, trash?"**

He shrugged, putting Ichigo's mask back on. "Very well. Then why don't I even the odds?" He snapped his fingers.

Four dozen copies of Mar materialized, circling around the young Holy Knight. They overlapped with where Mar had been standing, and all folded their arms across their chests. "If you want to fight so bad," they said in unison, "find the real me. Do that, and I'll _let_ you stab me." They all got into a fighting stance, chuckling. "Choose wrong, and we stab _you_."

Nero smirked. He and the spirit of his Devil Trigger swung in a circle, cutting through all the copies of Mar. **"Nice try, but it's an old trick. Guess you lose."**

"What on earth gives you _that_ idea?" his voice came from above Nero. He grinned, disappearing. He reappeared in front of Nero, stabbing a sword through his chest. "And here I was expecting you to think outside the box…"

The world began to get hazy as Nero fought to keep his eyes open. _W-what? This is nothing…I've faced far worse wounds than this, and they all healed in the blink of an eye!_ But despite his internal protests, he felt his strength leaving him. As Mar pulled his sword back out, his Devil Trigger ceased, and he fell forward, Red Queen in his left hand and Yamato in his right.

"One down…Looks like the Hogyoku had the intended effect." He stared at the tiny orb. "To think, Aizen…you'd slaughter scores of people just to get your hands on this. Cause the death of the one containing it for that sole purpose…How revolting. I don't want something like this with such blood and violence cursing it. You want such a wretched thing? You got it."

And he threw the Orb at Aizen.

Aizen caught it, staring warily at the odd person. _He just…handed it over?_

"Take it and get the hell out of here, before I change my mind."

"Grr…you had the Orb in your hand…and you just _gave_ it to him? After all of that?" The Soul Reaper growled, gripping Ōkami's hilt. "I shall not allow you to-"

Mar appeared in front of the Reaper. "Hello there, little puppet. Sorry, but the show's almost over, and you're not part of the grand finale." He flicked the man's forehead. "So just relax." The man fell down, unconscious. "Two down…this is just too easy."

Dante snarled. "You want easy?" He raced at Aizen, disappearing from everyone's view in a blur of red. Another form raced at Rukia.

Ichimaru scowled. "Shoot to kill, Shinso." His zanpakuto shot at Aizen.

_SLASH!_

Dante reappeared in front of Aizen, with Kyoka Suigetsu sticking out his back and Shinso sticking into it. Byakuya was right behind him, holding Rukia away from the blade even as it stabbed through him.

She gasped. "B-brother…"

Aizen smirked. "Hmph. Red Devil or not, you can't lay a hand on me." He felt a hand grab Kyoka Suigetsu. "…What?"

Dante grinned. "Heh. Who said anything about laying a hand?" Suddenly, Ivory was up against his shoulder. "She wants to give you a little kiss, kiss…"

_BANG, BANG!_

Aizen stared as blood began to seep from his shoulder. "You…you're much stronger than I expected." He pulled his blade out of Dante's stomach, jumping back as he did so. Staring at Dante, Gin retracted Shinso.

Dante grinned, twirling Ivory a couple times. "I don't get my nickname for nothing." He looked up. "Guess the cavalry's here."

A yellow blast of energy rained down, and Jidanbo landed next to Dante, with Kukaku on his shoulder. She grinned. "Looks like the party's started, huh? Oh, yeah!"

Dante stared at the…well-endowed woman. "Oh, yeah…" he mumbled distractedly.

Yoruichi and Soifon flash-stepped in, Yoruichi holding Aizen's zanpakuto arm while Soifon held her blade to Aizen's throat. "Well, well…here's a face I hadn't seen in a while," he remarked.

"Tell me Captain, what should I do?" Gin asked. He felt an arm lock his up and a blade across his throat.

"You shouldn't even move," Rangiku growled.

"Sorry, Captain. I'm a bit…tied-up at the moment."

Before Tosen could even move, Hisagi appeared, doing the same to him. Captain upon Captain arrived, including the Head Captain himself.

Mar chuckled. "Ooo, lucky me. You've got what you want now; Aizen and the Orb." He winked. "See you soon." Before he could be restrained, he disappeared.

"No matter…" Yoruichi said. _Wasn't really counting on him anyway._ "Captain Aizen…this is the end."

He smirked. "No…this is just the beginning."

"...Soifon, get back!" They both let him go and dodged back as a bright column of light descended and covered him.

Dante looked up as he sensed Hollows, seeing what looked like a hole torn in the sky…and a Menos Grande mask poking out. "Heh…that's my cue." He pulled Ebony out, crossing it over Ivory and channeling demonic energy into them. "Bye."

_BOOM!_

The twin blasts of energy hit the Menos dead on, dissolving it. To his surprise, the crack widened, and he saw more masks. "Huh. Well, c'mon boys, time to earn our pay!" He fired again, destroying another one. He fired again, and a third was eliminated. He fired again. And again.

And more just seemed to keep coming.

He panted. "Tough little bastards, aren't you?" He blinked. "Wait…there's another one back there, and it ain't one of the small fry…" He destroyed two more to the unknown creature's sides. "Whatever it is, I don't like it." He channeled all the rest of the energy he could into the pistols. "You Hollows are always hungry, right? Then eat THIS!"

_BOOM!_

The energy blasts hit the thing dead on. It reared back, letting out a terrible roar. But…

Dante fell to his knees, gasping for air. "Dammit…damn thing's still alive…"

Aizen chuckled within his barrier as two identical ones began to drop down. "A valiant effort. But even you have your limits."

He saw Hisagi and Rangiku dodge away from their captives as they were covered in light. And then everything started to get fuzzy…

_Maybe…I overdid it a little…_Dante grudgingly thought...

And then everything went black.

* * *

A little later than what I'd hoped for (20 friggin' minutes, for crying out loud!), but I've FINALLY ended the arc proper. The next chapter is the aftermath, the wrapup, the rebuilding...whatever you want to call it. I may not have kept my goal...but dammit, I got close.

And now, if you don't mind...I think I'm...gonna...*passes out*


	35. Finale: Reflection

Yes, I'm back. Why was I gone so long? Well...we can save that for the end of the chapter.

* * *

_Dante felt like he was stuck in an ocean of black. He didn't know how, but he was breathing._

"…_me…"_

_He blinked in confusion as the world around him seemed to shimmer._

"…_**nte…to…"**_

_The voice…it made the blackness around him brighter. Almost as if it was calling him…_

"_**D…nte…o me…"**_

_It was getting stronger…it wasn't a soft voice by any means, but definitely familiar._

"_**Dante. Come to me."**_

_He blinked as a humanoid form with bat-like wings began to appear in the location the voice seemed to be coming from. "…Alastor? Is that you, old buddy?"_

_The spirit finished forming, nodding as it did so. __**"Indeed. You seem to have over-exerted yourself in that last battle. It would appear that even a Son of Sparda has his limits…"**_

_Dante folded his arms across his chest. "Yeah, well, they weren't any pushovers. And I wanted to make sure they were dead…" He snorted. "Whatever. You think you can do better, be my guest."_

_Alastor shook his head, his forked tail flicking lazily behind him. __**"I was not accusing you of anything, Master. However, I noticed something that may be cause for concern."**_

_He blinked. "Really? Well, why didn't you give me a little jolt about it, like in the old days?"_

_Alastor chuckled, a noise that seemed like a cross between a low rumble of thunder and a large stone crumbling. __**"I had not been summoned, and so I could not reach you."**_

"…_So how the hell did you know-"_

"_**Your…**_**preferred**_**" **__he almost spat__**"…Devil Arm may not be sentient, but it is by no means silent. Now, we may not have much time; shall you cease your nitpicking and let me inform you of what I witnessed?"**__ If Alastor's spirit would have had a face, it certainly would have narrowed its eyebrows at Dante._

"_Fine, fine."_

"…_**Now, I presume you remember those false demons? Those…'Hollows', was it?"**__ Dante nodded. __**"You remember how you could sense them, but not Soul Reapers?"**_

"_Yeah, and?"_

"_**That Sorcerer…Soul Reaper…thing-"**_

"_Mar?" he interrupted._

"_**Yes. Whatever he may be, he also seems to have become partly demonic."**_

"_I KNOW that. I noticed it when we first met."_

"_**Then why could you not sense him after that encounter?"**_

_Dante opened his mouth to respond…and stopped, blinking. "Damn…never thought of that…"_

_Alastor nodded. __**"I have had some time to think on the subject. Two possible conclusions are that he either can shift between a demonic and non-demonic state, or that he lost his demonic powers and needed that…Orb object…what was it, again?"**_

"_The Hogyoku."_

"_**Yes, that thing. He needed that 'Hogyoku' to restore the powers he lost."**_

"_Hmm…maybe both?"_

"_**Or perhaps neither. It is purely speculation."**__ He folded his arms across his chest as well, mirroring Dante. __**"Anyway, that is what I noticed. I hope it is of some use to you."**_

"_Cool. Thanks, pal." They both stood there, staring at each other. Dante blinked a couple of times. "Soo…how 'bout them Hollows?" Silence. "…Can I wake up now?"_

"_**I am not in control of your consciousness, Master. One would think that with your abilities, you would have the strength to pull yourself out of bed,"**__ Alastor noted dryly._

"_Fine, then, can't you shock me awake or something?" he suggested._

_Alastor chuckled darkly. __**"With pleasure, Master."**__ But as he began to point his hands at Dante, Dante's form suddenly became blurry. Dante grabbed his face, as if in pain, and then disappeared. Alastor's tail flicked behind him. __**"…It seems your allies have come to your aid, Master. Very well. Until we meet again."**__ His form slowly disappeared from the space he was in._

_WHACK!_

"owsunnavathathurt…"

"Wake up!"

His eyes flew open. The first, second, and third things he noticed were, in order: Lady's breasts, her right hand pulling back from his head, and Lady's breasts. And after he noticed those vital things, he started to feel a very dull ache in his face. "Oww…" he mumbled, rubbing his left cheek absentmindedly as he rose up to a sitting position. "…the hell? Were you the one that woke me up?"

He heard Nero's laugh behind him. "You got that right. She's been slapping you for about five minutes straight now."

Lady glared at Nero. "What part of 'don't say a single word' didn't you understand?"

"The part that implied I'd actually listen to you. You don't have any guns; I'm not worried."

"I don't _need_ guns to put you in a world of hurt…" Lady said darkly.

Dante held up a hand. "Okay, let's just hold off on that for now. On a more important note, what all happened while I was asleep? Feels like I was out for half a year…"

Lady rolled her eyes. "I would expect so, with how far gone you were. But it wasn't that long; just about a day. As for what happened; well, that man Aizen and his accomplices Ichimaru and Tosen were all spirited away by that giant hollow thing."

"I saw THAT part. What I meant was afterward."

"Well, fine," she huffed. "Seeing as how this whole thing was some diabolical plot by Aizen, the Soul Society decided to pardon Rukia Kuchiki. They're even willing to extend that courtesy to Ichigo and his friends."

"Friends…does that include us?"

"What the hell do you think?" Nero scoffed. "Of course it does. So we're heading back tomorrow with them."

"Hmm…" He leaned back, resting against the frame of the bed. "Well, all right, then." He grinned. "Ya know…I've been wondering. With as strong as Ichigo is to beat both Kuchiki and that Kenpachi guy…he's gotta be incredibly strong. And our last fight did sorta maybe kinda in a way end in a tie…"

Lady rolled her eyes at that. "If you say so. So what are you thinking?"

He leapt out of the bed, grabbing the trench coat that was draped over the foot. "I say we pay him a visit. The kid's got nothin' better to do, anyway…"

* * *

_Where the hell is she?_

Ichigo ran straight ahead, with Orihime right behind him. After running from his life…err, "respectfully declining a fight invitation"…from Kenpachi, he'd decided that finding Rukia was on the top of his list of priorities. And there'd be one person who should definitely know where she was.

He leapt up to the top window, leaning in and staring at Renji. "Yo!"

Renji dashed across the room, butting heads with Ichigo. "Ichigo! What the hell are you doing here? I was having an awesome respectful conversation with Captain Kuchiki, and you just had to ruin the moment!"

Oh. So that was Byakuya's bed he was leaning over. "Oh…sorry. But have you seen Rukia around lately?"

He blinked. "What? Don't tell me you lost her AGAIN…"

"No, no, that's not it! I just thought that you might know." _Being her best friend and all._

"What's going on?" he heard Orihime's voice beside him. "What did you find out, Ichigo?"

"How…did you…" He shook his head. Perhaps he was better off not knowing how she'd gotten all the way up there. He turned to the two inside the room. "Sorry to disturb you, Byakuya, Renji. We'll be going now."

"Bye bye, you two!" Orihime called cheerfully as they both dropped down from the window. "So where are we going, Ichigo?" she asked as he took off running again. "Did Renji give you a clue of where Rukia was?"

"Well, sort of. If she's not with Renji…there's only one place she could be."

* * *

The Soul Reaper slashed through the air again and again, darting back and forth on the hill he was practicing on. _I must get stronger…strong enough to protect the innocent next time._

_Indeed, young cub_ Master Kiba answered. _You grow closer and closer to the next tier of strength. When you are ready to receive it, you shall go through our final test for you. Rest assured…it will not be easy…_

The Soul Reaper gulped, but nodded. _I wouldn't expect anything different, master._

_

* * *

_

"Aha…I thought I'd find you here!"

Rukia turned to find Ichigo and Orihime standing there. "You two…how did you know where to find me?"

Ichigo chuckled. "Let's just say I know how stubborn you can be. Sorry to interrupt your little chat, but we need to go back and get some rest before we head back to the world of the living tomorrow. They're gonna open the gate for us and everything, and you're still not quite back to full health, so you're gonna need all the rest you can get."

She frowned, turning away. "…Ichigo. I have to tell you something. It's only fair you be the first to know, after all…"

He blinked. "Yeah, what is it?"

"…I've decided…to stay here, in this world."

He blinked again, but then gave her a very warm smile. "Well, all right. Good for you. Since I know how you get when you make up your mind, there's not much more I can say about it. As long as it's what you want, you should do it."

Her eyes widened in surprise, and then she began to return Ichigo's smile. "That doesn't bother you, huh?"

"Oh, you mean about us? C'mon…it's not like we can't visit one another. We'll be in touch; it's okay with me."

Rukia nodded. _Looking at him like this…it's hard to believe he's the same Ichigo I fight with all the time._

"Well well, what do we have here?"

He whirled around at the speaker. "D-Dante? What are YOU doing here?"

He scoffed. "Nice to see you too, kid. But I just figured I'd drop by, say hi, kick the hell out of you, take a nap…you know, normal stuff like that."

At Ichigo's look of terror, Lady slapped Dante upside his head. "Don't worry, he's just kidding."

"Really? Because he didn't sound like it to me…" Nero pointed out.

That earned him a head-slap as well. "…Well, you need to clean out your ears, then."

"Hey, wait!" Ichigo yelled. "How the hell did you find us out here? You've never been here before!"

"He tracked you down by smell," Lady replied. Everyone stared at Dante. "…Don't ask."

"Oh, sure you pick now to get all squeamish, especially…when…we…" he trailed off as his eyes met Kukaku.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Nero asked. He followed Dante's line of sight…and quickly turned away, blushing.

Lady glared at Dante. _Is that…drool?_

Ichigo chuckled, having correctly guessed just what Dante was staring at. "I'm guessing somebody's wishing they hadn't ran into Soul Society without us."

Kukaku eyed Dante curiously. "So you must be Dante. Your reputation is quite interesting. Well, this is rather fortunate…"

Lady blinked. "It is?"

"Yep! Now I'll have a good crowd for dinner tonight! You wouldn't mind staying, would you?"

"BREASTS!" he shouted on reflex. "…I mean…yes."

* * *

Dinner that night was certainly interesting, to say the least.

Dante had gotten over his staring contest between him and Kukaku's breasts…sort of (the breasts had won both the first battle AND the rematch, so he was ignoring them out of spite). Kukaku herself, meanwhile, was having an intense discussion with Lady about weapons; one that miraculously prevented Dante and Ganju from fighting, as they were too busy staying far away in terror.

Nero was talking with Yoruichi, who had returned to cat form. She'd told him privately that after seeing what happened with Kukaku, she'd wanted to save her big reveal for a special occasion. Nero had laughed, saying that the only condition was that he would be there to see the look on Dante's face. Yoruichi had then asked him slyly if he also wanted to see her transformation again, and he had spent a good while trying to hide his blush.

Ichigo, meanwhile, had scooted closer to Rukia. "So, what do you think?"

She smiled. "I think this is kind of nice."

"Me too. It really makes you look back on everything, doesn't it?"

"In a way, I suppose. What did you have in mind?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Well, the last time I was here, me and Ganju had a great big fight, and I sorta unintentionally pissed his sister off."

Rukia chuckled at that. "That sounds like you, all right."

"How about you? Anything you were reflecting on?"

"Yes, actually." She gave Ichigo a warm smile. "I was thinking that this was a nice place to go to eat together. That is what couples in the human world do together, is it not?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess so. Thanks; I still wanna take you somewhere in my world too, though."

"Sounds like fun." She frowned. "…Hey, Ichigo?"

"Hmm? What is it?"

"…Don't you ever get the feeling we were together fairly fast? It almost seems like we were just thrown into it."

He frowned. "Thrown by who, fate or something?"

She sighed. "I don't know…maybe some sort of higher power decided we were cute together, or something."

Ichigo laughed at that. "Maybe. Who can say? I don't really care either way."

"But…why not?" she asked incredulously.

"It doesn't really matter to me how it happened. Fate, or chance, or whatever, that's all unimportant. What matters is that for whatever reason, I got to meet you…and care for you. And I couldn't ask for anything more."

A very light blush crept onto her cheeks. "…I see."

* * *

The next day, they all prepared to head through the portal. Lady had been given back all her guns and knives, and Dante was eyeing her with worry about all the pain she would no doubt deliver on him as soon as she could. Thus, he paid next to no attention to Ukitake (who he _swore_ sounded like that preacher guy back on Fortuna) until the gate itself was open. As they all prepared to head through, Ukitake handed Ichigo some sort of badge and Orihime handed Rukia a dress. And with that…they were finally off.

…Off to their deaths, apparently.

Dante and the others ran forward as the cleaner chased them through the passageway. "Isn't this giving anyone déjà vu?"

"Yeah! What the hell's up with this? Why do we have to run again?" Ichigo yelled.

"We'd each need a Hell Butterfly, and only Soul Reapers can handle them," Yoruichi responded. "Don't worry, we're almost there!"

As they cleared the gate on the other side, the Devil Hunters got even worse déjà vu, as they noticed the portal they had exited was in mid-air. And just as they began to fall, a gigantic cloth was wrapped around them in a ball, jostled for a bit, and then unfolded to become…

"A magic carpet?" Nero wondered aloud.

"Ta-da!" Urahara announced cheerfully. "Welcome back, everyone! By now…" his voice lowered just a bit, "I imagine you know the truth about me…"

Ichigo frowned. "…Yeah."

Urahara turned to Ichigo, removing his hat and bowing slightly. "There are no possible words that can fully express…how sorry I am."

He looked away. "Stop it, already. I'm not mad about it anymore. The fact is, you haven't really done anything wrong. You helped us all become stronger, which in turn managed to save both our lives and Rukia's. So we're not angry; we're grateful. Now stop apologizing."

"Okay." He replaced his hat on his head, sitting upright.

"However, I do have one question. Why didn't you just tell me in the first place? Did you think I'd get scared, or couldn't handle it?"

"Uhh…well…That's exactly right!" he said, beaming.

Ichigo punched him in the face, his eye twitching. "That wasn't funny; that just pissed me off…"

"You were taking it so well…" Urahara whined, holding his injured face. "You didn't have to go and punch me…"

"One last thing. The next time you see Rukia, I want you to apologize to her. She'll say the same thing I would, but could you do that, regardless?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Mr. Urahara, do you think you could drop me off here?" Uryu requested. The flying cloth complied, lowering him close to the ground.

"Later, Uryu. I'll call you if something big comes up," Ichigo called out.

"And just what are you talking about? Have you forgotten already?" Uryu questioned, pushing his glasses up. "You are a Soul Reaper. I am a Quincy. You are my enemy." He leapt down, walking away as they took off.

"Stubborn idiot…" he sighed. "It's so difficult dealing with such a stubborn person…"

Lady held back a laugh. _Oh, the irony._

Orihime smiled. "Maybe, but it's one of his best qualities!"

"Uh…really?"

Chad nodded. "Definitely."

"Not to mention…" she added, looking off dreamily at where they'd dropped him off, "It's kind of cute…"

…

"WHAA?" Ichigo protested.

* * *

After they'd dropped Orihime and Chad off, and picked up Ichigo's body from Urahara's, they dropped him off at his house. And thus, the rest of them returned to the Urahara Shop.

"So," Kisuke asked, "what are you all going to do now?"

Nero scratched his nose absently. "Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I've got a worried girlfriend to get back to…"

Dante was about to shrug, but then he saw… _What the-?_

Mar was standing behind Urahara, holding up a sign that read "Say something about heading back to your own world".

_The hell does he think he's doing?_

The sign's writing disappeared, replaced with "Because I'm sending you back to your own world".

_Sweet! And once we get back, a certain someone's gonna get a bunch of sudden brain hemorrhages. .45 caliber brain hemorrhages._

"Well, I suppose we'd better head off into the sunset," Dante said, winking. "Better get back to our own world and all."

Urahara blinked, but smiled. "I see. Well, don't hesitate to stop by."

Yoruichi frowned. _Hmm…this might be my last chance, then…_ "Say, Dante, I don't suppose you've seen my transformation yet, have you?"

Nero's eyes widened in familiarity as Urahara let out a sigh. "You do realize that joke's going to get old eventually," Kisuke pointed out.

"It hasn't in the past few centuries, why should it now?"

"…Fair point." He averted his eyes as Nero fixed his solely on Dante's face, and Lady was confused about the whole thing.

"Now, then…This," the cat said, almost giddy with anticipation, "is my TRUE form."

Dante's hand twitched ever so slightly in the direction of Rebellion; transformations were NEVER good to him.

The cat glowed blue, and began to grow. Slowly but surely, its features changed more and more, becoming much more human and extremely more…_feminine._

And Yoruichi was not let down in the slightest when she finished her transformation and found Dante openly gaping at her. "So…what do you think of my true form?"

Dante blinked.

And blinked again.

And then Nero and Lady had to hold him back with all their might as he tried to get closer to Yoruichi. Or so they thought, anyway. "I don't wanna go! I don't _wanna_ go! _Everyone_ in this world's a smokin' hot babe!"

Lady grabbed his head and whispered something viciously into his ear. As soon as she had, he stopped struggling, looking back at Lady. Then back to Yoruichi…up and down…and then back to Lady…and then back to Yoruichi. "…We'll _definitely_ visit."

* * *

After they had gathered up Kyrie (who had been overjoyed to see Nero), they all said their goodbyes to the Urahara Shop personnel.

"Take care," Urahara himself said, waving them off as they left the door.

"We wish you luck," Ururu said, bowing.

"Don't die like losers on the way!" Jinta added helpfully.

"Farewell," Tessai said, bowing as well.

"Come back soon," Yoruichi added slyly, having returned to cat form.

Dante looked at Lady. "Are you sure we can't just take her with us?"

"Of course I'm sure, you idiot," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "This is her world, you know."

"Fine, fine…" He waved to them. "Later."

"See ya," Nero called out.

"I'm glad we could help you in any small way," Kyrie said politely.

"Bye, everyone," Lady responded. And then they set off, following Dante's lead.

Eventually, they heard soft applause. "Well, well, that was rather interesting. I was intending on having you come with me in the Soul Society, but I suppose it was better this way. You got to say your farewells, and I get to take you back. Everybody wins."

Dante glared at Mar. "I sure hope you're happy, pal. Did you _see_ the figure on that one?"

Mar chuckled. "Of course. But now that you've accomplished your goals here, it's time to leave." He snapped his fingers, a portal opening in the air behind him. "Or…if you don't follow, you might never see your world again." He leapt through, disappearing.

Nero sighed. "Well, shall we?" With that, he and Kyrie stepped through.

Lady looked at Dante. "Well, it's back home for us. Let's go." She walked through as well.

Dante sighed. "Home sweet home, eh? Sure, why not?" He stepped through, the portal closing behind him.

* * *

...So, here it is. The first chapter in several months. I have a reason for being gone for a few of the recent ones, but...

Well, after working through the previous chapter, a lot of things were happening, not the least of which were college starting up again. I didn't have a whole lot of time to work on this, but I was making slow, steady progress after one of my reviews asked what had happened to me. And I was at about the halfway point when...

...

A worm got into my computer.

It didn't destroy everything, mind. But it managed to corrupt my more recent files...one of which was the chapter I'd been working on, flushing all the work I'd done on it down the drain. I was so disgusted with that that I dropped writing for a very long while, until I felt that I could handle taking it up again. And after feeling extreme guilt over all of you being left without an ending...well, I needed to resolve things. And so here we are.

...But enough of the depressing stuff! As for this chapter itself, the quality isn't the best, with me having been gone for so long, which is all for the better, because I'd never really planned anything past the Soul Society arc. So I figured I'd just wrap things up here.

...BUT! That is not to say that this story's over. Far from it. There's plenty more omakes I plan to write, and an epilogue proper. And the epilogue isn't your traditional "oh, didn't we have good times" one, either. I've got one more plot twist up my sleeve...

AND ANOTHER THING! Thanks once again to Drifter-747-X for finding yet another of my mistakes. It's at times like those I slap myself upside the head for finishing my work at the last minute.

So, as always, read, review, and feel free to point out my mistakes; there's a LOT of them. Omakes are on the way, and after them, the epilogue. Later!


	36. Omake 4 Dante vs A Certain Something

Well, as promised, here is a new omake for you. As for the subject matter...yyyyeeahhh...not sure what I was thinking...

* * *

Ichigo was bored.

Granted, that feeling wasn't entirely new. But lately, with all the Hollow attacks and such, he'd been able to avoid the nuisance of boredom very well. Now…

He sighed. Even the Devil Hunters' random insanity was something he was now used to. _Dammit…isn't there anything to DO around here?_

Rukia sighed.

She'd been having a decent day, but the gloomy cloud of boredom hanging around Ichigo had been contagious. Trying to reread her manga for the fifth time probably didn't help any. She dropped it, sighing again.

"Bored, Rukia?"

She nodded. "Yeah, thanks to you…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"_You're_ the one sitting around sighing and grumbling! Find something to do!"

"Oh, yeah, well if I'm bothering you so much, why don't you leave?"

She looked at him as if he were a total idiot. "Because you told me not to. You said 'I don't wanna sit through a lecture by that dirty old man because he saw a cute girl he'd never heard of before waltz right out of my room', or something similar."

Silence. "Oh. Right." _Man, I feel like a total idiot._

A few minutes passed in silence. Ichigo flopped down on his bed. _Dammit, why can't I think of anything to do? Stupid old pervert, always fighting with me…_

…

_Wait…that reminds me…hmm._ He frowned, thinking. _Hey, we've got some time to kill. And since Rukia's here…yeah, this could be fun!_ "Hey, Rukia."

"What?"

"I figured out a way to pass the time."

She smiled. "Did you, now? Well, what is it?"

He patted the bed. "C'mere. I'll show you something _real_ fun two people can do…"

* * *

"Remind me how this is supposed to be fun again," Lady grumbled as they stood outside Ichigo's house.

Dante chuckled. "If you'd seen Ichigo's face the last time I dropped in unannounced, you'd know. Besides, the kid's probably spazzing out about the lack of Hollows on a Sunday. I bet he's bored out of his mind; nothing like a good fight to keep things interesting, eh?" As he finished speaking, he jumped up, stabbing Rebellion into the same place he had last time.

"Um, won't they notice that?" she asked.

Dante flipped around, landing on Rebellion like a balance beam. "If they do, I'll use some rubber caulk and paint over it, just like I did last time."

"Where did you find rubber caulk at?"

"At the Shut Up Or He'll Hear Us Hardware Store."

Lady shook her head. "Ass," she mumbled. "You could've been a little…nicer…you know…" she trailed off as she looked at Dante again. He had frozen with his ear against the window and a shocked look on his face. "Dante?"

The window had been shut, and the blinds closed, so he'd decided to listen in and see if he could catch Ichigo by surprise. Unfortunately for Dante, _he_ was the one caught by surprise at what he heard.

* * *

Isshin and Yuzu Kurosaki were listening at Ichigo's door, both with odd looks on their faces. Yuzu's was a look of confusion, while Isshin's was one of horror and shame. Yuzu had been coming up to do the laundry, and she'd heard strange noises coming from inside. A few seconds later, Isshin had noticed she didn't ask for his clothes as well, and went to investigate the problem.

And what they heard inside his room was definitely a problem.

"C'mon…" he heard Ichigo's voice say.

"Yes, that's it!" a new voice rang out. It sounded like a girl's.

Ichigo chuckled. "Y'know, you're pretty good at this, Rukia."

"You're not so bad yourself!" the other voice answered.

"Heh, must be instinct, I guess."

The other voice scoffed. "I don't believe you. Have you been doing this with someone else?"

"No. I thought about asking Tatsuki last week, but I figured she'd be too rough on me."

Isshin's eyes widened as he heard them gasping and their breathing speed up. _Ichigo…once I get Yuzu out of here, I'm coming back and giving you the worst lecture you've ever heard!_

_Hmm…what attack should I lead that with? Maybe a drop kick…_

* * *

Lady looked up at Dante with worry. He hadn't moved for quite some time, and he still had that same shocked look on his face. "Hey, Lady to Dante! You in there?" Nothing. "What the hell's going on in there?"

Dante didn't answer, still transfixed at what he heard.

* * *

"Yeah! Yeah!"

"Faster, Ichigo, faster!" _This vibration…it feels good!_

'Sure you can handle it?"

"Of course I-" She gasped. "Hey, what are you doing behind me again?"

"You'll see…"

"Ichigo…Idiot! Knock that off, or I'll stop this!"

"Sorry. Worth a try, though."

Dante fell backwards, crashing into the ground with a blank look on his face and blood dribbling out of his nose.

* * *

Isshin marched back up to his son's room, a steely glint in his eye. As he neared, he could still hear the sounds of their "activity"; even the bedsprings were squeaking noisily.

"I'm almost there…" Ichigo said, his voice strained.

"What? Ichigo…wait…"

"YES!…Heheh...sorry, Rukia…"

A sigh. "Hmph. I didn't even get to finish."

"Well, if you want we could go again."

"Really? You don't need to take a break or anything? I'm a little worn out…"

"Nope. I'm ready whenever you are."

With that, Isshin flung the door open and charged in. "ALL RIGHT, Ichigo, that's enough of…" he paused as he took in the scene. Ichigo and a dark-haired girl about his age were laying on his bed, fully-clothed and holding controllers that led up to the video game console he'd got for Christmas. "What are you doing?"

Ichigo frowned. "Playing Mario Kart. We were bored."

He blinked. "Oh."

Ichigo stared warily at his father. "Why'd you barge in like that?"

"Well, Yuzu was going to do laundry and we heard…sounds…never mind."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He went to look back at the TV screen, and then his eyes widened. "Oh! Sorry; Dad, this is Rukia. She's a friend of mine."

Rukia got off the bed, bowing. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Kurosaki."

Isshin scratched his head, still somewhat dazed. "Um, hi. So…well…if you have any dirty clothes-"

"Just the ones I'm wearing," Ichigo responded.

"Oh…okay." He walked out of the room, shaking his head in confusion. Then he grinned, a glint in his eye. _I get it…he's trying to throw us off guard, so that when he actually _does_…_

…_Well played, my son. I'll let you think you've won…for now…_

Ichigo and Rukia looked at each other as the sounds of his footsteps faded, puzzled. "Sounds?" Rukia asked. "What does he mean by that?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Probably when you were leaning back and forth to turn. I TOLD you that you didn't need to do that."

"But I didn't want to miss the turns! And I don't think he was talking about that; whatever it was seemed embarrassing to talk about."

"Beats me. I'm sure he's just making a big deal out of nothing, as usual." He grinned. "Now, lay back down so I can ram you from behind again."

She rolled her eyes, grabbing the controller as she sat back down. "Hah! I'll finish first this time, just you wait!"

* * *

"Helloooo!" Lady said, knocking on Dante's skull. He snapped forward, standing up and shaking his head. "Finally. You were out for a couple minutes there. What was going on up there, anyway?"

He pointed at the window in anger. "Ichigo…Rukia…they were…they were…"

Lady put her hands on her hips. "Spit it out, we don't have all day here."

"They were going at it like a pair of rabbits!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I think the effects of all that alcohol over the years finally kicked in…"

"I swear it! I _heard_ them!"

"Bull."

"Why won't you believe me? Would I lie about something like this?"

"Well…"

"Fine, be like that!" He crossed his arms, pouting at her.

Lady rolled her eyes. "All right, let's pretend I _do_ believe you. Why are you all worked up about it?"

"He's _fifteen_! That kinda crap's illegal!"

"And you care because…?"

He stared at her. "_Because_ if he gets caught, we gotta bust his ass outta jail!"

She frowned. "Actually, no. First, Rukia doesn't technically exist, so I don't think they can really charge her with a crime. Second, she's in the body of another fifteen year-old, so I don't think she'll be charged for seducing a minor."

"But-"

"_Third_, the legal age of consent in Japan is _thirteen_. They're both two years over that limit."

"Oh…wait, how do _you_ know all this?"

She sighed. "Unlike you, I used to travel quite a bit, and _some_ of us like to know how to stay inside the law. Why do you think you were so far in debt back in our world?"

"Oh, please. People are _so_ picky when they want a demon killed. Put a bullet through its head and they're happy, but knock down ONE little building and they get all pissy…"

* * *

Innuendo: WINS!

...Yyyyeeaahhhhh...This was...interesting.

...Anyway, I'll be doing a few more omake after this, and I will _sincerely_ try to make them better as I go. I'm a bit rusty after all those months..._

Anyway, read and review!...Even if it's an angry or disgusted review. This chapter's certainly worthy of those...


	37. Omake 5 Dante vs Randomness

Also known as "Dante vs Internet 2: Rematch of Ultimate Destiny

* * *

Dante swaggered through the corridors of the Soul Society. He was lost beyond all hope, with no prayer of ever getting his bearings until he found one of the Squad barracks. Fortunately for him, he quite frankly didn't give a damn.

After an altercation with Lady (one where boiling hot water had been threatened at very sensitive places) which most certainly came out of nowhere and was in no way whatsoever his fault no matter what she said, he'd decided it was in his best interests to put as much distance between him and the mad woman as humanly (or in his case, demonically) possible.

Nero, proving once again his heroic disposition and courageous valor, had turned tail and fled in the opposite direction as well, muttering something about "avoiding the business end of that bazooka" the last time Dante saw him.

Kyrie…was no fool. She had mysteriously vanished the second Lady had raised her voice at Dante. If he didn't know any better, he'd say she was taking lessons from that chick with the pigtails. _What was her name again? Ah, right, Soifon. The one babe that may actually be crazier than Lady._ He began to wonder that when he told her that, if she'd be more offended at him calling her crazy or the idea that she might actually have competition…

Unfortunately, his musing was cut short as a Squad headquarters loomed ahead of him. Shrugging, he continued walking casually to it, humming as he did. His eyes flicked up to stare at the number of the Squad, but it was useless. While he could speak Japanese, he certainly couldn't read it. Undaunted, he continued toward the entrance.

Had he been able to see that the number of the Squad was Twelve, though, and knowing the fate that often befell the "guests" of Squad Twelve, he probably would have ran full tilt away, risking the wrath of Lady just to avoid that place.

…Or maybe not. Dante _was_ the type to do stupidly reckless things, after all.

* * *

As he wandered into the building, Dante glanced around. _Huh. Dark place. Wonder if that means they're all asleep, or they're not here._ He cupped his hands around his mouth. "YO! Soul Society guys! Mind telling me where the hell I am?" Getting no answer, he continued on anyway, wandering the hallways aimlessly.

A shadowy figure watched his progress, grinning madly and wringing his hands. Ignore the fact that it would be difficult to see such actions when someone is in shadow, because they're still important. The figure decided to press a small red button, murmuring to itself as it did so. "Yessss…this specimen should do nicely…" The button was red because all diabolical buttons were red, and any that were any other color were only wannabes that wished they could be so diabolical. What's more, it was most certainly not a self-destruct switch, because while those may also be red, they are also very large and conveniently labeled for proper dramatic purposes.

Dante noticed a faint blue glow down one of the hallways. With no other options, he decided to follow it to its origin, with it getting brighter and brighter as he proceeded.

He finally came upon a room with a rather large computer screen. It was glowing a light-blue color, with the kanji for "Loading Experiment Procedure" displayed in the center, which, as previously established, he wouldn't know. All he knew was that it was big and glowing. And having extensive experience with large glowing objects in the past, there was only one course of action left for Dante.

He drew Rebellion off his back, singing to himself as he strode towards the monitor. "Bring the feeble from thy tomb…sporadic doom as knights move…" He cracked his neck, twirling Rebellion absently. "Does clergy support this passion?…" He gripped his weapon with both hands, an action which if narrated could have been interpreted as Freudian. "The wrath of the winged assassin!"

Unfortunately, as he was just about to swing downward, a solid wall of glass rose around him. A very reedy voice came over a loudspeaker hidden somewhere at his feet. "Welcome! What a marvelous coincidence this is; I was just about to start my newest experiment, and you've kindly provided me with the perfect specimen! I must admit, I didn't expect it to go so smoothly." Rolling his eyes, Dante slashed downward, only for Rebellion to glance off the glass wall. "It's useless, Devil Hunter. I've created that material to withstand your amazing strength."

"Oh, yeah? And how is that?" Dante challenged. "How'd you make glass so strong it can handle me?"

"Because I said so. Now…let it begin!" The computer screen began to beep wildly, with an ominous message flashing across in English. Why? Who knows! But in any event, the message read the following:

"Initiating Sacrifice."

Dante blinked. Granted, it wasn't the first time someone had tried to sacrifice him for something; that old fart from Fortuna came to mind especially. In fact, by now it had almost become funny, that they thought it would work. "So what are you trying to summon, anyway? I've probably killed about half of what's on your list of options; hell, is there anyone left?" He ticked them off his fingers. "Berial, shot in the face; Phantom, impaled on a statue; Nightmare, melted…or sacrificed, I guess, which is ironic when you think about it; Dagon, cut in half; Dagon's entire family, shot, sliced, and blown up with about forty missiles; Cerberus, decapitated three times and turned into ice-chucks; Mundus, stabbed several hundred times, shot in the face about a thousand, and sealed away as a pile of blood, muscle, and eyeballs; Agni and Rudra, work for me now, even if they never do shut up…Echidna, shot in the face…man, was I that unoriginal to repeat one? I must have just not cared at that point…"

He shrugged, continuing. "Griffon, impaled on a stadium…or the stadium was impaled on it, maybe?" He doubled back, dropping fingers for the count now. "Nevan, turned into an electric guitar that I like to play with every now and then; Beowulf…well, Vergil killed him, but I've got the gloves; Phantom again, shattered like glass after I stabbed him a bunch; Bolverk, stabbed a bunch and then melted…like…"

He blinked. Where did those last two come from? He did fight Phantom more than once, but he hadn't killed him twice. And who the _hell_ was Bolverk?

_Am I drinking too much, or not enough?_

But as worthy as that philosophical question was, he wasn't allowed to think on it. "Be that as it may, I have a different being in mind. We've heard tales from the human world about an all-encompassing, amazingly powerful being. They show fear of its power, and yet it rules them anyway. This thing grows stronger as it continues to survive, and is untamable by most humans. And it is said that it can grant power, but too much knowledge of it can cause insanity."

Dante blinked. "Yog-Sothoth?" _That's the name in those old bedtime stories Dad used to tell when I was a kid, anyway. Of course, he said they were made up by a human author, but does this guy actually intend to summon it?_

The voice frowned. Somehow. "That is not the name we have heard used. A different language's interpretation, perhaps. But no. This being was called something else when we heard tales of its existence."

Mayuri (not that there was any other option) smiled, raising his voice. "Come forth…'INTERNET'!"

And as a bright and terrible light engulfed Dante, he began to get a nasty feeling of déjà vu…

* * *

"Dante, wake your ass up!"

He did so, whipping his head around in shock. Everything seemed normal… "…The hell happened?"

Lady frowned. "That's what I'd like to know. Look over there."

He looked where she pointed. "…_Vergil_?" _What the hell is HE doing here?_ He slowly walked toward his brother, unsure if he was real or not.

"Uh, I wouldn't do that…" Lady warned.

He ignored her. "Vergil…what's going on?"

Vergil clenched his fist. "I…am the Quantum Ranger!"

Dante blinked. "What."

"QUANTUM POWER!" he yelled, stabbing Dante in the chest with Force Edge so that he was forced to the ground.

Lady sighed. "Yeah…about that. He's done that to everyone that comes near him."

Dante frowned. "How many other people have tried?"

"Just me," Nero said, walking up behind Lady. But…he was dressed very oddly. He wore black spandex with white diamonds and an animal symbol on the chest, and carried a helmet that seemed to have a mouth plate in the actual shape of a mouth.

"…What the hell are you _wearing_?"

He shrugged. "How should I know? After whatever happened to you, I was like this."

"And it's not just him and Vergil," Lady supplied. "Everyone and every_thing_ has been acting strange."

"…Like?" Dante asked, pulling Force Edge from his chest and quickly scooting away from the crazy version (crazy Verg-ion?) of Vergil.

They didn't answer, but there was no need to. Ichigo strode up behind him, one of his eyes purple and having an odd glowing symbol within it, and his hair dyed silver.

Dante blinked. "Please tell me…"

Lady shook her head. "No. It's not a cosplay."

"Damn...I think. What's a cosplay, again?"

Ichigo stared at him. And stared. And stared. "…Persona!" he shouted, crushing a blue card that materialized out of thin air with his bare hand. With that, what seemed to be a giant phallus riding a golden chariot materialized behind him.

Before Dante could gape in surprise, he saw Ikkaku running towards Ichigo. Ikkaku was wearing some sort of red cloak and white gloves, with a dark baseball cap on. "Check this out!" he yelled, coming to a stop and pointing a silver-colored gun at his own head.

_BANG!_ With that, a winged figure materialized behind him and launched a ball of fire at the…thing that Ichigo had conjured.

And before _that_ could register, a Soul Reaper girl wearing funky headphones, a red headband, and with her hair dyed silver as well but put into pigtails (how Dante knew it was dyed is a long story) ran up. "I need your halp!" she shouted, and some sort of warrior with a massive shield appeared behind _her_ as well.

But Izuru Kira suddenly appeared, wearing a weird horned helmet with a stocking hat draped over one of the horns and a police cap over the other, as well as wearing a red overcoat. He pointed a gun at his head like Ikkaku had done, and another odd being rose up behind him as well. This one promptly started slapping the figure Ikkaku had summoned, which was followed in kind by Ikkaku's and Ichigo's spirit-things. While the three of them slapped each other, a mouth opened up near the top of the green phallic creature, and roared as green tentacles and razor-sharp blades-

By this time, Dante just said "Screw it," grabbed Lady and Nero, and ran full bore before any more weirdness could find them.

"You can't escape it, you know," Lady remarked, seemingly reading his mind. "This kind of thing is happening everywhere. Heck, Uryu and Orihime keep switching between so many different things, it's kind of scary."

"…What about Rukia?" Dante asked, worried.

"There's so many copies of her that-yep, there's one now. Just keep moving, she won't notice you." They sped past the clone of Rukia, wearing a skimpy blue outfit and whacking random Soul Reapers with a flute. "But anyway, there's so many copies of her that about half started a mob to raid every single stuffed animal in existence." She paused. "…We're not sure whether or not they might actually succeed. The only one of them that hasn't gone crazy is currently trying to negotiate with them to calm them down."

"How do we know which one she is?"

"She's…pink. Really, _really_ pink."

Dante gulped. He was almost afraid to keep asking. "…Kyrie?"

"Same as Orihime," Nero said, sighing. "She's…cooking right now, though, so she shouldn't bother us."

"What's she cooking?"

"…Not sure, but some of the ingredients were donuts, ramen, engine oil, rhubarb, copper wire, oranges, pepperoni, fish, and hair."

"…The _HELL_?

* * *

They were stopped abruptly when they came across Captain Hitsugaya. Though…he had purple skin, and the number 69 (which Dante snickered at) tattooed on the left side of his face. _Well, might as well figure out how to get out of this mess._ "You're Hitsugaya, righ-"

"CAPTAIN Hitsugaya," the young Captain interrupted, scowling.

Dante rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah? Well, fine, I don't really wanna talk to you, anyway. Where's that hot lieutenant of yours? I like her better."

Lady frowned. "Have you even _met_ his lieutenant yet?"

Hitsugaya poi- (_Captain _Hitsugaya)…Captain Hitsugaya pointed over Lady's head. They all turned to look.

Nero sighed. "…That's a pair of giant breasts floating on the horizon, isn't it?" Without looking, he reached over to slap Dante, who had been drooling in a stupor.

"Afraid so," CAPTAIN Hitsugaya sighed. "Do any of you know what…" He paused, sneezing. A near-identical duplicate popped into existence behind him, wearing a white suit, having blonde hair, and holding a shotgun. Shrugging, the double walked away. "…Anyway, do any of you know what happened here?"

Dante sighed. "Sorta. Do you Soul Society guys happen to have a mad scientist around here somewhere?"

Captain Hitsugaya nodded. "That's gotta be Mayuri. He's the Captain of…" He sneezed again. Another duplicate appeared out of thin air, but this one had pupil-less eyes and long dark hair held back by a headband with a metal plate on it, and wore odd blue sandals. Rolling its eyes, the double walked away. "…The captain of Squad Twelve. You'll need to head to the Squad Twelve headquarters if you want to confront him."

"And that's…where?"

Captain Hitsugaya pointed to the east. An ominous-looking castle loomed, with diabolical music randomly playing out of nowhere.

"…Gotcha. Thanks."

"Yes. Would you mind hurrying, though? Those sneezes have been going on for the past hour, and are getting rather painful."

* * *

As they approached the castle doors, they ran across another Rukia clone. This one had purple hair, glasses, and was wearing what seemed to be a schoolgirl outfit with a brown cardigan.

"Let me handle this," Nero sighed, stepping forward. His hair suddenly turned brown and slightly spiky. "Look, we don't want any trouble here," he said in a silky voice, "We just want to get by."

"I cannot let you do that," the clone responded, its voice flat. "We must procure all fluffy and cuddly animals. Dissenters shall be summarily dealt with. Do you wish to have any further noncompliance?"

Brown-haired Nero sighed. "Fine, but I didn't want to have to do this…" His hair turned…

_Orange? Did he just turn into Ichigo?_

"Ban…kai!" With that, Ichigo's _bankai_ sword appeared in Nero's hand. He held it up. "See the guard on this? What do you think about that?"

"Calculating input. Unmistakable. Data overwhelming. You are…a secret!Nazi." Both of them began to spasm wildly as a peppy German tune appeared out of thin air. _Caress mein tag_, or…something?

"Now's our chance! Come on!" Lady shouted, dragging Dante into the castle as the air began to flash bright colors.

As soon as the doors closed behind them, Lady sighed. "…There. Now that you've made it here…I can't hold it together anymore. I'm going to start acting just like them."

Dante blinked. "What? But-"

"Go," she said evenly, even as parts of her clothing began to change color. "Before it spreads to you, too."

"But…Lady…"

"GO!" she shouted, her hair beginning to grow longer and more pink as horns began to form on her head.

Dante, being the hero that he was, bolted.

* * *

Dante skidded to a halt outside a lab room. Looking inside, he saw a lot of blinking lights and terminals, with a giant metal overhead door in the middle of everything. "Ooookayyy…this looks different…"

Suddenly, thunder crashed dramatically as the diabolic music kicked in again. "Gentleman…behold! I have broken the space-time continuum beyond repair! MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

The voice was coming from a man who seemed to be wearing odd makeup, had hair that switched between blue and white every two seconds, and had his head covered with a glass canister (topped with a sideways pointy hat). He wore a purple outfit, with a yellow "W" above it. Dante could see the man's chest; it was flabby and not covered in makeup.

"…So yeah, mind changing everything back now?" Dante tried.

A girl wearing odd glasses and with pointy red hair sighed. "I've tried. It's pointless," she said in a nasal (and yet, oddly soft) tone.

"EXACTLY! Now, Steve…release the GRASSHOPPERS! AH-HAHAHAHA!"

She sighed. "I'm Nemu, too. And we don't have any grasshoppers."

The man blinked. … "Oh, uh…well…HEY!" He grinned at Dante. "How would you like a VITAMIN SHOT? MUHUHAHAHAHA!" He held up a syringe full of glowing white liquid labeled "Bleach".

"Psst…hey, um…mind showing me where the computer was that summoned the Internet?" Dante whispered to Steve/Nemu.

"There," he/she said, pointing.

"Thanks so much," Dante said, grinning. "Later." He drew Ebony, blasting five holes in said computer. Why five? Well, it was a nice, even number.

With the computer's destruction, the air began to warp around them. A large vortex opened in the middle of the room, sucking up Steve/Nemu and most of the equipment and continuing to pull everything into itself.

"No; Steve! Oh, DAMMIIIIIIIITTT…" the weird doctor yelled as he was sucked into the vortex as well. And try as he might to resist, even with his strength, Dante ended up following as well.

And then he saw blackness.

* * *

Which was followed by his eyes flying open. He shook his head, sitting up in one of the Squad Four cots that had been provided as accommodations. With a disgusted expression, he pulled out the recently opened bottle of whiskey and chucked it out the door as hard as he could.

…And a moment after having done so, he raced after it. What else was he supposed to do for the next few days?

As he ran past Captain Unohana, she stared after him in curiosity. She shrugged, turning away as her hair became bright green and her robes turned pure white, developing straps all over it. She smiled to herself as a pizza appeared out of thin air, and began eating it as the sounds of Dante screeching to a halt and reversing directions rang out.

* * *

Winner: RANDOMNESS! (or Internet, depending on the title)

I...really don't know what I was thinking with this one. But staying up for two solid days does odd things to a person, I suppose. Well, if any of you can attempt to make sense of this, read and review?

Also, this probably would have been more appropriate if the release date had been 4-04. ;-p


	38. Epilogue: Deja Vu?

Dante landed, guns at the ready. But the sorcerer seemed to have disappeared again. He heard the others land behind him, and turned around to greet them. "Well, he ran off again, the coward. You guys okay?"

Lady and Nero nodded, but then Nero looked around frantically. "Wait, where's Kyrie?" He thought she'd landed with them, but she was gone. "Kyrie!" he called out. "KYRIE!"

Lady looked at the double doors behind her. "Hey, Nero, you might want to see this," she said.

Nero turned around, and looked at the doors. Scrawled across them in a red substance (looking eerily like blood) were the words "_She's safe. For now._" Nero made to open them, but then noticed another message below the first one: "_Beyond here be monsters._" He growled under his breath. "That black-cloaked bastard…"

Dante looked at the room they were in. It seemed to be the main foyer of a mansion. "Say, is it just me, or does this world seem a little…familiar?"

Lady turned to him, nodding. "Yeah. But I don't remember feeling like this in Ichigo's world. Wonder why that is?"

Dante shook his head. "Dunno. But this better not be another damn castle."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there was Temen-Ni-Gru, Mallet Island, and Fortuna Castle," he said, ticking them off on his fingers. "Granted, Temen-Ni-Gru was more of a tower, and Fortuna was only part castle, but still, it's gettin' kinda overdone, you know?"

Nero shook his head, but then stopped as all three of them heard a gunshot. "What the hell?"

* * *

The man shot again at the advancing creature, but it still kept lurching at him. Taking aim again, his third shot went through its neck, finally bringing it down. It fell flat on its face, a pool of blood spreading under it. "What the hell is this thing?"

The woman shrugged, still breathing heavily. "I found Kenneth…_killed_ by this thing. Let's report this to…"

* * *

Dante pressed his ear up against the door. "Hmm…huh?"

Lady looked at him in interest. "What is it?"

"Looks like we're not alone. Sounds like two people in that room: one man, one woman."

Nero walked toward Dante. "You think they can help us find Kyrie?"

He shrugged. "Worth a shot." He made to open the door, but it swung inward before he could grab the doorknob. "Hey, we're-"

"Hold it right there!" Suddenly, two guns were pointed at his face, and within the millisecond, he, Lady, and Nero were all pointing theirs right back. A lot of angry shouting broke out.

"Freeze!"

"Put the damn guns down!"

"Where the hell do you think you're pointing that?"

"What did you do with him?"

"That won't work!"

Dante, irritated, pointed his guns away from the newcomers and shot directly upward. Just as he'd hoped, the yelling miraculously stopped, but the tension wasn't relieved at all. "Look, we're not gonna solve anything by yelling, so why bother?"

Lady gave Dante a look of incredulity, but nodded. "Let's talk this through, before we start pointing guns around." She holstered her pistols to demonstrate, and Nero reluctantly followed suit, resisting the habit of spinning Blue Rose as it returned to its holster. Dante holstered Ebony & Ivory, shaking his head as he did so. _I suppose that even though them shooting me won't do anything, I might as well try not to freak 'em out too much._ The other two slowly lowered their weapons, then with a nod to each other, put them away.

Lady sighed. "Good. Now, where are we, and what's going on around here?"

The woman looked at her oddly. "You don't know where you are? How did you get here?"

She briefly considered telling the whole truth, but knew there was no way they'd accept it. Instead, she settled on a half-truth. "We got lost, and one of our group is missing, so we thought we might find her here." _Close enough, anyway._

The man shrugged. "Not a bad plan, but I gotta say, things aren't looking too good. There's some weird stuff going on around here."

Dante chuckled. "'Weird' is right up our alley. So, who are you guys, anyway?"

The woman looked at her companion, then looked back as they both flipped open badges.

Nero grinned, looking at the woman. "Jill Valentine, huh? Nice beret."

* * *

And thus, finally, this particular story is over. I was planning on one more omake chapter...but I couldn't think of anything, and instead of waiting until that happened, I figured it would be good to close this particular chapter of our story without dragging it out any further.

That having been said, it _will _take a little bit until I start the next story. I'd like to post the first five chapters (and prologue) all at once, and I only have about one and a half written; that way, you all don't have to wait ages for more than two chapters. ;-p

Thank you very much to all your wonderful reviews and messages, and I hope to get the next story out as soon as possible! Take care of yourselves; you all rock. ^_^


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